Vent/Rant Thread 1 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)

[ninjadanslarbretabar]

from here






























to here

is free mind space
the wind shall pass through this
its free and open space

 

[Fyasko.]

^ I wasn't always but now I'm okay with having one or two close friends. Unless you're talking about not having any friends... I wasn't okay with that when I had that... :-/


I don't feel well. At all. At work today, there was something wrong with the water making it bright yellow and smell a bit funky when it sat out (like in the toilets--it smelled close to urine upon first whiff). Well, of course I have an opaque water bottle and didn't notice the smell... So I drank about 20 oz of it. Felt okay at first, but then I noticed this listless feeling that has only gotten worse as the day has gone on because I haven't drank enough since then... All the water in the building was coming out yellow (you couldn't tell while the water was running, but if you let it pool, you could tell)... Tried getting water from the water cooler but that stuff is just disgusting... So instead of drinking about 20oz an hour like I normally do, I've had 10oz in the past couple hours. I also haven't eaten in awhile. I have no appetite / desire for food, let alone the desire to cook or clean like I normally do on Thursdays.

Ugh. tl;dr I feel like shit.

ive got friends, its just not any real friends ya know.
and hun that sounds awful! maybe you should go to the hospital? i hope your alright!!

 

[addictivepersona]

ive got friends, its just not any real friends ya know.

I know what you mean completely. If you need an ear (well, eye), drop me a line. :)

and hun that sounds awful! maybe you should go to the hospital? i hope your alright!!

Meh, I figured if I felt like total shit on Friday morning, I'd at least call the doctor. I still felt horribly lethargic all day Friday and most of the day today, but I am feeling almost back to normal. I think after a good night's sleep I'll be 100%. :)

 

[paranoid android]

is anyone else okay with being a loner?
i know its just gonna be for a few more weeks until school starts and i can make new friends,
but i'd just like to know if you guys are comfortable with being a loner (if you are one)

Alot of people are comfortable being a loner but i am not one of them at all. I need atleast a few "real" friends around to keep me sane and for the most part being alone drives me insane. The only reason i am a loner now is because of the place i live in and i have noone i would call a friend left here. Sure i have lot's of people i could get drunk with or do drugs with but i certainly don't count drug buddies as friends. When your acquaintances only ever call you or want anything to do with you only when your on or getting drugs i could hardly call them friends.

As for effexor let's just say i had a horrible experience with it but since i have bipolar disorder that is too be expected. It drove me completely manic and sometimes this caused me to be alot more short fused and occasionally more violent then i usually am. I am currently on 300mg's of welbutrin SR and it is about the only anti-depressant that helps with the type of depression i get with bipolar disorder and about the only anti-depressant my psychiatrist trusts giving to me because of my bipolar disorder and history of bad reactions due to serotonic anti-depressants. I get the can't get out of bed, feeling morbidly depressed, feeling no pleasure from everything and oversleeping type of depression so a dopamine norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor helps me out alot. It's also the only drug i have found to help my SAD that i get during the long Canadian winters so that's a plus for sure . But everyone is different and everyone get's different reactions from different drugs. Effexor does help some people quite abit so it's worth a shot just make sure to taper taper taper if you come off it after being on it any length of time because the withdrawal symptoms are brutal.

My rant is i am sick to death of being alone and away from the one person in this world who i love to bit's. I know it's only a matter of months before i get out of here but it feels like i am doing prison time right now . I have no friends, have nothing to do but get high all day long, i can't even walk to a store to get a cup of coffee and something to eat because i live out in the boondocks, i am totally broke, i have chronic pain that is making any moving way harder then it would be if i had nothing wrong with me and i am fed up with fucking doctors, pharmacists and the lot. If my freedom meant not touching another pill again for the rest of my life i would find a way to do it but i don't have that option. So FML . I am trying to occupy my time here as much as possible by doing positive things such as working out and doing alot of reading but still it would be nice if i could hang out with someone here without getting a drink shoved in my face. I used to be a alcoholic but i haven't drank so much as a beer or glass of wine in a year.

More rants to come i expect

Shit got even more fucked up since i posted this so i was right!

