Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

[ShroomySatori]

I like your advice about resting. How I do it, is with ornamental candlelight in the darkness at night. Just laying in bed, talking to friends, reading books, chilling out. I'm making sure to eat healthy and keep hydrated too. I get out for long walks almost every day, and held a 6 minute downward dog today. I should do another one right now! That would help so much. I'm actually doing fine, it's just a sad day and I could use some support. Seems like I got what I needed : )

I had some good healthy food, drinking a liter of coconut water, smoked a joint and I feel better now. I do need a good sleep tonight after the show. I've been redosing 2C-C perpetually for over a week, but that is my path. It is not a craving, I sense it is the right time of my life to do this. It shouldn't be going on for all that much longer at all. I'm still learning a lot about myself, though.

Really needed to relax, sorry about that. Would be interested in people's zodiac signs here.

So I took 40mg diazepam because I feel like I really needed it. I'm mellowing out, lots of coconut water, cranberry goat cheese, a yummy vegetarian soup with fresh bread. Negativity attracts positivity. I can sense and see spirits around me. Even in the computer screen I just saw a lovely lady!!! And when I closed my eyes, I saw rotating roses with vivid green stems. So beautiful : ) now this is cheering me up from my friend I never knew's death.

When me and my brother texted each other at exactly the same time, after my phone died and I charged it and went to check on him it was completely crazy.

Thanks to everyone for the support it seems like people really do care here : )

 

[Painful One]

Yup, people really do care here!
I'm glad you are feeling better now. Have a good time tonight with your brother.

My zodiac sign is : Cancer, July birthday.

Thanks for the support of me also friends. I appreciate you all.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Thanks for sharing! I am Taurus, also Chinese Dragon... May birthday precisely in the middle of the date range for that sign. I don't know much about Cancer sign so I am going to do some research on it (I'm starting to study astrology a lot for good fun).

Also, I just drew all over myself with washable black marker like a child. My arm is covered in Lil Peep's tattoos that I like, and little symbols of death and his name and stuff. Might attract some attention at the show tonight ; ) although with my brother... must remain respectful, sober, and polite. Even though I am having lovely visual activity at the present moment in terms of colours, and faces in the computer screen of benevolent entities, I shall appear sober as a judge. I will let him know I am tripping just to make sure I stay chill and have a trip sitter lol.

Your horoscope for today my dear friend:

The Moon enters fellow Water sign Scorpio today, putting you in a romantic and creative mood. You’re feeling optimistic and open to new experiences— you’re usually cautious, dear crab, but today you’re curious.

 

[Runningfox]

^^^ sounds good SHROOMY.
I dunno what time zone you're in but it's bout 7:30pm Thursday my time. Also my sign is the Leo.

So the point here being we've been reading your posts (*here n other threads, I have ) so I'm aware of your journey the whole past Year. You've come so far.
Please dont think I fault you one Bit for using the 2C at this time, ed you learn to live WITHOUT the opiates and are trying to find where you fit in the puzzle again.
I doubt a single soul on BL would fault you for that.

I'm glad you're resting even if not sleeping, certain periods of time. You been so busy lately I was seeing in my mind yourself at a constant rate of Activity . But I see now you Have Been getting rest periods too.
The healthy food n hydration can NEVER go wrong for you


I'm glad too you mentioned using a dose of diazepam for 2 reasons:
1 ) as I said your body is expecting benzo relief so you don't wanna completely deprive of those.

2) it may help to balance out the flights / trips from the 2C.

You're gettin there!
That's pretty exciting to see; all of your friends / fans out here in Bluelight Land, who are by your side spiritually thru all your ups, downs and daily-doin's. We do care and we adore you. We hope only for the best, for our SHROOMY.

Good times, shrooms. Take care n I'm thinkin of you n following your story.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Thanks for encouraging my own beliefs regarding my psychedelic use at the present time. My oxy script came out today, and it certainly crossed my mind a few times. I can never go back or it will ruin my life.

That's really awesome you read back? I haven't even done that... I feel like I should. I was in a really dark place at the time though and I might cry. Doing heroin to me seems unimaginable right now. I stuck needles in the crook of my elbow earlier this year when I didn't really know what I was doing. I was so determined not to be deathly ill that I somehow learned and hit the vein right. Those are really bad memories to think about. I feel like I completely violated myself.

I've always kept up with healthy eating and exercise and stuff. People are surprised by my age when I tell them as I can chill with people 5 or 10 years younger and fit in (although... I am typically much wiser). I love it though. I actually get id'd every time I buy rolling papers I'm like dude I'm 29 not under 19. I look my age, it's hard to tell due to my enthusiasm for life. I am not growing old... I am growing younger I feel over time.

