ShroomySatori
Bluelighter
Painful One you can't get in trouble with your doctor. Don't worry so much about it : ) it sounds like your meds stopped working so well. This is normal with opiates they lose effect over time I would just tell your doctor that (not giving advice on how to get drugs lol just saying it's a rule) but yeah just like tell your doctor you are in more pain now because you are. Withdrawal is irrelevant really if you need the pain relief not so important as not being in pain is. My guess is that the duration of relief at the same dose may have shortened. This is what I experienced. The onset time increased with tolerance, the peak effect was significantly lesser and shortened, and I found myself fiending more a handful of hours later for something that used to hold me over for 12 or longer. I would be in withdrawal again so fast after oxy's, I wouldn't have time to get anything done before I was sick again. Tolerance to me was not just an adjustment of dose - more and more side effects increased, the effects changed as the structure of my brain had changed, everything was different I wasn't even really getting pain relief it was starting to torture me in fact, and for me it wasn't worth it anymore. The abuse is a totally different thing than pain relief to me, I have always used opiates for pain relief and also abused them too, so it is different but I originally tried them because I couldn't bear the chronic pain anymore. I find that it gets worse as I detox, I am at a week and my spine is killin me I really don't want to be cleaning and getting out for a walk but I need the fresh air I'm freaking out with anger and depression I need to get out need to get out of here fucking fuck it's hell.
Anyways, I would just recommend paying very close attention to the way you are reacting to the meds and then if you are not getting the same amount of pain relief just say so and explain how so (don't mention taking not as prescribed if you have been doing that there's no need to it ; )... that is naughty naughty haha)... it seems to me like people in chronic pain are often under-prescribed and people who don't have it are often overprescribed, generally speaking. It is not a solution for pain relief for me though. It was for several years, but I started getting tolerance, unbearable withdrawal and side effects plus I was abusing it hedonistically, nonchalantly, and nihilistically for the euphoria and mental stimulation and physical relaxation the whole time.
I feel like such fucking trash today. I don't get it I slept 12 hours 5pm to 5am I was so exhausted then I passed out again until the early afternoon and I am just feeling like shit. I am taking the time to clean and reorganize and my new year's resolution is to get my place looking really nice. It's about a quarter of the way there from today's work but I need to shower, dress myself (chose an outfit I will like for my walk and keep my warm)... time to shower and cleanse my detoxifying body... then go for a nice woke. Cup of sencha. Lil Peep. I feel like shit and I am also having cravings for heroin. That oxycodone relapse reminded me that heroin exists. I stopped using heroin back in June or July... that whole year is just a haze of hell until I started waking up this autumn. It's hard to remember hell on earth, even if you've been there before and are back for another visit. Otherwise, nobody would ever go back.
My buddies who were heavy into IV heroin and hydromorphone tell me it's the sickness that keeps them from going back. It's so true. That shit is fucking traumatizing and since I can get by with my chronic pain without opiates luckily, as I learned only after being clean for 2 months however (I had worse pain for a while), then all I have to do is choose to quit cold turkey and experience the most possible discomfort (it's not like I can control myself to taper anymore like last year anyway... I'm a fiend now because I am stressed the FUCK out and I really shouldn't be but waking up to this nightmare is NOT fun... it's not my spirit it's the fucking disaster I created for myself over years of neglect)... I suppose it could be a little fun to clean up? I sure like to clean when I'm stoned, anyways. Figure I'll start with my place, get organized.
I need to get out for a walk though and like fuck these frigid parts it's already getting dark out mid afternoon. Sucks. I feel like such shit too I'm very depressed. Couldn't smile today, no way. Very dark mood. Stable mood, for once. I will be miserable all day. Nothing can pierce this powerful heart of negativity, misery, hopelessness, pointlessness, doubt, whatever. I don't care anymore. I'm getting out for a walk with Lil Peep. Depressed out of my mind I tried to help Painful One. I didn't sleep for so long either I passed out for 12 hours but funny enough I woke up at 11:55pm and didn't miss new years lol. Then I woke up, and passed out a couple hours later randomly. I've been up for days so that's why or like 2 - 3 hour relentless sleeps. This is what made me relapse off my oxy taper last year when I actually wanted to quit.
I actually really wanted to quit this year too. All this fall. I know I still want to all the same but the withdrawal is fucking with me. Making me feel like such trash, I am forgetting that I will ever feel naturally happy again waking up in the morning without anything but well bong rips and well well fuckin valium and etizolam but that's a story for another day. What is killin me right now are the opiates and relapse is particularly dangerous for someone like me. I need to make sure I don't relapse because I take the same dose as normal and go for the nod, now. If I'm going to relapse I have a Fuck It attitude anyway. I nearly died last time I did this, but I don't know if that scared me. Honestly, it didn't. I just look back and think, "woah, I almost died when I relapsed I got so high I'd open my eyes and be doing a downward dog for who know how long... woah. I thought I was laying in bed. Nodded the fuck out over every square inch of this place, was sore from being slouched over so much after and it lasted 12 hours. In short... that was the only time in 5 years I really took a look and thought woah, I literally nearly DIED. It didn't stop the relapse it fuelled it and then I blew through several grams of oxy over 2 weeks.
