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Vent/Rant Thread vs I'll tell you how I really feel (Triggering Content)

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Maya said:
Every one of us is getting tortured differently everyday, whether it is about money, anxiety, work so yes, you are not alone in this one. I have been struggling too about so many things but hey better to be alive than dead. I can still find some things to make me happy even just simple things.
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No offense, and you've pretty much been a friend , but that is not helpful when people say stuff like that.


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separate post not related to the above response:
(instead of double posting and getting it edited into one post that looks like it was part of the above comment anyway):
I am so frustrated that I want to scream and smash things. I can't do that in my living situation right now. I have neighbors that are too close to my house, and I am dependent on this living situation. Even if I smashed my TV in the sidewalk or took my bat and started smashing things until it broke, it would look really bad and I would be screwed for whatever damage I did to the sidewalk. Thinking about buying some beer and just calling it a day. I need to make progress so bad today, but I am so frustrated and raged and stressed that I want to act out. Going to eat first and see if I can calm down and be productive.
 
Corazon said:
Friday night.
Even in my boring rural neighborhood, I hear all the people with social lives and their friends coming over and the bass music from their trucks as they come and go.
Sitting here drinking coffee and trying to plan out how I am going to pay my bills, and generate enough capital to make some progress.
Already 4 months into the year. I have managed to get over my anxiety, and to increase my fitness level by a huge amount from what it had declined to over the winter, but I am still disabled and my body still doesn't work normally. Life is really terrible. Been like this for 12 years. Somehow I am still confident that I will be able to generate some significant income and eventually have some enjoyable years. Even having a positive outlook, it is still torturous day to day. Extremely frustrated and jealous of others right now.
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I don't know how your financial situation is... but let me relay a story, perhaps it will apply to you.

Over the past 5 and a half years I had racked up a gigantic amount of debt. It was partly due to my opiate addiction which was sustained by legal opiates/opioids (kratom and poppy seed tea), which meant I could use credit cards (and boy did I). It was also in large part because my wife (soon to be ex) had developed emotional problems she refused to address and didn't have a job for the whole time, despite the fact that we bought a house more expensive than I should have bought alone and made an agreement that she would get a job since she just graduated from grad school with 2 graduate degrees. Anyway, I ended up with ~$45K in high-interest, unsecured debt, plus a $1250 a month mortgage payment. I was paying $1150 a month just to minimum payments on my credit cards/signature loan. At that rate it would have taken me 21 years to be debt-free just from my unsecured debt. I make a lot of money but I was basically still poor because my bills were so high. The amount of depression and anxiety this caused me was astronomical and it greatly reduced my quality of life.

A few months ago I decided to pursue chapter 7 bankruptcy. In 2 days I have my court appearance and it will be all done. ~$45K in debt discharged, and I will not owe any of it, and sudden;y my money problems are basically gone. I don't have to give up any of my property or anything because I don't have enough stuff to go over the $8500 in allowances you are given (at least in my state). This bankruptcy has hugely improved my situation. It may not work for you, depending on your situation, but I thought if there was a chance it could, it would be worth me communicating this story. Bankruptcy has a pretty negative reputation but the laws were passed for the purpose of giving people a second chance, to start over, if they got in over their heads. I lost about 140 points off my credit score and basically have to start over on my credit history, but my lawyer told me if I am smart I can repair my credit to higher than it was before the bankruptcy within 2 or 3 years. I am 100% glad I did it, because now I am not facing 21 difficult years before I can even begin to build my financial future.
 
Xorkoth said:
I don't know how your financial situation is... but let me relay a story, perhaps it will apply to you.

Over the past 5 and a half years I had racked up a gigantic amount of debt. It was partly due to my opiate addiction which was sustained by legal opiates/opioids (kratom and poppy seed tea), which meant I could use credit cards (and boy did I). It was also in large part because my wife (soon to be ex) had developed emotional problems she refused to address and didn't have a job for the whole time, despite the fact that we bought a house more expensive than I should have bought alone and made an agreement that she would get a job since she just graduated from grad school with 2 graduate degrees. Anyway, I ended up with ~$45K in high-interest, unsecured debt, plus a $1250 a month mortgage payment. I was paying $1150 a month just to minimum payments on my credit cards/signature loan. At that rate it would have taken me 21 years to be debt-free just from my unsecured debt. I make a lot of money but I was basically still poor because my bills were so high. The amount of depression and anxiety this caused me was astronomical and it greatly reduced my quality of life.

