Vent/Rant Thread vs. 2 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)

[Asclepius]

Try removing the m. that is before YouTube, I am on an iPad, can't get the full site for some stupid reason, it's retarded.

When I did that, this is what came up...wtf? LMAO :D

Exhausted and listening to massive attack now to chill. Had a bad conversation with the dr so that didn't help matters. Hence the livid part.

Bad convo with Docs sounds ominous...ugh...Enjoy the well deserved chill D2P.

 

[stellablue]

When I did that, this is what came up...wtf? LMAO :D

^ I saw that to. WTF...LOLOL!

 

[Doomed2pain]

WTF I didn't post that!!!! Omg I am laughing and it hurts and I can't stop.

Seriously, Apple fails so bad at mobile technology at times. It's bloody jail breaked and I STILL cannot get regular YouTube on it...never known it to post messed up links before though, that is weird. Pity he's asleep, computer hacker to the rescue.

Well I shall describe, do you remember dinosaurs, Henson creation? With the baby that says "not that mama"?

It is when he manages to get into the ice cream. Search for baby Sinclair has too much sugar, the 1 minute odd clip.

 

[Mugz]

Was starting to feel a bit better about things and life in general, then you get some fucking twats who are just rude to you and abuse you for no apparent reason. One day they say they are there for you and will be there to listen and talk about things with, then today it is just a small chat, then I was pretty much just saying that it sucked that noone had really been around online tonight to chat to and they went off on one at me, saying how they don't need this right now, they don't need my self pity. Well, they are blocked and will be blocked for some time now, don't need people like that being absolute cunts to me when all I was saying is that it is a shame noone was really around tonight and I'll probably get an early night.

Sorry for angry RANT/VENT, some people just really annoy me when I have done nothing wrong at all and they are just rude for no reason at all.

The other people that were not around tonight I have no problems with you

you would never flip out and have a go at me for no reason, like the one person that did, taking their own personal anger out on me, serious anger problems and they have stressed me out a lot. Considered them a close friend even though we had never met, but still a good friend. Just calm the fuck down and don't take it out on me again.

 

[Doomed2pain]

I lost a lot of supposed friends with my illness and that, I know what you mean. "oh you can't be in that much pain" blah blah blah you're going to physio. Yeh I no longer go to the hospital for it now coz I can't get out of the damn house, but I still do it coz I have to or my limbs will warp quicker. But they didn't even do it to my face, so that's what made me just say right fuck you all and I haven't spoken to them since, that was in April

You rant, get it out.

And also I hope you feel better soon

 

[Mugz]

Thanks D2P for the kinds words, is just unfortunate that it got me into such a angry ranting mood just as I was ready to go to sleep

Sorry to hear about your ignorant ex friends, some people really refuse to understand, maybe they don't want to understand because they would they feel too guilty about what they may have previously thought or said so they choose they easy way out and pushed you into pushing them away Really does suck sometimes, but I guess that is one of the ways to find out who your TRUE friends are.

 

[Asclepius]

WTF I didn't post that!!!! Omg I am laughing and it hurts and I can't stop.

hee hee It brightened my evening thats for sure!

Well I shall describe, do you remember dinosaurs, Henson creation? With the baby that says "not that mama"?

It is when he manages to get into the ice cream. Search for baby Sinclair has too much sugar, the 1 minute odd clip.

Googled it! lol I rem that show...Thats a handfull you got there I'd say but nevertheless he must brighten up your day(sometimes )

@Mugz: I get where your coming from man, it's sucks to feel that people are giving you the brush off. Im guessing that they are dealing with their own stuff and are feeling too sensitive to deal with anything else, NOT that that is an excuse to be rude to you hun- there is a simple way of communicating this without disrespecting someone but they obviously didnt have the tact to do it att. Just try not to internalize it even though it can be difficult; especially when you're feeling down. Seems like you have things in good perspective so stay true to your own needs. You dont need that shit. Feel free to pm me if you want.

@Stella: Thanks for the sweet compliment yesterday hun; you're spoiling me!
Here's my beautiful sole:

I will now quit hijacking this thread cause im going o/t.

 

[stellablue]

^ rofl!

 

[panic in paradise]

half of a molar, which was a cheap-filling just fell out.

 

[kaywholed]

hiding in my room

 

[blurrrxx]

ugh..my uncle's coming to town from Omaha to "help take care of" my grandma who is failing essentially in her old age and illnesses (rheumatoid arthritis, etc. etc. and she's hallucinating now..), though he drove here from there completely smashed and got lost at the very end. thus my poor brother had to drive my dad (drunk too, + possible wet brain + insane lack of people skills and probably mentally handicapped in some sort of way besides wet brain) to my grandma's, who earlier today soiled herself and had to call half the family to come help her. fuck :*( among the list of other shit going on I'm just done!

