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Vent/Rant Thread vs I'll tell you how I really feel (Triggering Content)

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caseface99 said:
#FUCKinsomnia


Sleep deprivation takes all my negative feelings and emotions and makes them 10 times worse. Pretty perfect timing, considering earlier i decided not to try and escape my feelings anymore and to just be ok with experiencing them. I still am content with experiencing the pain as a method of growing and getting over it - but I didn't anticipate an episode of more severe insomnia then usual the same night I decide to do so. Though maybe letting myself feel is the cause of the insomnia right now.. who knows.
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You can promote insomnia when you work out close to bed time so maybe try and work out earlier.. I worked out the other night till almost ten and I didn't get to sleep till like 330.
 
^that's true I find it hard to sleep right away and I will usually workout after 5 pm til 730 or 8 pm. What helps me though is meditation or I listen to slow music and lie down and relax.
 
neversickanymore said:
You can promote insomnia when you work out close to bed time so maybe try and work out earlier.. I worked out the other night till almost ten and I didn't get to sleep till like 330.
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Depends on the workout n on the person. Also depends on other factors: what has been consumed on a daily basis?
Is there something worrying the person?
What is their job like / what does it consist of?
Is the person in withdrawal from certain drugs?
Does the person read/watch TV before bed?
Does the person make time for relaxation during the day (not necessarily at night)?
 
I just cannot seem to beat these cycles of addiction. I want so badly to be free of this - but to be happy, to be able to live peacefully sober. I wish I could capture the joy in life - and not have it followed a second later with 'but wouldn't it be better if I was high?' I feel like so much has been lost - so many subtleties of life, now hidden between high or not. Subtleties - emotions - that were lost so long ago that most of the time they are foreign to me - except for glimpes, sometimes, of what it used to feel like to be alive, to have an imagination, to wonder. I used to like living with myself.
 
Grrrrrr they're not got my suboxone cause pharmacist isn't there to give it me. Come back in at 10 am. Then they phone n saynthy not got all of them can I come back this afternoon? No I f can't!!!!! Off there now. NOT having this. I need my script!
 
I'm not really living much of a life at the moment. I don't have a job. I don't have any money. I don't have a relationship with really anyone in my family. I'd be lucky to speak to my mum a few times a week while living in the same house. I never leave my room due to the anxiety with my step dad and him threatening me so many times over the years. I can't use the kitchen when their home as my step dad "never wants to see me"

I have really bad eating habbits(when I do eat) I starve myself. Some days all I will eat is one microwaveable meal. Because I'm not working I don't leave bed all day, literally. I'm so unhealthy and fit. I hate that my anxiety basically dismisses any thought of me going out to the dr to get refered to a psychiatrist. I've needed proper help for years. But I do it all to myself. I'm caught in a massive negative loop. On weekends I hardly socialize. To me weekends feel like week nights. I'll happily lay in bed at night while other people I know are making plans and going out to party's. I just couldn't give a shit about going out with these people. I question a lot of the time why I don't just OD myself but I don't have the balls.

I can never seem to hold a job for more then a year. Every time I quit a job it's due to drug related issues. Weather I'm withdrawing from benzos, or too hungover, or I wake up and smoke cannabis and decide "fuck it" nothing ever changes and I'm noticing it's been like this for the last couple of years now.

I want to feel loved. I want a girlfriend. Someone I can talk to that is genuinely intrested in me. Problem is I don't love myself nor am I in any normal state of mine to have one. I need to work on myself a lot. My anxiety ruins relationships.

Blah blah blah fuck it all.
 
I want to pass away with my mum. She's the only person making me not neck myself. I've fucked up so much, I can't help myself.
 
My doctor's office is pissing me off SO bad... I submitted a request to have my benzo script filled and it keeps getting "delayed". What the fuck, seriously! I've had benzo induced seizures before from benzo withdrawal so this is making me even more anxious knowing I don't have my meds.










