-
The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines Bereavement Mindfulness Suicide Support Anger Management -
TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android
Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread
- Thread starter P0kemama
- Start date
- Status
ShroomySatori
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 24, 2015
- Messages
- 2,935
I'm getting right back on track. I guess I had to get high for a couple days, but I saw a spirit tonight and took it as a sign - of a tall woman staring right into my eyes as I slowly opened them while resting. She was standing at the edge of my bed, and when she noticed that I could see her with my stoned squinty eyes, she quickly turned around and vanished. She was as solid as any normal human, dark long hair and dressed in red and black. My droopy eyes were open ever so slightly, and she did NOT like to be seen. Normally when I see spirits, they are transparent, ethereal, and seem to be on another plane of existence. And I am usually on some sort of obscure psychedelic drug, unless we are talking about childhood when I saw them everywhere all the time. Perhaps, I am just finally losing my marbles completely...
It was a really odd experience and I don't think I am schizophrenic. There is no history of it in my family, just anxiety (what a wonder that is). I had several cups of chamomile tea, valerian, and was really drowsy at the time and totally under the influence. I swear I abuse everything, even chamomile tea (I was on like my 6th cup when this happened, that's why I was half-asleep). Fiending chamomile tea. Haha. And valerian liquid phytocapsules I pop like I'm on a xanax binge. But I somehow took seeing this entity who was very clearly watching over me as a sign to get my shit together. I am getting right back on track. It was a horrible slip-up that included heroin but I will make it through.
And then I had a dream that my place had been ransacked for drugs. Like somebody had been through all my shit, torn apart the place looking for my pills, my benzos and oxy's and psychedelics. It was really weird... I was wondering if there was a connection to whatever the fuck I saw when I opened my eyes ever so slightly as I was half-asleep... I had a sex dream as well, but that is pretty self-explanatory. No sex in real life, sex in dream life. Haha. Anyways, stuff like this trips me out! I'm dreaming again and it's awesome.
She didn't like to be seen, that's for sure. She looked exactly like my friend Laura. It was a creepy experience because she was standing up tall, very close to me, just at the edge of the bed. I'm really creeped out, it's probably sleep deprivation but who knows? All I know, is that I somehow took it as a sign and found the strength to carry on. Laura always says that she is with me in spirit. Today was the first day we didn't talk since I started to quit.
I'm really drowsy right now, and i have one nice sleep left in me before hell starts again. I just can't give up on myself. I feel that there are spirits watching over me, concerned for my well being. Even if I am reading too much into that, it was still extremely tripped out. I know what I saw. It somehow led me to find the strength to carry on with 5 minutes. I am really going to watch my benzo use too. That experience really shook me up, I can't deny who I saw.
So, I am really not giving up, but I am raising my oxy dose (no more dope fuck) and I am dealing first with comfort meds. I did not notice how I was abusing them so extensively and I didn't plan for it to go on so long. It was supposed to be for acute wd's only but I started abusing even more of them in PAWS to the point that I had to take a step back. No more muscle relaxer abuse. Klonopin 2mg daily and nothing more no matter how much panic. Then, I can focus on the oxy's as that other stuff is gonna kill my head the way I've been using it.
It was a really odd experience and I don't think I am schizophrenic. There is no history of it in my family, just anxiety (what a wonder that is). I had several cups of chamomile tea, valerian, and was really drowsy at the time and totally under the influence. I swear I abuse everything, even chamomile tea (I was on like my 6th cup when this happened, that's why I was half-asleep). Fiending chamomile tea. Haha. And valerian liquid phytocapsules I pop like I'm on a xanax binge. But I somehow took seeing this entity who was very clearly watching over me as a sign to get my shit together. I am getting right back on track. It was a horrible slip-up that included heroin but I will make it through.
And then I had a dream that my place had been ransacked for drugs. Like somebody had been through all my shit, torn apart the place looking for my pills, my benzos and oxy's and psychedelics. It was really weird... I was wondering if there was a connection to whatever the fuck I saw when I opened my eyes ever so slightly as I was half-asleep... I had a sex dream as well, but that is pretty self-explanatory. No sex in real life, sex in dream life. Haha. Anyways, stuff like this trips me out! I'm dreaming again and it's awesome.
She didn't like to be seen, that's for sure. She looked exactly like my friend Laura. It was a creepy experience because she was standing up tall, very close to me, just at the edge of the bed. I'm really creeped out, it's probably sleep deprivation but who knows? All I know, is that I somehow took it as a sign and found the strength to carry on. Laura always says that she is with me in spirit. Today was the first day we didn't talk since I started to quit.