 

[n3ophy7e]

blurrrxx that is really tough hun, I'm sorry to hear that your grandma's condition is declining. It must be really hard to know that she's having a hard time, especially when other members of your family seem to be too preoccupied with their own issues to really help her
Can your grandma get any professional help in? Like, nurses who will come over how ever many times a week to bathe her or treat any medical issues etc. Is there a service like that in the US?

 

[blurrrxx]

thanks for your post n3ophy7e, it is hard and with everything else i'm having to go thru at 18 i'm just about to scream haha cry me a river right.. it seems though that i've killed off any feeling I have so I'm just kinda content within this ball of rage that I have building behind my content wall. I don't know what the fuck that's supposed to mean but it somehow makes sense on the other hand.
unfortunately my family can't really afford around-the-clock-type professional help ( who can, right? lol and I know theres probably SOME way we could with a combined effort because this way of going about handling the situation is obviously not working.. ) and my grandma does NOT want to go to a nursing home. however she just can't live like this, she's taken care of way too many of us for her to not have the care she deserves. we have no power of attorney unfortunately but I think after today's ordeal she's going to succumb to the nursing-home pressures. hopefully 8( and my family's back, I guess cops were involved too (with the incident of my drunk uncle ugh..). here's to top my off the wall type posts lately, LOL, lord almighty.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Well that's what The Dark Side is here for hun, you have to vent all of your frustrations somewhere! Keep the wall-o'-text posts coming!

I can totally understand that she doesn't want to go to a nursing home but it sounds like it will be for the best. I feel the same way about elderly people, most of them have spent their entire adult lives tirelessly taking care of their children, their elderly parents, their grandchildren etc, and yet they can be so easily forgotten when they need care themselves I hope your grandma can get some kind of adequate care very soon, because she deserves to be comfortable and safe

 

[Doomed2pain]

Thanks D2P for the kinds words, is just unfortunate that it got me into such a angry ranting mood just as I was ready to go to sleep

Sorry to hear about your ignorant ex friends, some people really refuse to understand, maybe they don't want to understand because they would they feel too guilty about what they may have previously thought or said so they choose they easy way out and pushed you into pushing them away Really does suck sometimes, but I guess that is one of the ways to find out who your TRUE friends are.

Thanks Mugz,

You're exactly right. If they had 6 tonnes of weight crush their foot I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be so quick to judge. Snapped back ligament, messed up body in general and seriously mental health problems resulting from it. I don't care, I've made some really nice friends on here so it's all good :D feeling much more positive about myself right now even though I am in a fuck tonne of pain. Hope you feel better soon, keep your chin up

 

[Doomed2pain]

Oh yes he's so clever and carrying, really funny just also a complete pain in the bum at times. Behe can't help it and he's going through a lot seeing his mummy in pain all of the time, in fact he must take after me because he is coping with it all incredibly well and things could be much work.

Well I am glad my retarded iPad made you smile, I like it when I make others laugh, either on purpose or accidentally. Makes me feel ace.

Thanks for the support, I really appreciate it :D

 

[J.Wallace]

I don't really like doing these kind of things...I feel like anytime I mention anything negative in my own life other people will perceive it as me looking for sympathy or empathy. Truth is, I really don't even know what I'm looking for when I share the negativity in my life. I guess I'm trying to get it out of my head and into the open so it can drift away. I certainly don't want to put it into somebodies head, I'd rather it stay inside me than pass it on to somebody else, ya know?

I was doing great the past month, had no issues with anxiety or sadness, felt pretty good. Last week was one year since my mother passed away, and I still felt okay. But last night I got a text from a girl I'm sorta friends with. Well, we are friends...but I wanted more, came off way too fast and just ruined the whole thing. I hadn't heard from her in months, and she just randomly texts me. Not even to say hello, but to ask me why she can't ever find somebody who likes her that she likes back. I responded with how she is a beautiful person and not to worry about that kind of stuff, I went on about how she can't control those things from happening. I don't even know why I said that...I do think she is a beautiful person, but all my response did was make me feel worse about myself, my life...everything really.

All it did was remind of when I was taking LSD way too often, and I kept seeing her and tripping with her, and all that happened was I fell in love with this beautiful creature, and was crushed when I ruined it for myself by telling her I really liked her. She didn't feel that way for me, I understand why...but I wish she did. I convinced myself she was the idea of perfect. I thought of perfection, and she was it. And I slowly had to destroy that idea to get myself to stop hurting. I had to find flaws, or make them up in my head just to make myself feel better about her not having feelings for me.

It just reminded me of how alone I really am. All I have is my Father. I lost my Mother last year, I have no real family. I've kinda learned to block those emotions to prevent myself from hurting myself in thought. I don't want to be sitting around thinking about how I have no one to myself, or how no girl I know is attracted to me, so I just cut off those emotions. I have to, it's like a way of survival.

