• MDMA &
    Empathogenic
    Drugs

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Too anyone who is having these symptoms

Wow, it's strange how these exact symptoms occur for some people who have overdone this drug. The uncontrollable eyes phenomenon appears to be directly correlated with the extent of my anxiety at any point in time. Hoping as anxiety symptoms subside, this will too. Have a feeling HPPD will improve but never completely disappear- which is fine with me as long as it ceases to interfere with my life. The drug fiend in me is a bit sad about the fact that this probably means I will have to be ultra cautious with psychedelics in future to avoid worsening symptoms but this may just be a blessing in disguise haha.

Haha dw, I'm prepared for the worst. Hve taken the year off uni to put 100% focus into recovery. I thought I was gonna be stuck in full-retard mode for nearly an entire month - expectations weren't too high in other words. I am actually very relieved to finally be making good progress on both a cognitive and emotional front. Stay patient, stay healthy and exercise! Report back when you've recovered or hit a perceived recovery milestone - it's always good to hear how others in the same situation are getting on. !

Good luck dude
 
funny you should say milestone because the last 4 days i think i have , i took dawglaw's advice and have just continued to live my life and forget about the symptoms i have (not as easy as said) but i over the last few days my vision and memory has improved quite alot and i seem to be controlling my eyes much more also, now im starting to think that dawglaw was correct that this is mostly all anxiety, the more we think about it the longer it is to recovery , as soon as you start getting on with your life you start to see the problems diminish , i think its our mind we need to sort out , in order for fastest recovery i believe getting on with your life is the quickest route to helping your brain return to normal.

That said , i wouldnt say im 100% back to normal but i definitely think its all downhill from here. The last few days have also been the easiest in my 8 months in recovery but i believe that once my ordeal is over i won't be touching mdma for quite some time (year) and no more than 0.2g of it in the space of 6 months. This has taught me a valid lesson that drugs really can mess you up so i don't take the situation as a all bad thing as i have learnt that im not invinsible and that i will appreciate life much more when i return to baseline.

here's to a speedy recovery for you all , will be glad to hear how your recovery is going soon :)
 
why would you plan on taking MDMA again when the anxiety post dropping has caused you so many issues?
 
thanks for the post Surfer. I'm on day 5 of a scary episode o fwhat in sure was tfmpp or bzp mixed with just enough mdma to fool my tester. Hebert doing this shit again. I'll try to stay off the internet. thx
 
flipping top the reason was stupid know , i was drunk at the time and was in a club full of mdma users, and was also my favourite music to drop too so it really was hard to say no.....shouldnt of done it but im now clean from it ever since and am going to till i become back to normal plus a year after.
 
i joined bluelight because of my long ass comedown. thanks heaps to everyone on this thread i feeel so much better now i thought i was going to be permanently retarded :(
 
Hey guys. Getting bad symptons like this and its freaking me out :( sometimes i think im going insane. So last weekend i took some pills. All my mates where having fun but i didnt. Just felt angry and not right. Anyways time passed and by 7am i went home while i was going home my mate tapped me hard in the back and said oi oi i said what? He said i was falling asleep while i was standing up and it totally freaked me out so i got a taxi asap ran home and got some water into me and fell asleep. Needless to say this past week has been so hard been getting super bad anixiety with some panic attacks. And i also have symptoms of DR/Dp which is freaking me out. O havent moved out of
My house the past week except to go doctor (gave me benzos). I just want to be normal and happy again :(
 
Hi.
I am 24 year old male when i was 22 i tried mdma i liked it and started to kind of abuse it for around a year (3-5 pills every couple weeks) then one day i came home from club ,havent slept all night as usual so to ease that depression that you get i would drink wine and smoke ciggaretes, then after couple hours i started to feel strange feelings in my lower abdomen(intestines area) like gargling noises slight tension and so on and my hearth would beet like crazy but maby that was because i was realy anxiuos about that stomach thing, so that night somehow i made myself to go to sleep then i woke up in the morning everything was gone BUT then every few days i would get those attacks, i was holding it for a few months but then i went to the doctor they said its ibs and there is nothing to worry about so i relaxe and started to live with it until every month it would get worse and worse and like after 5months i started to feel burning pain in stomach, i went to doctor again and they decided to do all of these tests like Colonoscopy endoscopy barium tests multiple ecsrays , like 20 blood tests and so on but they couldnt found nothing except gastritis and some non specific inflamation in intestine and very very mild anemia, they treated me from h pylori but still nothing then after few months i stated to feel some differences in my mouth smole sores would come up , it would get really sensitive , like burned feeling and stuff and once again they did some tests but nothing they even checked for atoimune diseases but nothing there either, So i would have all of these things and then after few months later which is NOW i started to feel SHARP pain in my right lower abdomen , i even went to emergency multiple times becouse of those things , Only thing that i think is bad that i haven't told anybody that all of this happened after MDMA, MY life changed drasticly after all of this i stoped smoking drinking i am on Perfect diet for a year alredy, and offcourse have not touched mdma also, But no changes my health is only getting worse, I am exercising taking supplements EVERYTHING i want my health back so badly , Do you have any suggestions? What did i do with myself? Is there a way back? I am so tired of this its bin a year already i just dont know what to do , i am feeling so much anxiety becouse of whats going on and nobody can tell me anything , why am i getting all of these inflamations sores IBS Gastritis , this pain all other abdomen ? By the way never in my life i had something wrong with my digestive system....
 
