Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

[NicoOregon]

I am afraid I am the female version of you...

 

[Squeaky]

Shroomi or NicoOregon.
Have either of you tried Lyrica (Pregablin) to manage your depression/anxiety?

 

[ShroomySatori]

Nico how is that working out for you. Doesn't sound too good judging by what you were responding to I've been going crazy lately if you meant me that is.

I am very busy today but what I am doing is important. I have month supplies of a long acting benzo, a short acting benzo, and my first ever real MMJ order. I won't get the MMJ for a few days but I'm getting 14% THC super silver haze. That is the one I chose I'm super psyched! I just had to get money in a legitimate way and take the loss because now I believe I will be functional this month. I am way ahead on my supplies and honestly I feel completely normal today even though I sort of skipped breakfast and I'm just having oats after noon now. I still have to hit up the dispensary while I wait for my legit lab tested weed I am wondering how it will compare. In my opinion it is just chronic all the same with a 100% quality guarantee like no mold or those bad pesticides I know it won't have anything bad in it and lab data to back it up and all legal of course it's MMJ and I'm in.

Now that I have my fixes I'm all good! It's sad that way but I can't deal with the extreme anxiety any other way right now and I recently realized how severely I am experiencing post acute withdrawal. The insomnia. It made me crack last time and my buddy who quit fent told me it was the last symptom for him to go away. Anyways, I am off to grab an eighth of whatever weed I think looks, feels, smells best for me while I wait for the real chronic lol.

I was really low on weed and I've been so for at least a week. I become a hysteric and then I can't digest my metabolism is so slow and my benzos stop working so it's just like I'm fucked without both. Just surface problems that enable me to function in the meantime. At least when I got ahold of this money and was just fed up of small buys wasting my time, opiates did not once cross my mind. Not once. There was no thought whatsoever of acquiring them until I guess writing this now but there is NO WAY i would even though I could afford to start being a junkie again, sort of. I have NO INTEREST in that I still have two addictions and at least one that is going to be mandatory to confront more at some point

 

[ShroomySatori]

Crazy how different the energy is now.

I will have time to focus on constructive things for a while and I am really content with that. One part that makes it hard is that the constant hustle of keeping my habits going takes up so much of my time. So I just said fuck it, took a loss and let's see what I can actually do with time to focus on what's important. I haven't even had enough weed to eat or food in the fridge lately. I'm all set, not worried about running out and having a seizure anytime soon, having a couple job leads things are good.

That took 10 hours of my time but I can finally chill. Definitely try and moderate my use but I need to use too, for the time being at least and the foreseeable future. I don't think it is a good idea for me to go back to opiates because my brain won't even know what's going on anymore. I should focus on getting off one drug at a time and as I almost overdosed twice in December (not hospitalized, but like... bad bad bad got caught nodding for like 12 hours straight etc unresponsive for the most part and blacked out)... like that is a death risk right there. And tbh I fucking loved it both times, especially the time when I can remember more fragments of it, in and out of consciousness so I need to stay away I would get hooked on high doses like those fast. So that should go first. Now I should smoke that weed, take my benzos but watch how much and wait until I'm six months clean and re-evaluate where I am at in life.

I am so excited to get my first real medical weed. I got a really nicely balanced sativa. The terpene profile was totally balanced, percentage of the weed too that is terpenes, and the THC count is nice but moderate. It also looks like fire and is super colourful and I know there's nothing bad in it so that makes me happy too. I need a day to chill I wish I could rest but I have to feast and get super stoned or my shift won't go well tonight since I skipped breakfast and lunch and I have to be on the go!

 

[ShroomySatori]

Squeaky btw man I haven't tried that, you know the kinda scripts I like bro. I don't know much about it, I thought it was like a mild analgesic?

I finally have a chance to lay down and chill. I have been so busy it's insane but I haven't been eating much and I'm also not losing any weight does that even make sense? My body has definitely changed a lot. I am rarely bothered by back pain and it is 100% because of the effort and discipline I have put into hot yoga since day 2 of this triple relapse since December. I'm 4 months clean on the weekend.