Since then, I've been crying, which is unusual for me nowadays, and I've just felt like shit really...sulking, feeling sorry for myself. I hate this kind of behaviour, and knowing I'm acting out in this way makes me feel worse because it makes me feel weak. I just want to get fucked up, really. I've been doing amazing since I stopped taking Oxycodone last year, only doing it a handful of times since, but all I want is to get fucked up and numb the pain like I use to do. I know that realm is hopeless, it leads nowhere good but I want to be there, addicted again and being numb to emotion. I'm tired of constantly chasing this perfect feeling, sober or not. I want things to be beautiful, and amazing for everyone, not just me. But that reality is a dream, it'll never happen. I wish my imagination and emotions didn't exceed my realities possibilities. I feel like what I dream of in my head is not even possible, such as perfection. We all dream of things, "The perfect situation", we play them in our heads over and over. I'm just tired of playing them in my head, I'd like to play them in reality for once.

I hate posting these things. I don't even know why I'm writing...I don't even expect responses, or for responses to even help. I don't know anymore.

I hope everyone is feeling good today, doing well, etc. I have no family, the world is my family and I want nothing but good things for you all.

 

[KiwiQflyer]

Sucks J. Wallace....about the exceeding realities possibilities. A really good way to put that into words.

Granted it's only been a few days...but I figured stopping drinking would've had a more positive effect on my head. A friend who's been going through some crap quit drinking and touted the benefits to me...and I'm kinda at the end of my ability to keep dealing with everything in my head...so I figured give it a try. Couldn't hurt since I've been doing a lot of excessive drinking every day for the past 5 months. I went out to a party last night, made the decision to drink, realized I was bored with it and now I feel all fucking set on that front. But everything in my head is still the same, if not worse now. Antidepressants and prescriptions haven't managed to do shit in the last year. No great revelation is coming my way just because I quit drinking. That's the thing with functioning alcoholism isn't it? I still went cycling, rock climbing, worked, read, painted...blah blah blah. Sober mind you, but then I'd get absolutely blitzed afterwards. So now I do all of those things but I can't fucking quit moving. It sucks because it's like drinking actually allowed me to feel a little bit more. There is a numbing sensation to it, but it also made me sad enough where I could at least let the thoughts melt and cry a bit...but now it's like I have this unsettling sense of calm when it comes to suicidal ideations. I'm trying my damndest, but I don't know how many of my friends I can tell that I don't see a point to shit and have them tell me their motivation. Because hearing a spiel from people I esteem and care about talking on about stuff and still not be able to answer me when I try and ask for a purpose...well it just sucks. Happy for them that they can be happy...but it puts me at more of a distance. Like I've picked their brains and now I have to move on and find another one. Which makes me feel like a really shitty person and friend.

Well, this is quite possibly one of the most disorganized rants I've ever written. At any rate, not drinking feels stupid. And now drinking feels stupid. So I don't know what the fuck to do. I do know that all of this "alert energy" everyone is so excited about when they stop drinking is quickly ruining me. I realized late in with speed that I didn't like getting through everything so quickly. Life is barely engaging enough for me...hence why I don't stop moving. I don't need more alert energy.

 

[J.Wallace]

KiwiQflyer, its great that you have decided to give sobriety a try. It's a slippery slope, really. Sobriety in general, is difficult to deal with. Even people who don't rely on chemicals have a hard time dealing with reality. I think the key is to have a goal, a destination. A few times I've tried being sober for a month or two and just couldn't do it because I had no goal, I had no destination in mind I was just taking it one day at a time and couldn't deal with it.

It's tough, it really is. It's so easy to want to get fucked and let all your problems and emotions slip away, but it only lasts so long till you're back to the fight for a livable reality within sobriety. It's like life is a constant test. It's pressure, all the time, constantly testing you to see how long you can last. The ending is almost always the same, you give up and give in to you're desires but ultimately it's back to that test of mental strength, the test of life. When I see things in this way, I truly understand why people kill themselves - because reality is relentless and never ending. It's a spiral staircase, a loop of loops. It's madness.

 

[KiwiQflyer]

I think that's really the source of the problem, whether it's drinking or sobriety. I just don't see a point to anything. Even when things aren't so bad it just seems fake and fleeting. Like all of it's a distraction. Because when I'm alone, these are the thoughts that eat away at me, make me depressed and so anxious. And that just cheapens everything for me--the things I do to occupy myself, my friends, my hobbies....etc. Stuff that actually does please me, but doesn't give me purpose. So it's like I'm just doing this for my friends...kinda like to say, look I fucking tried. I tried drinking to hang out and have fun, I tried sobriety to focus and feel...I'm not sure what else to try. I honestly have no hope for sobriety getting better with time. I think it's just like you said, a constant. But I'm not satisfied with day to day. Day to day fucking sucks enough when that's all it is...but when it's day after day after day of this shit looming ahead of me....well that's what makes me feel done with everything. Like I gave it a valiant effort and I couldn't find the fucking answers. So nobody can be mad at me when I say I don't have the fucking energy to keep up with this shit and keep trying. So that's why sobriety seems like a pointless endeavor to me. Not because I can't go a day without drinking...I just have no fucking drive to do otherwise.