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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Got my pills today. I refuse to feel guilty. My pelvis has been hurting a lot and the oxy works really well. My new focus is to be diligent about not taking more than My Doctor prescribed, and trying to take less than that.
I used Loperamide and it got me through 3 days cold turkey with almost no physical wds. I think I have the dosage schedule figured out. My family didnt know I ran out and I was taking 150 - 180 mg per day oxy. To go from that to nothing without getting really sick is unbelievable.
The only problem now is that I am no longer scared of running out. Before, I would count my pills and taper down and get really scared until I was leaving the pharmacy on refill day.

Anybody who wants tips can PM me or check my posts in the Loperamide thread. I will post my exact usage there.
 
Squeaky said:
Got my pills today. I refuse to feel guilty. My pelvis has been hurting a lot and the oxy works really well. My new focus is to be diligent about not taking more than My Doctor prescribed, and trying to take less than that.
I used Loperamide and it got me through 3 days cold turkey with almost no physical wds. I think I have the dosage schedule figured out. My family didnt know I ran out and I was taking 150 - 180 mg per day oxy. To go from that to nothing without getting really sick is unbelievable.
The only problem now is that I am no longer scared of running out. Before, I would count my pills and taper down and get really scared until I was leaving the pharmacy on refill day.

Anybody who wants tips can PM me or check my posts in the Loperamide thread. I will post my exact usage there.
Click to expand...

What guilt should there be even if you didn't refuse to feel any?

A doctor prescribed them to you.

I could understand if you obtained them illegitimately. I mean I accept your situation for what it is without needing to view it any differently than from what it is. I hope you adhere to the instructed dosage schedule.
 
Squeaky said:
Got my pills today. I refuse to feel guilty. My pelvis has been hurting a lot and the oxy works really well. My new focus is to be diligent about not taking more than My Doctor prescribed, and trying to take less than that.
I used Loperamide and it got me through 3 days cold turkey with almost no physical wds. I think I have the dosage schedule figured out. My family didnt know I ran out and I was taking 150 - 180 mg per day oxy. To go from that to nothing without getting really sick is unbelievable.
The only problem now is that I am no longer scared of running out. Before, I would count my pills and taper down and get really scared until I was leaving the pharmacy on refill day.

Anybody who wants tips can PM me or check my posts in the Loperamide thread. I will post my exact usage there.
Click to expand...

Squeaky,
You and I are in the same place. I went 10 days without my pain medication, and I can see now that I really need it. Between the fusion and the Sciatica the pills are a blessing to me and at least I saw what life was like without them. No quality of life. I'm back to a level where I feel like I can get things done again. Happy for that.

I'm happy that you're also doing well. I will go check the Lop thread out of curiosity.

Take care and keep me posted.

Your friend,
Ashley.
 
Just spent some time cutting my wrist. Searched every connect I have for any sort of opiate. Can't get shit I need to get wrecked or my fist is going through the wall. Tried doing yoga can't calm me down. 40mg valium nothing. Calming music noting. A lot of hash more than I can afford nothing but more anger. Time to smoke some more hash I guess. I'll sell some more of my possessions for more tomorrow I guess. I only have two degrees and can't get any sort of job for the summer. This is not what I got clean for. I'm literally becoming clinically insane. Starting to get delusional as I simply have no place in society. I am a reject, an outcast, nobody gives a fuck either. I've been beaten the fuck down beat myself down even more over it and I have just about had enough. There is no getting through to me I'm going to die young I just don't know when. But I can't take much more I know that much and I'm talking day to day.

At least when I was a junkie I had something to do. Hustle my fix, it was exciting a lot of the time with all the ups and downs. I would like to be stable now but I am unemployable. Employers are just really good at weeding out burnouts and losers like me.
 
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ShroomySatori- take some deep breaths. Let go of this anger. Don't do this my friend. It is just a bad day, it will pass. You are still newly recovering. It is going to take some time and work before you are ready to be employed. Others are just looking out for you. Concentrate on the recovery. Possessions come and go. Let them go. YOU are not replaceable!

I love you my friend. Hang on! Please!
 
DynamistFireTiga said:
What guilt should there be even if you didn't refuse to feel any?

A doctor prescribed them to you.

I could understand if you obtained them illegitimately. I mean I accept your situation for what it is without needing to view it any differently than from what it is. I hope you adhere to the instructed dosage schedule.
Click to expand...

Thank you for this message! I am so tired of feeling guilty! I have no shame in that I need two and a half pain pills a day because I live in severe pain. My family does not understand at all! They would destroy me with guilt and shame if I let them!
 
Everything has been building up for so long that I am, well, suicidal. There is no getting through to me anymore. Figure I may as well do some drugs if I'm going to kill myself. That has been my reasoning for a very long time, it has just progressed drug by drug until I have began to overdose when I use them sometimes. That is well, not exactly undesirable unless I were to wake up in a hospital or something.

I'm employable by the way. I am much more stable when I have full time employment, since I feel like I am a part of something. A man with multiple degrees who isn't using opiates can hold a straightforward job.
 
