• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Vent/Rant Thread vs. 2 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)

Status
Not open for further replies.
Not a huge vent, Basicly im sick and tired of people trying to walk over me and people in a better position constantly trying to fuck me over, take my meds, take my money. Im really starting to get over it i do nothing but try and have love, compassion and time to try and help others in my life that most of the time are in a better spot than me, But when it comes to me needing a helping hand or someone to talk to.... Theres no one. I feel like a doormat im fucking sick of it and am ready to open some whoop ass on some of these folks supposed friends turn out to be just users, It scarin me coz when i get angry.. I always loose. not a violent person but im coming to the stage that im ready to floor a few individuals... but with the seeing red rage im scared i will seriously injure or accidently kill one of these folks. Why the fuck cant people have some set standard morals and more love for thier fellow humans? Not a happy camper right now:!
 
^Know the feeling mate, people can be complete dicks. Just concentrate on looking after yourself no matter how difficult it is, we cant always have the solutions but we can honour our own truths at a given time. <3



herbavore said:
^Pip, you be careful. That scares me.

People like that only know how to create fear in others because they themselves are so afraid.

<3<3
Click to expand...

This. <3



Rant.
 
^Me too, sometimes. <3
I find nourishing company or activity helps, or in lieu of that, pizza. ;)


panic in paradise said:
^it was fucking funny, they dont do it anymore because the wife got mad.
;)

entertaining honestly...

.
Click to expand...

Good. Praise the Lord for angry women! ;)
 
Last edited:
‘All I want in life’s a little bit of love to take the pain away’

Here I am, having searched for this song for this one line, whilst reading Essays of Arthur Schopenhauer, and I’m about half way through ‘Psychological Observations’ and it’s got me thinking about my own psychological tendencies, and seeing as I’m seemingly different they will be subjective reflections as opposed to something can be applied to humanity in general.

Oh now that song’s finished and I’ve worn out Xploding Plastix so I’m going to put on some YOB not that it really matters

Anyway, I just find it weird that I can be alone, but when I’m shown the prospect of a relationship (now whenever I use the word relationship people seem to assume I’m talking about a ‘significant other’ or ‘sexual partner’ or whatever you want to call it, as the truth of the matter is I’ve seen more romance and love in friends/non-sexual/platonic relationships than I have in (monogamous) sexual relationships) I mean that could be due to a number of things I’m not going to talk about at the moment, as I’m just getting OT.

It’s strange that I can (sort of) cope with being alone, but when I talk to somebody new, even briefly (although it occurs online as opposed to IRL, something else I should probably analyze) I cling to the opportunity of something more, and I find it much harder to return to my solitude after having that hope, or more so. I don’t know, maybe my hope turns to desperation at that time. Like, I feel incapable of bonding whilst I’m alone, then I’m presented with the opportunity to talk to someone (which is how bonding happens) I blow it out of proportion (without thinking I’ve bonded)-

I can’t even think. It’s probably just my lack of a social life which brings meaning to meaningless interaction, which causes me to cling to the change from something I dread, even though-

Maybe it’s the act of communicating with somebody I don’t know that excites my hope for a relationship, only for it to be smashed back into desperation and loneliness at the peak. Yeah, that could certainly contribute to some of my feelings and my inability to deal with the changes that occur from my attempts of building interpersonal relationships when I lack them.

Maybe it’s the reinforcement of the notion that I will always be alone, and that can get lonely at times.
 
This is too much.
Stuck in a hotel with my family who hates me, the parents are getting absolutely hammered.
I finally got a boyfriend and the past few days I've been putting him through so much drama because I can't think straight.
My boyfriend who, by the way, used to be a sugar baby. He'd date guys twice his age. He says he was never. Content with them. This is just too fucking much I feel like I'm losing it.
If I end up losing him I'm going to relapse, no fucking doubt.

They say keep your head high but it's so hard when the one person who makes you actually happy is on the line
 
You know what,
I threw on my headphones and am trying to come to terms that whatever happens, happens.
"smooth seas never made a strong sailor"
So I'm just going to let it be.
If everything calms down, I'll be content. If they end up getting worse, I'll do what I can to repair the situation and if everything falls to pieces then it's just a new start.
 
