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Vent/Rant Thread vs. 2 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)

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From the way you describe her, she's an addict in the active sense, and because of that she's thinking of herself first. She'll throw a fit when things don't go her way, be quick to pass blame, etc. She's upset with you over the roxy's because she's upset at herself over her own succumbing to pills, and what she sees as a negative in herself she now sees in you (and will take it out on you because she does not know how to take it out on herself). I'd be careful right now, because she may try and manipulate pills out of you. Those whole sense of "reciprocity" in the drug scene can mess friendships/relationships up pretty quick. I'd probably back away from her a little bit so that she doesn't further stress you out (and make you want to use more roxies on your own).
 
RedLeader said:
From the way you describe her, she's an addict in the active sense, and because of that she's thinking of herself first. She'll throw a fit when things don't go her way, be quick to pass blame, etc. She's upset with you over the roxy's because she's upset at herself over her own succumbing to pills, and what she sees as a negative in herself she now sees in you (and will take it out on you because she does not know how to take it out on herself). I'd be careful right now, because she may try and manipulate pills out of you. Those whole sense of "reciprocity" in the drug scene can mess friendships/relationships up pretty quick. I'd probably back away from her a little bit so that she doesn't further stress you out (and make you want to use more roxies on your own).
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She's already tried to get roxys from me, which i have repeatedly denied her and will not give her.
It's my fault she's like this. When I met her, she was completly anti-drug. We started hanging out more, and I was always high. One day she asked if she could smoke weed with me, I didnt think anything of it, and said sure. We smoked up and had a good time, but that turned into tripping on dxm, which turned into stealing her mom's xanax, which turned into us abusing her concerta. It all happened so fast, and I can't help but feel like I'm to blame for this.

Because of that, I now refuse to get drugs for anyone, other than weed or psychadelics. I feel so guilty over this, basically fucking her over with addiction this young (she's 18 ). If she had never met me, she wouldnt be like she is now. I glorified the usage so much, making it seem like it was all fun. She was a legitimately happy person before all this. Now she has all these body issues, depression, self harm, etc. I love her, but honestly wish I had never met her. She's helped me, but I've done nothing but destroy her. I don't know what I was thinking and hate myself because of what I've done to her. I mean, I've been disgusted by myself for as long as I can remember, and now it's near unbearable. I've always said I would never wish anyone to have to deal with addiction, and then I've given that problem to one of the people I'm closest to.
 
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If you're having a bad day, you don't have depression... /rant

So.

If you have a little quirk about you, that you only do sometimes you don't have fucking O.C.D Having OCD means you do things all the fucking time, and you can't control it. & it ruins your life...

If you have a bad day because your mommy wouldn't give you money to go to the movies, your not depressed. If you have bad days day after day because no matter what you do you can't be happy, you might have depression.

If you broke up with your boyfriend you do not have "PTSD" cause you cant stop thinking about him. I have PTSD and every fucking old man looks like the guy who assulted me... he's everywhere. & I always feel like he's after me. I always feel like it just fucking happened. I can't stop thinking about it , I get flashbacks..


I'm sick of people claiming people have the things I struggle with everyday when they really dont becase they like attention or think it's cool.

I'm sorry if I offended you
 
Hey, girl!

You sound just like my wife!
But you are SO right,just like my wife is...
She knows deppression, she knows misuse and misabuse, and suffers very often, but very silently.
She taught me a very valuable lesson, for i was allways feeling sorry for myself, but all she said ,was :"Are you happy with your self-sorry-party?
But I'm not joining you..."

Hang in there, girl!
greetz,Sleepwalker
 
We have a vent/rant thread here, for next time you just want to vent.
Also, although I agree with some of the sentiment you grasp, why do you feel entitled because you deal with something? Why do you take offence to someone claiming to experience something you (have) experience(d)? I mean what does it matter to you? Do you feel the need for others to validate what you're going through, and therefore others lying about that prevents your validation?
Also, although someone might not be depressed after a bad day, they can still feel like shit. I mean what is depression?
I'm guilty of this, and I'm not trying to tell others how to act as I'm in no place, but when someone is feeling down they need some empathy. Not sympathy, not disdain or contempt, nothing of that sort. Next time you see someone who is feeling bad, in that very moment (irrespective of other moments, which kills that little exclusive 'I have depression' club), think about what you'd want if you were feeling down. How would someone telling you your feelings don't matter because others have it worse? If you were feeling down, how would you want someone to treat you?
You don't see people going to parties and telling people they're not having fun because there's someone else out there having more fun, do you? So why do it with negative emotions?

