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Venting The Vent/Rant Thread Vs. You Silly KnuckleHeads Can Go Fly a Kite!!

I think I'm going to start a job search because I can't take this nonsense anymore.
I practically live at my job, and although the overtime was great in the beginning, lately I've been having a hard time just getting through the day without wishing someone somewhere would pick a physical fight with me because win or lose I am at the end of my rope.

I have never been so stressed over nonsense and the verbal abuse I get makes me want to use again.
The only reason I don't is I know the high I dream about is not going to happen on a first time slip, or I'll od because I want to go to the fucking abyss with opiates and benzos.

I want to scream at the top of my lungs to my boss who has watched way too much "the apprentice" and too much "hell's kitchen" and takes cues and hissy fits from said shows
I fucking do everything thats expected and so much more leave me the fuck alone
stop ruining my peaceful mind with your insecurities and neurosis
stop harrassing me on the 12 or less hours i'm not busting my ass for your soulless company either that or pay me more
 
I'm sorry you are going through this.
We should be able to balance work, health and family. Verbal abuse should not be tolerated IMO.
It's unethical and counterproductive as the stress will decrease our productivity.

I can work 10 and even 12 hours a day sporadically given that I'm paid accordingly and respected at my work environment.
 
I'm a bit stressed with the amount of hours I've been working. And at the end I'm not being the best of myself to my family.
I don't like to depend so much on work. That makes people vulnerable. And the last place you want to be vulnerable is at work.

I miss the time I knew for how long I would stay at someplace and the feeling of change and restarting was so refreshing.
I think I shouldn't have settled. I had this feeling this would happen eventually.

My doctor says nothing has changed except that I'm sober so I really feel things that probably have been accumulating for years.

Moving on..
 
Raaaahhh!!!

I came home after work today and my peanut butter and most of a brick of cheese were gone! Like, the entire jar disappeared, I had maybe 2 scoops out of it, and a small portion off the brick of cheese, but damn one of my roomies totally took it. I know which one it was, and I asked him if he knew where my food went. I didn't blame him, I simply asked him if he had any idea, and he right away started getting all defensive saying stuff like he doesn't eat peanut butter and that kind of stuff isn't in his diet. I kept trying to say, "ok man no worries I'll just ask Dan if he ate it." but he kept cutting me off trying to explain his own innocence.
I'm fucking annoyed, I mean it's an expected situation for stuff like this to happen when living with room mates, especially if neither of you knew eachother from a hole in the ground to begin with, but the lying is what's really bothering me. I can tell he is lying to me, and my other room mate hasn't been home in 2 days, he's out of town at work. So what explains my missing food then? It's obvious. I shouldn't even be this mad but its the principal of the matter. If you want some, simply ask, I will most likely say it's no problem as long as they don't go crazy on it, but damn, you took the whole thing and didn't say a word. What the hell?
I'm going to ask my other roomie when he gets back, just to confirm if he did in fact take it or not, because I can see him bringing that with him to work and not telling me cause I wasn't home at the time or something, and we don't have eachothers' number or Facebook, so he wouldn't have been able to contact me, but I know I'm way over thinking such a common situation, this happens so often with room mates. But I did contact our landlady and shes going to have a talk with all of us, because it is in the lease that we are not to eat eachothers' food (unless given permission), and even then, it's just common courtesy and out of respect to not do something like that, especially if you are living together....




I guess, TL;DR... Living with two people you have never met before is super lame and I miss living with two of my closest friends. :(
 
I guess you are right although some of our family's discussions can be quite memorable.
As I often hear, it's better to be happy than right, specially among couples.:\
 
Its absurd how many staples in my life broke in the last ten days. Truck, Phone, Computer, alarm clock, ppm meter, watch.. what in the hell.

To anyone flipping because im not replying to them, I apologize im just not able to as im temp stuck in this catch22^2.

getting it worked out very soon. lilhot1 so sorry last thing I wanted. .
 
PerfectDisguise said:
I feel you 100%. I have grinded my teeth violently since I was a child, with no signs of it letting up. I take clonazepam and remeron for sleep/muscle relaxants but they really don't help either. Sometimes I can barely chew my food, and I often have difficulty talking. Best of luck to you.
Click to expand...
i ponyed up and went to see a neurologist. the first doctor willing to put a name on my problem. he's confident that it is tourette syndrome. something you might want to look into. especially since yours started in childhood, which i've read is usually the case for tourrettes.
 
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I can't just sit and watch you blame the past for your behavior. Do not include me.
We need to live in the present, enjoy the moments we have. There's no room for our past here.
I'm tired of recurring to the past to justify my actions. I can't go on like that.
Nothing can be done about what has happened. Use it as a living experience.
The fact I can't promise this will never ever happen again is because I can't. Nobody can.
It would be lie. How can you understand that? I choose you every time
 
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hydroazuanacaine said:
i ponyed up and went to see a neurologist. the first doctor willing to put a name on my problem. he's confident that it is tourette syndrome. something you might want to look into. especially since yours started in childhood, which i've read is usually the case for tourrettes.
Click to expand...
Oh, well I'm glad to hear you have some sort of closure hydro. It can really feel life altering at times, and I wouldn't doubt for a second that I might suffer from Tourette syndrome. Did he happen to prescribe you any meds? My one doctor that diagnosed me with TMJ disorder prescribed me carisoprodol (Soma) and it is definitely a great muscle relaxant. Problem is I have to find a doctor where I currently live to continue to prescribe me this medication. Anyway, I hope you are doing well.


