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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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It is just a bad day ShroomySatori. It will pass.
Those cravings sound just f-ing awful!
Shake it off bro!
Work it out!

Patience and don't give up!
Keep fighting! I KNOW you are tough!

Please be made whole once again...what flows through me....let it flow through you also.
Heal.

With great love and affection for you!
❤️
 
Can't get outside today terrible weather freezing rain.

Another sad day. I'm trying to get myself to read 25 pages of a book that I have been really engaged in all year. It is that 1000 page long read so I'm like 400 pages in. I stopped reading it though the past while. Just have to wait until it is time to go to bed and hope that I can sleep this time. Sleep is the best.

Oh, I thought it was Sunday. Then I would be ignoring responsibilities right now. It isn't, and I still am ignoring them but it isn't bad.

I just need a day to lay around and I guess I would cry if I could but I've been crying all year. It gets boring after a while and I am more numb. Would be a great day to wake up and chill with a girl. I am perpetually exhibiting escapist attitudes towards my life because it isn't what I want it to be and I can't accept what it is even temporarily. So much damage has been done I don't feel human anymore and not in a good way. I feel like I am already dead.
 
I do understand ShroomySatori.
Believe me, I get it.
Everything can change.
Try and bend with the storm instead of breaking.
Use that flexibility.
Show it off.
Strut! :)

Sweet leaf is totally right- we are getting healthier! Even having the urge or desire to have love in our lives is a huge leap forward.
Don't get disappointed so quickly my friends. Love takes time. It is so worth it though!
Truly we have never been without it.

May we all find LOVE, LOVE, LOVE and never be lonely again!
I claim it for us!
 
Thank you PainfulOne. I?m gonna keep your signed note and give myself a pass to distance myself from family responsibilities today. Getting through this is all I should be focusing on right now.
Today hurts a little more. My legs ache and my stomach is doing summer-saults. Also cant sleep .
 
Start of day seven . I think my legs are hurting less this morning than before. Slept like crap last night. Im happy the weekend is over. My family crap will be done today and I will get my house back to normal!
 
Good to hear Squeaky!
Glad you have your house back. I was feeling terrible Yesterday and every single freaking family member came over.
I hate that! I have found that SINGING is helping me a lot! Music helps so much!

Sorry to hear about the insomnia but it is to be expected for awhile. There is an over the counter sleep aid called doxylamine succinate that helps me sometimes. You might want to give it a try. It does not aggravate the restless legs or body thing.
It will pass. Glad you have some privacy now. The last thing we want is to be on display during those times.
We need privacy to recover.

I can't believe what I just did! I actually signed up a Facebook account. I'm so lonely it is ridiculous. The guy I really liked is not speaking to me because I read him his horoscope and showed him a picture of me dressed as a witch for a family Halloween party.
He is now accusing me of being evil and having no respect for him. Gave me a big lecture about the Bible. Etc.
just stupid. He knows I am a very spiritual person and love The Lord Jesus and read the Bible a lot!
It was just for fun! Ahhhhh!! I probably shouldn't have made a Facebook account but if I am going to tell sweetleaf not to give up then I can't give up either. Wish me luck and no stalkers my friends. I have never even used Facebook ever, so I am just learning.
 
Wow that's intense Painful One, sounds like you probably dodged a bullet there if the guy is going to get all crazy like that about a joke or about you reading him his horoscope.

Shroomy, I just wanted to say I'm proud of you, you're doing really well. :) I have been following your posts and you seem to be in a much more rational and centered space, even if you are still having plenty of difficulties. Good job man. :)
 
Xorkoth said:
Wow that's intense Painful One, sounds like you probably dodged a bullet there if the guy is going to get all crazy like that about a joke or about you reading him his horoscope.
Click to expand...

No kidding huh?
He has gradually, ever so gradually become SO controlling. Always accusing me of stuff. I am done with that.
Why do guys always get that way with me? I always treat people good. He does not own me! I have never even met him in person. I am such an honest person too!
Probably a blessing!
 
Yeah a controlling partner is such a terrible sign. Should be a huge red flag for anyone. My ex-wife was so controlling, it became hell, and she did become violent sometimes, once she told me she was a breath away from killing me with a knife during a fight (she told me this later, I didn't have any idea at the time). Of course I'm a man and am a good bit larger than her so she never seriously hurt me. But yeah, there's a good chance people who become very controlling will eventually become violent. And even if they don't, fuck that, no one has the right to control you.
 
