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Vent/Rant Thread 1 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)

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My best friend, one out of two whole friends that I have, tried to kill himself this morning. I picked him up this morning from his friend's house, he was drunk and upset, kept mentioning suicide. But he always does that, as do I, so I figured ok, he's just drunk and upset and he'll be ok. I've been sick so after hanging out at his house I left to go to the ER. I'm not even gone 10 minutes and I get a call from him saying that he just took all of his pills, the cable installation guy showed up, saw that he was fucked up, and called 911. I'm sitting in the ER and the ambulance brings him in and sticks him in the room across from me, and I sit listening to everything. He's gonna live. But it fucked with me. I don't react to anything that happens, ever. The only other true friend I have is still asleep and an hour away. I left the ER with the doctor not knowing whats wrong with me, and knowing that my friend will be in the psych ward for a few days. He's the only person I care about. It sort of makes me want to attempt suicide too. To throw it all away, I admire the balls to do that. The cable installation guy found him, so I know that if its not meant to happen, it won't. I'm stressed beyond stressed. My blood pressure was 153/95. I'm afraid of my heart exploding. I'm afraid of dying. Yet I don't want to live. I need money. I need drugs to sedate myself. I need drugs to stay awake for work. I need a life. But I need money, so I don't have a life. I need, I need, I need. I need a person to lean on, to be there. My chest hurts from all of this and I get scared when that happens. I want to break, just so I can start over. So I can have people to help me. But I know I never will. I wasn't there enough for my friend, I left, and he tried to kill himself. I feel emotionally and physically numb. I never cry, and I'm on the verge of it. I can't tell anyone, cause I know he wouldn't want work to know. I can't act like anything's wrong. I have no one to even fucking hug me. No one to confide in. Not long after I left the hospital, my other friend calls me asking for advice on how to close up her wounds which need stitches and won't stop bleeding, cause she's been in the psych ward 2 times in teh last month and refuses to go to the hospital again. I know first aid, no problem. But everyone is falling apart, and I feel like I'm waiting for the third shoe to drop. This is fucked.
 
Mother's Day is coming up and I'm supposed to spend fucking money on a mother who tried to kill herself on MOTHER'S DAY for the rest of my fucking life? Seriously? She should be buying ME something on Mother's Day for the rest of MY life! Not merely for finding her suicide note ON MOTHER'S DAY and calling 911 on her drugged out self that blamed ME for HER fucking BIPOLAR INSANITY, but also for dealing with her fucking nodding off in front of me, cussing me out continuously, and using ME to vent HER fucking problems on!
 
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SideOrderOfOpiates said:
Mother's Day is coming up and I'm supposed to spend fucking money on a mother who tried to kill herself on MOTHER'S DAY for the rest of my fucking life? Seriously? She should be buying ME something on Mother's Day for the rest of MY life! Not merely for finding her suicide note ON MOTHER'S DAY and calling 911 on her drugged out self that blamed ME for HER fucking BIPOLAR INSANITY, but also for dealing with her fucking nodding off in front of me, cussing me out continuously, and using ME to vent HER fucking problems on!
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The unfortunate fact is most bipolar people very often tarnish relationships. And wreck it even further with substance abuse. Plus one of the main triggers of an episode is a holiday, actually. There's a probability that she took you, as a daughter, for granted - which is a personality defect along with this ridiculous trend a lot of bipolar or supposedly bipolar people blaming every little problem on the mental disease. I wouldn't jump the gun and accuse the whole situation solely on her affliction, though it obviously played a part in it. That's what I gather from the limited details here.
 
My girlfriend has decided to let her ex stay at her place while he's detoxing from opiates, without even asking me first how I feel about it. Good thing I'm in another city at the moment... if I was there, I'd kick his junkie ass out onto the gutter where he belongs. Fuck this shit. :X
 
This is night/morning 3 in a row where my house mate promised she'd be quiet and has woken me up. Exam this evening which she knows I'm stressed about. She knows I'm not sleeping well. Yet everytime I manage to drift off I am woken by her having obnoxiously loud sex, even telling her to shut the fuck up only works for max 30mins.
This morning I was woken after finally nodding off, by her fuck buddy (who also has no manners) ringing our doorbell for 10mins straight and shouting in the letter box for her.


And she still expects us to live together next year??
Not. A Fucking. Chance.
 
mutzy said:
This is night/morning 3 in a row where my house mate promised she'd be quiet and has woken me up. Exam this evening which she knows I'm stressed about. She knows I'm not sleeping well. Yet everytime I manage to drift off I am woken by her having obnoxiously loud sex, even telling her to shut the fuck up only works for max 30mins.
This morning I was woken after finally nodding off, by her fuck buddy (who also has no manners) ringing our doorbell for 10mins straight and shouting in the letter box for her.