I am on month four after my 6 pill binge on a Dec 1 and I feel way better than the last two months. I noticed that when I started exercising that made a huge difference and definitely helped my anxiety attack plus the knowledgeable moderators that helped me with my questions. I am currently more relaxed than ever and a lot of you guys are right.. we just have to live a normal life and not get anxious about recovery. I am hopeful that with my dedication to staying clean plus the exercises and the will power to overcome this will help up speed my recovery. That being said, I am encouraging all the women who are going through the same thing or worst to not give up and just keep fighting.. For me, it's definitely the will power that is helping me out.. All the good things in the future and the things that are making me happy and making me continue my life is what's giving me the will power and strength to keep going everyday. Good luck guys good luck to us :)
 
Clear your inbox

Dude I think you are the one who needs to clear your inbox now I can't reply! lolll
 
This thread is extremely interesting to me, and has shed some light on what has been for me a very confusing/frustrating 6 months.
I would like to share my experience with you all, in the hopes that it will help others realize (as you did for me) that I am not alone in this.


I start my tale like many others, on my way to a Music Festival in September 2012, a big one down in BC in the Kootenays called Shambhala. Now, I want to make it clear, this wasn't my first experience with MDMA. Molly and I had developed a rather friendly relationship in the years leading up to this awesome festival. I swore by the stuff - it had opened my eyes. It made me look at things in ways I never imagined possible, it let me open up to people in ways I had never before experienced. For me, the big thing was that it kicked my fears, anxieties(mainly social) and self-consciousness out of the way, and allowed me to be the best possible version of myself. I had such engrossing coversations that oftentimes I would find myself starting a chat around the fire, and in the end, dozens and dozens of people would be listening to me speak. I would leave every rave feeling like a king, having met and engaged with all the djs and loads of super cute girls. This all coming from a kid who spends his every waking hour reading, gaming, reading some more - anything to keep away from people. I'm not saying this as any sort of ego trip, but I honestly felt that MDMA had allowed people to see me, as I always thought I should be treated, I am a cool motherfucker, but my social anxieties stand in the way of people every getting a glimpse. Because of this, MDMA was my drug of choice, and I used it probably once or twice a month.

Sorry if thats not related to this specific post, I just wanted to provide a context. A couple more things to note before I dive in to adressing the OP:
Before leaving for Shambhala I had started smoking marijuana daily to cope with the stress of a bartending job that left me stressed, and emotionally worn out from interacting with people all day. This daily habit was not debilitating at the time, but I soon found that smoking marijuana was not something I could do around others. It made me antisocial and very very anxious (or rather, it drew out the anxieties that were always there, but which I have always chosen to ignore ).

My first day at Shambhala I dropped acid with my friends, while we explored the grounds, roamed the beach, and set up camp (not recommended to do while on acid). The people I had come with were all big pot-heads, and rather than be left out I joined in. Dozens of people from the now extended "raver family" stopped by our camp, but all I managed to do was stumble over my hellos, and get half-way through sentences. I was so ashamed by those interactions. These were people who had only ever known me as the awesome, high energy, loveable guy, and the weed-paranoia really went to my head, telling me I was a fake. The next nights I was determined to show them I was still that person. I over-compensated, and took way too much MDMA the rest of the weekend. I had some great times, really fun times, great music, danced my ass off, had some deep conversations with strangers, all the regular MDMA induced goodies. But I took way too much, I don't know grams but I spent well over $400

But then I got home and things started to get weird. I had the next 3 days off, because I expected to need a good recovery. MDMA always left me with that Post-Party Depression, where nothing in the world seems stimulating. I often liken this to the feeling I got as a young boy after my birthday party, when everyone had left. Try as I might, the next day or two I could never seem to have fun. Anyways usually on these days I just invite a girl over for a cuddlesesh, and we resign ourselves to watching Game of Thrones, or some good documentaries. But thats when things started to go horribly wrong.
My brain kept getting violent shocks, as if a thousand volts of electricity had just gone off in my brain. I know this is a common side effect, often discussed here on bluelight, but I had never experienced them before. Most posters also do not describe them as super painful, mine HURT. 2 days later I had still not fallen asleep, because everytime I got close, one of these shocks would rock my brain. I was terrified of trying to sleep. I was terrified that my little escapade had maybe taken me over the edge.