Some interesting things happened at yoga tonight. Gossip girls, confirmed. The "want to smoke a joint" thing is sort of working now that I get a ridiculous amount of medical grade chron prescribed every month and in this country it isn't all that easy to get that. Apparently I am not as sneaky as I think and reek of weed every time I go there. Well, that has already started to attract the stoner yogis so whatever. I am a weed junkie if there ever was one, straight up. I get my weed before I get my benzos I'm so crazy about running out. I'm staying high for life at this point that's for sure.

I did 4 intense hot yoga classes in the past 3 days. Most of them annihilated me. The ones I thought were going to be easier were fucking ridiculous. Also we learned about other types of yoga it was like a lesson on Truth at first. Super tripped out but it got intense fast. I'm pushing myself hard because it is exactly what I need to be doing right now. I'm surrounded by sexy female energy, part of a community, it is essentially rehab for me and I am very fit from it. I'm trying super hard to make it to noon tomorrow but that's 5 classes in 4 days so we'll see. It's a great class though.

I'm focussing on getting my strength back so that I have the energy to work full time and then some. It is insane actually to think about how weak I am now in comparison to the boundless energy I had before. I'm getting it back with this commitment though. 4 months of yoga will whip you the fuck into shape.

 

[Xorkoth]

I have tried pregabalin a few times and I find it very euphoric. I just tried it to try it, I didn't have pain, so I don't know how it is for that. It certainly will produce physical dependence but relatively slowly I think. It basically made me feel like everything was awesome, and uite high, but I had a full dose, maybe at a lower dose it would be more subtle.

 

[Painful One]

Yeah but didn't SweetLeaf tell us that Lyrica was harder to get off of than pain killers?
I have heard others say right on this forum that the withdrawal from Lyrica is like heroin and Valium at the same time.

If it works for you then I guess you should just count on staying on that for life.

I'm not trying to dismiss the idea as ShroomySatori and NicoOregon are really suffering.
I just don't want to see either one in a worse situation.
I think you guys have got to be honest with a good doctor you trust about how bad this anxiety problem is.
Then research the heck out of anything they want to try you out on.

 

[Painful One]

Yup, I told you ShroomySatori. The "do you want to smoke a joint?" Is a good way to break the ice with women.
I also know those Ladies have seen that you have really been struggling but pushing through it and that is very admirable.
I'm sure they give you a lot of credit for that and those whom have had any experience with this kind of thing can see it.
I know they have been trying to help and encourage you. Give it some time. I'm sure none of them want to set you back by putting any kind of pressure on you at this time. 4 months off opiates is huge but still newly recovering.

I am really happy to hear you got the things you need to keep yourself stable. I hope the actual medical grade cannabis helps more and for longer so you don't have to smoke so much. When you said you were hacking up black tar stuff, that worries me. Let's hope this medical weed lasts longer and is much more potent so you can use less. Maybe look into edibles? Then you would not have to smoke so much.

Wishing you all good luck and sending support. You are not alone friends.

 

[Squeaky]

I?m getting off Lyrica right now. All prescribed.
Will report back later on wds. My experience in the past with it has been only mild nausea and insomnia, but I could taper off it in a few days with no problems.
Some people report really disturbing side effects and wds , even at low doses for only a few months.

 

[Squeaky]

I?m guessing nobody noticed my post two days ago that I took an oxy. I was in too much pain.
I took two more yesterday also. Not because the pain was unbearable, but because it has been relentless and I needed a break.
I?ll start fresh today. Still one day at a time.

 

[Xorkoth]

One day at a time is all you can do... that, and not beat yourself up for when you slip, and don't allow that slip to let your addict brain convince you that you've already fucked up so fuck it, take more.