You don't have to convince me. I know you can do this. Pull yourself back from the edge and get something to eat and get some rest and above all- laugh! Life is not even worth as much anxiety and stress that you put on yourself bro. Give yourself a break. You have been and are doing great. Give things some time.

It is the anger that is holding you back. Let it go. Drop it like a heavy backbreaking load. You can't carry it anymore shroom.
 
Take it from me, you don't want to poison yourself. You think heroin withdrawal hurts? You ought to give liver failure a try. Don't do this. You will wake up in a hospital somewhere. In agony you never imagined in your worst times. It is not your time to go yet.

Get yourself some tea sweetie and soothe yourself. Take some deep breaths. Clear your mind. You are loved more than you could imagine. I promise you.
 
Stop telling me what to do and also please don't compare levels of pain it is completely subjective. I just slashed my wrists some more I'm not in a position to listen to anyone I am not thinking rationally. I have tried many things to calm down and rose oil will be next. I just need to vent please.
 
Hi Shroomy and everyone. Sorry but I couldn't do it. After 24 hours I started crying and puking. I ended up doing an O/D but got caught by my mom when she heard the noise of me falling. They released me from A&E this morning but my mom wants me out of the house. It was a nice O/D and I can still feel it. I'm not used to injecting and I recommend people who aren't in my position keep away from it. I'm begging anyone that's even contemplating going down that road to think again. For me it was supposed to be a one off but if you want to do it as a recreational thing you will regret it. I'm still not thinking straight but I thought that if I ever had an overdose that I would get my stomach pumped. All they did is they gave me a shot of Naloxone (something like that) on my way to the hospital in the ambulance and I woke up. My head started hurting straight away. At the hospital after checking my vitals I spoke to a counselor and that's it! I'll write again tomorrow once I'm thinking straight because I don't want to say something wrong. But I feel at peace today.
 
I'm not sure if this will help here or not but I will explain anyway. I was on heroin for the past 5 years. Just recently I read this article online about the Bernese method for getting clean. I was sceptical but decided to try it out and surprisingly it worked. I have now been clean for a week now and am down to 1mg suboxone and trying to taper off completely. I'm not sure if the same method could work for pills but it's worth looking into.
 
Billy to normal people it must sound so nonchalant how we speak of overdoses. I was just looking at 300mg of both etizolam and cyclobenzeprine and also 500mg valium. One tenth that amount of cyclobenzaprine could knock me out for hours in the worst of H withdrawals alone. I'm so reckless I can see myself getting angry like before and downing them all and laying down to rest, probably be found a week later. If there is one thing I know it is drugs and I would not make a mistake. You almost died and don't seem to care. I would personally be upset that I didn't. I'm asking for it at this point. I loved the needle when I tried it and with all the hot yoga my veins are ridiculous. I did a lot of yoga when I was using... sometimes 3 hours at a time, and was so high it was like I was floating in space when it should have been pretty strenuous / challenging.

I'm going back to smack it has been a long time coming. It's been on my mind for a few weeks. Less benzos, reinstate dope, quit weed. What I am doing now just isn't working and there is no escape. I have to use the needle because my nose is pretty fucked up at this point... probably a LOT more fucked up than I realize. Got killer veins to abuse so just makes sense and with the low tolerance and all.

I taught myself to shoot up last year Billy. I did 5 times over a month or so and then quit told myself to see where I was a year from then well it has been a year and my life is still hell on earth, I said I'd wait until 30 before relapsing, yeah I will go straight to that ROA this time with lower doses because I really feel the damage in my nose after not sniffing anything for a few months. The thing with dope is at least I achieve inner peace some of the time. I prefer to sniff it, but my nose is fucked now and it was becoming VERY expensive.
 
Hiya Dan. I thought you were just trying to make conversation if I'm being honest. I looked into the Bernese method that you mentioned in your post and I think it's a good idea. Basically you start lowering your drug use slowly whilst at the same time substituting and increasing the drug you needed with something like loperamide. Once completely free from your drug you taper off the loperamide or other substitute you were using until clean. Thanks for the idea. I can see that method working for a lot of people but it's a longer process. I'm going to try tapering off H and substituting for loperamide, Dihydrocodeine, Zantac, Nytol, Nurofen Plus, Baclofen and ice cream. I'm not sure if I should take the ice cream, LoL. It's a good idea but because of the extra time and medication involved I know I'd mess up. Death isn't on my mind anymore because I have another idea plus I already tried once and couldn't even get that right. Either way I'm getting closer and feeling better about everything. I'm not stressed any more and I know there's nothing to worry about. I'm at peace already so no one can hurt me anymore. What I mean is I don't care what happens now. I want my family to know that if I hurt them I'm so sorry and I whatever I do is for them. I can't let my family be dragged down because of my mistakes. Everyone has their comeuppance. Mine is earlier than most.
 
