Vent/Rant Thread vs. 2 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)

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^^ Oh my god brighton!! That is horrific! Are you okay man?? <3


blurrrxx I am so sorry to hear of your friend's death :( <3 Being a dickhead behind the wheel and destroying an innocent person's life is absolutely unforgiveable :(


I miss you more and more everyday. I thought it was suppose to get easier but it has yet to do so.
Just sending you some love stayfaded, and I hope you're doing okay today <3
 
fuck I am sick of domestics! I am sick and tired of rolling on call, to find two "lovers" fighting. Its complex for me. I need to see who's being truthful, if one or both parties need to be taken into custody, sometimes find custody for the kids, fill out reams of papers. If it sexual, I need to wait at the E.R. collect and bag and seal the rape kit, call victim services, and bunch of bullshit I don't have do even if its a fucking MURDER. Thats right, a MURDER or armed robbery is simpler to deal with than anything with the words "domestic" "sexual" or "child"

All people equal before and under the law? Than damnit, my job should be same for the victim of broken window as it is agg sex assault.

I don't really believe that, I am just ranting at the red tape that makes HARDER for me to protect these victims from being re-victimized.
 
Fucking bollocks. Politics is bull shit, satanically arse raped propaganda... Sorry man. Hugs though xxx and to your lovely lady
 
After a night of excessive drinking, I stumbled home only to be sent to the same psychiatric ward I visit once every three years for getting combative.
When speaking to a 'friend' who had been clean for nine months, she got upset because I would not confide in her about said incident. This friend is bipolar, and has been off her medication since she began AA (nine months ago). When I finally did confide in her, she told me out of the blue, "Don't talk to me anymore. I hope things work out for you." I proceeded to ask her to behave in an adult manner and at least tell me what warranted discarding our six year companionship. She had just told me the day prior that she would not trade our relationship for anything in the world. After I disclosed my problems, she told me to leave her alone, get out of her life, and that she loved me too much to witness me destroy my life. Not once did she ever ask me how frequently these occurrences happened, and not once did she ask me what I was doing to change the unagreeable aspects of my life. She told me to read the fucking big book, lose my ego (I hope she finds it up her ass), and all the typical generic responses I knew were only a matter of time before she uttered. Needless to say, I was revolted. I told her I threw out my big book, and without asking whether or not I was taking my own steps in the right direction (do you really think I sit on an ugly couch paying a woman to hear my fucking problems because I want to stay SICK?), she told me to to leave her alone. Then stated that if I decide to get help (I've been off opiates/opiods for three weeks with them prescribed medically and in my possession mind you) that she will be here to help me. I informed her of the changes I have made in my life, because I felt that if she was going to end our companionship because of this, the fucking cunt better at least get the story straight.

What I am perplexed about beyond belief is how the fuck this young woman can literally try to PRY my problems out of me, and the moment that I fucking do, I receive a "Don't talk me. Please leave me alone." response. Planting an apple tree does not equate to growing dildos (feel free to quote me on that one). If you ask to hear problems, you should be prepared to hear some fucking problems (ESPECIALLY if you are talking to me). If you can't handle problems, don't ask to hear them. Simple really.

Anyway, after I spent quite a bit of time letting her know how completely ridiculous she was being, she threw the "Quit pretending like you care" card at me and told me to leave her alone—yet again. This was when I told her that I had already exceeded my efforts in keeping her as a friend, and that although I was not pretending to care, my efforts were now over.

I really, really cannot get over this. I do not easily let people go, and this fucking cuntrag of a young woman had the audacity to see that, start squeezing her way back into my life, and run the hell out with an explanation I had to literally FORCE out of her. What kind of a fucking fellowship tells you play games like that with a 'fellow addict'? Better yet, 'the addict that is still suffering'? I haven't even seen this gal in quite some time, so for her to say that it would all of the sudden have such a bearing on her is astonishing. I have always openly told her when I was drinking and/or using, and yet SHE messaged ME on Facebook when I was respecting her fucking textbook recovery life. Then, SHE asked ME for my number, and SHE followed through with it! I was NOTHING but honest to this stupid fucking anus-face! She should respect my honesty and perhaps ask a few more questions rather than cutting me out of her life after SIX FUCKING YEARS of being able to go to one another for A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G!