And she still expects us to live together next year??
Not. A Fucking. Chance.
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WTF? That is seriously not on!:\ At least you know who not to move in with I guess!
 
SweetPea and mutzly: very reasonable, rational and valid decisions I can support fully with no regret. Simple as that.

I dunno if it's a bipolar thing or what... but I find after a certain point of insomnia, usually right when I'm totally fed up with it and all the agony that comes with its consequences, I suddenly desire to continue to stay up all of a sudden and force myself awake even if the insomnia itself has worn off. I've never really heard any solid info on that, or even anecdotal testimonials at that, but common sense and experiences with others tell me this isn't exactly a rare phenomenon.
 
so my parents went out and filled me script of celexa&lamictal which i DESPERATELY need. then they get the idea that i dont need em, and take my meds away. WTF?! thats like taking a pacifier from a baby :( then my mom leaves the house, so its just me and my "dad" and he starts yelling at me telling me that im just faking my moods, and how i just want attention and how im "not fooling him".

idk what to do. i think ill look into getting some 5htp or SAMe but i want my life back:(
 
Cloudburst said:
SweetPea and mutzly: very reasonable, rational and valid decisions I can support fully with no regret. Simple as that.

I dunno if it's a bipolar thing or what... but I find after a certain point of insomnia, usually right when I'm totally fed up with it and all the agony that comes with its consequences, I suddenly desire to continue to stay up all of a sudden and force myself awake even if the insomnia itself has worn off. I've never really heard any solid info on that, or even anecdotal testimonials at that, but common sense and experiences with others tell me this isn't exactly a rare phenomenon.
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Yes I can totally relate to this, especially during the last week. When I'm unable to sleep I can lay there for hours frustrated and upset over it, but eventually I just want to go brew some coffee and force myself to start moving and getting my day started even if I know I'm gonna end up being exhausted later on. So there's always this inner conflict as to whether I should keep trying or just accept that I'm not gonna sleep and get moving.

This weekend I was upset that I had to modify my plans because of not being able to sleep well enough to have the energy to go out, but it was all good in the end.
 
Legerity said:
So there's always this inner conflict as to whether I should keep trying or just accept that I'm not gonna sleep and get moving.
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Totally know what you mean. When the insomnia bouts wear off I find myself in some sort of strange sleep cycle that I can never seem to put right. Working a job that doesn't see me home till 4am doesn't help and trying to balance that with looking for a day time job and bi-monthly visits home t a mother who thinks that sleeping on till after 12 in the day after a late night of work means I'm actually doing damage to myself.

Gah. I think half of this problem with sleep has everything to do with me getting hung up over it and also, somewhat, me trying to avoid certain people.
 
MASSIVE fml right now.

I spent 3 months working on a law research folio worth 70% of my entire subject grade, which I submit in hard copy one day early. And completely fucking forget to submit the online copy until NOW. An entire 24 hours late. And for every day late, they deduct 10%. I am so fucking devastated. I emailed my tutor begging her not to deduct me, but who knows.

I am a fucking spastic. :! :(
 
I am pissed at the fact that for the next few months i am stuck in a place i hate. I have no car, there is absolutely no transit system until you get into the burbs about a 45 minute drive away :! and so i have to hitch if i want to go to the city. FML this place is driving me fucking insane and i am getting edgy as fuck now that it's almost summer. I can't handle this being cooped up shit and there is nowhere to fucking go here at all :X . I am also lonely as fuck because i have no g/f here and i have no real friends to speak of just acquaintances that i usually only hang around with to do drugs.

If there was not a light at the end of the tunnel i think i would be so depressed id be thinking about canceling the gig. But thankfully there is a very bright light at the edge of this darkness :)
 
^glad to hear your only stuck for the interim PA! Hang in there. :)

**hAyzzZZ** said:
MASSIVE fml right now.

And for every day late, they deduct 10%. I am so fucking devastated. I emailed my tutor begging her not to deduct me, but who knows.
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Hope they show some mercy, especially since the hard copy was left in(they know you have the work done and on time) Colleges ususlly do. Fingers crossed for you. <3



Dammit I woke up with an aquaintence of mine 'stuck' in my head this morning. This person has always been a source of confusion and unresolved shit for me. I find her to be really shallow with a facade of depth(as she constantly makes unkept promises nad is emotionally dramatic with little behind it). I am trying not to take this seriously but am failing. I would rather keep this person out of my life but she insists on maintaining contact over the phone(it appears she does this when she has nobody else or has time to fill as when I contact her back to actually meet she never answers).

