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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Doing much better now! Thanks guys!
OH, the relief is just - fall on my knees and weep and thank God for the relief!
I get pretty sick even going a few hours without now but at least I didn't take the loperamide. I'm just getting myself all straightened out from that debacle. I made it the 6-7 hours in cold turkey. Got my refills now. Feeling better slowly.

Wow! My mom was pretty blown away. I tried to tell my doctor about the arm paralysis thing and the hernia tearing open much more and some serious problems that have been happening and he shut me down so quick. Wouldn't listen, nothing. My mom started crying after we left because she has seen and knows how bad these things have been getting for me and she just shook her head and said I can't believe that, I can't believe this is the only "help" we have been able to find you. It is very dismal when you go to your doctors appointment hoping for help of some kind. Anything. Reassurance, listen, anything. But nope. It's just not there.

We should all really be getting involved with being counselor's and other ways to help those like us. We need more people with real experience and the soothing touch needed for those like us. I want to help. If anyone gets any ideas of ways to help, especially ones where you could make a little money. Not that I wouldn't help for completely free, but we all need to make some money.

I think I may be able to help some people. I know I could. We all have got to help one another though this my friends. We are all we have got and that's okay because we are all we need.
 
I feel this happened to me for a reason it has changed me in many respects and it is probably going to result in me taking a different path in life.

Medical weed access has been amazing and I've been networking to get a full time job that would be the next step. Especially since I'd be able to smoke several boutique med strains of weed then, to keep me going, and have oils as well. I am bored. I hope not to be bored for too much longer.

Thie duration of recovery is super long. It will probably end up being measured in years. The flowers I have access to are actually just beautiful. They come from the mountains and are truly magical. Phenomenal herb, can't wait to try more strains and the oils too which I'll have to use when I get a job to be a covert doper.
 
Basically I've decided on a new tactic in order to stop my heroin abuse. I bought a pair of digital scales for a fiver from eBay and split the H into three 0.1g bags and plan to use 1 bag daily for three days. I'm currently smoking about 0.3g daily so I do understand it's not going to be easy. I'm hoping that in order to take the edge off for the first 3 days I'll use the bags, knowing full well that it'll prolong my withdrawals but at the same time it'll make them a lot more bearable. I'm planning on switching to loperamide with ranitidine on a low dose (maybe 10 tablets initially reduced to 0 over five days). I was wondering if anyone else had tried this or a similar method before and if they had any tips? Also should I use the loperamide on day 4 or just go cold turkey? How bad do you think the withdrawals will be whilst I'm using 0.1g for the first 3 days? Would dropping from 0.1g to nothing (i.e no loperamide) be difficult? Any tips on not relapsing? I was thinking about dropping down to 0.05g but to be honest the 0.1g is probably about 12 lines for me so can't see the point. I'm hoping to get 4 lines 3 times a day smoked (morning, afternoon and evening) and struggle through. The thing is knowing that I've got more than enough to ease my suffering at hand and makes my challenge so much more daunting. I'm just praying that I can resist the temptation. Ideally I would have liked to have tapered down from a higher dose using the scales and buying, weighing and splitting the dose all at once to guarantee consistency and quality of the gear but because I think I'm going to piss tested soon I don't think I can. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading this and I'll get back to everyone and let you know how it went.
 
If I can finally get clean this time it would mean a 35k+ job in London plus a company car starting in two weeks. I'm in debt right now so I'm desperate to dig myself out of this hellhole. I have a problem with crack too so any tips on staying clean would be greatly appreciated. Last time I was in a relationship that lasted ten years and all the time I was with her I stayed clean.
 
4 months is a long time. I can understand wanting coke or similar stimulants but why would you intentionally want downers? Considering the chances of you getting hooked again is it even worth a thought? I used the opiates to bring me down off the crack. Remember the pain and misery you put everyone through, remember the money you lost, remember all the lost opportunities for work and love, remember the way people looked at you, remember how many times you felt suicidal, remember the tears, remember the tatty clothes and shoes you wore because you couldn't afford new ones, remember the times you had run-ins with the police, remember the company you kept, remember begging your dealer for a fix because you had no money, remember not bathing, remember the lies you told, remember how difficult it was getting clean, remember having no future and no respect for yourself. We all forget when we get the cravings. "One time won't hurt" but we all know we're fooling ourselves. You need to stay strong and realize that the cravings will subside within 15 to 20 minutes. Writing all of this has helped me too.
 
