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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Yeah, green crack is a great strain, love it. I wish I could smoke weed, but I am getting random drug tests while I'm in my alcohol treatment group for the next 2 months (court ordered after I got a DUI). Times are extremely stressful for me lately and weed was really helping sometimes. And with sleep. It's so ironic and dumb... they drug test for alcohol treatment, but alcohol is really easy to pass since you just need to not have had any that day. I can drink right when I get home from the class. But weed sticks around forever and can really help people not drink.
 
Yup, the lack of understanding from friends and family is the absolute worst!
It is very good to have bluelight. I hope that our struggles will be heard and will be helpful to others.

I have tried the green crack too! I loved it! It was a very nice strain. I am using a knock out heavy indica right now called "pre-98 bubba Cush". It is definitely helping. I have been out of MS Contin now since the middle of the night and I am doing alright with low(er) dose lope and the medical cannabis. It really helps keep my body relaxed and helps me with movement. Insomnia too.
I'm just going to try and sleep as much as I can.

Xorkoth, sorry to hear about you getting a DUI. That sucks! I hope and pray things get cleared up with that for you and it is not a big problem for you. I agree that the cannabis helps a lot of people with a lot of issues. It is just ignorance to hold that against people.
These times will pass brother.
 
My court date is the 9th, my lawyer says I should plead guilty because I totaled my car into a parked car and got breathalyzed and admitted I had been drinking, so the chances of me getting it dismissed are slim to none. I will have my license suspended for a year (I can get limited driving privileges, but it only involves driving to work, treatment, and church... I have 7 weeks of alcohol treatment and I work at home, so it would be pointless and I would have to spend money to get it reinstated and also to get a breathalyzer installed in my ignition). That's the worst part, though I don't have a car anymore either so I'm just relying on friends and my girlfriend for rides regardless. I also got assigned 48 hours of alcohol treatment group sessions, and I am expected to get 48 hours of community service and a year of unsupervised probation, and around $850 in fines.

Yeah it sucks bad. I'm getting used to it, though. I've been dealing eith a lot, my dad nearing death and my ex wife has been terrible and manipulative as I've been trying to get her to sign divorce papers... dealing with her has brought back some PTSD from how she treated me in our relationship even though she left almost 5 years ago (she's been refusing to sign the papers ever since while saying she just wants it to go peacefully and she doesn't want anything from me). The night it happened (July 5th), I was SO angry/upset/etc from her screwing me over and preventing me from refinancing my mortgage, that I got really, really drunk at my friend's house. We both agreed I would stay there. Then I blacked out, and his girlfriend came down and started verbally abusing him right in front of me just like my ex used to do. I don't remember it, or sneaking out, or getting in my car, or crashing it... I came to after the crash, I got out of my car and the owner of the car I hit came running out. I knew I was fucked. :\ I am really thankful I didn't get hurt, and that I didn't hit a car with someone in it, or a person.

The worst part might have been when I saw my poor car the next day. It was totaled, and I LOVE my car. It's old, but still worked great, it probably had another hundred thousand miles on it. I cried for like 2 hours uncontrollably when I saw it. :( The insurance company gave me $2,800 for it (I bought it for $23,000 when it was nearly new). Had to spend the entire amount already on lawyer fees (got 2 lawyers at the moment, divorce and DUI). So I won't have another car until a year from now when I can drive again, and it certainly won't be nearly as good of a car.
 
Man, I am sorry. That is a lot to go through. We are here for you. I know what it is like to not be able to drive.
At least you have some people who will give you rides.

The most important thing is that you managed not to hurt yourself or anyone else. I'm grateful for that. Things come and they go. Things can be replaced. We cannot replace you! Don't let this get you too down and cause anymore of a problem.

Sending prayers up for you! ❤️
 
Man, that is a crazy story. Glad you are safe and not hurt dude. Yeah some stress has been building up and your friend with the meth problem. My friend with a meth problem from another country I have been talking to on a daily basis for over a year disappeared a few months ago. All forms of contact cut off, others just not logged in since. Was a great support for my recovery and in general a great friend.
I agree that the worst part is seeing the aftermath of the car that sounded sweet. The dumbest part is that your ex is still fucking with you this much later to the extent that this even happens.

The Ibogaine has been making me depressed today. I hadn't taken it for a while and it hit pretty strongly. I have been thinking about how depressed I am and why. Trying to accept the way that things are. I can't. I'm really sad.
 