And it makes me want to punch someone in the face. :X
 
I cannot believe the documents they make you show to transfer your driver's license here in Michigan. It used to be you could use your ID from another state with no problems. Now they want your social security card, birth certificate, your license from old state, PLUS two bills showing current address.

Pops was having a fit because they would not accept his birth certificate without a raised seal. He's been using it more than 60 years and nobody questioned it ever for school, jobs, Social security administration or the V.A. but state of Michigan thinks it might be fake. Fucking dicks man! What's wrong with these people? :!
 
ad lib said:
My doctor's office is pissing me off SO bad... I submitted a request to have my benzo script filled and it keeps getting "delayed". What the fuck, seriously! I've had benzo induced seizures before from benzo withdrawal so this is making me even more anxious knowing I don't have my meds.










And it makes me want to punch someone in the face. :X
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UGH! my boyfriend lost his script paper (as his visits are in between fillings so she gives him the next script to hold onto), and we called to have it replaced and they never called back. Luckily I freaked and ransacked the entire place looking for it and found it. They said they would call us back and never did. Lesson learned. NEVER lose a script paper. I thought as long as it wasn't filled it was fine..but I guess not.

Hope it works out for you addy <3.
 
I shouldn't have lent that 'friend' money when I was living with him. Not only did I cover his food and drug habbits, I payed for a months worth of rent. He owes me $1500 and stupid me for now writing a written agreement there and then. I sent him one through email and asked if he could email me back agreeing to what we spoke about (we initially had a verbal agreement, which dosent mean shit unfortunately) he told me he would have the full sum paid by jan 2015. If if he dosent agree to this and pay on time, I'm not sure what other option I have left that dosent include seriously fucking this dude up. I'm not a violent person, but when push comes to shove something's gotta give and I'm not going to put up with his shit. I'm in 3 grand debt because of this clown.

This is why I tend to hate society and people. You do something nice for them, and it's not reciprocated back.
 
Floatingaround, that's a lot of money. Did he answer you acknowledging the loan in writing? The best recourse would be small claims court but another 12 months is a long time for you to have to wait. Sorry he's jerking you around.
 
No he didn't. He basically said I should stop harassing him or he won't pay me back, he's going through a court case, he's homeless, he dosent have a job blah blah.. It's the same shit every time I message him asking if he's working yet. This dude is just a douchebag. He blames me for him becoming homeless, when he lost his job lol..

Unfortunately I can't really do much. And to be honest I don't think he will even respond to this agreement.
 
I allowed myself to be blinded by emotion and actually believe that getting into a relationship with an 18 year old was a good idea, and believed that she would be mature enough not to play games.

I am officially a fucking moron. Unless I misinterpreted Having sex, twice, that she was hella into - followed by her expressing how much she still loves me and wants to be with me when the time is right and how I'm still her best friend/most important person in her life, that she still wants to talk to me and see me and blah blah, and rather than meaning what was said and done, it actually meant something like "fuck you, fuck off, get out of my life and don't expect to hear from me ever again"

Either I'm a moron for doing this in the first place or I'm a moron for misunderstanding what I thought was pretty clear. Either way, I'm just fucking happy I can move on. I sort of hope that she comes to her senses at some point and realizes she really does love me and try to talk to me - because then I can explain to her exactly how she has made me feel and pray that she never does it to anyone else after seeing for herself the wreckage it causes.

/girl rant
/happy(not happy at all actually, but relieved to let myself out of limbo) to be moving on (just needed to let that out somewhere first. - tomorrows a new day and I'm a happy, healthy, and free man - as long as I choose to be)

Maybe I should talk to my sponsor about resentments again. :X
 
Maya said:
^crazy busy?
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Ahh, to give the background and context would take forever. I guess I don't suffer stress well these days and work is inherently full of stress, complications and injustice.

I should be grateful for a decent job with decent pay but I rarely am, I take it all far to seriously but conversely that's probably the main reason I've been relatively successful despite having had little success in my education.

Moaning about it makes me feel even worse, I should be grateful I don't have to work an awful job for peanuts....and so the self loathing begins
 
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