 

[Squeaky]

Im in a sort of Bermuda Triangle of pain and addiction. 3 months ago I got 20 screws in my back. They cut me front and back, twice. There was even a cardio surgeon helping one surgery because of major blood vessels that had to be moved for the screws.
I have been on the pills for more than 3 years, heavily and steadily for about 2 of those years.
Addicted? Well of course.
Ready to quit? I dont think I am.
I took more oxy today, mainly because I feel like I have earned the right to not hurt. Ill quit tomorrow. Probably deal w some extra wds.
I dont care. I forgot how much better life was without the pain.

 

[Painful One]

I?m guessing nobody noticed my post two days ago that I took an oxy. I was in too much pain.
I took two more yesterday also. Not because the pain was unbearable, but because it has been relentless and I needed a break.
I?ll start fresh today. Still one day at a time.

I noticed but I didn't want to influence you either way. No guilt trips to give you. I live in pain also and I can't make it without them. It is just a matter of taking them as necessary. My situation gets dire at times. Just do the best you can bro. That is all I can say. I can't do it either.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Man you made it far though dude. Like almost two weeks. Nobody would kick their first time even if pain wasn't an issue with a habit like yours it's still progress and I think that if you held on for longer the pain would subside but still be there. It is opioid induced hyperalgesia from stopping opiates man it lasts a long time and making your already nasty pain even worse plus the stress of withdrawal. Give it a rest for sure, get healthy and maybe try again when you have some time / if you decide to. I def wouldn't consider trying to quit for at least a month your body needs rest after a kick and try not to end up in wd man after that kind of stress.

I am doing well I am showered in medical grade chronic. Got kush and haze strains mostly straight sativa but some stunning kush and I am killing it in yoga. I've been to five classes this week. If you look up crow pose, I held that with my hands on blocks today raising me up higher away from the ground I was really happy about that and held it for at least a minute it is a tough one and I did it first try with my friend the teacher's help. It was sick. I did not think I would be able to do that the focus is intense but I guess I'm just improving my overall health.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Can't wait to try the haze today, been smoking on some real nice kush since last night but way too much money's worth.

The insomnia came later on. I sleep 4 hours a night, 6 max, I am lucky to get 4 hours and this is going on every night. I thought it was because I was low on weed but I am loaded with indica and sativa and benzos and nothing will help me sleep longer than 4 hours. I only get 6 if I'm completely exhausted. This starts happening 1 - 2 months in for me. It is what led me to relapse when I was tapering off oxycodone in the autumn of 2016. I could not handle the insomnia it was really hurting my back and I was getting a lot of panic attacks but also, I was still using something like 40mg a day.

It would be cool to actually sleep like 8 hours. I also find that my energy is not in alignment with the night and day. I can feel exhausted like I'm ready for bed in the morning, full of energy at night. Nutrition is really important for this and speaking of that I better not skip breakfast or I'll feel like shit. Everything remotely uncomfortable makes me feel like complete shit now, it seems.

 

[Painful One]

Excellent ShroomySatori!
That is great news! Focus on that kind of stuff. You can do anything.
You are doing great.
Good to hear you have what you need.

I agree with ShroomySatori on this one Squeaky.
You can't quit 90 mg OxyContin a day cold turkey a few months after major back surgery and quit lyrical at the same time. Cold turkey. Are you okay dude? Serious, don't do that. It is only going to torture you. If you want to get off these kinds of drugs then you have to do it super slow or I think it messes you up. A lot.

I am in cold turkey myself for a few hours this morning. I see the doctor at 1:30 but I am already sick. How bad do you guys think I will be 6 hours into withdrawal? I need to talk to my doctor this time and I don't think I will be able to say much. Dang it!
Well, at least I'm getting closer to having a full month with no hours of withdrawal. Pray for me friends.

Prayers going up for all of us!

 

[Painful One]

Can't wait to try the haze today, been smoking on some real nice kush since last night but way too much money's worth.