Yeah it's not worth it enough said why torture myself.

I'm strongly considering switching to cannabis oils I have access to now. It seems that it would help stabilize me and cannabis might be less of an interference. It would be great if I could quit smoking it. Now that I am a yogi I really want to and I feel it in my lungs when I don't smoke. A strong THC oil would mellow out the detox part apart from the THC. I can't afford to experiment with CBD at the moment, but I would like to. I think that I will try switching to oil though because I seem to fiend anything that gives any sort of hit. The oil comes on slowly and if I really need to smoke I'll have some lazing around, it could at least help me cut back a lot. This is exciting to me, the oils are really high quality and I can get a couple grams of orally active THC which should last me forever. The shitty part will be detoxing off the smoke but I'll still have my appetite and be able to sleep.

I've just had to figure out this weed thing for a while and summer is coming I don't want to spend it high I experience memory loss and some other side effects and I'm sick of smoking bong. So sick of smoking weed in general, but not sick of being stoned. Someone recommended this already (Larimar I think, anyways, thank you whoever) it got me thinking but I haven't had access to really quality standardized oil yet or had money for it so...

It's time to give this a try. It is one reason why I am depressed. Why go through all the trouble of quitting opiates and oxy's and all this shit to fiend bong rips and get lazy. I swear it's from the smoke too I really smoke a lot and I absolutely feel that. So that is what is going through my mind today as it is time to get my MMJ. If I am going to do this I should get as much of the oil as I can and no weed. I know the oil is good shit it has a potent concentration and the source has been amazing. If I wasn't a smoker, but I was stoned, this would really help other aspects of my life too because certain people dislike it when I come around reeking of weed. Plus... when I get a job and stuff.

I love to smoke my weed but I think at this age it is worth a try as if I continue smoking it for decades I could run into health problems I feel.

And I can't quit or even cut back. I've been trying all year I can't do it I freak. I get the money always, I have been stoned almost this whole entire year. I think I went about a day once. So, I get stoned from smoking for short periods of time and also I love to smoke, I find it compulsive and enjoy it. It is a pleasure, but what I want are the medicinal effects. I have dabbed 99.9% pure THC before and all the effects were there that I needed. Why not give this a try because it's fucking my head up that I can't quit and my lungs as well. I know it's just weed now I am concerning myself with but it's still fucking up my life and something like CBD when I can afford it might be able to help my anxiety and chronic pain. I am so tempted to just get the CBD, but I'm really not sure if it could help with cannabis withdrawals which at my level of use are also shit.
 
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Hi,
Just dropped by and read the last page or two of posts. Squeaky, it sounds like you have been through so much... your surgery sounds very impactful on your body, mind and soul. Whatever it takes, man, I am here to offer my support.
Shroomy, I am so "jellie" that you are kickin butt in yoga! Hot yoga at that! I have to do adaptive yoga due to my health issues, and it just doesn't feel the same. So sending you my thoughts of admiration.
Life is so busy and I have stuff going on, so it is just nice to drop by here to be able to post and say hello. Take care!
 
So good to hear from you! And yeah, hot yoga is changing my life. I didn't go for 4 days and completely feel apart, physically and mentally.

Hot yoga is helping so much that I woke up in fuckin withdrawal today, fucking dope sick I was like WTF, straight up opiate withdrawal symptoms out of the blue on the day I am 4 months clean. I had been depressed for days, hardly moving, too depressed to read or do anything other than stare at a wall and drive myself clinically insane.