Avolition, I Don't care about much.
I Just want food and bed and a roof over my head.
Apathy, I Don't care about much.
But still I would rather not be dead.
Emptiness, no, I Don't care about much.
Because Life is just a ride.
Yet i'm going insane in the walls of my mind.

teehee
 
trance in fraance said:
You know what,
I threw on my headphones and am trying to come to terms that whatever happens, happens.
"smooth seas never made a strong sailor"
So I'm just going to let it be.
If everything calms down, I'll be content. If they end up getting worse, I'll do what I can to repair the situation and if everything falls to pieces then it's just a new start.
Click to expand...

Love the recovery in this post!<3 Great perspective (which is all we ever can actually bring to any given situation).:)
 
I wish I never knew you, just so I didn't have to care about you so much, just so I didn't have to think about you all the time, just so I didn't worry about you 24/7. Truth is, we barely know each other it seems, but I love you and I can't help but feel like the biggest creep for feeling so.

I want to forget you just as easily as you forgot me. I haven't heard from you in days. Your busy, of course...too busy to talk to me. It goes to show what I mean to you. And it hurts like hell, cause you mean so much to me. Please, just get out of my life...I don't want this pain anymore.
 
I need to let some steam off concerning marijuana.

I despise this drug, and have been addicted to it for many years. It took me a long time to see through the bullshit. It has such a horrible effect on me, and my mind was so clouded by it that I couldn't even see what I had become until I tried to stop and could not. I thought it was helping me progress spiritually, but I am such an utter fiend and I freak the fuck out when I run out. How mystical is that. I smoke so much that I get physical withdrawal, and both severe anxiety and depression completely out of the blue and directly related to my pot consumption that has had a very noticeable negative impact on the way my life has unfolded. My problems disapparate when I cease using. Yet I continue to smoke. I also see what a horrid effect it has on all the stoners I know. It does absolutely no good for anyone I know - it clouds there minds (memory loss, apathy, all around general stupidity), directs their cash flow towards drug growing washups - a total waste, and hurts their bodies. It has such an incredible tendency to lead to abuse. It is fucking up all my friends brains and they arn't even aware of it - they think it's entirely positive. They are brainwashed to support drug growers. FUCK pot growers, fucking scum feeding off people's addictions and messing with a lot of people's minds.

This shit has fried more brains and lead to more addictions than any other drug, that I have seen in my life experience.

I believe that every daily cannabis smoker is in denial. I have honestly never once seen this drug have a positive effect on anybody. It is disgusting, yet I continue to smoke. I haven't smoked in 2 weeks and even still I get extreme cravings on a regular basis that are very tough to deal with. However, I have already noticed tremendous positive changes in my behaviour. This is a demon of a drug that is often overlooked, and any habitual user who thinks it does good for them is just using the stoner mentality as an excuse to be a drug addict. The passive stoner mentality is pathetic. I am so addicted to this shit that I see it as no better than being a cokehead or something like that. It's weed crack to me.But even in moderation, it does no good and carries a lot of risks with it.

FUCK smoking weed. I repeat, FUCK this nasty vermin of a shit. Out of all the drugs I have done, this is the only one that has wrecked me other than alcohol. FUCK alcohol as well, by the way.
 
Not gonna argue with you here mate, but I'm glad you're starting to see the way you react to Cannabis and are acting in a positive manner. All the best with quitting.


I feel like I’ve got nothing to say. I feel so fucking dull, and incapable of engaging in conversation. I try to concentrate and listen, and it goes right through me without any logical response. I also feel aloof, and since I have opposing or different opinions to a lot of people, I think it can give me a bad image. When you add my lack of words, or more so, when you take into account I either talk shit and say fuck all, or simply talk little, with my feeling disconnected and distanced, and my general lack of cognitive function, it’s so weird. Like, I could try to be light hearted and make a joke here and there if anything comes to mind.

It’s so weird, in HS I was the funny one of the group. I was just loud and stupid and it was funny to my friends. I was probably obnoxious but I didn’t give a fuck, I was making the people I was interacting with laugh, and the people who were experiencing the residual effects of my actions could respond in any way they wanted. Put me in another group and I’d be quite, I’d have nothing to say. I’d try to be nice, listen to what people were saying and make some comment to boost their self-esteem, because I had nothing else to say. Put me in yet another group, and I’d be reserved. I’d want to say something to break the silence, or add to the sound, but there was nothing. I was completely fucking boring, extremely vapid.

