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Vent/Rant Thread vs 3 (Triggering Content)

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Mariposa said:
No need to think about felicide. Cats are wonderful pets that bring happiness, definitely more so when they're spayed or neutered. Altering a cat is especially important because it lengthens life and improves the relationship between human and kitteh. 4 unspayed females and 1 unneutered male?! Are you really surprised? That male cat must be feeling like a real stud. ;) [Oh he is, he's probably the cause of all this...]

In all seriousness, many of pets' obnoxious habits go away permanently when they're desexed. Males are not as prone to spraying/marking and females don't get pregnant with unwanted kittens that all too often wind up euthanized in shelters or worse. Here's a link to an organization that might be able to help get the kittehs fixed: www.spaygeorgia.com.
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Don't get me wrong, I love cats... CAT, singular, I should say... More of a dog person myself, really, but the owners are either too poor or lazy to do anything about it. I'll definitely check out that site though... Thing is, they just keep collecting the things: Stays, half-ferals, generations spawned from all the other cats... And they don't even like em either, they get on their nerves just as much as mine! One of the most annoying things, though, is that they all seem to have mistaken the front of my bedroom door for the litter box... :X

... I usually have to end up doing an olympic long-jump to get to the bathroom, lol.
 
got way to attached to my girlfriend and i still am. i have a nervous breakdown when she takes more than 10 minutes to answer my texts and i get so pissed off when she even talks to other guys it makes me sick like what the fuck why do i act like that i cant help it though i get upset and feel unloved and neglected if she texts other guys when shes with me and i need constant reassurance that she loves me even though shes never done a thing to hurt me before in the 10 months that we've gone out everyday i just want to spend every second with her and tell her how much i love her do i have some sort of problem or something who the hell acts like this she just dumped me last week and i havent stopped thinking about suicide since then im only 15 though so like why in the fuck do i feel this way its not normal ive wanted to tear my face off ever since she dumped me
 
Think I may literally be having the most stressful month of my life.
In the next three weeks, I need to:
- find a flat for next year, knowing that I only need it for 4 months and that noone lents for under 6
- study for and succeed on my exams
- confirm my internship for this summer/possibly look for a new one
- find a job for this summer
- kick my heroin habit

Am this close to just blowing a fuse and going insane. I just can't deal with all this at once.
 
Trying to wean off cigarettes and dip rather quickly as well as cut back on the caffeine. Result: Was having the occasional shaking and jerking of my arms while at work. Fucked up my performance. I didn't realize shakiness was a side effect of withdrawal but apparently it is. Its a new job I can't afford to loose so now I'm wondering if I should bother quitting right now at all or wait till later when things are more stable.
 
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Fuck fuck fuck fuck
I thought pharmacies here closed at 7. Turns out nothing's opened past 6. Which means I am screwed and am going to be withdrawing tonight and I just can't. I have exams starting in 3 days and I've been in a fragile enough state of mind without this happening. I mean even during my recent oxy binge I wanted to kill myself, so how's it gonna be during withdrawals? Fuck no I can't do this tonight :(
 
Pagey said:
Fuck fuck fuck fuck
I thought pharmacies here closed at 7. Turns out nothing's opened past 6. Which means I am screwed and am going to be withdrawing tonight and I just can't. I have exams starting in 3 days and I've been in a fragile enough state of mind without this happening. I mean even during my recent oxy binge I wanted to kill myself, so how's it gonna be during withdrawals? Fuck no I can't do this tonight :(
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Are you sure about that? Make a few phone calls. You might have to drive an hour or so each way but in less you live in the middle of nowhere there is almost bound to be a 24 hour pharmacy or at least a pharmacy open fairly late within reasonable driving distance.

It isn't ideal, but it is better than being dopesick while studying for finals.
 
I am sober. I am healthy. I am with family that loves me. I am doing something I love and getting paid for it.

I still feel like a fuck up, and am hiding in the dark trying not to cry because all I can think of is killing myself. There is nothing to look forward to, but death.
 
kaywholed said:
I am sober. I am healthy. I am with family that loves me. I am doing something I love and getting paid for it.