Sorry man. <3 Sometimes confronting things is hard, but sometimes also necessary.

At least my friend with the meth problem just got done with 2 months of in-patient rehab that he voluntarily chose to do of his own accord. I talked to him a couple of times this past week since he got out, and he seems to be doing so much better... he sounds like his old self, he's living with his parents and just working at hanging out with them, going to therapy and NA meetings. He also just got a new, much better job working with a mutual friend and he's really excited about it. That's been a big load off.

I'm proud of myself that opiates have not even been a consideration for me to deal with the stress. :)
 
Wow Xorkoth. Im a car guy too. I have totalled my favorite car before and lost my licesne for a year. That sucks in a way most people cant understand.
 
Well my ex and her mom came today. What a clusterfuck. :| It was really awkward as I expected. Two of my best friends came and spent the whole day with me to keep me company and have witnesses there. I had moved all the boxes of stuff THAT MY EX PACKED HERSELF 5 years ago, downstairs into my living room. My house looked like a hoarder's dream but it's just because of that, she has a shit ton of crap here. They got here at 1 and started slowly going through everything... claimed they needed to unpack everything and categorize it and repack. They rented a storage space in town so they could put the stuff that wouldn't fit in the van (they didn't rent a U-Haul because I refused to pay for one so I guess they just figured they'd drive half the stuff 700 miles back and then come back to the storage locker and get the rest sometime :\). Around 4:30, my friends and I helped them load up a bunch of heavy furniture to put in the storage space. I figured hey, cool, we're making progress. But NOPE, they got back and spent the next 5 and a half hours unpacking everything and painstakingly categorizing it and wrapping every little thing in bubble wrap and repacking it. They just left... my house looks like a hoarder's stash exploded in it. It's WAY worse than when they started, there is shit everywhere and they moved all my shit around too. Nothing else has left the house yet and only half the fucking boxes are even unpacked! They're saying it might take more than one more day! If so I'll have to skip my alcohol treatment course tomorrow which sucks because I only get 2 skips before I get penalized and I have 14 more of them to do. It's like, dude, why do you need to sort this shit? Just load it all up and take it away! Sort it when you get home! :| So fucking annoying I could scream! And they're making little digs at me about my house being in bad shape... because it's musty and kinda moldy upstairs, but bitch, it wouldn't be if you'd just fucking approve the mortgage refinance and let me stop my leaky roof! When water gets in through the ceiling, it gets moldy! Plus it only looks like this because your shit exploded all over, normally it's clean and organized.

The only positive thing that is coming from this so far is that the last time I saw her the wounds were fresh and I was terrified of her... I was really scared to see her which was causing me a lot of stress, but now that I've seen her again, I'm not scared at all, just (really) annoyed. So I think ultimately it's therapeutic, I have a lot less anxiety, now it's more frustration. Plus, if she signs the papers before heading out of town like she said she would, it'll all be worth it... but damn it, if they don't finish tomorrow I won't be able to see my girl til Wednesday because she doesn't want to be here and it would be a bad idea for her to be here, would just make things worse, and she works Tuesday. I miss my baby!

I want to just give them an ultimatum to be done tomorrow, but it's complicated because she technically still owns the house, too, so I can't kick her out. And boy is she acting like it... :| I'm sure this is why she refused the sign the papers ahead of time, so I couldn't kick her out. No idea why they're being so inefficient though, I could have packed my whole house up in the time they've spent so far, and they're only like half done.
 
Xorkoth- Think them categorizing stuff is an accident? Imagine the worst thing that could happen to you if they arent allowed time to categorize the stuff..... Now imagine what will happen if you miss too many treatments.

Give yourself time to get to your meeting and tell them that they will be kicked out at that time. They can inspect the boxes elsewhere, on their own time, or come back. Her refusal to sign is not as important as going to jail for flunking out of alcohol treatment. Think your house is falling apart is bad? Wait till your car breaks down, or you get hurt at work. The judge wont care what your excuses are for getting kicked out of treatment. You can not spare even one of those passes, especially for a person who saw fit to leave those boxes at your place for 5 years.