I keep forgetting to take my benzos, and yes, they do balance out the 2C trips especially when I want to sleep.

This was a beautiful message by the way. I love your username too. Just because I typically refer to cute women as foxes... lol. That is the meaning I find right there. Reminds me that I gotta go get some more fancy candles tomorrow and maybe that lady will be there. It was a really interesting conversation we had and she gave me a very sexy look. I think that means I'm looking and feeling healthy, and opening up and being more social.

This was just such a wonderful message to read!!! I had a really good time with my brother, the venue was so low key and chill. Bought him a beer that tasted really yummy when I had a sip. We talked a lot when the band we were watching wasn't playing. There was a comedian too who had me in hysterics.

I might go back like 20 pages and just read something I wrote from back then... it might be sad for me though. I was suffering so much, but it would be a good reminder too. My story is going to get better and better. I love what I did with my arm... drew on it with markers all these designs in memory of Lil Peep. It looks really silly. Me and my brother have a crazy awesome connection, we talk about anything and everything.

It's true. I would say Activity though. I would say moreso Awareness, leading to Activity.

Thanks this was a lovely surprise to read, running fox. I have a fiery spirit and I will get clean from this shit cold turkey and never look back. My life has already improved in so many ways... just kinda wish I could sleep, but that's post-acute symptoms for ya. I'm dealing with it in a healthy way I feel. So kind of you to say these nice things about me : )

 

[ShroomySatori]

I am still alive at least. I did some heroin for a few months straight. It was very pure which isn't a good thing, I really wish it hadn't been, my tolerance grew so high. When it is pure like that, like 50 - 80% or whatever it ruins your life quicker than ever. At first it was great but then my tolerance grew and it would still be great but I also lost my connection to any of it for now. It has left me feeling more suicidal than I have ever felt. I wish I was dead I truly do, and I mean it, if I died today I'd miss a few friends and they would be sad but I'd be in a better place for sure. Reincarnated as some alien-rabbit on some other planet in a galaxy far away, where opiates don't exist.

And when I was on it I was no longer becoming euphoric, I just felt completely normal - but normal is under-rated. I'd do anything just to be a normal human being, that is really all I want. Like how I used to be when I was just a pothead. That makes me cry. I was just a fun guy back then. I liked to skateboard, snowboard, play hockey, tennis, cycling, hiking, running, yoga, backyard astronomy, reading about eastern mysticism; I was always in the gym. I was always doing something with my day. I woke up, and I would smoke some joints have breakfast and do stuff. My days consisted of doing things. I had a fun social life, way more friends than I ever needed, went to parties on the weekend and stuff. Smoked weed with friends. I do nothing now, I can't even really smoke anymore and I don't interact with the human race very much. I don't like to anymore. I wish I was still just that pothead.

I haven't used any of that H in a week but I have been using oxy, morphine, and dilaudid instead and also picked up an amphetamine habit recently. The amphetamines give me a little bit of energy in withdrawal so that's when I use them. I will use coke as well but not often. Anyways, I am still an addict and my habits have only progressed since I stopped posting here. I stopped writing because I was just high. When you're high, you have it figured out.


I cannot even feel the pills these days, I can take like 60mg oxy and it will be like a sugar pill. I don't view myself seeing the year through, I really don't. Every day this past week I have done nothing but suffer, it was a long time coming that I would run out again. There is no sign of improvement, this time I've really done it. I feel like I should just quit because I've suffered enough at this point but by quit, at this point I just mean abusing other drugs like coke, speed, whatever that makes me numb...

I don't like my life anymore. I no longer like myself. I don't really have hope anymore either. I already tried to quit and couldn't, although at one point I could have become a cokehead using the odd oxy instead and that would have been preferable to this monstrosity of a family of drugs. I had an alright youth I guess, looking back, but my life has been ruined by back pain and these stupid drugs now. I just can't do it anymore personally. I am done with life. I have been through withdrawal too many times to keep doing it. I think that this will be my final post. So this is what ended up happening to me. You can consider that I wound up dead, it is just a brief matter of time. I will be in a better place then.

I don't think that sounds like me at all. This was 9 months ago. Quite sad to read how I was feeling at the time. It's like reading a message from somebody else who I would feel really sorry for and try my best to help.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Running fox, I discerned you are one hour ahead of my time. As for your Leo nature, here is your horoscope for yesterday. It's still today for me... lol.