She had been very ill(so she told me) and this is why she decided to contact me I think she needs to have some topic of drama in order to contact me for, I am even beginning to question if she has dramatacised her illness(she has a history of using illness as an excuse to avoid things/justify certain situations to work in her favour but I have no way to be sure and was worried about her) because she cannot just meet to randomly talk with me and refuses to introduce/involve me with her own gang of friends/boyfriend in the town she lives in, so I have always questioned wheter she a) has absolutely no respect for me, b) finds me threatening somehow, c) feels guilty/sorry for me; so maintains a loose contact or d)doesnt know her own reasons, e) something else I have no awareness of.

Either way its starting to piss me off because I just want to have it out with her but obviously that wont go down well for either of us. Besides, any time in the past I had confronted her with stuff it just became a battle of wills for her so she obviously never cared about it, am not prepared to be a nodding dog for anyone anymore. So, I am sick of feeling guilty and confused..there are plenty of people I can have shallow relationships with, and I cant with her because we used to be very 'close' friends, I cant just erase that memory without bridging the gap somehow and she doesnt want to, or seem to care. Also I always get the 'feeling' like she is competing with me somehow- she is obsessed with boyfriends and after I broke up with my partner of many years she asked how was I and quickly interjected about how 'in love' she was with her new guy of two months(I found that timing pretty insulting and insensitive am not into that shit, I dont care if people are attached or not it proves fuck-all to me!! ).
I know she has serious 'Daddy- Issues' and her father neglected her Mother alot so I can understand why she is that way but am sick of bearing the brunt of them. In my early twenties living with her my E.D. got increasingly worse, it was the lonliest time, I remember feeling that I hadnt a friend anymore but a competitor and it brings all that back, when she starts being all coy and bullshitting me- am not blaming her solely for my E.D. at all but I think she didnt care and used to joke about her 'skinny little friend' like I was a pet fucking rabbit-if only I had known then that people can have a malignant effect on you I would have ran a fucking mile. Damnit, she was like a sister to me, really held her in such high-esteem and it meant nothing, still hurts. I dont want to be a 'victim of circumstance anymore-ever-and I wont.

It is but a petty problem but it really plays on my head. Fuck that, am throwing the ball out of my court. I am done with ridiculous game playing, life is short and I have no intention of living my life with this pretentious bullshit!
 
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**hAyzzZZ** said:
MASSIVE fml right now.

I spent 3 months working on a law research folio worth 70% of my entire subject grade, which I submit in hard copy one day early. And completely fucking forget to submit the online copy until NOW. An entire 24 hours late. And for every day late, they deduct 10%. I am so fucking devastated. I emailed my tutor begging her not to deduct me, but who knows.

I am a fucking spastic. :! :(
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All is good. My tutor emailed me, and as long as the hard copy was in on time, no marks are deducted.

Relief! =D
 
i am so sick of these soccer mom, hummer driving, carob raisin for desert eating, yoga taking, 90lb. soaking wet bulimic fucking cunts! they need to stop fucking thier best friends husbands, and thier obnoxious overweight kids judo teacher. thier god damn kids are the ones who should be bulimic. they are so fucking overweight all they do all god damn day is sit in front of the computer and eat. while you go out shopping because its your "me time" moment. i hate cunts like you, youre superficial and you disgust me. you read about meth and now you think youre a drug counselor. you see what it looks like on tv and in magazines, youve never seen it for yourself and youve never held it in your hand and youve never gotten high, but yet you know everything about it. you dont know a god damn fucking thing. this thread came at the right time, im sure youve noticed that this post is personal, and it is. long story short i saw this cunt in the store that i knew from when i was in treatment. if i didint know what bl was id probably be in jail right now for assualt. thank for this thread, i really needed it.
 
People that say one thing & do another. So many people around me right now are full of shit. When push comes to shove, they show their true colours, and my word a lot of people are not going to have me in their lives anymore. Fuck this and fuck them.
 
The stress of my job is keeping me on edge.
My eye has started twitching again- and I lay in bed thinking about how many things I'm supposed to know, do and say and be 'graded' on .
I can't stop worrying about it and and stressing over it.
 
Don't say I can't when you are really saying I won't. Sounds like an asshole thing to say to someone ranting but can't keeps it beyond our control while saying won't indicates our volition can have some effect. I'll accept a beating for responding to someone's rant because it is really inappropriate.
 
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