I'm really drowsy right now, and i have one nice sleep left in me before hell starts again. I just can't give up on myself. I feel that there are spirits watching over me, concerned for my well being. Even if I am reading too much into that, it was still extremely tripped out. I know what I saw. It somehow led me to find the strength to carry on with 5 minutes. I am really going to watch my benzo use too. That experience really shook me up, I can't deny who I saw.
So, I am really not giving up, but I am raising my oxy dose (no more dope fuck) and I am dealing first with comfort meds. I did not notice how I was abusing them so extensively and I didn't plan for it to go on so long. It was supposed to be for acute wd's only but I started abusing even more of them in PAWS to the point that I had to take a step back. No more muscle relaxer abuse. Klonopin 2mg daily and nothing more no matter how much panic. Then, I can focus on the oxy's as that other stuff is gonna kill my head the way I've been using it.
Last edited:
Squeaky
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2016
- Messages
- 1,993
Shroomi- I know a financial advisor who recommends you pay off your smallest debt first, regardless of the interest rate. Whichever one you can pay off the fastest will give you the momentum to pay off the next one- then the next one.
Maybe you would do good to quit the easiest one, even if it's only Tylenol. That might give you the drive you need to tackle the next one you lean on- maybe the rea or the girlfriend.
Just a suggestion.
Maybe you would do good to quit the easiest one, even if it's only Tylenol. That might give you the drive you need to tackle the next one you lean on- maybe the rea or the girlfriend.
Just a suggestion.
ShroomySatori
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 24, 2015
- Messages
- 2,935
So the easiest thing for me right now would be to quit baclofen and that's what I've been doing. I hate the stuff with a passion and only ever use it in acute wd's but it spiralled out of control as it makes me numb and reduces anxiety. I was taking excessive amounts of this muscle relaxer to the extent that we had to have a plumber over today. It was only supposed to be for the first week, as it makes me feel drowsy and a little psychotic. I am getting rebound spasticity in my neck, terrible muscle tension... the shit has to go before I end up with another bad habit.
Cool suggestion man. Then, I would make sure to take 1mg klonopin every 12 hours like normal and that won't be too hard either. No more hardcore benzo abuse to deal with this shit.
Girlfriend can wait until I have my shit together better. Perhaps a 'friend' is a better idea for now.
Oxy is the biggest debt I have to repay. I got so much out of it - so much energy, total pain relief, so much creativity, so much (did I mention) pain relief, anti-depressant effects, euphoria, sociability... it cures everything wrong with me apart from the anxiety and borderline stuff. When I go back to tapering that which will be very soon, I won't be fucking around with other drugs more than I already do. There was a cocaine incident. There was heavy weed and hash abuse. There were several high dose xanax and etizolam incidents. Dilaudid incident. Budding addiction to muscle relaxers and heavy klonopin doses to keep calm. All of that has to go, if I am going to taper oxy's there cannot be any other drugs involved other than the 2mg k-pin I require. Not even psychedelics, or weed.
If I get anxious outside of my benzo schedule - I have L-theanine, Valerian, multiple B vitamin supplements, yoga, that kind of stuff. For sleep, I have melatonin and Valerian helps with that too, as well as chamomile. So my approach will be different... I'm going to have some physical wd's as I was getting them this morning. Not too bad though. I need to address the fact that I wasn't really sober and was just abusing other shit that made me even more numb.
I am getting into both a psychiatrist and psychologist but I hear borderline people are a therapists worst nightmare, and I am one nightmare of a borderline to set off. So we'll see how that goes, haha. Definitely worth trying. My impression with it so far, is that I became very defensive and came up with a counter-argument for every bullshit statement the therapist said, while feeling like I was an alien specimen under a fucking microscope. It was horrible, and I hate hearing the same shit time after time "Anxiety and pain often go hand in hand, you know." Yeah, no shit. My panic issues started after 2 years of untreated back pain, maybe you should have got me into a fucking pain clinic when I could not get out of bed or even lay in bed on a heating pad comfortably. And how are generalized statements like that going to help me. I could tell they were getting frustrated but so was I when he told the nurse, "see, listen to how fast he is talking", or "there's something wrong here." Bite it therapist. I was being ganged up on as well by my family, I didn't want the session. That never works, in fact it completely fucked my recovery I feel as I binged on dilaudid after I was ganged up on.