A few months ago I decided to pursue chapter 7 bankruptcy. In 2 days I have my court appearance and it will be all done. ~$45K in debt discharged, and I will not owe any of it, and sudden;y my money problems are basically gone. I don't have to give up any of my property or anything because I don't have enough stuff to go over the $8500 in allowances you are given (at least in my state). This bankruptcy has hugely improved my situation. It may not work for you, depending on your situation, but I thought if there was a chance it could, it would be worth me communicating this story. Bankruptcy has a pretty negative reputation but the laws were passed for the purpose of giving people a second chance, to start over, if they got in over their heads. I lost about 140 points off my credit score and basically have to start over on my credit history, but my lawyer told me if I am smart I can repair my credit to higher than it was before the bankruptcy within 2 or 3 years. I am 100% glad I did it, because now I am not facing 21 difficult years before I can even begin to build my financial future.
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Awesome that you got your financial freedom back.
 
FUCK drs they don't understand tolerance so now i'm out of pain meds and i'm in too much pain FUCK FUCK FUCK idk what to do
 
dwamn said:
FUCK drs they don't understand tolerance so now i'm out of pain meds and i'm in too much pain FUCK FUCK FUCK idk what to do
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Awh I'm so very sorry to hear that, Dwamn, isn't there any way that anyone can help you?
Are you not able to change to a new doctor?
Thinking of you n your son and wishing you both the best.
You're more than welcome to PM me anytime if you ever need anyone to talk to, OK?!
Take care,
Evey
 
Fuck the bullshit, I'm sick of the lies. Don't fucking promise me something and then beat around the bush and fucking lie to my face. I thought shit was supposed to be getting better but now it's worse than it's ever been. I'm sick of my fucked up, bullshit life and everyone in it. I'd rather be in the fucking ground right than living through this shit
 
going to take a break from posting

I don't want to say that I've gone crazy, but every second that I'm not sleeping or eating or something I am insanely uncomfortable. I need to get some money and get to work. Until I do that I feel insane. I have no one to talk to, I don't have a single friend or girlfriend and I don't want to talk to someone about my problems for "support". I want to talk about regular stuff. I'm not going to be happy at all until I get some money and get to work and have some power in life, and have my own life. I hate every second. It's becoming a negative cycle to keep saying it online. Thank you for allowing me to be part of the community while I was participating.
 
Hiya Corazon,

I've always told you that you are more than welcome to E-mail (PM) me ANYTIME, ok.

if you wish to stop posting for awhile, that's ok. I FREQUENTLY take "breaks" from posting on BL, or any forum n that's ok but don't be a stranger, eh?!!!!

I DO understand what you are saying with money, believe me, I am using alcohol to deal with my debt issues - and is the reason I've not been posting on the recovery forums - because I dont' want to trigger people, I wish to help them. I'm here, anytime, via PM ok n just because I've not posted here in a while doesn't mean I've forgotten any of you. I'm mostly found at EADD or in NMI, welcoming new members. We were all new once ya know n 'tis important that these people feel welcomed n integrated into the site, so I'll be back in the recovery forums when I've sorted myself out n as I have already said, anyone is free to PM me any time for support, it will stay in confidence I assure you.

Also, if any of you welcome family or friends - please tell them about New Members Introductions (NMI) so we can help them, tell them about the "adoption" programme n so forth.

Speaking of the adoption programme, can someone please PM me and tell me how Spork n baby are doing. I have asked a few times but no one has replied to me.

Spork n SH helped me a bit when I first came here so I think a lot of those two n wonder how they are from time to time.