STUPID FUCKING CUNT!
 
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fuck I am sick of domestics! I am sick and tired of rolling on call, to find two "lovers" fighting. Its complex for me. I need to see who's being truthful, if one or both parties need to be taken into custody, sometimes find custody for the kids, fill out reams of papers. If it sexual, I need to wait at the E.R. collect and bag and seal the rape kit, call victim services, and bunch of bullshit I don't have do even if its a fucking MURDER. Thats right, a MURDER or armed robbery is simpler to deal with than anything with the words "domestic" "sexual" or "child" I don't really believe that, I am just ranting at the red tape that makes HARDER for me to protect these victims from being re-victimized.

rangrz.... In my parts the cops have domestics/ abuse/ child endangerment at the top of the hate list, I dont blame you being over that shit, I've never asked but am assuming that you are a police or one of those guys in riot gear having to deal with a bunch of protesters or something.... Hard job man, As much distain that i have for any kind of para-military "force". I can also sympthyse with them, yall cop alot of shit, most people dont like LE and i find it amazing that you can post here and keep ur career being somewhat unbiast. It's a shame in this country that 80% of LE is totaly corrupt shit i know of @ least 3 cunts around here payin em off so they can sell thier drugs (that most all of the cops around here use anyway, witnessed a sargent doing lines not long ago afterhours @ a local club and another that thinks its ok to drink and drive on the job).
That shit really pisses me off....... Anyway can feel ur frustration.

Im just pissed off atm all the usual shit, inability to function alot of the time and the deep sadness that springs up from nowhere.. Im also angry @ myself i was sposed to quit the cigys, have a pack in my pocket and yet cant aford to sponsor a charity that brings clean water to people so much worse off children in Africa. I fucking hate the fact im smokin while children are starving, If it fucks with me too much il just have to go out to the balcony and do some hardening practice with my hands and elbows. Dont consider this self harm as its hardening ur fists arms and legs. Just like the kung fu shalion monks, After a while u be hard as fuck.
 
Fuck the stupid bitch. We sound similar hun, talk to me sugar i just got off the psych ward, am on suicide and self harm 24/7 surveillence, have to take meds and have counselling completely self led with the crisis team inbetween mania and psychosis. Love to you, you beautiful, caring, intelligent lady <3




After a night of excessive drinking, I stumbled home only to be sent to the same psychiatric ward I visit once every three years for getting combative.
When speaking to a 'friend' who had been clean for nine months, she got upset because I would not confide in her about said incident. This friend is bipolar, and has been off her medication since she began AA (nine months ago). When I finally did confide in her, she told me out of the blue, "Don't talk to me anymore. I hope things work out for you." I proceeded to ask her to behave in an adult manner and at least tell me what warranted discarding our six year companionship. She had just told me the day prior that she would not trade our relationship for anything in the world. After I disclosed my problems, she told me to leave her alone, get out of her life, and that she loved me too much to witness me destroy my life. Not once did she ever ask me how frequently these occurrences happened, and not once did she ask me what I was doing to change the unagreeable aspects of my life. She told me to read the fucking big book, lose my ego (I hope she finds it up her ass), and all the typical generic responses I knew were only a matter of time before she uttered. Needless to say, I was revolted. I told her I threw out my big book, and without asking whether or not I was taking my own steps in the right direction (do you really think I sit on an ugly couch paying a woman to hear my fucking problems because I want to stay SICK?), she told me to to leave her alone. Then stated that if I decide to get help (I've been off opiates/opiods for three weeks with them prescribed medically and in my possession mind you) that she will be here to help me. I informed her of the changes I have made in my life, because I felt that if she was going to end our companionship because of this, the fucking cunt better at least get the story straight.