 

[zombiesarepeaceful]

I skipped town.
Staying with a friend in a new city.
I wanted to do this, and I'm going to succeed at it, but I'm scared, like anyone would be.
My communication skills are severely lacking and I quit taking my adderall and probably won't find a new shrink in this city to continue getting my meds....so I'm all fucked in the head. Everyting in my head is going 9384732948mph and I can't think straight. When my mind is more ad(h)d, I shut myself off to the outside world cause its too much going on in there for me to really associate w the outside world.
But I have an interview Monday, and I just have to find a steady job ASAP and get my own apartment get out of this friend's house....cause he's a really awesome friend and offered me the opportunity to stay here while i get on my feet, but I don't want to piss anybody off cause I'm livingin their house and I don't like invading people's spaces and I suck at communicating or showing emotions "properly" and shit..and that's what people complain about with me alot of the time.
For example, I haven't eaten all day cause I don't want to eat his food and don't really know how to say hey...I'm gonna go get food.
I don't know.
I only quit taking my adderall cause I need to pass a drug test for whatever job I get and don't need to be held up for 3 days while they send it to the lab and verify my script blah blah...but then once I take the rest of my script, that's it. There is no more. And its when I don't take my meds that I realize that I"m not cured...I still have adhd...and it still drives me up a fucking wall
Oh, I'm stressed. Hi.

 

[Fyasko.]

thanks paranoid and addictive
currently spending my summer days smoking weed trying to figure out what to do with myself

 

[zombiesarepeaceful]

I guess my guardian ass-saver guides me through my life...cause shit always seems to work out even when I think it won't....I moved...got more comfortable around the friend I'm staying with, and just found a job that I start tomorrow which is basically identical to the one I left behind where I moved away from....which is awesome, cause I loved that job and I was good at it..this new one pays more...I think shit just might work out afterall...knock on hard cock....

 

[panic in paradise]

....!

WTF!?!

its been 3 weeks now that ill just start throwing up at random, just now, felt good enough, smoking a cig and then BOOM. enough already.

 

[Bojangles69]

FUCK FUCK FUCK MFKn BASTARD BEES!!

I suppose if this is all I have to complain about than my life isn't really that bad at all these days. But this put me in a world of fuckn pain today and I wound up going to the hospital today for 27 wasp stings. I will explain a bit how it happened.

Am simply mowing the lawn today. I'm not the type of idiot who will drive straigt into a bees hive I can see bees from far away, and have the common sense to not do stupid things to set bees off into a fit of stinging rage. Oh and letme reframe "bees" they were NOT bees at all they were those evil black wasps with inch long stingers that have the ability to sting you over and over and over w/out dying. And you'd be surprised how fast these mfkrs sting you once they get going.

So anyway am just mowing about, and have to put the mower in reverse to come back around and mow an area that was a tight squeeze. Apparently however I had ran over a wasps nest 1 minute prior to that, and now I had literally backed myself into an angry swarm of wasps. Just think about it. I drove myself backwards and would have heard the buzzing getting louder and louder if the mower was not on. Instead it starts off with one wasp stinging me in the back. At this minute my attention shift outward off the mower, to my surroundings, I grab my back and then scream LIKE AN IDIOT, as the second I screamed these aggressive little bastard black wasps began to go off on me. Then I feel the second sting on my ankle, "FUCK!!!! this is not happening right now I tell myself" I really become panicky at this moment and realize I need to move fast and abandon the mower. Because I began to shake quite a bit I tripped as I was getting off the mower and this is when I realized I was just doomed for hell. I was trying to move too fast off the mower and just lost my balance. My back falls on top of the hive and for the second I'm on the ground I can not tell you what type of pain and this is before they really started stinging. I'm holding my back and my ankle, and afterwards I start to feel what literally feels like a dart machine gun all over my body. I'm yelling as loud as I can at this point as I'm moving myself to my feet, get up and almost trip again trying to get a fast start like before. Am now running at this point and these mfkrs are all around my body, I'm shaking, screaming, running, and everytime I try to smack them off my body I nearly trip doing so and stumble which slows me down, definitely in panic mode because there had to be a good 2-300 swarm chasing me as I'm running to my brothers house who lives right down the road. I read somewhere you had to run and just keep running so thats what I did. Untill I started to feel sick on his front lawn and just eased myself down screaming in his front lawn.
I had never been stung by wasps before only yellow jackets so I had no idea if I'd be allergic or not. Eitherway my skin just kind of got all flush and swollen and I had some stings on my face as well that made it hard to talk. I was in shock by what happened but luckily no allergic reaction. Although the pain was intense and I was having these odd feelings in my nervous system which the dr just said was the venom not an allergic reaction.