I rushed this morning and made it to the most spiritual teacher's class she is amazing. A genuinely beautiful spirit. We are hippie friends now. The kind of girl I probs woulda got with by now if I hadn't ruined my life. I wouldn't be friends with her because I don't really talk to girls and yoga teachers actually intimidate me a little that way. But she introduced herself with this impossible to describe brief little hug that was the cutest thing ever so I have considered her my first real friend there and we have super interesting groovy chats about I dont even know what. She's a space cadet. Think about yogi friends habitually on 2C-C having philosophical and comical and really genuinely enjoyable conversations from different outlooks that we know intuitively are agreeable with lots of giggles and smiles but also very serious since we are talking about Truth and Theft and these things, these limbs of yoga I am learning about. That is pretty much us, my good friend, she is lovely. The hatha (physical asana) part is apparently only one of them.

It doesn't really matter that I'm 4 months clean. I told the dude at the dispensary (fuck the legal mmj I don't like the system) that I was 4 months clean today cause my brains were so scrambled I didn't know what to say. He said it looked like I had a rough couple of days, we're friends and he is the strain expert and I agree with him on a lot of things. We are smart stoners. But yeah his face kinda lit up and that helped, he was like that's fuckin awesome man, it kind of made me realize that I can't see I am progressing because I am still in hell. I'm climbing up the endless stairs from the depths of hell. And then he could see I was confused I was like yeahhh man but I woke up sick today and all this but there was something I said and he was like that right there what I heard tells me you want to keep clean.

And it was interesting because the yoga class was on not Sattva like last time (this teacher is seriously tripped the fuck out, she is like teleported flower child yogi from the 60's it's so so soooooooo funny this girl, nice to meet someone like that it has been too funny and she is too cute but I am broke junkie scum)..

k but anyways last class was on being true to yourself and this class was about stealing. Not just financial theft or break and enters. But like, stealing the life from your eyes. Stealing other people's energy and happiness. Stealing your health. An example of her humour is like she'll be like, if you find yourself in this (some contortion) getting uncomfortable, don't steal energy from yourself. She is soooo funny like that any other teacher would be like back out a little. I am actually laughing my ass off just thinking about this girl right now and even if I OD myself this week and never see her again, at least she gave me a couple cute hugs. She is my legit therapist though I don't know wtf trip she's been on but it's so damn chill.

Wish I was normal like that I'm junkie scum. If it isn't opiates or other drugs I'm hurting myself in some other way that is often worse. Slashed my arm today a bunch of times it is very noticeable and really irritating that I did that. I was out of weed? On the surface, so I freak when my brain wakes up a bit. I'm not kidding myself. I can't even wait until noon to smoke weed and I hit like 30 bong rips a day, prescribed or not, whatever. I'm a panic and benzo freak. I've still ruined my life and why not at least do the drug that I actually enjoy while I lay here and wait for the inevitable.

I think that I should enjoy the time that I have.
 
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Good to see you pokemama! Sounds like you are doing well! Thumbs up!

Sorry to hear you were sick today ShroomySatori. That really sucks bad. You have had a few of those but they do seem to go away quickly. Praying for that.

Good job on getting out and being social. I am working on that too. Forcing myself. It does seem to be helping. I have to try and enjoy life disabled. I'm not getting any better so I am just going to have to try and live more. Enjoy things again.

We have been concentrating on healing for so long that is all we have been doing. I'm just going to try and do other things and see how it goes.

Hope you are doing well squeaky. I hope your pain is better. Try to enjoy yourself too.

Wish us all to be living more!
 
Billy123- search for my posts regarding Loperamide for opiate wd. I basically jumped cold turkey from 120 mg/day oxy using lope and it was a lifesaver. Start taking lope today. You might be off the H completely in 48 hours.
 
ShroomySatori said:
I haven't really be doing all that well lately.
Click to expand...

Are you okay?
Is there anything that helps?

I have been having a rough time too. It is hitting me hard at how disabled I actually am. What a hard thing to adapt to.
I just keep trying to find things that help.
 
Painful One said:
Are you okay?
Is there anything that helps?

I have been having a rough time too. It is hitting me hard at how disabled I actually am. What a hard thing to adapt to.
I just keep trying to find things that help.
Click to expand...

Yeah sent you a msg. I have been through what might be called a depressive episode. I was very depressed for a while and tired all the time. I'm still sleeping 4 - 5 hours a night and trying to keep busy.