What I am perplexed about beyond belief is how the fuck this young woman can literally try to PRY my problems out of me, and the moment that I fucking do, I receive a "Don't talk me. Please leave me alone." response. Planting an apple tree does not equate to growing dildos (feel free to quote me on that one). If you ask to hear problems, you should be prepared to hear some fucking problems (ESPECIALLY if you are talking to me). If you can't handle problems, don't ask to hear them. Simple really.

Anyway, after I spent quite a bit of time letting her know how completely ridiculous she was being, she threw the "Quit pretending like you care" card at me and told me to leave her alone—yet again. This was when I told her that I had already exceeded my efforts in keeping her as a friend, and that although I was not pretending to care, my efforts were now over.

I really, really cannot get over this. I do not easily let people go, and this fucking cuntrag of a young woman had the audacity to see that, start squeezing her way back into my life, and run the hell out with an explanation I had to literally FORCE out of her. What kind of a fucking fellowship tells you play games like that with a 'fellow addict'? Better yet, 'the addict that is still suffering'? I haven't even seen this gal in quite some time, so for her to say that it would all of the sudden have such a bearing on her is astonishing. I have always openly told her when I was drinking and/or using, and yet SHE messaged ME on Facebook when I was respecting her fucking textbook recovery life. Then, SHE asked ME for my number, and SHE followed through with it! I was NOTHING but honest to this stupid fucking anus-face! She should respect my honesty and perhaps ask a few more questions rather than cutting me out of her life after SIX FUCKING YEARS of being able to go to one another for A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G!

STUPID FUCKING CUNT!
 
I strengthen my arm that way, only got the left arm and head to use now heheheh



rangrz.... In my parts the cops have domestics/ abuse/ child endangerment at the top of the hate list, I dont blame you being over that shit, I've never asked but am assuming that you are a police or one of those guys in riot gear having to deal with a bunch of protesters or something.... Hard job man, As much distain that i have for any kind of para-military "force". I can also sympthyse with them, yall cop alot of shit, most people dont like LE and i find it amazing that you can post here and keep ur career being somewhat unbiast. It's a shame in this country that 80% of LE is totaly corrupt shit i know of @ least 3 cunts around here payin em off so they can sell thier drugs (that most all of the cops around here use anyway, witnessed a sargent doing lines not long ago afterhours @ a local club and another that thinks its ok to drink and drive on the job).
That shit really pisses me off....... Anyway can feel ur frustration.

Im just pissed off atm all the usual shit, inability to function alot of the time and the deep sadness that springs up from nowhere.. Im also angry @ myself i was sposed to quit the cigys, have a pack in my pocket and yet cant aford to sponsor a charity that brings clean water to people so much worse off children in Africa. I fucking hate the fact im smokin while children are starving, If it fucks with me too much il just have to go out to the balcony and do some hardening practice with my hands and elbows. Dont consider this self harm as its hardening ur fists arms and legs. Just like the kung fu shalion monks, After a while u be hard as fuck.
 
so after dropping out of highschool this last november today is supposed to be my first day back, if I dont go back i can't graduate.
I have slept a total of 3 hours tonight, i cant eat, all i want to do is curl up in a ball and close my eyes. im supposed to go see the school counsellor but what the fuck am i really going to tell her...? i cant open up to counsellors/psychiatrists because I have trust issues and cant stop thinking about how theyre probably just sitting there thinking "oh great another fucking teen bitching about their life" which the worst part is, is what I feel like about myself.
i think ill just take some xanax before I go to school and put my headphones in so i can pretend im not there. i hate myself
 
STUPID FUCKING CUNT!

Hoooooly shit. I had to read that post 3 times because I found it hard to grasp the level of retardation involved. Usually I'm pretty good at seeing both sides of an argument, and often play devils advocate in conflicts between friends in an attempt to smooth things out. I'm completely mystified by what your 'friend' did though, I have to conclude she's an idiot. :(
 
God damn I hate the waiting!
I wonder how long I've spent staring into nothing, checking my phone every 30 seconds 'just in case I missed his text'.