She can wait one more day. If her plan was to sign the papers and leave you alone she would have signed them when she first walked in. This is a ploy to be in your house as long as possible to get dirt to be used against you later. Keeping your girl away is smart. Your ex is surely hoping to see her. I have been in your situation. The only winning move is to change the locks and put all of her stuff out on the curb. Go back and worry about divorce papers once she has no way back into your life.

My advice- go with them to rent the biggest UHaul they have. You pay cash for it all, but let her sign everything. Use her credit card(NOT YOURS). Get some friends to help load her shit and send her on her way, never to return. What happens after they drive away is her responsibility, and you will have withnesses to all her crap getting loaded.
Its harsh and expensive for you, but what will a lawyer cost you when she sues for the stuff she claims you still have.

Also, emotions are tied to objects-even stupid little objects nobody should care about. See to it that she gets ALL her stuff and some of the emotions start to go away too.
 
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Oh yeah, don?t refinance a property that doesnt belong to you. You really want to put as little money into the property as possible, including a roof or loan origination fees. The thousands of dollars you pay for the refi is money lost, and a roof will never get you the $$ you put into it unless you live there for 30 years. Put a tarp over the roof and convince her that the roof is part her liability, especially if one of the workers gets hurt while they are at your house. Maybe that will help push her to sign over the house.

A house with a new roof is more valuable than one with a tarp holding back the rain. You fix it up nice and she might force a sale to get her share of the equity. Or worse, she might find herself needing a place to live.

Gotta think long-con with some people or they will bend you over.
 
Bitter, party of one...... Bitter , party of one.

Sorry I gotta go. Theyre calling me.
 
Squeaky said:
Oh yeah, don?t refinance a property that doesnt belong to you. You really want to put as little money into the property as possible, including a roof or loan origination fees. The thousands of dollars you pay for the refi is money lost, and a roof will never get you the $$ you put into it unless you live there for 30 years. Put a tarp over the roof and convince her that the roof is part her liability, especially if one of the workers gets hurt while they are at your house. Maybe that will help push her to sign over the house.

A house with a new roof is more valuable than one with a tarp holding back the rain. You fix it up nice and she might force a sale to get her share of the equity. Or worse, she might find herself needing a place to live.

Gotta think long-con with some people or they will bend you over.
Click to expand...

Well, she's not approving the refinance. Once she signs the property settlement agreement, if in fact she does, it will necessitate she sign the deed over to me, which will allow me to approve the loan myself and I'm in the clear. If she doesn't, then we go to court and I don't push the loan through until that's done, even if she tried to approve it. Of course my lawyer says it's extremely unlikely she'll get anything from the house because she's never put a cent into it. Or into any other area of our life when we were together. And we've been separated the whole duration of our active marriage already which will look bad for her. He think she probably wouldn't even get any alimony. Also she doesn't have any money for a lawyer and our entire relationship, from WAY before we had problems and were really close, she has been traumatized by divorce lawyers because of her parents' divorce when she was very young. I really doubt she will actually go to court, I think she just hasn't taken me seriously.

We'll see if she signs these papers... she said all along she would do it after she gets all her stuff and then we'd sit down and sign them. She seems paranoid I will lock her out and keep the rest of her stuff. If she doesn't, I will serve her with papers as soon as she gets home (it's already been filed in my state, she lives halfway across the country, we're just waiting to actually server he until after this).
 
Sorry to hear you are going through all this Xorcoth.

Look at it this way....her stuff IS leaving the house and you will be getting the papers signed and will not have to deal with her any longer. Do not let her traumatize you! Have no fear!

She is going...going....gone! Probably hoping she can pull you back into a relationship by having her around again.

And...you still have your baby! You sound like you are really in love with your new woman and she is much better for your life!

I'm with Squeaky on missing the alcohol class. No way brother. They can work around your prior obligations. Ones that you cannot miss. Dont explain anything to them either. Just say that you will not be available from this time to this time. Period.

❤️
 
Im just sick of the bad people in the world making life suck for the rest of us. Ive been bullied by girlfriends, friends, siblings, even by my mom. Their tricks are endless and I feel like I have to walk through life with my guns loaded.
At least I hide it well....NOT
 
Painful One said:
Sorry to hear you are going through all this Xorcoth.

Look at it this way....her stuff IS leaving the house and you will be getting the papers signed and will not have to deal with her any longer. Do not let her traumatize you! Have no fear!

She is going...going....gone! Probably hoping she can pull you back into a relationship by having her around again.