I'm going to look into massage and physiotherapy for my pain too. Not just giving up, I had to raise my dose though. I'm limiting myself to 60mg today and honestly 20mg oxy isn't the end of the world compared to how I was continuously fucking up big-time. I think most of my sleep problems were related to benzo abuse, not PAWS. Benzos really fuck with your sleep I hear, but not at therapeutic doses like the 2mg clonazepam I'm on, which I think is around equivalent to the ativan you said you were taking. It was basically like I was starting to taking the equiv of 20 or 30mg ativan a day man. It was horrible and it was making me stupid too - I kept typing the wrong words, my memory went to shit... it had to stop and it will. 2mg clonazepam daily is leaving me with some anxiety but I have all those techniques and supplements I mentioned and more to deal with that. Just need to keep my head up really and not get insanely depressed - again, I strongly feel that benzo and muscle relaxer abuse was contributing to the depression, in fact I am certain of it.
By the way Squeaks, I switched over to your oxy dropping method. Jut not crushing pills but man I'm getting higher quicker, with less, for longer. You were totally right man. My percs are huge man I don't think I could even cap them up if I crushed them and I don't like the bitter taste. I've tried it since I have tried cold water extraction, which was a total waste of pills. I'll never take pills after a meal again. I just have a light fatty snack after taking them. Working a hell of a lot better man, thanks for the tip. Although, I find the caffeine from a nice cup of green tea, follow by a nice relaxing cup of chamomile adds to it (you said no caffeine... I think just a little bit to stimulate metabolism). I can either get by off less now, or attain more satisfying and longer highs. I am actually eating less, so that when I need them for pain they kick in quick. It is more satisfying and makes sniffing dope less appealing since I don't have to wait as long now, which is the whole point of dope - a quick, cheap fix.
Cool suggestion man. Then, I would make sure to take 1mg klonopin every 12 hours like normal and that won't be too hard either. No more hardcore benzo abuse to deal with this shit.
Girlfriend can wait until I have my shit together better. Perhaps a 'friend' is a better idea for now.
Oxy is the biggest debt I have to repay. I got so much out of it - so much energy, total pain relief, so much creativity, so much (did I mention) pain relief, anti-depressant effects, euphoria, sociability... it cures everything wrong with me apart from the anxiety and borderline stuff. When I go back to tapering that which will be very soon, I won't be fucking around with other drugs more than I already do. There was a cocaine incident. There was heavy weed and hash abuse. There were several high dose xanax and etizolam incidents. Dilaudid incident. Budding addiction to muscle relaxers and heavy klonopin doses to keep calm. All of that has to go, if I am going to taper oxy's there cannot be any other drugs involved other than the 2mg k-pin I require. Not even psychedelics, or weed.
If I get anxious outside of my benzo schedule - I have L-theanine, Valerian, multiple B vitamin supplements, yoga, that kind of stuff. For sleep, I have melatonin and Valerian helps with that too, as well as chamomile. So my approach will be different... I'm going to have some physical wd's as I was getting them this morning. Not too bad though. I need to address the fact that I wasn't really sober and was just abusing other shit that made me even more numb.
I am getting into both a psychiatrist and psychologist but I hear borderline people are a therapists worst nightmare, and I am one nightmare of a borderline to set off. So we'll see how that goes, haha. Definitely worth trying. My impression with it so far, is that I became very defensive and came up with a counter-argument for every bullshit statement the therapist said, while feeling like I was an alien specimen under a fucking microscope. It was horrible, and I hate hearing the same shit time after time "Anxiety and pain often go hand in hand, you know." Yeah, no shit. My panic issues started after 2 years of untreated back pain, maybe you should have got me into a fucking pain clinic when I could not get out of bed or even lay in bed on a heating pad comfortably. And how are generalized statements like that going to help me. I could tell they were getting frustrated but so was I when he told the nurse, "see, listen to how fast he is talking", or "there's something wrong here." Bite it therapist. I was being ganged up on as well by my family, I didn't want the session. That never works, in fact it completely fucked my recovery I feel as I binged on dilaudid after I was ganged up on.
I'm going to look into massage and physiotherapy for my pain too. Not just giving up, I had to raise my dose though. I'm limiting myself to 60mg today and honestly 20mg oxy isn't the end of the world compared to how I was continuously fucking up big-time. I think most of my sleep problems were related to benzo abuse, not PAWS. Benzos really fuck with your sleep I hear, but not at therapeutic doses like the 2mg clonazepam I'm on, which I think is around equivalent to the ativan you said you were taking. It was basically like I was starting to taking the equiv of 20 or 30mg ativan a day man. It was horrible and it was making me stupid too - I kept typing the wrong words, my memory went to shit... it had to stop and it will. 2mg clonazepam daily is leaving me with some anxiety but I have all those techniques and supplements I mentioned and more to deal with that. Just need to keep my head up really and not get insanely depressed - again, I strongly feel that benzo and muscle relaxer abuse was contributing to the depression, in fact I am certain of it.