Gotta be careful these days. I don't care about the physical symptoms so immodium is pretty much irrelevant to me. I am more concerned with how I temporarily become very depressed to the point I wish I was dead. I'm too depressed to give a fuck though. All I can do is wait it out... couple more weeks and I'll be okay. There's always relapse but do I really want to go through this again. I already feel 99% better than I did just a couple days ago and I still wish I was dead. Anyways I'm trippin too so I better get out for a walk, I just noticed I'm getting a lot of visuals. I bet the beautiful winter and crisp outdoor air will help cheer me up a bit. Plus the exercise getting my endorphins going, and Lil Peep is too sick.
The only people I think care about me are family and friends, that sorta thing... people who I can sense and know do. Can't trust anything apart from personal experience I guess. There are people here who clearly give a fuck, I do too about you I am too caught up in so many troubles right now to offer much support in return.
Anyways, I would just recommend paying very close attention to the way you are reacting to the meds and then if you are not getting the same amount of pain relief just say so and explain how so (don't mention taking not as prescribed if you have been doing that there's no need to it ; )... that is naughty naughty haha)... it seems to me like people in chronic pain are often under-prescribed and people who don't have it are often overprescribed, generally speaking. It is not a solution for pain relief for me though. It was for several years, but I started getting tolerance, unbearable withdrawal and side effects plus I was abusing it hedonistically, nonchalantly, and nihilistically for the euphoria and mental stimulation and physical relaxation the whole time.
I feel like such fucking trash today. I don't get it I slept 12 hours 5pm to 5am I was so exhausted then I passed out again until the early afternoon and I am just feeling like shit. I am taking the time to clean and reorganize and my new year's resolution is to get my place looking really nice. It's about a quarter of the way there from today's work but I need to shower, dress myself (chose an outfit I will like for my walk and keep my warm)... time to shower and cleanse my detoxifying body... then go for a nice woke. Cup of sencha. Lil Peep. I feel like shit and I am also having cravings for heroin. That oxycodone relapse reminded me that heroin exists. I stopped using heroin back in June or July... that whole year is just a haze of hell until I started waking up this autumn. It's hard to remember hell on earth, even if you've been there before and are back for another visit. Otherwise, nobody would ever go back.
My buddies who were heavy into IV heroin and hydromorphone tell me it's the sickness that keeps them from going back. It's so true. That shit is fucking traumatizing and since I can get by with my chronic pain without opiates luckily, as I learned only after being clean for 2 months however (I had worse pain for a while), then all I have to do is choose to quit cold turkey and experience the most possible discomfort (it's not like I can control myself to taper anymore like last year anyway... I'm a fiend now because I am stressed the FUCK out and I really shouldn't be but waking up to this nightmare is NOT fun... it's not my spirit it's the fucking disaster I created for myself over years of neglect)... I suppose it could be a little fun to clean up? I sure like to clean when I'm stoned, anyways. Figure I'll start with my place, get organized.
I need to get out for a walk though and like fuck these frigid parts it's already getting dark out mid afternoon. Sucks. I feel like such shit too I'm very depressed. Couldn't smile today, no way. Very dark mood. Stable mood, for once. I will be miserable all day. Nothing can pierce this powerful heart of negativity, misery, hopelessness, pointlessness, doubt, whatever. I don't care anymore. I'm getting out for a walk with Lil Peep. Depressed out of my mind I tried to help Painful One. I didn't sleep for so long either I passed out for 12 hours but funny enough I woke up at 11:55pm and didn't miss new years lol. Then I woke up, and passed out a couple hours later randomly. I've been up for days so that's why or like 2 - 3 hour relentless sleeps. This is what made me relapse off my oxy taper last year when I actually wanted to quit.
I actually really wanted to quit this year too. All this fall. I know I still want to all the same but the withdrawal is fucking with me. Making me feel like such trash, I am forgetting that I will ever feel naturally happy again waking up in the morning without anything but well bong rips and well well fuckin valium and etizolam but that's a story for another day. What is killin me right now are the opiates and relapse is particularly dangerous for someone like me. I need to make sure I don't relapse because I take the same dose as normal and go for the nod, now. If I'm going to relapse I have a Fuck It attitude anyway. I nearly died last time I did this, but I don't know if that scared me. Honestly, it didn't. I just look back and think, "woah, I almost died when I relapsed I got so high I'd open my eyes and be doing a downward dog for who know how long... woah. I thought I was laying in bed. Nodded the fuck out over every square inch of this place, was sore from being slouched over so much after and it lasted 12 hours. In short... that was the only time in 5 years I really took a look and thought woah, I literally nearly DIED. It didn't stop the relapse it fuelled it and then I blew through several grams of oxy over 2 weeks.
Gotta be careful these days. I don't care about the physical symptoms so immodium is pretty much irrelevant to me. I am more concerned with how I temporarily become very depressed to the point I wish I was dead. I'm too depressed to give a fuck though. All I can do is wait it out... couple more weeks and I'll be okay. There's always relapse but do I really want to go through this again. I already feel 99% better than I did just a couple days ago and I still wish I was dead. Anyways I'm trippin too so I better get out for a walk, I just noticed I'm getting a lot of visuals. I bet the beautiful winter and crisp outdoor air will help cheer me up a bit. Plus the exercise getting my endorphins going, and Lil Peep is too sick.
The only people I think care about me are family and friends, that sorta thing... people who I can sense and know do. Can't trust anything apart from personal experience I guess. There are people here who clearly give a fuck, I do too about you I am too caught up in so many troubles right now to offer much support in return.
Last edited: