My hips and legs are hurting because of this damn arthritis. I'm so weak and struggle to breathe all day. I'm feeling so lonely too. So alone. I have no one to talk to about what's really bothering me. I walked out of the bible study yesterday because I just couldn't stand everybody being an hr or 2 late and then this woman repeat the same thing over and over and over and over and over again. I have cold sweats 80 percent of time. I'm always cold. Winter or summer I have 2 pairs of pants on. My mom is playing stupid and being ignorant to my state. The shit she buys to eat is killing me, but she'll still make things only her way, with the foods that I'm strictly forbidden. I'm never thirsty or hungry. My stomach hurts and the doctor just sends me home to pretty much deal with it on my own. If I could deal with it on my own, I wouldn't have gone to see her ass. She got rid of me in 2 minutes. She got mad last time because I had no one to drive me home after the procedure (endoscopy & colonoscopy). She said "well don't you have any friends? Don't you have any friends to drive you"? I'm like "no bitch, it's a different type of broad you're dealing with here. Losers like this don't come around often".
My brother is a prick. Always in a bad mood. Always. The only thing that puts a smile on his face is some trash biatch he's fucking.
My mental state is fucked. I keep thinking about death and suicide constantly. The only reason I didn't do it years ago is because I knew it'd ruin my mom, or kill her. Now it's 8 years later, so I might as well just go.
I haven't touched any drugs for a few years now, but things did not improve whatsoever.
that's it for now