By the way Squeaks, I switched over to your oxy dropping method. Jut not crushing pills but man I'm getting higher quicker, with less, for longer. You were totally right man. My percs are huge man I don't think I could even cap them up if I crushed them and I don't like the bitter taste. I've tried it since I have tried cold water extraction, which was a total waste of pills. I'll never take pills after a meal again. I just have a light fatty snack after taking them. Working a hell of a lot better man, thanks for the tip. Although, I find the caffeine from a nice cup of green tea, follow by a nice relaxing cup of chamomile adds to it (you said no caffeine... I think just a little bit to stimulate metabolism). I can either get by off less now, or attain more satisfying and longer highs. I am actually eating less, so that when I need them for pain they kick in quick. It is more satisfying and makes sniffing dope less appealing since I don't have to wait as long now, which is the whole point of dope - a quick, cheap fix.
Last edited:
Squeaky
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2016
- Messages
- 1,993
That's awesome bro! It's nice to hear someone else is being helped from my own little experiment. Too bad the Dr's aren't giving out this kind of advice.
I started chewing pills a year ago, now I don't even notice the flavor, even with percs. In fact, if it's time for a dose and my stomache is empty i will chew and then suck on the powder to speed absorbsion. It REALLY sucks to be tapering, take your scheduled dose and feel no relief from the wd's.
I started chewing pills a year ago, now I don't even notice the flavor, even with percs. In fact, if it's time for a dose and my stomache is empty i will chew and then suck on the powder to speed absorbsion. It REALLY sucks to be tapering, take your scheduled dose and feel no relief from the wd's.
Last edited:
ShroomySatori
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 24, 2015
- Messages
- 2,935
Yeah bro. Thanks man for the tips. I am going to try 60mg tomorrow and see how I feel. I have all my meds for the day in a little container. I am really concerned about my mental health, not so much the wd's. I don't know how much withdrawal I'd get from 3 days of overuse. It's important that I get the most out of each pill as I feel that I am underprescribed for my tolerance and pain levels. I find that dosing them in the morning, is when I get the strongest effect. I'm going to experiment with a slightly higher dose in the morning, and a slightly lower dose later on in the day, instead of having it so balanced. I'm hoping that without the baclofen, and a much lower benzo dose, even if I have increased anxiety I will have more clarity of mind. That should help with the depression, which I think is my biggest issue. I feel like the large amounts of those sedatives were messing with me more than the oxy wd's at one point, so if I respect those, the withdrawal from oxy should be more bearable. If it's too much for my mental health, then presently I'll just be taking it easy - but 60mg should be more than enough for me. I could probably go back to 40mg if I had the sedatives under control.
I'm really nervous man. I've been feeling so happy and normal these past few days. Sleeping 8 hours (and during the night-time, not during the morning or afternoon or some random time for 2 hours). I'm just worried it's going to get nasty again when I'm feeling so great. I'll just see how tomorrow goes and take it from there. It's hard with polydrug abuse to be able to tell where the problems are coming from, and it is quite possible that overusing sedatives was messing my head up more than the oxy wd's. And that benzo overuse didn't go on for too long so I'd be able to recover quick from it. It's also possible that my symptoms could be even worse without the sedatives. I'll just have to see, and take it from there.
I'm panicking just thinking about it. I've really been feeling so much better in almost every regard. I'll just see what I can do... and I have an opportunity to talk to my doctor fairly soon. I get really nervous when I think about dropping my dose to where I was before. I was really unstable to the extent that it was dangerous.
I'm really nervous man. I've been feeling so happy and normal these past few days. Sleeping 8 hours (and during the night-time, not during the morning or afternoon or some random time for 2 hours). I'm just worried it's going to get nasty again when I'm feeling so great. I'll just see how tomorrow goes and take it from there. It's hard with polydrug abuse to be able to tell where the problems are coming from, and it is quite possible that overusing sedatives was messing my head up more than the oxy wd's. And that benzo overuse didn't go on for too long so I'd be able to recover quick from it. It's also possible that my symptoms could be even worse without the sedatives. I'll just have to see, and take it from there.
I'm panicking just thinking about it. I've really been feeling so much better in almost every regard. I'll just see what I can do... and I have an opportunity to talk to my doctor fairly soon. I get really nervous when I think about dropping my dose to where I was before. I was really unstable to the extent that it was dangerous.
Last edited:
P0kemama
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2015
- Messages
- 874
Hi,
Hope you are continuing to do well... It sounds like you, Shroomy, have been through some ups and downs but are better now. Squeaky, hope you are able to get back to the dosage you want to stabilize at.