Are you fuckin with me or something because that is the conclusion I came to. I am more at peace now as well despite the outbursts. Either way I am going to die and from here on out I will be aging and decaying. I've lived I would say 3 years too long. Really it's more like 10, but I needed to stick it out to make sure. I have a wonderful family and I was telling my brother today he gets my guitar and whatever associated music equipment that didn't short sale to drugs that I still have left. Mom and sister get $150 vials of rose oil. Most romantic thing ever, only ever got to try it with my sister and she loved it. Wanted to try rosy kisses and stuff like that but the girls don't like me. Was so happy that day cause my sis I wasn't always there for her and it was like a forgiveness type of thing and we've been friends all year now. I have to move on with her knowing that I love her. My bro will just get it, he already senses it is going to happen and is just like theres nothing I can do to stop you thinking that way but I don't think, like with the dope he realizes how serious it is. I gave my family the best Christmas I could. I knew it would be my last with them. Siblings got homemade cards and thoughtful gifts as I was clean at the time, well, I at least had my fix. I was high as fuck during the holidays on oxy's.

For my birthday they sort of surprised me I expected nothing and they did so much for me but it's not enough. I need my own life and I'm not achieving what I hoped to and it's too late now. My main degree is like, 8 years outdated at least it's insane and nobody would give a junkie a good reference except for like when I was still partially sane 2 or 3 years ago and was still able to work.

My bro didn't get it but he did. Seemed nervous. I'm nervous too. I'm sitting next to 600 therapeutic doses of etizolam, 30 of cyclobenzeprine which might be enough on its own, and 500mg valium. I would NEVER wake up from that, there isn't really an overdose antidote for that like there is with opiates.

Not sure how old you are but I am getting too old for this shit. Most of my friends have homes, some are getting married... I'm a loser scrounging money for a gram of hash a day. It may as well be heroin, my tolerance got too high again and I don't really get stoned anymore. H satisfies every time if you have a good plug.
 
Shroomy you're right. I nearly died and I don't care. I'm not sure how you know that but you're right. I'm at peace now. I'm nearly there. Either way I made it. I'm not scared of dying anymore because it's not painful. I know it may sound stupid but what used to scare me about dying was things like choking to death, drowning etc. The actual dying part (as long as I have nothing to live for) doesn't bother me in the slightest. If it's best for my family that I die, I won't hesitate anymore because I know my death will be peaceful.
 
Killing yourself is so easy. I had never tried it before. What's the point of getting emotional? Suicide is a last resort and I like everyone else, don't want to die. If I ever do it again, I'll be lying down LoL. I'm going to try my best to stay alive
 
My first December overdose I hadn't used in months and took 60mg IR oxy on top of a ton of benzos from the night before. I was in and out of consciousness the entire day. Thought I was laying in bed... drowsy eyes open up and I'm holding a nice downward dog for who knows how long... I barely remember anything at all apart from my head nodding around and my eyes in the back of my head and nodding all over every square inch of this place. I didn't think twice about it and used again the following morning, that this is definitely approaching the danger zone.

Smack is a last resort in its own way. Almost like suicide while staying alive. Turned me into a vegetable eventually. I'm pretty stupid now and used to be brilliant.

I would like to be in control of my death. Not like, running out of benzos or having a heart attack from all the stress or something like that. Just jump off a tall cliff that's my jam. Somewhere with a beautiful view and dive headfirst right off. And in a decade or so more health problems are pretty much expected. My health is only going downhill from here. Point being is I hate my life, I hate humans in general apart from the rare chill real people who are not fucking robots, I hate what we are doing to the planet and how I contribute to it by driving cars and stuff like that. I hate how women have never liked me above all else that makes me want to fight anyone with a girlfriend. I skip all family weddings from my cousins and am extremely jealous when we get together and I am the only one without a girl and I have NO idea why and never will til my dying day.

It makes me rage so hard I want to stomp peoples faces into the curb sometimes over fucking nothing I just start up shit with random people over nothing, take out my misery on others. Just looking for a fight really. I am not for Planet Earth. I'd like to see what happens when you die. It's exciting to me because it is such a mystery. I don't think I would remember my life, go through a transitionary experience, and eventually find myself conscious as some sort of life form somewhere in the infinite universe. It would probably be better than what I have going on now which is hell on earth. It's a good bet. At least something will fucking CHANGE for once. The stagnation is killing me I can't just wait around like this when I'm ready to work my ass off.
 
I apologize painful one I know you are helping and tend to when you write me. Maybe you didn't realize that I was holding 300 doses of etizolam, 50 doses of valium and 30 doses of flexerill which alone I wouldn't really have a chance. I did not sleep last night. Tossing life and death between my hands and this time I was not alluding to it. I was home alone. I could have taken my pills as usually, just every one of and never woke up. I was feeling really impulsive and it's like a wrist slitting thing it just suddenly happens. I feel like that almost happened with the pills I was really on the edge there.

I still am. I still feel the same way. I realize it more and more, or delude myself further and further. There is no end to it. Every realization is something horrible about myself or that I did in the past and everything points in the same direction. I am noticing strange memories coming up from when I was younger that trace back to my current problems. I don't have an urge to pop all of those pills right now but this will change.

I have known for a while that I don't exist in the human sense and nothing perceived is all that real so if I keep that in mind... that I've been there before since beginingless time. The non changing aspect.
 
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