Take care,
Evey xxxx
 
Corazon said:
Awesome that you got your financial freedom back.
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Yeah! Feels so good I can't even describe it. I was paying $1,150 a month just to minimum payments, at that rate I would have been doing so for the next 21 years before it was paid off. And that's if I hadn't put anything else on credit, which I would have because I wasn't making enough money with all that debt to pay for food, gas, etc, and I was putting hundreds more on every month for these essentials. I would have been 51 years old before I could have even gotten back to where I started.

The final court appearance is tomorrow morning, and I will have all of my debt officially discharged! I have already not been having to pay that $1,150 a month since January, because when you begin the process they tell you not to pay anymore since it is going to be discharged and would just end up being wasted money. But it will feel complete once the debt is officially off my record. :)
 
Oxy_Ghost said:
Fuck the bullshit, I'm sick of the lies. Don't fucking promise me something and then beat around the bush and fucking lie to my face. I thought shit was supposed to be getting better but now it's worse than it's ever been. I'm sick of my fucked up, bullshit life and everyone in it. I'd rather be in the fucking ground right than living through this shit
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I was there 6 months ago, I truly wanted to die and fantasized about ending myself, though I never got to the point where I was truly going to do it. Fortunately my wife left me, which ended up being a huge healing in my life, as I realized how bad we had become together. Little by little it has been improving and now I am feeling SO MUCH better. Life is full of ups and down, and the only way to get through the downs and back to the ups is to keep living and striving to better your life. Hang in there, it will get better. :) Take steps to identify the things that are dragging you down, and lay out the actions you can take to remove those things from your life. When you're depressed it's so difficult to bring up the motivation to take those actions, but it is the only way things will improve, and later you'll look back and be so thankful you made yourself do it.
 
Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy nothing is that bad you need to die. There are help lines, please call them. Nothing is that bad. Please don't take that option.
You know that I am always here and any of you are welcome to PM me anytime, but nothing is as well as ending your life, PLEASE, PLEASE, don't do that. There will be so many people who will miss you, even if it doesn't seem so at the time.

Thinking of all of you,
Evey xxxx
 
Speaking about killing ones self.. does anyone ever wonder who would actually show up to the wake/funeral if you died?
That is an answer no one will ever find out.. it bothers me sometimes because i have lost so many of my good friends lately, i donno who would even bother to come to mine.
 
feeling close to relapse...on subutex/benzo's but there's no release. I really need to get high. I need the release I just can't seem to get there. It's making me crave heroin badly...I'm just pissed I can't get high i guess.
 
sinclair1984 said:
feeling close to relapse...on subutex/benzo's but there's no release. I really need to get high. I need the release I just can't seem to get there. It's making me crave heroin badly...I'm just pissed I can't get high i guess.
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You'll be SO glad you toughed it out in the future. And you'll be SO disappointment if you cave. You can do it man, you have the strength within you. <3
 
sinclair1984 said:
feeling close to relapse...on subutex/benzo's but there's no release. I really need to get high. I need the release I just can't seem to get there. It's making me crave heroin badly...I'm just pissed I can't get high i guess.
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You're definitely not alone. I crave opiates almost constantly, they weigh heavy on my mind at all times. Keep fighting... i know, if heroin we're a woman, she would be the most beautiful, full fitted bombshell to walk the planet, but heartless, cunning, deceitful, just pure evil. But we keep letting believing her letting her back into our lives because she makes us feel so damn "amazing"... but it's all lies, as fake as plastic.

I'm just pissed, I've been trying to get in touch with a drug counsellor for a month. I finally had a weekday off and was able to call, and he answered, and I said who I was and he just hung up. I was so hurt... maybe it was an accident but he didn't call back. It took a lot out of me to even dial the number... i doubt i will call again.
 
Wow, what a heartless thing to do. :| Unless it was somehow an accident, that person probably shouldn't be a counselor at all...
 
I know, I didn't think I should call back after that. He's the closest drug counsellor to me, but he is still an hour drive away. Sucks living out in the sticks!

It was helpful for me having a drug counsellor when I lived in the city. It really kept me on track.
 
Feel like shit since I ran out of kratom. It was helping me get off alcohol but clearly I've developed another addiction. Albeit hopefully easier to beat\maintain\whatever. Anyway so I'm back to drinking and not happy about it. I fucking hate alcohol but I just can't be sober. FML.
 
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