I'm not in a good situation right now. I've been on an emotional rollercoaster all day. I've never had these type of feelings towards someone, and I haven't been able to talk to her all day because I know her phone got broken last night. So naturally I am numbing myself to the full extent with alcohol. I just want to know what is going on. Such a fucked up situation but I care so much about this person. :(
 
i overdosed for the first time 3 days ago.
was with my friend. we both had been off heroin for a good little while ( we both injected/scored h one time only in the past 5-6 weeks ), so i suppose my tolerance had dropped down a little...
in the past i have always accurately guessed the correct amount reflecting upon my current tolerance etc etc.
but the line is just so fucking fine. a tiny bit too much and it can fuck your day up :(
Im so lucky my friend was sitting beside me.. i blacked out all of a sudden, and he said for 5 minutes he was freakin out trying to bring me back to life.
he threw a cold jug of water over my face and my torso, he was screaming in my face, he was shaking me and slapping me across the face.. he even lifted me up off the seat and was moving me around like a rag doll, trying really hard to spring some life back in to me..
apparently my face was going blue and i was hardly breathing. he pressed his hand on my heart and said the heartbeat was insanely slow. he was at the point of calling the ambulance, and literally picked up his phone to dial, and thats when i sprung up and took a big gasp of air....
so scary. I immediately broke down into tears. it scared the hell out of me. i have never experienced that level of danger before.. i have nodded out a bunch of times, but never that rapidly. never that aggressively.
i reallly need to take care of myself. i dont wanna die yet!!i heroins not gonna kill this guy. it just cannot fuckin happen... DAMNNN
 
Man tripnotyzm I never post but your post really hit me. It really is such a fine line. Here one minute gone the next. Take care of yourself ?
 
PerfectDisguise said:
Oh, well I'm glad to hear you have some sort of closure hydro. It can really feel life altering at times, and I wouldn't doubt for a second that I might suffer from Tourette syndrome. Did he happen to prescribe you any meds? My one doctor that diagnosed me with TMJ disorder prescribed me carisoprodol (Soma) and it is definitely a great muscle relaxant. Problem is I have to find a doctor where I currently live to continue to prescribe me this medication. Anyway, I hope you are doing well.
Click to expand...
thanks, PerfectDisguise. to be honest, while it's nice to put a name on it, it's not really getting it all figured out because most of the medications for tourrette syndrome are not options i'm willing to consider. i'm not 100 percent he's right, as he doesn't explain much to me. i do think it's a result of untreated OCD, which apparently has a connection to tourrettes. we started with clonidine, which i was fine with, but that didn't help. and at my last appointment he prescribed me keppra, which after reading up on i dedided i'm not going to take. he says if that doesn't work that there are a few antipsychotics that we can try like haldol, so i'm pretty much done with him. he's got a blood test he wants me to take, so unless that changes treatment options i don't know what to do. i'd rather take whatever my psych wanted me to take for OCD than keppra or haldol, but i'm not going to take any of them.
 
I can't stand my job anymore. It's making me sick and literally making me fearful.
I cannot socialize as I used to, can't be devoted or compete with people that are ahead of me.
 
^ you should quit!!
I know its hard to just suddenly leave your job, but there is so much happiness and so many opportunities waiting for you, that you may never have the chance to pursue if you stay in an unhappy job for a long period of time.
I still havent got another job, i barely have any money, but im twice as happy as i was when i was working for my previous employer :)
 
^ Thanks!! :)

Always when I talk about job issues I try to accept my own obstacles with my work. The long hours. The difficult tasks, etc.
I try not to see how demanding they are, how much more I have to do and how it's never ever as perfect as it should be.

But then I see the other side of the coin where people give everything to get a chance regardless of the pay grade or of how much they would be willing get in order to settle.

In some interviews that I have to participate I sometimes see broken hearts, desperate yet prepared and determined people trying to get a chance. During these moments I see that maybe I'm being ungrateful

I try to convince myself that I just too tired. Or not as young to blindly obey orders that I'm not comfortable with.
Life is hard either way so the best scenario I get out of this is to try to make the best of the situation at all costs.
Keep trying and believing in myself.

The idea of trying to find a job while I'm still employed is a good one. I think the fear sometimes talks louder since now I'm sober and things are always more challenging. I guess I'm too comfortable perhaps waiting for something to happen instead of pursue it myself.

I'll get there.. By the way 1 year sober !! :)
 
I've gotta move the fuck outta here.... My roomie is such a fucking whiner. He just complained at me for making food at 3 in the morning. Dude I gotta fucking eat, not my fault you aren't nocturnal. smh
Yeah that's right, I just pulled the, "my logic is better" card... I fucking hate this shit. All he ever does is bitch about what I do. I can't make food at night, I can't have friends over, I can't burn inscents. Like seriously, what can I do? Listen to some Punjabi prayers and marry my brother's goat? No thanks. Yeah that was racist, whatever, bite me. /endrant
 
FUCK EVERYTHING. ive been doing so well but 99% sure im going to destroy the fuck out of my life when i get money tomorrow. hating life severely hating myself too.
 
I hate when we discuss at home before going to work. Especially on Mondays.
Although I know how to act professionally at work I tend to get a bit cranky and silent.
It's like the whole day is contaminated. I don't know how you do it.

Of the things that annoys me most is the fact that I'm always trying to compare my life before and after quitting. And not being able to talk about is also pretty frustrating.

Heads up!!
 
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