[FONT=Open Sans, Helvetica, Trebuchet MS, TazuganeGothic, sans-serif]You’re in a private mood today, Leo, thanks to the Moon entering Scorpio. Sweet Venus connects with dreamy Neptune, putting you in an emotional mood. Nostalgia is in the air.[/FONT]

[FONT=Open Sans, Helvetica, Trebuchet MS, TazuganeGothic, sans-serif]Also, this is for general info as the mentioned something at 1:34am est (so 12:34 for you.... today I mean. In about 40 minutes for you this is what happens:

[/FONT]The Moon also connects with Neptune at 1:34 AM, encouraging us to trust our intuition.

 

[Runningfox]

^^^ pish-posh is what I generally say about most things astrological. One of my daughters is really into it however. So I try to find half an ounce of enthusiasm for it on occasion but tbh I view it all with polite detachment and honest disinterest.

It's just always WRONG; about me personally anyway. For instance: that horror-scope (*ha ha my rude term / vulgar buzzword when I'm intentionally annoying my child about it). . . If that was Leo on Thursday, well.... it was entirely opposite of how I felt n behaved all day
Oh well. It's still fun and I admit to lookin at my horror-scopes when I was oh maybe 19-20 years old; dreamy and romantic still.


Oh! A point I don't wanna forget: damn I was just about to recommend you do NOT go digging in the sepulchre of last year's BL posts.... I figured it may be a real trigger, at the very LEAST for an emotional meltdown. .... at its worst, well ..... let's not even Go There.

I know your story from a year past, up to now, all BECAUSE of this very tapering thread, I believe a lady began it (pokemama?) This was actually the first entire thread I ever read on BL; it was in.... July? Or August of this year I picked n panned around the site several months prior to joining and I followed along your story and all the other Regulars herein.

Be careful : it may be far too soon for you to look over that stuff too closely. Ya don't wanna trigger any thing negative as far as consequences or even spark up any unnecessary depression. You've been making great strides forward.

Another point , connected: you stated you feel so much older, then and younger now. Do you like Bob Dylan? (I am a huuuuuuge fan). He wrote a song called My Back Pages (when he was 22). My favorite rendition of it appears on YouTube as a 30th anniversary special performance of the number, taped in 1993 (were you even BORN YET?? Ha ha jus teasin. Jus spoofin ). Anyway it's an excellent song. It's my #1 favorite of the hundreds of Dylan tunes I am familiar with. In the video I describe Dylan is accompanied by Tom petty, Neil Young, Eric Clapton, George Harrison. ... well there's a whole smattering of them and it's absolutely beautifully done .
Give that a courtesy listen. If you're not familiar with it already/ have trouble clearly understanding the lyrics, there are other sites providing lyrics of course. Dylan has published oh geez maybe.... 2500 songs over the years.
He's the greatest. I adore him.

You complimented my handle. RunningFox.
First of all, I thank you. I never thought of it in terms of "cute/ sexy female" (to me that would be a vixen ).... but I shall disclose its origin since it's come into the spotlight.

A few years back (my rough guesstimate being 2005-6?) A cable network (TNT?) Gosh I don't wanna be wrong .... anyway a miniseries was created , entitled INTO THE WEST , which followed a fictional family (the Wheelers) and how the Europeans were sort of "invading" and exploring the un-"tamed'" American west.
It's a beautiful story. The whole collection is I think 12-15 hours long. It's available as a DVD set. I discovered it among many other western movies n documentaries in my Dad's collection. When he was very ill and dying last year I was his caregiver most of the time and I watched these programs there, but was constantly distracted. After he passed away, I was able to keep alot of his things and INTO THE WEST has become a beloved part of my collection now. (*check that one out too if you've got a library/ order from Amazon or Barnes n noble ).

{I am Getting long -winded sorry>>> a hazard of the game when ya chat with a writer}

ANYWAY : there was a Lakota tribe featured closely in the series as well. My favorite character was one of the Lakota men by the name of Running Fox. His brother, Dog Star was awesome too but Running Fox was cooler headed, more calm. .. he really was a deep thinker and also very traditional and nostalgic alot of the time. A very Serious man, yet a sweet loving smirk and playful side of him came out from time to time.
I should load that up n view it again sometime this winter. I watched it last year, just a short while before the holidays, As well.

So that's the story of RunningFox. Although I am female , it never even occurred to me to adopt a pseudonym of The Gentler Sex. I mean, NEVER even Thought. I just Sat here. Signing up to be a greenlighter and when the forum asked for a user name, I simply went with Running Fox.