I did not, and have not had any of the visual problems, or light sensitivity such as Surfer or Dpd but for months after I have been feeling/getting (quoting the OP):
"anxiety/panic attacks
complete utter short term memory loss, would think back to what i done during the day earlier and think " shit i cant even remember how the day went"
trying to think on a subject or equation was an absolute nightmare
had no motivation, thought i was losing my mind
dizzyness/felt weird turning my head
brain zaps during the day and when i went to sleep (only lasted a 10 days though)
a mild depersonalization/ but not that noticeable"


This EXACTLY mimicks everything I have been experiencing for the past 6 months. It has terrified me so badly. I was an intelligent kid, now I find that if I try and put my mind to a "subject or equation" (as you so aptly put it) I cannot focus my mind. I don't mean my brain is occupied with other things, but rather, all I experience is pure emptyness. Its as if a thick layer of fog has settled on my brain and refuses to clear.
People ask me how the other day at work was, I can't tell them. I can't even remember what happened yesterday, and increasingly I have a hard time remembering names of old friends and colleagues.
I have been having terrible difficulty reading on abstract concepts, or following arguements in books I read. And I've realized that even when I read and re-read things I have troubles committing them to memory.
I am also struggling with Depersonalization, but I think in most part this has to do with the incredible change in worldview that drugs and psychadellics has opened me up to in the last few years. I am re-learning everything I thought I knew about life, and this I believe is the main factor contributing to my anxieties. Reading history, philosophy, about ancient traditions, and the problems and crisis facing modern man has really left me without a solid foothold, without a faith, or a solid belief in anything. All I know is that I know nothing. But I digress.

Anyways. I just wanted to come and say hi to everyone. I hope you're all recovering well.
I know for myself, I had to stop smoking weed. This made the largest difference.
I have been trying to excersize regularly, and failing. Every time I get in the habit I stop. This is my personal dragon, and I will overcome it.
Eating healthy has been helping, I can slowly feel myself edging back to normal, I have been taking 5-htp on a regular basis as well, which has been really beneficial on my overall mood.

For months I thought I was going to be dumb forever. In a way I still fear I will never get it all back.
Thanks so much for sharing, and being open. Before reading this I had no idea that anyone else had suffered from this long of a come down, and you have given me great hope for the future.
 
^ A lot of that reminds me of my self. Usually people can get pretty social on MDMA but like you, i will be talking all over the place at raves. I will have at least 20 deep conversations with random people, start sitting circles, talk to the cutest girls ever etc. None of that which i would do sober. And weed does the same to me, makes me over analyze things in social situations. Which is why i choose to smoke alone these days. But yea dude, the things i thought i 'learned' while on MDMA are all the drug talking. It is all just a chemical reaction, i can't tell you how many times i have told my self i am going to change this, i am going to love my parents more, be more social etc etc. But once the high goes away, that ALL goes out the window. That is why these days , and for the past year i stay the hell away from MDMA and its false promises.

Also on the cognitive effects on the mind, i really noticed a decrease in my over all performance in school. Whether it be problem solving, memory recall, W.E that requires a little effort from your brain, it was all significantly worse. Some people on this site think MDMA doesn't effect cognition, and they swear it doesn't. But i'll let them dumb them self down, no other drug lowered my intelligence that quickly as MDMA did. Props to you for quitting weed, in my recovery phase i was still heavy on the weed which made recovery a pain in the ass. And these days i still smoke on the week ends, it's just something i always want to be a part of. But yea, most important thing is stay away from MDMA for good!