I still feel like a fuck up, and am hiding in the dark trying not to cry because all I can think of is killing myself. There is nothing to look forward to, but death.
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When were depressed we find it hard to appreciate the things going "right". We recognize them, know they're good things, etc. but that doesn't mean we're happy.

I'm basically in the same place you are- I have everything "good" by outside perspective, but I'm still not 100% happy at all with myself and have negative self thoughts. Today it seems like there was just a big cloud of thick depression over me.

Try to take things one moment at a time. You won't feel this way forever, I promise. The bad times pass just like the good ones do. Hopefully you'll wake up tomorrow feeling a little better.

{hugs}
 
I just attempted to post an ad on Craigslist to try to sell an event ticket. The event is in the morning of a major final exam and I need to use that time to study unfortunately. :( I paid a good amount of money for this and would like to make at least some of it back. Now it's not even showing up on Craigslist at all. WTF?! :X
 
I am so lonely and I miss true human connection. I know it's my own doing that I isolate myself so much. I think about all the walls we build up between ourselves and the world and it makes me want to cry, because I know I have the power to change that, but I don't do it for some reason. I want a more open hearted and genuine life. I'm too scared to get into a relationship again so I don't even bother looking. I'm scared of shallow relationships or being objectified. I just want to feel loved and accepted for who I am.
 
Why is my father such an angry person nowadays? I live with him while I work part time. We share an apartment and he works during the day but our relationship is terrible at night. He is in his early 60's and is on his late year of work before retiring again. He lives by himself in a remote town in Pennsylvania while working down in NYC, close to where I work as well. He has no friends, and has no women in his life (He is divorced two times, once with my mother who recently passed away from cancer). We constantly go back and forth, from having a very honest and close relationship to him just not liking me at all and us fighting over his constant actions to provoke me.

I've been getting high off Heroin lately and his demeaning actions often lead me to wanting to use simply to relax from the frustration he causes me. I know this is horrible to do but I can't help myself sometimes. I try and relax just by smoking some pot and it helps but when he argues with me for no reason at all, that's when I get frustrated and driven to use.

I don't know how to approach him anymore, he just looks for something to argue over. I try and calm him down but then he just closes off and acts like a grown child when he realizes his actions were wrong. What should I do? What am I doing wrong? I know he doesn't like the fact that I use drugs to get high cause I'm depressed but why does he argue for no reason? I hope I'm not disappointing him or making him want nothing to do with me.
 
feralkitten said:
I am so lonely and I miss true human connection. I know it's my own doing that I isolate myself so much. I think about all the walls we build up between ourselves and the world and it makes me want to cry, because I know I have the power to change that, but I don't do it for some reason. I want a more open hearted and genuine life. I'm too scared to get into a relationship again so I don't even bother looking. I'm scared of shallow relationships or being objectified. I just want to feel loved and accepted for who I am.
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Feel free to PM me if you have no one else to talk to. <3

I hope you get through this.
 
while i am ecstatic to be a mom and i couldnt be happier with my son things with his father (my bf) are not going well.... He showed up drunk at the hospital twice and then two weeks later got a dui.... I have been staying at my parents house quite a bit.... and of course he doesnt want to leave us blah blah blah and he loves us soooo much blah blah blah but fuck that i deserve better!!! I realize I was 20x worse than him before i got preggo but i cleaned up and now that the baby is here i really dont want him around like this
 
rx_prn said:
You won't feel this way forever, I promise. The bad times pass just like the good ones do.

{hugs}
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My doctor said that 15 years ago, when I first prepared to kill myself. They do, but there are more bad times that good ones, and it doesn't always seem worth it to wait for the good days.

Thanks.
 
kaywholed said:
My doctor said that 15 years ago, when I first prepared to kill myself. They do, but there are more bad times that good ones, and it doesn't always seem worth it to wait for the good days.

Thanks.
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rx_prn is right, but you are too kaywholed. I want to elaborate.

The bad times do pass by just like the good ones.

There's more bad things in life than good things, to give deep contrast so that the good parts of life are extremely enjoyable. I would rather go through severe ups and downs than to feel nothing at all.

On a philosophical level, if someone's life were mostly "good" and there were few (if any at all) "bad" things (unpleasant/traumatic/etc), it would be safe to say you can become so accustomed to your life that you take everything for granted.

