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Vent/Rant Thread vs. 2 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)

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I fucking wish people would be more straight up to me.... ya know?? honesty and shit... Some of these people must think im a complete fucking retard and im glad they do coz i can catch em out and fuck thier shit up, make the fuckers trip and stumble till the truth comes out... Fucking liars, I fucking hate being taken for an idiot:X
that is all:|
 
I've been drinking so much lately... I don't even like alcohol. I'm going to drink tomorrow with my two friends and both are alcoholics. Well one for sure is... The other one is close to it just like me. Luckily I'm not 21 and nor is she but we know if we were 21 we would be buying liquor everyday. I don't even know why I drink though because every time I just end up depressed... Lol I'm drinking right now while typing this. I guess I replaced my opiates with alcohol :\
 
Fuck. How the fuck am I supposed to live this fucking life? Fuck them and piss off. G.E.T.L.O.S.T.
 
really depressed... i hate being alone all the time.. i dont want to be depressed i really dont..:(:( to quote a nin song

"I used to be so big and strong.I used to know my right from wrong.
I used to never be afraid.
I used to be somebody.

I used to have something inside.
Now just this hole it's open wide.
I used to want it all.
I used to be somebody."
thank god for some peeps on bluelight.. it helps a little
 
Going by posts I have read of yours Snowboarder,you really seem to be into music.
Are there no songs that you have that make you feel uplifted and happy that you can listen to when you are feeling down.
I find that music can really change my mood depending on what I am listening to.
 
SamhainGrim said:
I'm an alcoholic and a schizoid personality and I really hate it and I wish I could do right by people and make them happy.
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Though your alcoholism and illness make problems both in your life and in others lives around you, I would wager that the good things that you display here play out in your life outside of BL as well. I bet there are multiple times every day that you do make people happy. My son was an addict and had extreme mood swings that made life with him often difficult and usually complicated. But it was also, fun, exhilarating, rewarding and made most of the people in his life very happy. He wasn't always able to see that. I know that it must get hard to see all the ways you enrich people's lives when you are perhaps focusing on something in particular that has hurt someone, but don't sell yourself short. Hang in there and much love to you<3
 
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boyfriend broke up with me while i was walking out of my grandma's funeral.
friend picked me up, spun me out and im so paranoid anymore that people are saying/doing things/out to get me that i officially made a fool out of myself quite a few times over about 3 days..all over the city, in front of a lot of important people and near got my ass beat if i didn't quit accusing people and acting fucking stupid.
i've seriously been burned enough times that i dont trust anything..last night i wasn't even high and couldn't get out of the blinds cause ive hallucinated enough that its in my head that something might just be out there and i jus assume someone is going to come and do something else to me..
my friend i guess really is dying. ive been told several different stories but now this one is true. he's in jail, on life support from his cancer. apparently he's had it for several years. the last time i saw him we weren't on good terms..and i feel so bad..
i just feel like hurting someone just as bad as i hurt right now..i don't know what to do..im scared to talk about anything on my phone because i think my friends will be listening, laughing. because i have friends that hack phones, i swear this shit is driving me to places ive never wanted to go. I can't even really make friends anymore it feels like, cause i'm too 'out there'. I drive guys away from being too clingy but thats because i'm afraid they're going to leave. or from just going schizo. every time i'm back up i get shot back down. and it sucks knowing i can't just end it all, because i wouldn't want to do that to my family..thats why i wish i had a family i hated so i could be that selfish to do something like that. don't get me wrong, i'm grateful for the fact that i have a family that loves me..ive seen kids in psych hospital waiting for a phone call on christmas. in another facility I had a nicuraguan roommate who's mother was almost exactly like the one in A Child Called It. I am very very happy with the family i do have even with their flaws. and thats why i wish that there was nobody that cared because its like I hurt too much to just exist right now, and i'm so broken that the pieces to be put back together are lost like puzzle pieces that you never find. i dunno..i hate sounding like that but its real..
 
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I wish that I could just give you a quiet, platonic hug right now, and tell you that it will be all right eventually. Because it will. Your life is in turmoil right now, you're young and therefore feel every hurt intensely, and you're spun. None of these things will last, and things will work out in time.

Keep looking at the horizon, and you'll be there in no time. Your peripheral vision will take care of obstacles.
 
Since NIN was brought up.....

"It won't give up, it wants me dead, goddamn this noise inside my head."

im getting very tired of them, I can't sleep for anything until I stop hearing things.
 
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Ixchellian said:
Since NIN was brought up.....

"It won't give up, it wants me dead, goddamn this noise inside my head."

im getting very tired of them, I can't sleep for anything until I stop hearing things.
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one of my favourite songs and I too wish the voices in my head would take a holiday for a change.
 
Okay, I've got to ask... what's up lou? Please answer via PM if you'd rather not discuss in public, but your posting in the last few hours is getting worrisome.
 
loulou you cant beat the bitch in you like that...


ask and define to yourself what love is, what compassion is, and what acceptance is. there really isnt much else is worth thinking about, and if that all you can think then thats all you will get.

____________________________
atm, just about out of propane for the weekend and its in the mid 20's now, no more leaving the window open at night!
zuhzuhzuhomg
 
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