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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Trouble w/ IV coke MERGED

I agree. I feel like the mind is hardwired to recall the high points of life and bury/compartmentalize the pain. Its like when u get out of detox for 2 months its like, "that wasnt so bad" but when ur right in the middle of it, its undeniably excruciating. Its like a defense mechanism for dealing with pain but in the case of addiction it only goes to exacerbate the disease itself through inherited denial. Anyone agree?
 
neversickanymore said:
Alright, so your around a day. I would guess that you agree this level of use is not sustainable and will fuck you proper?

So how do you get to something sustainable?
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I dont think anything iv is sustainable for me, im to hypnotized by the ritual. As far as doing lines, i could honestly take it or leave it. Im just starting up w na/aa again, hopefully i can make this a brief chapter... the needle use, not my life! Its a crafty little fucker isnt it? I cant even see blood without my mind going straight there.
 
Deru said:
Good question. It took me 8 months in the hospital, three open heart surgeries due to endocarditis and complete heart block with a dual chamber pacemaker to finally stop, amongst permanently collapsing every single major superficial vein in my upper and lower extremities. I was even shooting into my PICC line in the hospital before my third open heart surgery with orange juice to break it down (reinfected myself immediately with two separate bacterial blood infections and a fungal blood infection), honestly I think when they cut my SA Node and caused total heart block is what finally disabled me to the point where I couldn’t continue. In a sense, it was the worst thing to ever to happen to me, yet the best because I likely would not be here if I could have physically been capable of continuing to IV cocaine.

Long story short, IV cocaine is not a viable, long-term viable route of administration for cocaine.
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It's probably healthy for me to be reading this, after not really doing it for a while I fell into occasional use and have kinda been mentally anguishing/obsessing about it this morning; deep breaths for now I have avoided.... but the shit is very real and very destructive... went through it 6 years ago w/ a-php use.... which is comparably awful. Idk what got me this morning but... just gotta stay distracted.
 
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