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Venting The Vent/Rant Thread Vs. You Silly KnuckleHeads Can Go Fly a Kite!!

Thank you NSA and Maya, <3 I appreciate it. Glad he is okay NSA.

My dad had one too last year, he is still moving quickly in life. :)
 
Erikmen said:
I feel the same at work. The more willing I am the more I get.
But reliable in moments like this means that you are probably the best and safest choice imo.
Click to expand...

I really dont mind helping but some people who relies on you so much will get used to it even if they know they have to be smarter and do it themselves. This pushes my own tasks and I'm a control freak, I hate being late on tasks/projects and not able to perform well due to a coworker who just doesnt want to use his damn brain! Lol its ok now you are probly right too, maybe Im just an amazing one in a million worker haha!
 
You are Maya. :) It feels good although some people may take advantage of this good side of you.
I feel that happens a lot at work. I try to think I'm pushing for a team work but it's all myself at the end, with few exceptions.
 
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Fucking lonely but I don't wanna go through the hoops of finding and meeting a woman. Like fuck this bullshit. Is pussy worth it? Not really, all I want is someone to sit around with and do nothing all day long.

Can't get a job, can't find a woman "Just do what the voices in your head tell you to do". I'm fucked and I'm not setting the bar that high for a piece of pussy. (Nothing against you women). I love people but fuck people and their rules. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

1 year ago I listened to voices in my head and they got me in this predicament. Left my GF, my job and my car behind to "go follow my dream"... It was never my dream. It was someone else's. Now I can't even get a job or a friend...fuck my life.
 
I'm sorry you are going through this Boupstarnm. :/

I believe in setting up dreams. It gives me perspective although some of them have been put too far away.
It's hard to fit every one's dream altogether I must say. Won't give up though.
 
Tired of 4 hours or less sleep a night. Good bye benzos, welcome hell on earth. Considering this sleep shit and all, don't know if you served me well all these 10 years but well, at least you served me. Probably cutting my doctor off me too, hah. Usually it goes the other way around I guess.
 
Honestly I am coming back into loving someone and he means the world to me. Its just at times I want to just rip his head off and then I realize I am just losing myself in him and my soul is crying out. Either way I am needing to get a real reality check. I am not able to love easily it seems.
 
^ Personally I never really found love to be easy, except maybe for the passion days. I guess the way we love changes over the years. Some better than others. :\

I try not to give up on my love. Even when everything seems to be against the odds we've found each other at some point.

I suppose we agreed on a meeting point when things are not well.
 
lost 400$ in poker which is basically my 2 months food money just because I was playing in a bad mood

EDIT: It was pure winnings I had earned without depositing any money over a couple months so it doesn't hurt THAT much, but fuck, I could have used the money to pay my bills instead of wasting it half on purpose...
 
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ugh, so sick of it all. So sick of being stuck with this body, this mind....this body that works at killing me every day through chronic disease, and this mind that doesn't do a bad job of destroying my life when it sets out to, either. And the utter meaninglessness of drugs...I don't want to have my life revolve around a fucking pill or a clump of powder or a bag of crystals or some sticky black shit to smoke off aluminum foil. Being enthralled to a chemical...ughh, it's such bullshit. Yet that's the kind of bullshit I'll always crawl back to...not people, they leave or die. And god knows I can't be left alone with my own sober thoughts.

Last three days I basically just slept. I slept from Monday afternoon, through Tuesday, finally dragging my ass out of bed at 6 PM Wednesday, saw the landscape outside blanketed with a huge amount of snow, went back to bed. I guess it's "good" that I got up on Thursday by 3 PM. I've got enough pharmaceuticals here in pill and vial form to just put an end to the whole stupid thing...I stick myself with needles everyday anyway, might as well make it enjoyable at least once
 
My only friend in town is really more of just a drug friend at this point.

I was interested in trying to salvage the friendship, but I just don't think it's going to work out. I feel bad because when I do see him he says stuff like, "You're the only friend I've still got left in this town" or "you're one of the few friends I still talk to". So I feel bad if I were to just cut him out of my life, but he doesn't seem to listen to me at all, which is really irritating. It's also not being a good friend.

I've told him multiple times I'm trying to get away from heroin, but if I talk to him he'll bring it up almost immediately. It's hard to move on when someone almost seems like they're tying to prevent you from doing so.
 
For some reason I feel sometimes how much we allow ourselves to let people drag us to toxic relationships whether it's a working colleague that always take advantage of the team work and 'forces' the rest of us to work more to compensate, or simply with friends that annoyingly try to jeopardize our achievements.

The worst IMO/E is when that happens within our own family when I/we notice that very subtle movement of competition and/or jealously behavior when someone is going a little further or doing a little better to the point I think it's all in my head when in fact it is really happening.

At the end I tend to believe it's a natural thing when you are growing just a little faster or becoming a better person than usual and people unconsciously try to prevent you to move on.
 
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I'm sick of being alone. No family here, no friends, and I work the night shift. It's quite literally ruining my mental state. I binge drink every weekend because being sober is too much for me. Fuck, I really want to just off myself. I may do it soon, I really don't have many options. I don't have the motivation to go out and make friends, and working odd hours makes it even harder. I'm surrounded by darkness for over 12 hours a day. It's fucking ridiculous. I shouldn't be here in the first place...
 
I've had a rough few years with women. Most of what I hear is "why aren't you'd dating? Why aren't you trying to meet people?"

And fuck, I don't wanna date right now but it's all I fucking hear. Like my parents were about my when society forced them into a miserable marriage. I'm trying to avoid all that. Fuck dating. Fuck marriage. Fuck having kids.

I'm finally happy in my own skin and the voices in my head tell me "no no no, you're not happy until..."

Its a pain in the ass. Fuck y'all I'm happy today.
 
^^ I believe you have choices. There are ways to rest when working in night shifts. You could exercise, join a gym and let the new friends in. This is just an idea that worked for me, but you could think of others. Or start reading, use the internet. Finding ways to get a nice and productive period of sleep is very important.

You could also try to look for other jobs where you could have normal working hours. When I had to pay for my University I accepted to work in a hotel from mid-night to 8:00. Monday was the day off! It was simply horrible, and I did try other options and still I had to go through one tough year until I got a decent proposal, and from that, another one..
Now when I look back I see that was only a moment in my life.

You can motivate yourself just by setting goals regardless of the outcome. Keep in mind that you can do anything once you decide to. It's not as easy I know. But you are here and this seems that you are willing to move on.

IMO if you don't like the darkness I suggest you don't try to 'off yourself' because that might be for darkness for ever -- nobody knows. It would be a permanent solution for a temporary situation.

Good luck!
 
I've had an infection or flu for a week now. I was able to go see a greek play last night that was fabulous and still working, but it's not easy, very difficult to do simple things - really dragging. It's difficult to socialize when I am sick and feeling quite triggered, although I know I AM just sick with something and it shall pass. It's just a bit frightening to me as it feels like withdrawal physically in some ways.

If it doesn't lift soon I'll have to go to urgent care.
 
Smoky, that sucks I hope you feel better soon.

I moved to the countryside to get clean, it worked. I managed to get come off heroin, and had all this awesome energy, was happy and shit. Then my housemates found out that I used to be addicted to heroin. They were all supportive and nice to my face, but screwed me over so bad. One of the housemates stole £200 from me, another spread rumours I had AIDS, and then I got man handled by another.

After that I didn't go back and became homeless. My ex then let me stay at his if I would help him out with money for heroin. By this point I didn't care about being clean, I felt so hurt, and accepted the offer. For 2 months I stayed at his, smoking him up, and became incredibly addicted myself once again.

I couldn't stay there any longer and am currently staying at my parents house. I have had no gear since Friday and have no hookups in the area to get any. I know I am lucky to have a roof over my head, but god damn, I just want to give up. I know it's screwed up, but for the last couple months I've had this very intense desire to sign a note declaring my wish to donate my organs (will that work?), get a shit load of gear, pin up (something I haven't done in years, I usually smoke), take a massive hit and finish this shitty life I have created. It's just not worth it anymore.

Meh. I'm sorry for the shitty post. I didn't mean to make it like this.. I guess I just wanted to say, if I manage to be successful, I wish you all the best of luck in the future. Thank you BL for being so kind to me. Please don't make the same mistakes as me.
 
Kace please call the samaritans or go to AnE n get help. There are other solutions apart from ending your life n although things seem impossible now they can get better with time n help.

Smoky I hope the cravings end soon. Colds, flu n other illnesses can be a trigger. Have you not a friend you can phone up n talk to? You can always PM me if you ever need to talk.

Evey
 
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