I am starting my fourth day of basically cold turkey... I am taking only one 15mg hydrocodone a day, just so I can eat and walk around a bit. I am totally off of the oxymorphone and am so happy about that! I have at least another four days free to kick that stuff. I cannot believe how weak I am... just barely able to walk around most of the day, or even read the posts here. I sure hope it gets better by day 7 or 8... I would hate to have to take more opiates to handle my obligations, after all I am going through. I am taking gabapentin... it upsets my stomach, but helps me sleep and I have not had RLS so far, Thank God. I also have clonidine, and that helps with anxiety.
Otherwise,.5 mg ativan at night to sleep. I wish it was only .25mg, but that amount did not work. I will not go higher due to my fears around benzo usage. I have some prescription medication for nausea that I only took once cuz it gives me a headache.
Take care, my dear friends. If you have any advice on how to kick this weakness or how long it lasts, I would like to hear your feedback.
Hope you are continuing to do well... It sounds like you, Shroomy, have been through some ups and downs but are better now. Squeaky, hope you are able to get back to the dosage you want to stabilize at.
I am starting my fourth day of basically cold turkey... I am taking only one 15mg hydrocodone a day, just so I can eat and walk around a bit. I am totally off of the oxymorphone and am so happy about that! I have at least another four days free to kick that stuff. I cannot believe how weak I am... just barely able to walk around most of the day, or even read the posts here. I sure hope it gets better by day 7 or 8... I would hate to have to take more opiates to handle my obligations, after all I am going through. I am taking gabapentin... it upsets my stomach, but helps me sleep and I have not had RLS so far, Thank God. I also have clonidine, and that helps with anxiety.
Otherwise,.5 mg ativan at night to sleep. I wish it was only .25mg, but that amount did not work. I will not go higher due to my fears around benzo usage. I have some prescription medication for nausea that I only took once cuz it gives me a headache.
Take care, my dear friends. If you have any advice on how to kick this weakness or how long it lasts, I would like to hear your feedback.
ShroomySatori
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 24, 2015
- Messages
- 2,935
Why are you choosing to go cold turkey now? I am just curious, that sounds awful. Is it by choice? It will be worth it in the end but wow, I couldn't handle that so well.
I think healthy eating is important to get your strength back, and also good sleep but it takes a while as I think it has to do with hormones. I feel lots of muscle wasting, and it is horrible I agree. I am concerned about how you are feeling doing that. Remember to keep hydrated and try to eat something too.
You are right to be fearful of benzo usage. My benzo habit is far more serious than my opiate use ever has been. I keep safety reserves of benzos in several locations as I am that fearful of ever running out. You sound pretty well for how under the weather you must be feeling. Sending you my best wishes.
I think healthy eating is important to get your strength back, and also good sleep but it takes a while as I think it has to do with hormones. I feel lots of muscle wasting, and it is horrible I agree. I am concerned about how you are feeling doing that. Remember to keep hydrated and try to eat something too.
You are right to be fearful of benzo usage. My benzo habit is far more serious than my opiate use ever has been. I keep safety reserves of benzos in several locations as I am that fearful of ever running out. You sound pretty well for how under the weather you must be feeling. Sending you my best wishes.
P0kemama
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2015
- Messages
- 874
Thank you Shroomy! I choose now because I have those 8 days free. Also, I was creeping back up on my dosages.. after getting down to the 20mg of oxymorphone a day, I was often throwing in one or two of the 15mg oxycodone. Also, I was getting very despondent over the sniffing piece I really want to travel... and my habit ruined my trip to LA last May... I was nervous and then my plane was delayed... I actually ran out of drugs. I want to travel and am trapped by my addiction... so depressing. I now have some hope that eventually I will be able to travel again... free from this sniffing habit!!
ShroomySatori
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 24, 2015
- Messages
- 2,935
I just don't know how you're doing it. You make the taper thread then go cold turkey haha.
I know what you mean about travel. It is very frustrating. In general, my chronic pain is too severe for me to enjoy travelling very much anymore. I was planning on Florida for two weeks early next year, but it's not worth it to me. Even if I have all the pills in the world, it doesn't change the fact that I have chronic pain and it is exacerbated by travel. The addiction just makes it not even an option. My biggest struggle will be finding employment as I think it is beyond the limits of my pain to work full-time in an office now - pills or no pills, it's not worth the extreme increase in pain I experience from having to be out and about for 12 hours and stressed by work. It destroys any quality of life that I have left and never ends well. So I have to adapt somehow. I'd never have chosen this profession if I had injured my back earlier in life. Here I am practicing guitar 8 hours a day, but I feel like a lost soul. Hopefully it leads to something down the line.