You're only going to get smarter, and happier. Let those axons form new connections, and receptors up regulate. What a lot of people do (i am guilty of this my self) is once they start feeling happier and more lively. They go back and start doing MDMA again. They forget the hard times, and only want to remember the heavenly high. Keep doing what you do, PM me anytime.
 
hey anubian , your symptoms are very much the same as mine , the thing is i am starting to feel myself more again , i just feel asif there is still alot of recovering to do, but i have realised now the more you ignore your symptoms and carry on with life the much quicker they diminish. My problem over the last few months is that i wake up everyday thinking to myself " i wonder how i will be today "....see thats the problem, your not suppose to do that, you have to live like nothing ever happened, the more u carry on with life and stop thinking about your problems through out the day , the quicker things start to return to normal. I know its easier said than done but you have to get into that routine , you have to stop questioning your problems because thats the reason there still there? because your thinking about them.

how are you doing f1nished? are you back to normal yet , over the last month or two i have realised that when i do return to normal i wont be doing mdma ever again. its just not worth the comedown such of this possibly happening again. The last 8 and a half months have been the worst of my life , staying positive is key but i get those days where i feel like giving up , i never will but its just the depression kicking in where i see everyone living a normal life while im stuck with this problem, i wont let it eat me up but it does hurt when i look back to how good my life was....

anyways best of luck to u all :)
 
hey anubian , your symptoms are very much the same as mine , the thing is i am starting to feel myself more again , i just feel asif there is still alot of recovering to do, but i have realised now the more you ignore your symptoms and carry on with life the much quicker they diminish. My problem over the last few months is that i wake up everyday thinking to myself " i wonder how i will be today "....see thats the problem, your not suppose to do that, you have to live like nothing ever happened, the more u carry on with life and stop thinking about your problems through out the day , the quicker things start to return to normal. I know its easier said than done but you have to get into that routine , you
have to stop questioning your problems because thats the reason there still there? because your thinking about them.

how are you doing f1nished? are you back to normal yet , over the last month or two i have realised that when i do return to normal i wont be doing mdma ever again. its just not worth the comedown such of this possibly happening again. The last 8 and a half months have been the worst of my life , staying positive is key but i get those days where i feel like giving up , i never will but its just the depression kicking in where i see everyone living a normal life while im stuck with this problem, i wont let it eat me up but it does hurt when i look back to how good my life was....

anyways best of luck to u all :)

Hey Surfer I wanted to send you a reply message but you haven't cleared your inbox! :) You asked as to what other symptoms I have.. I can give you a brief background of the hell I went through after my 6 pill binge:

Twitches: The first night after the binge - Twitching every time I bout to fall asleep. I went to the emergency room because of the panic attack from not being able to sleep.. Probably went to the emergency room three times last year December :( This went away after a few days.

Brain zaps: every time these were really strong in the first few months (I am on month 4). Every time I moved my eyes fast or move my head left and right or look down I seem to be getting these zaps and it feels as if I am going to be off balance. I still experience this but not as bad as it used to be.

Flashing lights: This happened in the first few days after the binge.. Everytime I close my eyes I see these flashing lights.. These were yellow in color kinda scared me as well which resulted in more anxiety/panic attack.

Anxiety attack: This kicks in all of a sudden even when I am not anxious at most times: my hands and feet will get cold. This went away on month two.

And the most annoying thing of all which is still stuck with me up to now is the unsteadiness feeling.. Sometimes it's strong that it drives me nuts but I am able to handle it now.. It feels as if I am still on a boat... So irritating!!! You mentioned that you also had this unsteadiness feeling but was gone 5-6? Did you mean 5-6 months or weeks? I never had the dp/dr that you mentioned but mannnn these other symptoms I had it did take me over emotionally and there are times like you I wanted to give up and I just locked myself in my room thinking wtf did I do to myself but no I've always been a fighter and will always be.. Hang in there bro we will get over this you'll see! :)
 
hey anubian , your symptoms are very much the same as mine , the thing is i am starting to feel myself more again , i just feel asif there is still alot of recovering to do, but i have realised now the more you ignore your symptoms and carry on with life the much quicker they diminish. My problem over the last few months is that i wake up everyday thinking to myself " i wonder how i will be today "....see thats the problem, your not suppose to do that, you have to live like nothing ever happened, the more u carry on with life and stop thinking about your problems through out the day , the quicker things start to return to normal. I know its easier said than done but you have to get into that routine , you have to stop questioning your problems because thats the reason there still there? because your thinking about them.

how are you doing f1nished? are you back to normal yet , over the last month or two i have realised that when i do return to normal i wont be doing mdma ever again. its just not worth the comedown such of this possibly happening again. The last 8 and a half months have been the worst of my life , staying positive is key but i get those days where i feel like giving up , i never will but its just the depression kicking in where i see everyone living a normal life while im stuck with this problem, i wont let it eat me up but it does hurt when i look back to how good my life was....

anyways best of luck to u all :)

I was like you, and told myself i will never do MDMA again, i even forgot that feeling. And after 6 years i rolled many times.
Im fine. Never say never ;)
 
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