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Vent/Rant Thread vs 3 (Triggering Content)

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kwhat said:
pagey, anthony kiedis from the red hot chili peppers got out of a iv speedball addiction. if he can do it im sure ya can:) i got outta a hefty iv opiate addiction n almost 2 months clean! jus takes a lot of work n you really got to want it. u should read the book scar tissue by anthony, his personal life story which is probably one of my top 5 favorite books iv ever read.
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That was such a dope book. I was sort of dreading reading it before I picked it up because I'm not really into the rock scene (there are some really good RHCP songs but). The depth of how far he got into drugs was just crazy. I've read a lot of drug recovery books but what struck me was just how deep he could go as he had the money/fame. I suppose it's true when they say it really does get lonely at the top. Awesome book to read, highly recommend it to everyone.
 
I've woken up every hour with a horrendous headache since 8pm. God damnit.
 
I want to slap some sense into my best friend... I love how her boyfriend says she's not allowed to see me and she listens!! I hate that and the worst thing is she seems to be okay with him being so controlling. Oh well, I tried talking to her numerous of times but she still doesn't listen.
 
neversickanymore said:
Absolutely did the right thing Pagey. If you take the opportunity to take care of this now you will save everything you just thought you lost and a whole lot more.. from personal experience, I know he is not overreacting. Coming clean and then struggling to get clean doesn't ruin any part of your life, but continuing to use at this point will for sure.
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I dunno...the thing is if he informs the university about this, then it's definitely over. Definitely. If he doesn't and if he gives me the chance to try and get clean by myself, then it's probably over, but there's also a tiny chance it's not, you know? I've been doing much better with it too, I just want him to give me the chance :(

kace said:
Pagey :( I'm sure they won't expell you! Especially if you are trying to quit and become clean. They have a duty of care regardless.
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I hope not... I've got to see my psychiatrist again today to tell him if I've used again since tuesday and if I tell him I have then he'll tell them. At this point I really just think I'm gonna lie, I can't risk this :(

kwhat said:
pagey, anthony kiedis from the red hot chili peppers got out of a iv speedball addiction. if he can do it im sure ya can:) i got outta a hefty iv opiate addiction n almost 2 months clean! jus takes a lot of work n you really got to want it. u should read the book scar tissue by anthony, his personal life story which is probably one of my top 5 favorite books iv ever read.
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Haha thank you, hopefully. I've been meaning to check out that book. Congrats on getting clean by the way, really.
 
Pagey- how the fuck can your psych tell your university that your doing drugs? dont you guys have a law against that shit? i know here in the U.S. they can only let someone else know if your an immediate danger to yourself or another person.

its fucked that you cant go to a psych and vent whats going on. i hope things start to look up for you. <3
 
That's the thing though, he considers that I'm a pretty immediate danger to myself I think. It was the doctors at the university he was planning on telling so that I could check in with them every day or something, but when I asked if that might have any repurcussions on my studies there he said he wasn't sure...which doesn't sound positive.
But yeah, I wish I could just vent to him without having to risk this sort of thing :(
<3
 
im sorry to hear that Pagey. school counselors shouldnt be able to hold shit against you either i would think, but i could be wrong. i would have thought that your psych could only tell your university docs if you sign something and also that your there to seek help yourself so you should have immunity. the fact that you do drugs should not be considered immediate unless you planned an overdose and told him about it or something.

do you think maybe you could get yourself some small piece of advice from him for right now by using a SWIM type thing with the doc, like a hypothetical situation?
 
I agree, but apparently they're allowed to. It really sucks.
I doubt I could do that, I mean I've made it pretty damn clear to him that this is me we're talking about...hah. I feel like I'm just gonna have to lie to him from now on :(
 
society says you should go to jail for eating drugs, but is completely okay with slaughtering innocent animals by the millions and eating them

i believe the exact opposite

america is making more and more bullshit laws and increasing the size of our military every day. i really don't approve of the current state of the world at large, and yet i have little choice but to be a part of it. there's always the suicide option, but whether or not suicide is an improvement is a complete gamble.

is this hell?
 
and the advice i usually hear is "you gotta just accept that the world is a shitty place" or "quit blaming the world for your problems"

doesn't anyone want shit to get better?

my apathy has been handed down to me through the generations
 
Pagey said:
I dunno...the thing is if he informs the university about this, then it's definitely over. Definitely. If he doesn't and if he gives me the chance to try and get clean by myself, then it's probably over.
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everything you think you will loose buy coming and getting clean is SOOOOOO easy to find again!! pagey, you very well be in one of the fights of your life.. the coke end of that is supper tricky, appears to not be there... then BAM.. you can do it.. pm me if you need support or advise or just need to be talked down from a bad craving..
 
I suck. Every substance abuse meeting I have just makes me feel more depressed/ shit about myself. I've been binging on tramadol since my appointment. First taking moderate dosages but the last couple days, went too far and have been popping them continuously, way over the safe amount. I didn't care at the time, I was just in self-destructive mode.. I haven't left the house since Tuesday, was planning on going to see friends tonight, but I can barely stand, my legs just start shaking like crazy. My lips are purple, my skin is white and purple.

I'm really pissing of this guy I'm seeing as we always make plans but I always end up fucking them up. I'm either asleep or too depressed to do anything or going through w/ds. I don't want to let him down again but I feel and look like such a state.. Argh.. I really like him, but I've always said to myself that I don't want to be in a relationship till I've got my shit sorted as I know I will drag the other person down. And I am. And it feels horrible. :/ I just want to crawl into a hole and hibernate.
 
i love him i really do but he is drunk again!!! its been 2 weeks and now its 5 am and i am still awake.... its so frustrating and we were at a friends Baby Shower of all places..... for the love of god..... I know he has been stressed since we are moving but i am fucking stressed to and i am not pulling that.....
 
I feel like I'm going insane...images of the people I've lost won't stop going through my head and torturing me. To deal with it I'm taking even more drugs than usual and I'm in some sort of permanent fog that just refuses to lift. I don't want to see anyone anymore, I don't want to do anything. I don't want to get up in the mornings. In the past two days, aside from going to the bathroom I've gotten up twice - once to take a shower and once to go buy food after fasting for about 30 hours. I feel like a zombie, I really do. I don't feel alive. It's weird, it's uncomfortable, and it's going to cost me everything. But I don't even care anymore.
 
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