The addiction makes travel impossible... I am taking higher doses than prescribed again both benzos and opiates which means I can't really get on a plane comfortably anymore. No travel for me. I have trouble leaving my residence for more than a few hours.
I wouldn't even be able to communicate in your situation. I don't know how you are doing it. Congrats, anyway, for making it this far. Especially with the sniffing habit. Must be tough.
I know that I could very quickly get back into the work force just fine if I decided to be a heroin addict again. Very quickly, I would be an engineer. It is very tempting, as I see no other way that could get me working full-time again. Yet I choose to sit here day after day wasting my life. I wish my doctor would just give me an increase but if anything, I'm trying to hold on to what I have with all the bullshit in the news demonizing and stigmatizing these pills. I am going to be honest with my doc soon and tell him I simply can't work full time and what the fuck I should do about that (obviously not mentioning the dope). I am very tempted to go back to heroin so that I can work full time again. It's great making money. I was highly functional in the workplace as a heroin addict - always was, but then I stopped, and when I am not using heroin, I do not so much as apply for a single job, write a single cover letter, as I know that due to my pain level I would be setting myself up for failure. So like... do hard drugs to be able to work? Set myself up to OD and possibly die young or turn to needles? Why can't I just get 80mg oxy instead of 40. Makes NO sense to me, but that's life. It isn't fair. I feel discriminated against and it's hard enough as it is being disabled in my 20's.
I know what you mean about travel. It is very frustrating. In general, my chronic pain is too severe for me to enjoy travelling very much anymore. I was planning on Florida for two weeks early next year, but it's not worth it to me. Even if I have all the pills in the world, it doesn't change the fact that I have chronic pain and it is exacerbated by travel. The addiction just makes it not even an option. My biggest struggle will be finding employment as I think it is beyond the limits of my pain to work full-time in an office now - pills or no pills, it's not worth the extreme increase in pain I experience from having to be out and about for 12 hours and stressed by work. It destroys any quality of life that I have left and never ends well. So I have to adapt somehow. I'd never have chosen this profession if I had injured my back earlier in life. Here I am practicing guitar 8 hours a day, but I feel like a lost soul. Hopefully it leads to something down the line.
The addiction makes travel impossible... I am taking higher doses than prescribed again both benzos and opiates which means I can't really get on a plane comfortably anymore. No travel for me. I have trouble leaving my residence for more than a few hours.
I wouldn't even be able to communicate in your situation. I don't know how you are doing it. Congrats, anyway, for making it this far. Especially with the sniffing habit. Must be tough.
I know that I could very quickly get back into the work force just fine if I decided to be a heroin addict again. Very quickly, I would be an engineer. It is very tempting, as I see no other way that could get me working full-time again. Yet I choose to sit here day after day wasting my life. I wish my doctor would just give me an increase but if anything, I'm trying to hold on to what I have with all the bullshit in the news demonizing and stigmatizing these pills. I am going to be honest with my doc soon and tell him I simply can't work full time and what the fuck I should do about that (obviously not mentioning the dope). I am very tempted to go back to heroin so that I can work full time again. It's great making money. I was highly functional in the workplace as a heroin addict - always was, but then I stopped, and when I am not using heroin, I do not so much as apply for a single job, write a single cover letter, as I know that due to my pain level I would be setting myself up for failure. So like... do hard drugs to be able to work? Set myself up to OD and possibly die young or turn to needles? Why can't I just get 80mg oxy instead of 40. Makes NO sense to me, but that's life. It isn't fair. I feel discriminated against and it's hard enough as it is being disabled in my 20's.
Last edited:
P0kemama
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2015
- Messages
- 874
You sound so frustrated... I feel for you so much!! I can't imagine that an honest talk with your doctor would hurt, but then again, I have trust issues with medical practitioners so do not want you to do something that turns out badly. I think you need to stay away from the H... it only ends in despair... or worse. The chasing the high, needing more, changing the way you use it... from sniffing to shooting... I do not know of one H addict who said their life turned out good. It may help your job situation in the short term, but the long term? Man, I have never heard of a functional, long term junkie. They all end up homeless, or.....
Take your time... sort out your options.... And, I am technically still tapering man.... 15mg oxycodone a day... which is why I can type now...lol... but fading fast.
Take your time... sort out your options.... And, I am technically still tapering man.... 15mg oxycodone a day... which is why I can type now...lol... but fading fast.