Yup. That is the same thing I was thinking.
He was yelling at me at the top of his voice over it and I thought, he would become violent with me.
I'm glad he showed that before I actually met him in person.
He is done.

That is scary about your ex-wife Xorkoth!
I am sure glad she did not stab you. Geez!

We don't need people with anger problems. That is very scary. I am a petite little lady.
No one has ever dared to hit me though.
I will not take anymore abuse from people any longer! Not mentally or physically!
 
Yeah her exact words were "you better stop pissing me off because I was a half a breath away from running over and stabbing you over and over with the kitchen knife I was holding". I had noticed her holding the knife because she was cooking, but I never in a million years thought I was about to get stabbed or have to defend myself against her trying to stab me. She was angry because she caught me slipping with opiates again after many times... so she had a right to be angry, but whoa, most people would never dream of such a thing. Besides that she was always flying off the handle and berating me and sometimes slapping me full-armed in the face because of stupid shit like not putting the dishes away "correctly". She threw a stoneware dinner plate full-strength at my head once and I dodged and it shattered against the wall. I was addicted to opiates mainly to deal with the cognitive dissonance of trying to tell myself her behavior was okay/understandable... within 2 months of her finally leaving, I quit opiates for good. :)

Anyway yeah, controlling and violent people... no more, never again. Fortunately I found a girl who I've been with for 3 and a half years now who is the exact opposite, she's wonderful and has never treated me even a little badly.
 
I had a busy day, but a good day. Only in the evening I have had a chance to rest but that is a good sign that my energy seems to be returning. So long as I have a decent herb and benzo supply I'm pretty much ready to move forward in life. Hot yoga has become a requirement, for my back and anxiety and overall energy levels and appetite. If I skip a couple days I definitely feel it... low energy and harder to concentrate and just lazy. I see the next steps of the journey beginning to unfold. It was terribly grim weather and third night in a row I slept 4 hours so my back is hurting a lot today. I think the weather might be making the back pain worse.
Was I ever on the run today getting those two supplies today though. Serious scheming right there. If I put that amount of intense focus into getting my career going... shaking my head at myself. Years of hustling, such a waste of time but it did change me and I trust that this moment is where I should be even if it just totally is not what I was expecting and a hell of a miserable life compared to my still-present potential.

I see quite a few messages... I will have to catch up later. Hope you are good painful one.
 
I know online places work for meeting people, but I dont get it. I don?t have a twitt-face account and dont ever plan to. Its hard enough to know when people lie to my face, forget about weeding out the losers over the internet.
 
Man so true I find it is awkward because you can get to know someone and like a lot about them then when you meet them the energy isn't right or they had made up stuff about themselves or like taken the best picture of them in the past decade haha. For me I feel the energy immediately when there is something potential there. Maybe I knew her before, it isn't necessary for me to have known her and often it is better that way. It is a powerful connection and I am beginning to realize that feeling is more intense flirting not like lil complements or clues and such. It is impossible for me not to notice and happens rarely. Maybe once a month or something, the stars have to align.

I don't have any social media but I had to get the most notorious of them all recently because my volunteer group coordinates there. I have been sucked in. It's not online dating but a couple of them foxes leave little clues it seems. I don't really log in very much I remember the days when my posse had no phones we were just like whose got the weed when where kk lets pitch here and meet up on the trail after class kinda thing. It took a lot more personal coordination and social interaction without computers involved than saying you will be attending an event. I feel that it was healthier for me and I have had a lot of trouble in fact adjusting to social media so I just stopped. It is good though like I don't really know how this group would otherwise coordinate since there are so many switchups with little notice and stuff.

Regaining social skills has been pretty lame but I've met some pretty cool people casually this year. Rastas, fellow acid freaks, a lot of women in fact since I am at yoga all the time (for my back and paws, if I don't go for a few days my back really starts to hurt again. I don't seem to have trouble being social but it is rare when I find someone really chill. I have even met friends in the change room at yoga since a lot of guys do yoga now too and we were just talking about random shit but stuff like that is cool to me. I love that spontaneity but I can't seem to build an actual structured social life. I don't do anything on the weekends or hang out with anyone so maybe that is why I am so chatty and really enjoy when I just get to fucking talk to someone whether it's a hairstylist or receptionist or stoner dude at the dispensary or whatever. Since this was really hard for me to do in the past, I swear that 2cc changed me somehow it's a crazy psychedelic, I am not sure why I can do this now but not have an actual social life or any real friends I chill with in my spare time. Wish I had someone to smoke bong with even I am a stoner without anyone to smoke weed with anymore my one buddy quit so it kind of sucks since it can be so social used to love meeting up to get blazed every night.