Now the good part of the story. I was very very angry sitting in the hospital trying to figure out what I did that set these wasps off. Big fucking deal. I drove over their nest with a mower and I had mowed that same part of the lawn the week before, and the week before etc etc etc. It seems just this day they decided to swarm up on me. No idea why. But long story short I came back to that same hive after the dr had just got done telling me not to go near it. But this time fully dressed with 2 layers of thickn denim all over my body, gloves, tape around my ankles, a welding mask with scarves wrapped around the neck area. Not a single inch of skin exposed anywhere. I have a can of ether in one hand and a ligther in the other. Test it out, OMG it makes a flame like 8 feet long. Was not expecting that. Nothing like hairspray this is almost a legit flame thrower. Walk up to the wasp nest and throw a flare inside to smoke them out. And slowly as they come out a few at a time I shoot pulses of fire their way, burning the entire nest alive. If tree hugging hippies wanna get mad over me killing bees, I'm sorry but I don't really care. Its my fucking yard and I'm sure as hell not allowing wasps to populate it just so they can sting my ass like they did. I also made sure to talk dirty once the nest was smoking and all the bees were dead, "you bitches ever come back on my lawn I will kill your entire species this time not just one fucking nest" lol. But yeh that was my story. Just as much pain as you could have ever expected, it was bad.

 

[addictivepersona]

^ Bojangles, I honestly did not read half of your post. I started reading, and then the images of bees swarming ME started coming into my mind... Because I once was swarmed by clay-wasps. You know, the fuckers that can sting you numerous times without dying. *Shudders*

I'm really, really glad you burned their hive/nest/whatever. Though I am all about peace and non-violence, wasps can DIAF. And I'm glad they did, quite literally.

 

[panic in paradise]

try bombing them with sudsy soapy water sometime(supersoakers work well)...it isnt as spectacular but gets 'em good.

this is obscene, i was able to keep down some water; but not 3 narcos and a hit of espresso for more then 3 minutes.
-- a "karmic" rinse + a spin dry? or idk wtf...
bring it!!!
your gonna have to do better then this!

 

[n3ophy7e]

Bo!!! Holy shit man, that is fucking horrific! I am really glad you're okay and didn't have an allergic reaction

Although there are more humane ways you can eradicate a wasp colony, I completely understand your desire for vengance

 

[ocean]

Bojangles......
I am sorry this happened to you- I really am.
But once I got to the part of your story where you're sitting it the hospital and go back with your layers of demin taped to your body and imagining you all pissed off with some flame thrower I started LOLing. :D I'm sorry. But that's funny.
I've been bit by a bee once and it was AWFUL! I can't imagine the pain you went through. That sucks REALLY bad.
.ugh. Hope you heal quickly!

 

[Fyasko.]

uh.
i wasnt sure if this was thread-worthy or what so leme know if you guys think i should make a thread about this so i can get more responses-
Do you guys think drug-use can dampen a persons' ability to feel emotions?

This time last year, i was 100% drug free. i had 2 bestfriends that i was always hanging out with, we never got tired of each other, always did crazy stuff, it was great. love, hate, regret, happyness, and many more emotions being felt on a day-to-day basis drugs? pshh drugs are bad for you!

