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Vent/Rant Thread vs 3 (Triggering Content)

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CGI Federal Inc .. you and your website are in the running for the assclown of the year award.. and scott walker you get todays assclown award, dont worry your such a stooge you will get more. Get fucked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Trivial Matters

What is with some people and their making drama over trivial matters and turning fucking nonsense, stupid, pointless parts of life into some type of big deal? I for the absolute life of me cannot understand how people react to certain things, interpret things in their messed up heads to mean god knows what and just act unreasonable and selfishly.

Sorry that is vague so I will elaborate on what I mean at this moment. Literally I am being laid a guilt trip by my mother for when I exchanged the xmas gift I got last year from my sister year. First off, I returned the new NFL game for the new NHL game, because I preferred that game. I mean seriously, this is the kind of thing that upsets people. And then it gets construed into some type of BS about me not being nice enough to my sister. Huh, what?!? Where does this come from? Then an attempt to guilt trip me over all this is performed. For fucks sake, people are insane. Listen, me and my sister are not that close, that I can't deny. This apparently bothers my mother, for whatever reason. Its not like we are enemies, just not that friendly with one another. But my mother goes way out of line making it something that seems solely my fault. And the fact that some stupid xmas gift exchange is what triggers this tirade of nonsense just makes it completely baffle me.

Christ, I mean I am a laid back person. I don't like to get into arguments, I go out of my way to avoid them. I find them most often to be pointless and obnoxious, also naturally fueled by alcohol. At least if there is to be an argument make it over something worth a damn.
 
I have to fix things, so many things... I hate houses. Toilet shut off valve needs replacing... silverfish in the garage....... panic.. Just things to panic about.

Oh yeah and that ever daunting sinkhole paranoia :sus:
 
RTrain said:
What is with some people and their making drama over trivial matters and turning fucking nonsense, stupid, pointless parts of life into some type of big deal? I for the absolute life of me cannot understand how people react to certain things, interpret things in their messed up heads to mean god knows what and just act unreasonable and selfishly.

Sorry that is vague so I will elaborate on what I mean at this moment. Literally I am being laid a guilt trip by my mother for when I exchanged the xmas gift I got last year from my sister year. First off, I returned the new NFL game for the new NHL game, because I preferred that game. I mean seriously, this is the kind of thing that upsets people. And then it gets construed into some type of BS about me not being nice enough to my sister. Huh, what?!? Where does this come from? Then an attempt to guilt trip me over all this is performed. For fucks sake, people are insane. Listen, me and my sister are not that close, that I can't deny. This apparently bothers my mother, for whatever reason. Its not like we are enemies, just not that friendly with one another. But my mother goes way out of line making it something that seems solely my fault. And the fact that some stupid xmas gift exchange is what triggers this tirade of nonsense just makes it completely baffle me.

Christ, I mean I am a laid back person. I don't like to get into arguments, I go out of my way to avoid them. I find them most often to be pointless and obnoxious, also naturally fueled by alcohol. At least if there is to be an argument make it over something worth a damn.
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I hear ya, RTrain. People can be awkward over silly things. I don't see that you did anything wrong by exchanging a gift - at least you did that it's not like you threw it back to her. Hope things get resolves soon. Conflict sucks.

Although since being on suboxone I've turned into a right argumentative person heaven knows what I'll think whenI'm off it lol
 
I really hate my fucking life. Ugh, I hope I can fall asleep soon because I can't deal with these thoughts that I deal with every fucking day. Now I know why I've been drinking heavily every day for basically a month straight... it makes everything easier. Being fucked up on alcohol or heroin makes everything so much fucking easier because I don't have to care anymore. I don't care about living, and I don't care about dying when I'm fucked up. I don't care about anything at all because I'm just there. I'm just existing.
 
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stardust.hero said:
I have to fix things, so many things... I hate houses. Toilet shut off valve needs replacing... silverfish in the garage....... panic.. Just things to panic about.

Oh yeah and that ever daunting sinkhole paranoia :sus:
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Silverfish are creepy af
 
xstayfadedx said:
I really hate my fucking life. Ugh, I hope I can fall asleep soon because I can't deal with these thoughts that I deal with every fucking day. Now I know why I've been drinking heavily every day for basically a month straight... it makes everything easier. Being fucked up on alcohol or heroin makes everything so much fucking easier because I don't have to care anymore. I don't care about living, and I don't care about dying when I'm fucked up. I don't care about anything at all because I'm just there. I'm just existing.
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Hey X<3<3<3
 
Stay I'm sorry you feel this way. No matter how bad things get you're never better off dead ok. People do love you even if they don't always show. Theres always someone who loves you. Things will get better just keep plodding on n we are here as support so please talk to us when you feel this way, ok? X

Ugghhhh I had an awful dream. I dreamt that I was addicted again, sneaking in codeine. It was everywhere i kept dropping it n taking it. I read some old stuff n people were talking about having access to codeine but resisting n it's made me think of it I guess but I don't ever want to go back to that life. And I don't want to go back to drinking lots of alcohol every night, blacking out n waking up the next day seeing all these texts I've sent people over E-mails forums etc. i shudder to think of all that. Codeine turned me into someone I didn't recognise anymore. I mean going n asking people about stronger stuff was not me n I'm so ashamed of how I've been this year especially.