If you're going to be 3 hours, don't fucking say you'll be 20 minutes! Worse still don't rage at me for blowing up your phone, motherfucker you say it's going to be 5 minutes, I'll phone you back in 5 minutes :X
 
^^ Oh my god brighton!! That is horrific! Are you okay man?? <3


blurrrxx I am so sorry to hear of your friend's death :( <3 Being a dickhead behind the wheel and destroying an innocent person's life is absolutely unforgiveable :(



Just sending you some love stayfaded, and I hope you're doing okay today <3

yeah i didnt get hurt. just havent been sleeping very well.
 
I'm quickly falling back into the groove of the great escape. Got a medicinal dose of k-pins in me along with gabapentin but all I want is some oxycodone in me to just take me away.

I just don't know. I feel my mind taking me along for the ride yet again. I don't belong here and I don't know what to do. I think I'll just let not thinking do the thinking. My mind simply is a flaw of evolution I suppose. Bipolar just allows money to be made.
 
I'm getting all stressed out over drugs again..... Who has the connect? Shit did that dude get busted? When are you picking me up? Whens the date to cop? I thought you said you never bail out when you're going to get some dope? I'm about to pause and just say fuck this shit. Have more important things to worry about right now..... Worrying about drugs and doing drugs is becoming too much of a hassle. Especially since I'm already stressed out everyday and worn the fuck out. I think I'm going to donate plasma, get a fat amount of money and take a much needed vacation.
 
^ i get paranoid enough driving to buy marijuana (i have extreme generalized anxiety right now, acute/post opie WD...) so i cannot imagine..

i would not be able to get through WD without that medicine, fuck the money game and how it muddles our health system... the wrong drugs are pushed.
I'm quickly falling back into the groove of the great escape. Got a medicinal dose of k-pins in me along with gabapentin but all I want is some oxycodone in me to just take me away.

I just don't know. I feel my mind taking me along for the ride yet again. I don't belong here and I don't know what to do. I think I'll just let not thinking do the thinking. My mind simply is a flaw of evolution I suppose. Bipolar just allows money to be made.
yeah. i am also at another grand junction in my life. hello fellow INTP.

i don't believe evolution produces flaws. everything simply happens. you're taking the tool of language and turning it on yourself!
 
Yet another reason why I despise mental wards, hospitals, and administrators; I bought a plastic-potted live flower for my partner, but they won't let patients keep flowers in their rooms. So I called the patient advocate, and she told me that its a safety issue, because some patients may try to eat them, because some flowers are dangerous (eg morning glories 8) ).... yet its never happened.

What the fuck?!?
curse.gif


And they also refused to let her have my extra phone with music (but no service), because headphones have cords. I figured as much, so I brought her my Bluetooth headset instead of normal headphones; yet they also denied that on the basis that patients aren't allowed personal electronic devices; that all patient phone calls must be made from the orderly station so they can be monitored.... regardless of the fact that my extra phone demonstrably has no service. It's essentially a small MP3 player with some basic games.

cloud.gif


At that point I requested to speak to the a hospital administrator, and wanted know if they consider people on that ward patients or inmates. They denied my request, got rude, told me to leave..... and I almost lost it. So I left before they could call the law on me.
To really rub it in... patients are allowed 1hr for visitors, but that hour happens to be when they're serving dinner. So they have a choice; visit for the whole hour, or miss dinner and go hungry. I saw what they're fed, and its no more & no better than jail food.

And she's supposed to be able to heal there??!

It's so sickening; they have her on so many meds that she doesn't remember all of them, and she's definitely developing a thorazine-shuffle & is definitely not the same person. But hey, at least they gave her nicotine patches.
Worse, is that all this is my fault. I should've never believed that love, support, understanding, a safe environment, and privacy would be enough to keep this from happening to that girl. I gave her my word that I'd never send her to potentially be put into inpatient mental treatment, and that we could stop being homeless. I did my best, and still I failed.

I hate for-profit health institutions, and have no faith in doctors attempting psychotherapy with nothing but isolation, medication, and control. Dedicated group and private individual therapists are much different, and I have more trust & experience with their methods. However, those aren't available without insurance or money up front.... and having neither, they're far beyond our means.
 
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