Like painful one says... 'do you want to smoke a joint after class?' I think I can remember that. Or Larimar's one they are both good to memorize lol. now don't go relapsing after your appointment dude happens in the blink of an eye and I am over and out just thought I would check in btw it is good you are able to CT many people can't.
 
Squeaky said:
I know online places work for meeting people, but I dont get it. I don?t have a twitt-face account and dont ever plan to. Its hard enough to know when people lie to my face, forget about weeding out the losers over the internet.
Click to expand...

I know! That's why I can't believe I signed up for freaking Facebook! What was I thinking?
Well, I was thinking the computer is going to be the only way for me to really meet anyone because of my limitations.
I will just have to be very careful and I did not put any information on there other than my name and some pictures.
I want to hook up with some of my cousins and old friends too on there. They could be of help to me in multiple ways.

I'm reluctantly giving it a try. We will see how it goes.
 
ShroomySatori said:
I had a busy day, but a good day. Only in the evening I have had a chance to rest but that is a good sign that my energy seems to be returning. So long as I have a decent herb and benzo supply I'm pretty much ready to move forward in life. Hot yoga has become a requirement, for my back and anxiety and overall energy levels and appetite. If I skip a couple days I definitely feel it... low energy and harder to concentrate and just lazy. I see the next steps of the journey beginning to unfold. It was terribly grim weather and third night in a row I slept 4 hours so my back is hurting a lot today. I think the weather might be making the back pain worse.
Was I ever on the run today getting those two supplies today though. Serious scheming right there. If I put that amount of intense focus into getting my career going... shaking my head at myself. Years of hustling, such a waste of time but it did change me and I trust that this moment is where I should be even if it just totally is not what I was expecting and a hell of a miserable life compared to my still-present potential.

I see quite a few messages... I will have to catch up later. Hope you are good painful one.
Click to expand...

"I am pretty much ready to move forward in life"
" I trust that this moment is where I should be."

Excellent ShroomySatori!! That is exactly right!
Have faith and believe in yourself!

You are making so much progress! Well done!

I am very proud of you!

What you talking about that you don't have any real friends? Look around!

Hope everyone is doing well today!

Sending you all love and support!
❤️
 
Hehe! I already have 35 friends on Facebook. I'm actually having a good time on there.
Found some old friends from High School and the old neighborhood and stuff!
Nice to talk to them!

Fuck being treated bad!
 
I am on fire today. I am moving out of the place where I detoxed and used so much drugs just to a different area of the place that I already find natural more peaceful and "at home" feeling. I feel great today really. It is going to take time, I am starting by reorganizing my life and cleaning up. I am trying to do this quickly and efficiently and it is helping with my appetite. My volunteer work is getting me really good and fast at cleaning. I feel more initiative coming back. That doesn't mean I won't feel like shit tomorrow. I had a 6 hour sleep for once and as well I actually have a decent supply of my meds. Enough weed for the week so I don't need to waste my time fucking hustling when I could find a career I'd say in a month or less if I really tried.

I need to keep the energy going ride with the high frequency of anxiety instead of suppressing it. I can see myself turning into a workoholic and one of the most important things is nutrition. If I do not eat properly I just crash I am highly sensitive to that. I can get digestive complaints, lack of appetite all sorts of stuff but I am low energy without eating well or sleeping well or having coffee and tea and weed and yeah. I feel pretty okay, back isn't bothering me and I was racing around starting to get my stuff in order. A change in environment will be so good for me and it's just moving rooms. That place will forever hold bad energy. So much suffering happened in that area that I can't see it not leaving some sort of permanent mark on the place. Also this will be better for if a girl comes over. Thinking in advance lol. Same with my weed too, how I could smoke too much and then not have any and get all distracted again.

Finding balance in my life. Yeah it isn't so bad you have more than twice as many friends than I lol. I used to have like 700 but click by click destroyed everything since you can always reactivate it. Took like an entire day of my life lol. Now the plague is coming back. I can't volunteer without it lol I asked. I was quite clear about my aversive tendency towards it. lol
 
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