I can safely say I would rather not take everything I have in life for granted, as I know that things don't have to be this way; they could in fact be a lot, lot worse than they actually are.

While you're in the middle of severe depression and suicidal ideation; you're right It doesn't seem worth it to wait for the good days ahead. It really doesn't. If someone were to have told me at age 16 that it was going to take nine years for me to get to the good days ahead, I don't think I would have lived. The first person I told this to told me to wait it out, and assured me things would get better. Things got worse before they got better for me, and that was OK.

I strongly believe everything happens for a reason. Furthermore, what you perceive as a bad thing may actually turn out to be a good thing as time goes on. You don't have to believe me or take my word for it, but this very thing has happened to me. If you want to know more (out of curiosity or disbelief of what I'm saying) feel free to PM me.

At this point in my life, looking back on the 9 years I suffered through, it is safe to say it was worth it. I couldn't have imagined it being worth it at the time, because of how awful I felt all the time. It's important to account for your thoughts/feelings; you can tell yourself "ok I know I'm depressed and that is why I don't think living my life is worth it right now, even though I know it really is". I often had to ask myself "would I want to kill myself if I wasn't in this much pain?" every day a few years back when I broke both bones in my arm.

So to summarize, yes, it really is worth it.

tackyspiral said:
while i am ecstatic to be a mom and i couldnt be happier with my son things with his father (my bf) are not going well.... He showed up drunk at the hospital twice and then two weeks later got a dui.... I have been staying at my parents house quite a bit.... and of course he doesnt want to leave us blah blah blah and he loves us soooo much blah blah blah but fuck that i deserve better!!! I realize I was 20x worse than him before i got preggo but i cleaned up and now that the baby is here i really dont want him around like this
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I agree tacky. You and your son deserve better.

Have you considered doing an intervention on him with his parents? Considering you are living with his parents, this is probably a great idea IMO.

It's fair to give him one last chance to clean his act up, seeing as he has an adorable newborn son as well as you in his life.
 
Yes captain you are right WE deserve better... i am so angry with him at this point rrrg I feel like any other guy would have been a better sperm donor.... I just want him to go away.... and yes i have tried to do an intervention with my parents (his are in cali) and to no avail.... honestly at this point i hope i didnt make a mistake but putting him as the father on the birth certificate (i dont want problems later on)
 
Tacky, as hard as it may be, you need to establish boundaries right now. Your son deserves a safe and serene home as he forms his first impressions of life and human relationships and trust. Tell your BF that he needs to clean up his act or risk losing life with his son until he does. In the long run this is the best thing you can do for all of you.
 
Ugh been posting in here too much lately.

I'm going to stop seeing my shrink. He's really been pissing me off for a while but he just took it too far today. I've been completely (or, well...almost completely) honest with him regarding my drug use but it's so obvious he has no personal experience at all with addiction and no idea whatsoever how to deal with it. Which would be fine, except he acts like he knows more about it than I do. He basically ignored everything I said and kept relating all my problems to my drug use and saying that the latter caused the former, when it's the complete opposite but he refuses to acknowledge that or listen to me. His only answer when I say that is I'm not in control in my haed anymore and that's what the drugs want you to believe. I know I'm not completely in control but fuck, I do know a bit about my feelings yeah? So I said that I wanted help dealing with my root issues, with the things that aactually do make me miserable, and he answered that was the drugs. Only the drugs. Trivialising my feelings much?
Prick.
 
HYSTERIA.. its the drugs.. the drugs.. the drugs.., or when they want your undivided support, HYSTERIA... THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN, DO IT FOR THE CHILDREN, IF YOU DON'T DO IT YOU ARE AGAINST CHILDREN..THE CHILDREN THE CHILDREN THE CHILDREN..

PLEASE GET A NEW HEAD SHRINKER PAGE.. research the shit out of this one, specializes in addiction and what ails your soul.. keep at it..


now on to mY fukn rant.. WHY????????????????????????????? THE FUCK DO PEOPLE... OH MAN WHERE DO I START.. ALL OF US ARE INSANE, ALL 6,973,738,433 OF US.. THINK YOU ARE NOT INSANE pm ME AND TELL ME WHY..
 
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