ShroomySatori
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 24, 2015
- Messages
- 2,935
You would be surprised. You only ever hear about the non-functional ones. I am very cunning in the deceiving way that I use and how it affects me. I kept it up for years with little to no change, that's why it's so tempting to go back. If anything, what would kill me is laced dope... not the H itself. And, once I really started making money, oxycodone wouldn't be an issue and that's really what I want. I want dope right now because it's all I can afford to get me back up on my feet, but an engineer can afford an oxy habit which is my drug of choice over any quality of H. I'll see what I can do at my appointment, just mentioning how shit my quality of life is (and it's not just withdrawal related). Will try not to complain though.I actually just need to lay low for a while because I was kind of a borderline maniac in some of those appointments, I plan on just chilling out and hopefully getting my refills. I've been having intense cravings for dope lately as I know it would get my life back on track straight away. I just know my body, the way I use it in low doses for pain, and the way I react to it long term.
This next appointment is critical for me though. I'm not sure what to do... sometimes I will write notes because it happens in the blink of an eye and I want to get my point across. I don't think my doc minded that but if I wrote a few pages would say I needed to start writing less. Actually come to think of it that was the one time I ever got an increase, it was through writing. I think that's going to be my approach this time. I feel that I am good at expressing myself through writing, but not so much socially, and the appointments are so fast that I never know what to bring up. I need to start writing to prepare myself and let the writing do the talking, and my smile show that I am actually feeling alright compared to usual.
You sound like you are doing well considering your situation.
This next appointment is critical for me though. I'm not sure what to do... sometimes I will write notes because it happens in the blink of an eye and I want to get my point across. I don't think my doc minded that but if I wrote a few pages would say I needed to start writing less. Actually come to think of it that was the one time I ever got an increase, it was through writing. I think that's going to be my approach this time. I feel that I am good at expressing myself through writing, but not so much socially, and the appointments are so fast that I never know what to bring up. I need to start writing to prepare myself and let the writing do the talking, and my smile show that I am actually feeling alright compared to usual.
You sound like you are doing well considering your situation.
silvermage
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 28, 2016
- Messages
- 2
Clonazepam tapering need advice
Hi all!
My name is nick and I am new here. I have been on clonazepam for 2 and a half years, 1mg a day every day and on very rare occasions 2mg if needed. I can count on one hand how many times I felt that 2mg was needed. Anyway, my Doc recently found out that I have rarely needed the 2mg and asked why I was not taking it. I told him that I took the 1mg every day when my anxiety was so high that I could no longer tolerate it. I have anxiety and bipolar issues. So I told him that I did not wish to become addicted to the clonazepam hence the reason I rarely took the 2mg and just stuck to the 1mg. He looked at me in surprise and informed me that since I had been taking clonazepam longer than a few weeks that I was already addicted to it.
This did not sit well with me. I have been learning some new coping skills for anxiety and had planned to get off the clonazepam soon anyway. However, I did not expect to be told that I was addicted. I wish I had been told this when it was first prescribed. So after researching benzo addiction and withdrawal, we decided it was time to come off the clonazepam and I needed to taper off. So my Doc set up a taper schedule of
Weeks 1-3 take .5mg in morning and .5mg in evening (still taking 1mg a day but getting my body used to a smaller dose instead of 1mg all at once)
Weeks 4-6 cut out the .5mg in morning and only take .5 in evening
Weeks 6-9 take .25mg in morning and .25mg in evening
Weeks 9-12 take .25mg in evening
Weeks 12-15 take 0.125 mg in morning and 0.125mg in evening
Weeks 15-18 take 0.125 mg in evening
Off after week 18.
So a taper of about 4 months. Is this a safe taper? Is it long enough to help prevent most withdrawal symptoms? Since I start the taper tomorrow I am somewhat nervous and would like some input. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
Nick
Hi all!
My name is nick and I am new here. I have been on clonazepam for 2 and a half years, 1mg a day every day and on very rare occasions 2mg if needed. I can count on one hand how many times I felt that 2mg was needed. Anyway, my Doc recently found out that I have rarely needed the 2mg and asked why I was not taking it. I told him that I took the 1mg every day when my anxiety was so high that I could no longer tolerate it. I have anxiety and bipolar issues. So I told him that I did not wish to become addicted to the clonazepam hence the reason I rarely took the 2mg and just stuck to the 1mg. He looked at me in surprise and informed me that since I had been taking clonazepam longer than a few weeks that I was already addicted to it.