The insomnia came later on. I sleep 4 hours a night, 6 max, I am lucky to get 4 hours and this is going on every night. I thought it was because I was low on weed but I am loaded with indica and sativa and benzos and nothing will help me sleep longer than 4 hours. I only get 6 if I'm completely exhausted. This starts happening 1 - 2 months in for me. It is what led me to relapse when I was tapering off oxycodone in the autumn of 2016. I could not handle the insomnia it was really hurting my back and I was getting a lot of panic attacks but also, I was still using something like 40mg a day.

It would be cool to actually sleep like 8 hours. I also find that my energy is not in alignment with the night and day. I can feel exhausted like I'm ready for bed in the morning, full of energy at night. Nutrition is really important for this and speaking of that I better not skip breakfast or I'll feel like shit. Everything remotely uncomfortable makes me feel like complete shit now, it seems.

Yeah, insomnia is really bad. You need to fix that ASAP. Tell your doctor. Ambian helps me. In the past I have gotten so desperate for sleep. That is the thing you cannot go without for too long.
Have you ever tried any kind of allergy medication at night? If nothing else, that has helped me before.
Do you guys have doxylamine succinate over the counter there in the Netherlands? Lol!
That has helped me when nothing would before.

Drink some Green Tea to cleanse your blood and your Liver. It makes everything feel better. Lots of water too.

 

[Squeaky]

Shroomi and PainfulOne..... Thank you for the support. I felt really bad about giving into the pain. But today I feel better about it.
PainfulOne- we are still close enough to flu season to blame your wds on just getting over the flu, or allergies and problems with otc anti-histamines. It also does a great job sometimes of keeping everyone at an arms length because they dont want to catch whatever you have.
As for insomnia- I think that is the ultimate killer for anybody feeling unwell for any reason. I have worked night shifts at my job a few times, then I couldnt really sleep during the day just because Im not used to sleeping at noon. After about 2 or 3 days of that I would be ready to commit suicide, just feeling depressed and sick from not enough deep sleep.
I feel for both of you not getting enough rest. I know it is maddening. I discovered by accident that a milkshake from in n out(burger joint) makes me really sleepy. So now I eat about a pint of ice cream and take 4 mg of Ativan an hour before bedtime. It usually gets me a solid 4 hours of deep sleep, then 2 mg Ativan in the middle of the night gets me a couple more hours of moderate sleep.
Once Im done with Lyrica Ill start cutting back the Ativan. I have quit that one before in about 6 weeks. I remember how awesome it was to not rely on benzos for sleep.

 

[Squeaky]

I saw a sleep expert on YouTube a couple of years ago. He referred to things like alcohol and benzos as stripping away consciousness at bedtime. He said that is not the same as deep sleep naturally. I feel like he is totally correct.
If the only choices are insomnia vs drinking yourself into a coma at night, then gimme the bottle! But I think a better idea might be something closer to what Shroomi is talking about. Hot Yoga during the day to wear yourself out, and some weed to help you relax at night. I find that staying off my phone/computer/television in the evening really helps to turn off my brain for sleep. And what a difference a good nights sleep makes. Somehow I can handle all of the crap life throws at me when Im rested.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Yeah this is a problem in the later stages. It has to be a withdrawal symptom I don't know why else I wouldn't be able to sleep. I don't mind it seem to have a lot of energy some days. Not today though... just woke up from a nap. I don't mind staying up late either I find reading a comfort and yeah without exercise I don't think I'd be sleeping at all. Lavender definitely helps with this and smoking a lot of weed at night but I'm trying not to do that anymore since it is mainly for depression.

I have switched to medical cannabis finally. The feeling is amazing, I do think that this is going to improve my health drastically. I got super silver haze and the quality is not from this planet. It is so nice to smoke, actually dried and cured properly and grown long enough. It is so smooth to smoke. I am happy about this. I might get an oil next time to take during the day so I am not smoking constantly but I don't know if I could when I can get more of this freakin fire weed. It's a great feeling switching from a black market to a medicinal industry. They actually did something right for once. Grew damn good dope.