Now, you put me with a bunch of people I’ve never met and I usually feel intimidated, but I don’t look it. Like, I’ve seen people who look shy and intimidated. I don’t display that. I don’t even know what I look like, but I’m sure it’s not intimidated. Add to that my inability to connect, my cognitive deterioration, I guess my nerves if that’s not included in being intimidated, and my lack of substance. My lack of anything to say. Then you’ve got to add my habit of showing such a stupid pretense, my feelings of inadequacy, my apathy and nonchalance, and the slight hint of misanthropy and disdain, and you’ve got yourself one confused fucking monkey who’s complicating social interaction.
 
Rave, I don't think weed is bad for everyone but I personally have a hard time with it as well. Ever since I quit benzos a couple years ago weed makes me extremely anxious and sometimes depressed much of the time I smoke it. I have been smoking for 13 years and I can never quit for more than a week or two. Weed isn't fun for me or good for my mental health and I still feel compelled to smoke it. I have quit massive pill habits both opiates and benzos but weed holds a special place in my heart. I think it stems from the fact that weed was tremendously positive for me for the first few years I smoked with absolutely no negative effects. Weed has been a huge part of my lifestyle ever since I was a teenager. All my friends smoked it, I supported myself selling it, I met nearly all my friends as a direct result of it. If I could keep it to just smoking on the weekends I'm sure it would be fine but I've thrown so many cannabinoids into my brain whenever I have weed I'm just compelled to smoke it pretty much non stop. My self control has gone to shit when it comes to smoking.

Shit I'm high right now. It is still fun like 30% of the time I smoke so I pretty much disregard the negatives and continue. I really am disgusted with my inability to moderate my use but I justify it to myself by saying "at least it isn't pills or alcohol". I also get withdrawal and extremely strong cravings when I stop which makes it so much more likely i'll go and buy another sack. I am almost 2 years into my degree and I am a computer science student and weed really fucks with my memory which is a problem. I am on financial aid and I if I ever catch a weed charge I'll lose it and have to drop out of school. I already used up my "first-offender" court status in a previous case so I can't beat another case with diversion. I've had weed charges in other states already as well.

I have plenty of good reasons to quit smoking yet I continue. Until I can figure out how to live a completely sober lifestyle weed seems to be the lesser of the evils when it comes to intoxicants.
 
Last edited:
^^^I don't know how old y'all are.

i'm 33.
I've seen both.
I've seen the negatives...anxiety, finance, addiction, etc.
I've seen the positives...for some..relief of anxiety, pain relief, motivation, empathy etc.

That's all. I respect everything said..
I just wanted to throw a little positive out there.

Good luck w/what's best for you. :)

~token
 
I've got this friend, and she binges on any pill she can find. She denies having any form of addiction, which is bullshit. She heard from a friend of mine that I was doing roxys again. She decides to get all pissed at me. I'm like what the fuck? You can go use all the time and it's okay, but when I relapse a little (Only did it because I found one i had tucked away in my room and forgotten about), I'm suddenly a bad person?

She wanted me to buy her a pack of cigs, she gave me the money to run up to the gas station. So I go up and get her a pack, I come back and apparently they were the wrong ones. She wanted mistys, but I got marlb menthol because the gas station was out of mistys. She's now demanding I give her 10 dollars because I "fucked up". I used to buy her cigs all the time, never asked her to repay. I've bought her so much shit when we hung out, never asked for a dime. She has never gotten me anything or paid for anything when we hang out. I'd buy her weed, or give her some of mine, or we'd smoke a few bowls together, always my weed. When we would trip on dxm together, I always paid.

I know 10 dollars isnt much at all and it'd be easier to just to give it to her so she'd shut up, but I feel like I don't owe her anything. I got her cigs, better ones too. I don't even smoke menthol. It just feels wrong to have to pay her back, after all the shit I've done for her. It's such a petty amount, and the fact that she's trying to add interest to it is ridiculous.
I let her use me so much now that I think about it, but I can't help it. She's been there for me in the past through alot of stuff I've gone through.

I've been so fucking down lately, and she doesnt seem to give half a shit. I'm always there for her, but when I'm feeling awful, she doesnt seem to give half a shit. I don't know, am I in the wrong here or is she just being a bitch?
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top