Last week I just burnt out wasted time. This week I've already been to a couple hot yoga classes and I am going again today well I really hope I get my lazy ass over there I have a few hours. You can do a hell of a lot in a few hour I am beginning to realize (normal healthy people that is).

I am crushing on this yoga girl so much. I have known her for 4 months now. She reminds me of myself and is a little mysterious. She is beautiful and shy.

I really like her, she is the blond fox that stands out this way to me. ( want to get to know her more so bad she is lovely and someone I can see dating but she is very sensitive. She is also very tough though.

It just sucks that I have nothing really to say and look depressed and on the edge if I haven't taken a benzo and otherwise I can cordially meet this girl. And really it shouldn't be hard, we have so much to talk about and interests outside yoga. She is so completely amazing but I don't know what to do. Like it has been 4 months it's time to get to know her. This girl couldn't be rushed she'd be spooked but really what do I know. It's just what I sense. 4 months isn't really a rush but I really want to get to know her.

She loves when I ask questions. I did not realize this but she slowly got easier to talk to and now she is like excited to talk to me about herself. She was always the kindest to me though. I don't need to say anything I realized. This girl wants attention from me, I think cause it is adorable when she is so shy or surfs her phone when I'm around (ignoring me too, I sense like if I fucking trusted my senses) and I ask her a question about her day or one of her hobbies and she has so much to say. I didnt understand that. I thought she didn't want to talk to me at all and was just being nice. I don't know what it is. She is badass, I'm not perfect I am sure she isn't either. But she's chill. I really like that she is introverted, she is social with people but I can tell she would like a lot of the things that I do.

If that is what is on my mind the morning and not wishing I wasn't waking up again, not that i ever really sleep. She's so fucking complicated but like we have wayyy different things in common and yeah! Like she reminds me of myself in ways but is different too. It's hard to read her unless she really wants to talk especially because she is working. I get paranoid about that like maybe she's just being nice cause she's at work but the happiest moments I have there are when I show interest in her. It's really hard for me and it has to be just us or with her one friend / guide / leader which makes it harder for me. I like when it's just us and it happens enough that I feel this way about her now. I'm happy that when I started askng her questions she seemed really excited. Again I'm paranoid but like, I'm asking her varied questions from her actual hobbies to how she feels and stuff.

yeah if I have a crush on someone this much I'm probably doing okay. I see she has been trying to get my attention and in withdrawal I have been useless and she started being kind of bratty towards me in subtle ways. Or I'm just seriously delusional or fucked up. I just know I like her and I'll see her today and seeing her will be enough for today. Asking a question and paying attention for 10 minutes lol. I can do that. I will stop thinking about her now I need to start doing stuff. This just happened last night where I noticed something different. That she enjoys attention from me it's like her whole body lit up with electricity that's all I can say, and she was exhausted at the time. I feel like internally she is annoyed sometimes but it's not true.

This would be a really cute way of meeting a girl and I just realized it's like I already know her but I don't. What I do know about her I find surprising and interesting. She's like me in a lot of ways and I bet she is a little unstable lol. I can def tell that part and I know exactly what the tone and speed of her voice would be if she started to vent over little things. Omg just the way she was talking to me last night was actually so silly like she's just waiting there for me to say something. She was def annoyed at times haha I could sense that.

I am wanting to know a little more about this girl and yeah I just woke up from being depressed a few and those are happy times. Seriously need to get up I'm exhausted. Like just one 8 hour sleep but it's the last symptom to go away or one of them.

So remember... ​ask her quetion. lol. She is a very unique creature and I am happy that she responded that way. We have so much to talk about I could totally take her on a date. It is not at that point yet but who knows. Would be a really cute way of meeting someone too, I wasn't planing to when I first saw her I was on day 2 of these oxy withdrawals. Well I better get going with my day. I find with her, I get really upset at myself that someone I like so much I can't even talk to and ask questions to I'm so nervous so I get angry and it fuels me to approach her and try again.