So there's some good material for ya to check out on your Down, relaxing and cuddling with the cat days. (I use down here in the sense of Less-Active. Not sad or sickly).

I just responded to you on a separate thread directly before checking in here. So I guess I can say with Tremendous confidence that hey shroomy- I'll see ya around

; )

 

[ShroomySatori]

What I like about astrology is looking up where the planets, moon, sun are presently located and how they might be connected spacially and in time so it's like the cosmic weather-lady to me. I have a friend who reads them to me and it's like the daily astro-weatherlady haha it's too cute. "The moon in mysterious scorpio meets Venus at 3:17am... etc. I try not to giggle and become hysterical. The readings are often spot on for me, but that part is fun and games. My real interest is astronomy and you can learn a lot about that through astrology. I don't believe in any sort of belief system, even physics or any sort of science as I feel that it limits the mind.

Got 7 hours of sleep last night and fell asleep without trying.

I had a dream last night where people I know were smoking fent powder and passed the tin foil to me (I have never done that one). I didn't wake up with any cravings though and I haven't taken any 2C-C yet (but will be quite shortly, just lazing around in bed.)

How could I dislike Dylan being a modern day hippie flower child closing my eyes and looking at revolving bouquets of roses? I was probably like 5 or 6 back then. Okay I will check it out.. I'm still obsessed with Lil Peep's album come over when you're sober. I also like Neil Young and Led Zeppelin.

Well, 2C-C is a research chemical in the class of psychedelics known as phenethylamines. The C comes from a Chlorine halogen atom attached to the basic phen structure. Mdma and mescaline are phenthylamines too. I personally detest Mdma, I feel that the experience is ultimately fake and I can or say things I will regret after. I can't control myself on it. I detest alcohol too. I detest cocaine. I am indifferent to speed. I get nothing whatsoever out of acid or mushrooms, I am very picky with my psychedelics. The only ones I use are the ones I know I can handle every time and feel good after and get something out of it - and those would be DMT and 2C-C. I'd like to use them together one day soon. 2C-C is for anything at all, and DMT is for a dark atmosphere laying in bed surrounded by candlelight and incense, ripping a hit and having 5 seconds to lay down before the visionary experience that is different every time begins. I used that one every day for a month this summer and was completely fine.

2C-C is nothing like Mdma. It definitely has mild stimulant properties. It enhances my perception of my surroundings so that I am taking in the entire field of vision. I will notice all the little details in everything; things I'd normally never pay any attention to. That is why I got into photography while using it. Noticing squirrels nests in the trees, little woodpeckers, old dolls, an ancient clock I'm bringing back to life.

The visuals are beautiful either open or closed eye and very colour. When I was sad yesterday I began to see benevolent or dark faces of spirits all around me, eyes open or closed. It was crazy, and then I felt healed. I realized yesterday that my external reality is a reflection of myself. I believe it was such a grim, dark, frigid pouring rain yesterday because of the way I was feeling. Every other day has been cheerful, upbeat, and beautiful since I started using it... just like how I was feeling.

It helps me make new thought connections, enhances my attention, and helps me explain things logically to people in the simplest of ways that is tailored towards them. I can do anything on 2C-C. It removes all social barriers to the extent that I can talk about that Fox with flowing dark crimson hair at the candle shop all the same as an elder man walking his wounded Siberian husky. It does not change my personality in any way at all, but opens me up and I am meeting new people at a really fast pace. Playing guitar on it is amazing.

"Just took some 2C-C, ain't no tellin' what the side effects could be" - from some Dr Dre song lol, except he says ecstasy. Whatever this is doing to my body is completely worth it to me and I don't believe it can make me stupid with a few weeks use. I believe, in fact, that I will be smarter, more creative, and wiser in the end and have less attachment to things I would like to have in my life but don't.

Oh, and I got the 2C-C when it was legal before it was made illegal, so it was done in a lab and I tested it with 3 reagents to make sure it was legit. So the purity is very high. I find it safer than street drugs in many respects in that sense. So far, there has been no crash when I stop taking it for like... 6 hours and after a long sleep haha. I think it will embolden my fiery spirit and help bring me back from the dead.

I'm writing up a trip report for erowid about it, I'll link you when I'm done. That TV series sounds interesting I might find it somewhere.

I'll answer some of your other question in that OD social thread.

horror-scope... ahahahahahhahahaha too funny. It must be something like 9:10 for you, lady of the future. I definitely don't look at astrology word for word, it's a non-linear manifestation of creativity for me that is for fun and I get to learn about astronomy such as the zodiac, equinox, all these terms I never learned in school. And like when and where the constellations are in the sky. It gives me a better visual picture of the solar system and the surrounding prominent stars in the night sky.