Anyway, now I'm just ranting. I know that when I feel shit, I don't really give a fuck about making sure other people are feeling okay. I fall into your category, I do feel entitled and carry disdain and my empathy is broken. I'm a piece of shit and I know it, but here you are apologising about offending people, which makes me think you still have something in you that I've lost. You can still be that better person, you can still think 'Hey I know what that feels like, maybe I should go comfort them' and try to comfort them, instead of insulting the moment you're in by telling their feelings aren't valid.

Just a thought, do as you will. I mean what the fuck do I care? It doesn't affect me.
 
Wash said:
It's my fault she's like this.
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it's not your fault. she would have started anyway.

let me tell you, i have introduced dozens of people to drugs, all in my younger and less wise days. seriously: dozens. more than one of those people are dead now. i let that hang over me for years, but not anymore. a second of rational thought will show you that it's not something to beat yourself up over.
 
i work overnights, and let me tell you, i am tired of it.

recently a department head position opened up at work, so i applied for it. i totally rocked the interview - a novelty for me. it would have been a raise plus more hours plus a steadier DAYTIME schedule. it would have been less work and less repetitive motion, which would have meant wonders for my bad back and chronic pain. the union recommended me for the position.

instead they hired some kid with no time on the job based on the recommendation of his manager...who recommended him because he sucks at the job he had, and the manager (different location) wanted to get rid of him. this plus the fact that they have no one to replace me at night (ugh, why is this my problem?) meant that i did not get the job.

i have never felt so unappreciated in my life, and quite frankly i have had some real low points before, too.

this kid, who sucks, who is dumber than a box of rocks, is now my fucking boss. if i had any other prospects on the job front i would have told them to go fuck themselves.

this has been extraordinarily stressful, and whenever i get stressed out, my pain level shoots up.
 
^ugh! Michael that does suck. Maybe you can hope that the kid will show that he is not capable of the job and it will open up again. :!
 
one would hope, but the company i work for is recently out of bankruptcy after decades of poor management decisions, and shows no signs of anyone having learned from the mistakes that led us there in the first place. my only hope is for a different position to open up somewhere, and hope that a similar situation for getting passed over doesn't present itself.
 
You're the first person to ever say that to me--but now that I look at it that way, being a ghost sounds like it would be fun.
 
i have found myself getting caught in these patterns at work where i go around and around reinforcing whatever misery i am feeling at the moment. i was in a place where i wasn't letting little shit get to me, it was like water off a duck's back. i need to get back to that place.
 
michael said:
i have found myself getting caught in these patterns at work where i go around and around reinforcing whatever misery i am feeling at the moment. i was in a place where i wasn't letting little shit get to me, it was like water off a duck's back. i need to get back to that place.
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I love to say that I was impregnated by aliens for my oldest son because he was born being able to let everything "just roll off him like water off a duck's back". I myself have to work at that and it's always slipping away. There is this book someone gave me once called The Four Agreements and one of the four agreements is to not take things personally. That one helps me a lot with letting go of the bullshit stuff and not making myself miserable over things I can't control. Hope you get some equilibrium back.<3
 
I can't believe I am homeless again with my mother. It's always one thing after another and I'm so sick and tired of it. I just want a stable life. I mean I'm never one to complain but my life is so fucked at the moment and I don't know what I have done to deserve this... years of hell. I'm just so surprised that I'm still here, everyone is especially after they hear about everything I've been through. I just don't want to quit now, even though I think I should but if I've put up with all this bullshit for almost 19 years then I mine as well keep going. It's just I'm so tired and drained. I feel as if I'm losing the ability to hold on but I have to. I have to hold on because of the people I love and care about. I don't want to be selfish even though I could easily just overdose on heroin right now... the thought has been in the back of my mind. However like I said before I see no point in ending my life cause its not as if I can lose anything more than I already have... I've lost sooo much important shit to me, even all me pets that killed me and still does. I only have some clothes, my phone and bank card. Yeah, nothing else. So whatever. I can just live on the street if it comes down to it.
 
is changing pharmacy after the fucking diabolical "performance" of my current one. My health has suffered because of their mistake and I am really not happy about it.
 
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