2months later shit hit the ceiling and that all changed.
now that ive had these summer days to sit and think about how this happened to my life, i realized that i was so much happier/more emotional over before i had ever used drugs. and these past few months ive felt very very little emotion, and i see pictures from before then, when i was super happy, or with a girlfriend smiling, etc.

idk i feel like the drug use has destroyed my ability to feel,
or im depressed,
or its the Effexor,
or the fact that i spend my days at home smoking weed thinking about how much ive fucked up,
then blogging about it

 

[OverDone]

I'm intolerant towards stupidity and ridiculous over sights.
Stupid, little things drive me fucking nuts!
I was told that my outgoing message on my voicemail sounds 'synthesized' and 'robotic'. I can't have that since I have customers calling that number. I have a Nexus S with Sprint service.

I call my voicemail to listen to my outgoing message. There is no option to listen to the current, outgoing message. I can only re-record my outgoing message.

I call Sprint to se what I am overlooking. They say I need to call from another phone to hear what other people hear. Ummmm... what?

I just moved to Colorado and have a Pennsylvania phone number. I don't know anyone well enough to ask if I can use there phone to call MYSELF. If I use a pay phone it will be long distance so, what, around $2 just to listen to a message on my own fucking phone?

Get the fuck out of here Sprint. Fix your shit

 

[panic in paradise]

go out on the street and ask the first chick you see...

i bet you could have her laughing quick with this situation!
;-)
especially if you maybe do sound that way, and can laugh with her about it;
& about how odd and audacious it is for them to call saying that in the first place!
jerk-holes
_____________________________________

Fyasko.
Do you guys think drug-use can dampen a persons' ability to feel emotions?

absolutely, this is one way to tell if you or another is abusing a substance. i feel its true, that if we use to smother emotions, there is mot likely going to be a problem later...yes Effexor is supposed to have this effect, as well.
how long have you been taking the Effexor for?

this does get better with time also - i have never taken Effexor, but knew people that did. this was common to hear IME, and from other posts here in TDS. come to think of it, it could be a good idea to search Effexor here on BL, and see what other experiences come up that you can relate to. im sure there are quite a few.

 

[Fyasko.]

absolutely, this is one way to tell if you or another is abusing a substance. i feel its true, that if we use to smother emotions, there is mot likely going to be a problem later...yes Effexor is supposed to have this effect, as well.
how long have you been taking the Effexor for?

This is the 2nd week of me taking it.
the reviews on bluelight are pretty scattered.
it seems like 3/10 people have good results.
and 7/10 hate it. the withdrawal is apparently equivalent to that of opiates

 

[panic in paradise]

yeah and the mood-swings that come with any rebound are not fun to deal with, on either end.

3 weeks seems to be the standard mile-marker for psychoactive meds to take the effect they should...but if the stuff doesnt work, or is difficult to take then there isnt much reason to stay on it - the risks and benefits should be evaluated closely. write the stuff down that is happening with a time line, and present that to your psych the next time you go in.

often times a med will be offered to counter-act any problems/adverse reaction, but usually this is the case for those who are showing signs of benefit, and wish to stay on w/e med.
when is your next appointment?
2 weeks or something?
keep trying it until then, im sure your doctor has heard similar complaints before, and has an alternative in mind already in-case this did happen.

 

[S.M.F.G]

Goddamn theres alot of fucking morons out there wandering the streets in these parts. Theres so few people who dont piss me off these days, Thank fuck for some likeminded people here and my current therapist. George carlin said once that most people are one of three things.... Fuckin stupid, Full of shit & totaly nuts... some are all three.
I dunno im just kinda pissed that i see this shit and hear stories from the mrs (whom works for a majour supermarket) and the stories of the fuckheads she has to deal with makes me want to drag these people into the moonlight and beat them with heavy clubs.... I just get Pissed sometimes goddamn it!!

 

[panic in paradise]

i like his comparisons between cats and dogs, and then peoples relation to either..haha


but yeah, i worked in a gas/fuel/pump-station;-) for a while, and would meet some very interesting,,, and disturbed people!

i sold this one girl gas who was clearly tweaking - she pumped her gas, then got in her car with her two kids(maybe 3 and 5), and with out pulling away from the pump, starts lighting and smoking Meth or Crack -- in the car, with her kids, next to a ton of fuel...brilliant!