I think I shall go to the mall and get some candles today. I would quite enjoy the company of a nice, cutie fox again as this beaver is starting to feel a little lonesome. Can't chew through the wood all by myself. I think I might find true love on this psychedelic adventure because the social filter is gone and I have been chatting with some of the most attractive women I see without even thinking about where it could lead to. I am tall, cute, fit, shy, interesting, everyone tells me how smart I am, romantic, highly observant to details, and a very mischievous, mysterious little mystical beaver.

I'l write about guitar and stuff in the other thread. Time for breakfast bananas and I suppose some more 2C-C. I had a really good sleep finally and had a strange dreams. The night out with my brother was so wonderful.


That post above I quoted was not bad or anything to read. I don't feel that it is myself writing that, but I did earlier this year.

 

[Painful One]

Awesome to hear you and little brother had such a good time! I'm happy about that as well as your upbeat mood and desire to go buy some candles. *wink* beautiful red haired lady included.

I love to look at the planets and stars. They are fascinating to me. I have studied astrology for fun. Some of it is very informative.
I have had a lot of time on my hands while I have been healing. I have studied meditation, physics, Chinese nature cures, the Dead Sea scrolls, gnostic gospels, The Tao, essential oils, all kinds of spiritual texts. I am currently starting to learn some form of like tai chi that is slow movements with lots of stretching for exercise. I have a background in dance and i tried to start up with exercise on that level and hurt myself. That is one of the hardest things is to learn to take it slow with the healing process. I tend to push myself too hard and I have to pull myself back to keep from injuring myself more. Patience is required. I'm learning more patience than I ever thought possible for me to have. Lol!

Runningfox brought up some great points and made some great posts! Glad she remembered to remind you to take your benzo's.
Ugh! You can't cold turkey those. I too saw you in a constant state of activity and am also seeing you get some rest periods in now.
Keep up the good work and attitude!

 

[JoeTheStoner]

Patience is required. I'm learning more patience than I ever thought possible for me to have. Lol!

amen.

y'all sound in good spirits... nice =)

/note to self, buy telescope.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Man get a Newtonian reflector over a refractor Stoner dude. They are cheaper, and use mirrors instead of lenses. It's a lot easier to make a properly shaped mirror with a larger aperture (diameter) so that they gather a lot more light... and you can look at deep sky objects like galaxies, nebulae, globular star clusters (M13 in Hercules is BEAUTY), star clusters... soooo many things. You need a detailed map of the constellations and where these objects are located specifically to find through the finder scope attached to the body of the scope. I'd recommend one with a Dobsonian mount over an Equatorial... they are easy to set up and point around and a lot cheaper too.

I'd actually recommend starting with a pair of 7x50 stargazing binoculars with a solid typa lens coating. Get out of the city and check out the milky way on a new moon sooooooo beauty soooo soooo beauty.

Do not get any automated technology that you can set up and will point objects to these things. It takes the fun away from it, and adds to the cost.

You need to be out of the city and away from light pollution to view deep sky objects properly. If you prefer to look at the moon, and the planets (Jupiter, Saturn, and Mars are just lovely... you can even see the Cassini division in saturn's rings, and the great red spot on Jupiter (if it is oriented correctly for that) and it's 4 moons which look like tiny little stars close to it... depending again on the orientation of everything. If this is what you'd prefer and you live in the city, then get a refractor because it doesn't matter about light pollution so much when you are looking at those brighter things that can be seen with the naked eye.


If you would like to hear about my day, check out the OD social. Painful One, I have a new fox that has my attention at a different store who is sooooo sooo soooooo damn sexy. We have matching choke-type necklaces now and I complimented hers and she was like want to try it on? Ohhhhhhhhh damnnnn yes please and more lol. Then she pointed out they stocked them it was like a punk rock kinda shop and she is a tall, gothic beautiful woman. Almost as tall as me and I am over 6 feet. She was curious about my marker drawing of Lil Peep's tattoo and stuff on my arm and I told her all about him and his life and death 2 days ago, and she promised she'd check him out. She better... or else. lol

I hope to see her again... but yeah, too much to write so just check out that post if you want to hear about my lovely adventure today : ) - I am now officially an experimental alchemist who is working with 100% essential oils. I just put a drop of frankincense, tea tree, and lavender oil mixed in with 10 drops of an organic carrier and annointed my face now this is my kinda skin care and I'm sure the scent will attract some attention. The lady I mentioned noticed the lovely scents that they annointed me as samples at the ancient greek apothecary I stumbled into and said she had a friend who is really into that. I have 12 of them now (that money just would have gone to heroin earlier this year, not a newfound completely new creative outlet involving sensory delights and natural healing). Anyways yeah... one of the best days of my life : ) after sadness like yesterday there seems to come something like ecstasy.