That dream was so unexpected because I haven't dreamed about codeine in so long so what the hell???? I had closure yesterday to a few things n I'm hoping that 2014 is a nicer year for all of us. I won't be sad to see the back of this year that's for sure.
 
Dom Capers is looser and needs to be axed...

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Please feel free to print this picture off and use it to light any holiday fires or to wipe after necessary functions. It also will work to clean up pet droppings.
 
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Feeling a bit down last few days n in need of a hug. I was starting to feel better than I went back n had a nose in past where I was hurt. Why look? Why even go there? I'm such a bloody idiot. I was doing well here. In fact I'd been busy last week concentrating on my childhood obesity literature review most evenings until midnight. Started to feel good about myself for the first time in months now I'm back to wondering if I'm such a bad horrible person? Why else have I been bullied my whole life n even online where I can try n be a bit different I'm hated n poked fun at n the butt of people's jokes like I've no feelings at all.
Haven't I been hurt enough n gone through? I've tried really hard to be a caring, helpful person n to treat ppl how I'd like to be treated myself. Why can't people just leave me alone n let me at least try to find some happiness is it too much to ask? :(

I went to see about some project that I could attend. It's for women with mental health probs. I told them I don't have a mental health problem. Yes the doctor gives me antidepressants but most people have them. I don't have a mental health prob. Also there are people who attend with bulimia n I can't go because it brings memories of a friend I once had who would also cut herself bad n tried suicide a few times. I was scarex of her killing herself n also watched her change into someone nasty n hurtful. I can't go through that again. Does that make me a bitch???? It's not nice watching a friend harm themself n come to terms with the fact that they have a mental illness n was expecting to hear that she was dead or summit. Anyway I bursted into tears, told the ladies that I did not want this service n walked out as fast as I could.

Also went to pharmacy today for weekly script of suboxone n was told to come back at 2 pm. I started stressing n worrying n phoning round wanted to know when I was going to get it as I didn't want withdrawals from it as usually have it in morning so was worried over it n surely it's not right doing this to people when they need their scripts they can't go doing that making people stressed n anxious that their going to be not well ffs that triggered memories of being addicted n I did not fkn like it one bit. Still I have a weeks worth.
I have to get the next lot of suboxone on my birthday which is kind of different to last year uncontrollably sobbing n panicking like an idiots because I only had 56 tabs of 8 mg codeine for 3 days, rushing to bloody pharmacy n nothing being right until I had it. F*** that I don't ever want to go back to that even for the 60s because I remember the wothdrawals from those so was not all as cosy as it seemed.

When I was stressing I ignored someone from a group I attend n feel a bit guilty now. This person reminds me of someone I knew online once n cared about but messed up any chance of a friendship because I wound him up. So I'm avoiding this person because that upset me. God knows why I cared about that person I just read their story n sort of cared (stupid I know) but this man who attends my recovery group seems similar to him. He's done lots of drugs etc. he's lived in the USA. He's middle aged done a lot. He'd hate me too if he got to know me n I'm going to get hurt over people rejecting me so best to just ignore them n then I can't get hurt.

Sorry I've wrote a novel I really needed to release my feelings of c*** n hopefully tomorrow will be a nicer day.
Evey xxxx
 
I feel like when I'm in a group of people, I can no longer be heard anymore. I can be saying something, and someone else will butt in with some completely different topic, and everyone starts paying attention to them. I try to say something, and two syllables in, someone ELSE cuts me off. Really? Am I that unbearable to listen to? And I know if I complain, then I'M the one who will be in the wrong, who is being immature, etc.
When that kind of shit happens to me, I just wanna go cop dope, and sit in silence in my room, or sit in my car at night smoking cigarettes and watching a movie on my laptop. Fuck them.
 
I'm pretty much through with a certain immediate family member. Unless someone asks me I won't go into all the details, but this is the email I sent them in response to theirs...

Whatever, I'm through with your negativity. I don't care if you want to be miserable for the rest of your life but just leave me out of it. I'm no angel and make mistakes but I'm not going to sit here and believe everything is all my fault. You don't love me, you don't even fucking know me. As far as I'm concerned any pathetic excuse of a relationship we've ever had is over with. Have a nice life.
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