Yeah I've been okay I have just been exhausted from PAWS and starting to get busy like today I just want to lay in bed all day after the past couple days but it's the opposite. It's nice to see a beautiful, sensitive girl like her. I am realizing so many things like I am literally always happy to see her. I will definitely be chatting her up I am too interested after that night. The way she was interested in actually talking really surprised me. I just asked her a couple questions about her pilates lol. I'm so fucking clueless but if this was meant to be the parties involved would be starting to consider a treatise, she's so easy to talk to though and I broke the ice that is the word for it.
 
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I suppose that is why I am so much more addicted to benzos than opiates, meaning psychologically. A long term effect of opiates (aka many years in) was a total loss of sex drive and I had to choose that or a possible relationship.

I need more of them to treat my social anxiety than my panic attacks, although my panic attacks are extremely intense feeling in comparison. With social anxiety I freeze. I become aversive, I lose my deep voice if I'm nervous, say stupid things, or nothing at all, like it is no wonder. Then I get paranoid thinking I'm some intruder. It is not a nice feeling to like someone so much and struggle to get to know her or even talk to her but if anything was meant to be it has just been building up for a while and now it is time to not be a burnout for once. It's not like the drugs make me have the courage to talk to her. I usually get really angry at myself for not doing anything and then talk to her. I think she is more confused than I am about this. And I don't even know if anything exists or this is all in my head and she's like what a creep lol... but no way. Such a mystery girl.

Actually really busy today but I should probably get used to that.
 
Okay. I'm brand new to forums all the way around the board. Just to shoot some info out there, I'm 30, 4 beautiful boys, 1 tiny little girl, I work in a fast paced warehouse and I'm lead floor person. I'm a female. What my problem is, before I started this job I was In recovery clean for 2 1/2 years from shooting about 12 op 40s a day. My dad was my dealer.. he recieved 120 op ed, 120 Roxy 30s, 120 1600 microgram fentanyl suckers, 480 methadone 10s, 90 2 mg klonopin. Long story short we sold it for years then me and him and my brother became the worst addicts alive. My dad overdosed in front of me, my brother is currently in jail still an addict, I was 2 1/2 yrs clean after pop died. I took a job that kills me every day. I have to be the best to get paid the best so my body is suffering horribly. I relapsed a year ago starting with vicodin then Roxy now nucynta, I don't shoot, I just take them for pain, but i am an addict. I need help possibly with someone to talk to and someone to give me some suggestions on getting support without anyone figuring out what's going on. I don't want to lose everything again. I'm doing so good but I'm slipping so obviously not. Idk.. I need help.
 
PlaneJane- are your meds prescribed? Or are you getting them illegally?
I dont judge, just wanted some more info on your situation.
 
How much do you take a day I guess it doesn't really matter once you've had a long term habit. Anyone with a long term heavy habit is pretty much fucked in some way using or not. I quit cold turkey when people were starting to get suspicious and well I was fucking suicidal from that shit no way to live at all. Luckily I had ruined my life to the point that I was unemployable and barely hanging on so I did cold turkey and have been good for the 17th week. If you are in too deep already then likely you will have to cold turkey and give up a season of your life and then start building a new one.

I am doing great. I have a lot more physical energy I'm doing yoga at least every second day and the intensive ones. I did three in a row mon - Wed this week then had more work hours since then and a little fun snuck in there too. I am too stressed to meditate. Can't sleep very well at all 4 hours a night, my friend said that was the last symptom to go away. Not doing so bad anymore with them women either. I have been on the run all week it seems, always busy and it has been entirely exhausting. I pass out right as I hit the pillow but can never sleep for long. I am definitely keeping busy now though no time to waste except for today. My body needs rest today and a lot of healthy and yummy food. Feel a lot less stressed out now. From here on out it's really only going to improve. I wouldn't have been able to say that at 3 months. This is a serious commitment and it's really easy to completely fuck up even years down the road.
 
Just feel more chill now well not even just better able to cope with stress. Had a fun and really busy week so I am going on 5 months now. I was around morphine randomly and had no desire whatsoever to get them. Thought didn't cross my mind at the time so I think I'm good for the time being and Im sure I could have gotten really high. Not interested. My back has been hurting bad since this has been the busiest week so far this year.
 
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