I started playing my acoustic again and finger picking too. The finger picking adds a whole new dimension to my play and it's right up my alley : )

I just took like 30 min putting my new SICK black 10g plugs. I sorta kinda need that cute tall fox around... I am going to try and keep her out of my mind, but I love the shop and I'm there all the time so who knows. She is totally sexy though, and more. Just had a really nice chat with her, and a few other really attractive women but I think they were all engaged or whatever so I don't hit on people with any sorta rings if they are wearing them. I wasn't even hitting on the girl at the punk rock shop. Just having a lovely chat but she said the choke-ornamental-patterned-tightnecklace type thing really suited me. And now we have matching ones and that's kinda cute : )

Keep in mind I am in pain ALL the time too while enjoying my life like this. I just don't give a fuck, I deal with it. My percs are out and not a second thought. FUCK THAT TRASH (for me anyway). A handful of pills will steal all of this and my new job away from me, and all my money and fiery spirit and sex drive. I'm doing nothing to treat it but pretending like I don't have it anymore. I have no time to waste in this incarnation and a lot to share!!!

 

[ShroomySatori]

Anyways, I had a nice night. I went out and bought 4 books: Inherent Vice by Pynchon (for my brother), Gravity's Rainbow, an encyclopedia of essential oils and aromatic therapy to help me with my new practice of harry potter potions class-esque magic healing oil creation, and also a book of poems and literature by Edgar Allan Poe. I wouldn't have bought it if it did not contain Annabel Lee, and as I looked through the list of poems one by one getting further and further disappoint I finally saw it listed as the very last one and the ending of the book! I also bought the satanic bible today.

I'm laying in bed by candlelight and I'm waiting to calm down so that I can start reading by the candlelight in my favourite chair... it's more like a throne in my mind. I'm trying to calm down from 3 people extremely stressing me out who are very close to me and are treating me like shit. I expect it from my "mom" as she has always been that way, but not from my friends.

I was betrayed and degraded by one of my best friends (who I met on here) yesterday when I needed a friend the most and was crying. He ordered me not to cry. He's lucky I was not there, as if a good fired tells me what to do or treats me like a child in a split second his face will be a bloody mess, his nose will be broken, and he will be pushed to the ground like a dog.

I was treated like a child by a lady I have spent a lot of time getting to know recently. I realized how immature she is and how she is not for me as I can't handle people that emotionally unstable. The lady at the punk rock store though... ohmygod. I have a new target, lol. It was soooo cute the way we spoke to each other and she actually wanted to talk while at work.

I was also betrayed and humiliated by my very own mother tonight, as usual. I don't actually have real, caring parents by the way. My brother makes up for the both of them, and I do for him too. Could use a friend if anyone is around, I'm not even sad. I am infuriated by the way people have been treating me. When my longtime friend hung up on me after directing me orders how to live my own life as a strong willed and intelligent 29 year old male, I realized what a coward he is. It's no wonder he shoots meth and stimulant RC's and cocaine and thinks I'm the only one with a drug problem.

Know what! I only need me. I'm going to make a potion of sandalwood and frankincense... they recommended that for yoga practice and spiritual healing. I am going to rub some all under my nose and inhale a beautiful, lovely, relaxing scent and... inhale.




Just saying that it really worked. I have shed my frustration completely. Under my nose didn't work so well as inhale through my cupping hands. I did this for around half an hour... long deep breathing. Two drops of frankincense oil, two drops of sandalwood oil, and 10 drops of the carrier oil to dilute it. The sandalwood brings an earthy tone to the lovely fragrance of frankincense. It really chilled me out, more than a joint ever could. I'm feeling well enough to read tonight and I am going to start reading by the candlelight. Perfect reading time, really.

I feel like with all the ladies I have been talking to lately (book stores, the aromatherapy shop, the candle shop, and the punk rockish type shop... I really truly desire the tall, slightly gothic and dark fox who I met today there. We had a really chill connection, it wasn't as friendly as with the others and she wasn't wearing any rings either. I love how tall she is as I am just over 6 feet and she is just a couple inches shorter. She has green eyes and long dark brunette hair, and we now have matching choke-tightnecked ornamental neck braces lol. I don't know how to explain it... but it was the best $4 I ever spent. My new black ear plugs, I had no idea how much I would like the more than the silver ones I had before. They are much more prominent, and black, like what the rest of I wear is.

Just thinking about her right now relaxes me. I can pretty much have any single woman I want, but I am very picky. I like her. I hope to run into her again when I go check out that store as I actually love it there too. The atmosphere is all dark and chill. Next time I am really going to say something in a friendly, open, non pressuring way but like a deeper and very real compliment and see how she reacts, see if I can make her blush. More flirting, when she let me try on her neck thing I found that very kind as I could have tried on one of the store ones, but she took off hers and put it over my head. It was lovely, and she was the only gal who took the time to be curious about why I drew obscure symbols all over my left arm with a black marker. I won't be thinking about it at the time. I will just be going to the store to check things out that I like. Lots of piercings there, band shirts and chill stuff I like. I guess I just realized who I really want right now, and it's nice as I have been a little confused about that. I had to take the time to talk to and meet a lot of people. I want her so bad lol I have to come up with a new name other than fox... perhaps a vixen. she deserves a unique name for that. She was very special, I could sense it. Her eyes were like saucers so maybe she was tripping too, or perhaps she was catching a contact high, or perhaps her pupils were dilated due to attraction. I don't know, and I don't care. I know when I like someone a lot in that way.

Anyways, I have relaxed myself and I think that's really great. I think a lot of this is post acute withdrawal or it could be referred to as that as I still only have 2 weeks... well 15 days I guess. Whatever. I'm done with that shit and I know it. So relaxed now lol... I think the are spot on about that combination. I was going to add some ylang ylang oil, but I'm only in first year potions class at Hogwarts lol.

I looked in the mirror and realized how lovely I made myself look with my new piercings and neck thingy and it is badass for sure. At least I think so and that is all that matters. Took me like half an hour to put those plugs on and take my old ones off... I need a girlfriend who can do that, she works at the shop I get them from. I really hope to see her again sometime. She was asking about my job and stuff too cause i mentioned I'm starting a new job and stuff. She was really curious about me, and I thought that was cute. Curious vixen she is.

 

[ShroomySatori]

I took WAY too much FUCK anyone reading this pray for my life and my sanity. I'm really realy really scared please just pray.

I'll be okay. I'll be okay. I'll be okay just please if you read this actually pray for my very life. I railed WAY TOO MUCH.

I took a lot of etiz and clonaz I should be okay just please pray. It's probably a panic attack. I'll be okay I just wish I had a friend/

 

[Xorkoth]

Careful dude. Yeah you'll be fine, people have taken insane doses of 2C-B and other 2C-Xs, I've read of 400mg of 2C-B and the person was fine, though it was too intense. I've even read of 250mg of 2C-I, and 2C-I is much more stimulating than 2C-C. At least 2C-C doesn't last very long. Just try not to be so cavalier in the future, 2C-C and other psychedelics are great tools, but they're not totally benign, they're very powerful drugs.

Honestly I think the 2C-Xs are better taken orally, nasal admin is rough and also damages your nose because it's corrosive. Orally, the trip is gentler and more complete.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Xorkoth this was a total mistake. I was tripping all night and woke up and didn't realize I was still tripping, did my normal dose and had the most profound experience I could ever ask for. One of my chillest friends talked me right down man. And 2c-c doesn't last that long, I'm not taking anymore today or anytime soon unless I NEED to in order to avoid

I can't even explain to you what happened but EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE CAME TOGETHER AS IT SHOULD MY PAST MY FUTURE HOW I CREATE MY OWN DESTINY AND I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO TODAY.

I am heading to the mall actually and checking out more essential oils. I just created my own cologne out of clary sage,

Dude Xorkoth man yet again you were there for me with words of wisdom and I know this was really reckless of me. It needed to happen and I'm really glad I'm okay. I am continuing on my journey, I had a friend who not only talked me down but I had a lovely conversation with, met a new friend from high school (old friend, but we realized we live like a 5 minute walk away from each other, just wante a little smoke and we got into a whole conversation and came up with new ideas to work together and hang out.

I'm doing even better and I hope you understand that this reckless behaviour was completely my fault, I learned from my mistake, it was meant to be as it will alter the course of my destiny, I knew I was going to be okay because it was classic panic symptoms and I have panic attacks sober all the time just not THIS bad it had been a really long time. I'm chiller than I could ever be right now and I'm really really happy with my life : )

I think my daily experimentation with psychedelics might be over for now... but I am such a chaotic, complex, complicated person that I don't even know man I just don't even know but I do I do I do man I know myself. I just know I have to watch out.

Thank you for taking the time again to give me lovely advice and even though we have just talked about, I see you as a true friend for this.

 

[Squeaky]

Opinions are like assholes- everyone has one and they all stink.
PainfulOne- Anybody who has an opinion about your situation should first fix the problems in their own lives. I like to make mental notes about every persons failings(bankruptcy, divorce, obese children, etc.) Then when they throw opinions about my life, I start throwing crap until they get sick of everyone else in the room hearing their dirt and leave me the F alone. It's mean and aggressive, but that's how they're treating me so screw them.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Are you still trying to get clean buddy?

 

[Painful One]

Hey guys,

I made it through my two days of morphine withdrawal. It wasn't too bad using the Imodium (loperamide). That and a few Lorazepam, bridged the gap pretty good. I was able to sleep a lot and that helped.
I saw my doctor this time and he seems to have figured out that I need a few more pills without my having to ask. That worked out well. I should be alright now.

Thanks Squeaky. I don't like to keep track of anyone's failures. I am only showing them an example of love. That is all they will get from me. It aggravates them the most too. Lol! How are you doing Squeaky?

I hope you are feeling alright now Shroomy. Sounds like you had a pretty valuable journey. I hope it gives you the strength needed to get through this time for you. You have been doing so good.

Lots of love to you all.

 

[ShroomySatori]

I realized what I want to do with my life in the early hours of this morning. It was the most beautiful moment of my life - the actual singularity before the big bang to come forth - and nothing can ever top that. Absolutely everything I have ever experienced in my life, and my present state of mind, fit together like pieces of a puzzle in the flash of an eye. I didn't even realize this... it came from the sky. Someplace outside myself. It was the most beautiful moment of my life.

My idea is to open up a small, modern day apothecary that carries every essential oil on earth. I will grow and distill all of them which grow in this area, and import the rest. I will be my own architect (like my grandfather was) and design the place myself. I can already see it. A small stone shop that looks like something out of medieval times, lit entirely by candlelight inside, and there would be no premade ready-to-use formulas. I will write literature, books upon books, describing my creative process using essential oils and how I can use them to heal myself and others (I believe I can even heal my chronic pain with them). I will be using teaching methods which are not based around memorization, but creative self experimentation and analysis. I will live just outside the city in an old fashioned haunted looking house, with an interesting history, and have a small family and a lovely wife.

This all started with a chat with a lovely chick at the mall, who took two hours to explain a lot of important information to me when I only had $10. I am going to tell her about this as she game me the owners email, a fellow engineer with chronic pain and other health problems who taught himself how to heal through essential oils and opened a chain of stores (I just emailed him telling him my life story and asking for a retail job there too, since I need a place to start).

Checked my bank account at the shop, realized I had my tax return and I am so passionate about this that I have already invested close to $500 in my experimentations within a single week. I am there every day, I am so fascinated by it but the shop needs to be my own, less modern version of it and have only one.

This was the pinnacle moment of my whole entire life. I have a vision that could help so many people, and it is far too beautiful to ignore. I will be devoting the rest of my whole entire life towards this vision of mine until it is manifested in all its glory.

I mean... can you get any happier and satisfied when you fit every piece of the puzzle together, realize your past mistakes were not actual mistakes, but leading you towards something far greater and more powerful than you ever could have realized if you hadn't suffered? I need to get back to my encyclopedia of essential oils as I need to learn and study every last thing about them. I only have so much time left on this planet, and my life work needs to be fulfilled. Plus... every chick in that store is really hot and I have befriended several of them already. I really want a job their and I hope the owner gets back to me as a fellow engineer and all, I mean his life story sounds exactly like mine up to this point. I need to create the same things but in a totally different way, emphasizing personality creativity, experimentation, and healing through paying awareness to the internal workings of the body and using primarily the sense of smell and lovely aromatics.

It's nice to finally have a future planned out for myself. It's going to take a lot of work but with a vision this passionate and powerful there is practically nothing that can ever stop me apart from a sudden death. That is why I need to act as fast as I possibly can. There is not a moment to waste! I am happier and more satisfied with myself than I have ever been in my life up to this very moment. It makes so much sense in so many ways but you would have had to live my whole entire life to truly understand how meaningful tonight has been to me. I am very, really very very excited about this. It's something I could never grow tired of, ever.