And...you still have your baby! You sound like you are really in love with your new woman and she is much better for your life!

I'm with Squeaky on missing the alcohol class. No way brother. They can work around your prior obligations. Ones that you cannot miss. Dont explain anything to them either. Just say that you will not be available from this time to this time. Period.

❤️
Click to expand...

You can miss the course more than twice, but after 2 no-call no-shows you have to pay $60 per miss. I contacted the counselor and he said don't worry about it at all, take care of what I need to, and he's thinking about me, basically the best reaction possible (such a nice guy), he said it won't even count as a miss. It sucks but I need to do whatever I can to get her to sign these papers. if I put her stuff on the curb I guarantee she won't sign them. Maybe she won't anyway but at least I will have tried. I really don't have the money to take her to court and she'll end up with something out of it whereas if she signs these papers, it will be far better for me, no more money spent on court, no chance of having to give anything up. She has no money for court either so she doesn't want that either.
 
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Squeaky said:
Im just sick of the bad people in the world making life suck for the rest of us. Ive been bullied by girlfriends, friends, siblings, even by my mom. Their tricks are endless and I feel like I have to walk through life with my guns loaded.
At least I hide it well....NOT
Click to expand...

I have also had this happen but they are not worth your energy. They lack understanding, wisdom, and compassion. The best thing to do is to set an example for them. Show them the right way to treat others. Mirror peace back to them no matter what they throw at you. I have felt so much better by just dropping the load of anger and frustration I was carrying. I know sometimes it gets to you and you need to get those emotions out and vent. You are in the right place for that so go right ahead.

Do you find that your family, friends, and even your dog get mad at you when you are not feeling well? I don't ever ask anyone to do anything when I am not feeling well, I only ask to be left alone during those times because I might tell one of them to fuck off or something just because I am in a lot of pain and irritated. Then they hold that against you for life even after you have apologized and explained to them for the millionth time that pain has effects that you cannot help sometimes and that is why you want to be left alone during those times! Ugh! That is a hard one, I know.

Xorkoth- sounds good then. If you called and talked with the alcohol class people and got the okay to skip a class then by all means, go ahead and get this divorce thing over with. I know that will take a lot of stress off you. Good luck. I hope all goes well and this chapter of your life is over with.

Shroomy are you doing alright today? I saw your post in the other forum and I am worried about you. Please check in when you are able to. ❤️
 
Hey Painful One I feel like that squeaky quote is true. My mom has bullied me by far the most of all, and in the most secretive, manipulative way. It sucks when you begin to resent even family.

I'll catch up on the posts later that's a tight situation Xorkoth from what I saw but right now I am stoned as fuck on king's kush and slept 1 hour last night. Yeah, I knew that strain had OG genetics in it but seemed indica-toned and it is. Took a lot of etizolam gonna pass out for a nap then stay up all night working on stuff. Then I'll write but yeah Painful One I am not really okay to be honest. Been sad and more and more sadness locked away from my past is being revealed to me. And I'm just bored. I did cut back on the weed which has been great. Don't feel so burnt out but I didn't sleep last night so I should rest.
 
I haven't felt naturally good in a year.

I am far from okay and I am also nervous about hurting myself.

Last summer I was in far worse withdrawals than this. I had quit Heroin in the late spring. However I met a girl and throughout the summer we couldn't really keep our hands off each other. I have fond memories of heroin withdrawal after I met her, I hid the symptoms pretty well since I was happier then despite that they were completely brutal compared to now and much longer lasting.

I should have stayed on the dope. It's the only thing that can placate me. I waste my time trying to numb myself with benzos and mountains of weed now but there is only one that works and works within 15 minutes. At least I was happy some of the time back then, at least I felt like I had a brain and my benzo tolerance was only moderate. If I ever go back to it, yesterday will seem like the beginning of the year when I quit. This will seem like a dream completely irrelevant to my life and a total waste of time as relapse is inevitable. I can't deal with these feelings and I don't want to learn how. I already did. I stick a fucking needle in my arm and then I can function because I'm no longer suffering. It's not even the back pain anymore that is absolutely there but I am fine with that. Most people view it with pity when they find out but I do not care that I am disabled in that way because I can get by without painkillers and still deal with it for the most part. I can't with my emotions though and I guess that's why I ruined my life.
 
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