This did not sit well with me. I have been learning some new coping skills for anxiety and had planned to get off the clonazepam soon anyway. However, I did not expect to be told that I was addicted. I wish I had been told this when it was first prescribed. So after researching benzo addiction and withdrawal, we decided it was time to come off the clonazepam and I needed to taper off. So my Doc set up a taper schedule of
Weeks 1-3 take .5mg in morning and .5mg in evening (still taking 1mg a day but getting my body used to a smaller dose instead of 1mg all at once)
Weeks 4-6 cut out the .5mg in morning and only take .5 in evening
Weeks 6-9 take .25mg in morning and .25mg in evening
Weeks 9-12 take .25mg in evening
Weeks 12-15 take 0.125 mg in morning and 0.125mg in evening
Weeks 15-18 take 0.125 mg in evening
Off after week 18.
So a taper of about 4 months. Is this a safe taper? Is it long enough to help prevent most withdrawal symptoms? Since I start the taper tomorrow I am somewhat nervous and would like some input. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
Nick
P0kemama
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2015
- Messages
- 874
Welcome Silverm! Glad you are here! Have you read the Ashton Manual? Is your taper schedule fairly close to the recommendations found in that manual? I would go there first just to check in and see, as that is the well respected source for benzo tapers.
Shroomy: Good you have a plan for your doctor's appointment... yes, you write very well... your posts are a testament to that! Good for you to begin getting your duck's in a row now. When is the appointment"
Shroomy: Good you have a plan for your doctor's appointment... yes, you write very well... your posts are a testament to that! Good for you to begin getting your duck's in a row now. When is the appointment"
ShroomySatori
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 24, 2015
- Messages
- 2,935
Appointment is soon. I spent the rest of tonight writing 4 pages so that I will be sure to get my point across. At least doctor will know exactly what's going on apart from the extras and shit. Like in terms of how much pain I'm in, and how much trouble I have working now. It doesn't really matter, I don't think I will get an increase, maybe a slight one, simply due to the hysteria. I'm taking higher doses now in order to live a functional life so I'm going to have to get a job to get more pills that I need for the pain. Not bad motivation really. I'll probably have to start off with dope for a month or so just because it's all I can afford and I need the relief.
Welcome Silvermage. Benzos are a last resort treatment for extreme anxiety / panic disorder typically. I got them for continuously showing up at the ER room begging for mercy from panic attacks so bad my body was just constantly going into shock. I am not sure how bad your anxiety is, mine is constant extreme physical panic. It sounds like if you want to get off them, you never really needed them to begin with. I'd be pissed too... I know nothing about tapering benzos though. It is a lot more complicated than getting off opiates, that's for sure. No idea how to answer your questions but like poke mama I would recommend reading the Ashton manual to start. I think that you should switch to valium because that is typically what is done. You find the equivalent dose of diazepam, that matches your clonazepam, and then use the valium to taper because it's way more straightforward to do it with valium. I personally think that 4 months is pretty damn quick for a long-acting benzo like that. There is also a website called benzo buddies that is all about support for people getting off benzos too. I think everyone here is tapering opiates but of course you are very much welcome, you just might not find the best information - moreso support. If your doctor recommended that I'd go with it, and if anything goes wrong you can communicate that. No idea why he wouldn't switch you to valium though...
Welcome Silvermage. Benzos are a last resort treatment for extreme anxiety / panic disorder typically. I got them for continuously showing up at the ER room begging for mercy from panic attacks so bad my body was just constantly going into shock. I am not sure how bad your anxiety is, mine is constant extreme physical panic. It sounds like if you want to get off them, you never really needed them to begin with. I'd be pissed too... I know nothing about tapering benzos though. It is a lot more complicated than getting off opiates, that's for sure. No idea how to answer your questions but like poke mama I would recommend reading the Ashton manual to start. I think that you should switch to valium because that is typically what is done. You find the equivalent dose of diazepam, that matches your clonazepam, and then use the valium to taper because it's way more straightforward to do it with valium. I personally think that 4 months is pretty damn quick for a long-acting benzo like that. There is also a website called benzo buddies that is all about support for people getting off benzos too. I think everyone here is tapering opiates but of course you are very much welcome, you just might not find the best information - moreso support. If your doctor recommended that I'd go with it, and if anything goes wrong you can communicate that. No idea why he wouldn't switch you to valium though...
Last edited:
Cotcha Yankinov
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2015
- Messages
- 2,952
Hey Silvermage - now forewarning I am not a licensed medical professional etc, but I think you may want to talk to your doctor about a few changes with your taper schedule. Cutting doses in half all of a sudden every couple weeks is probably not preferable to cutting a dose more often but with a smaller cut. 1mg per day to .5mg per day is a big jump. It might be better to do something like down to .9mg at night for 10 days, .8mg at night for the next 10 days etc... I also don't know about the initial splitting the doses up to one in the morning and one at night, I might personally just go for the .9mg at night. Clonazepam has a fairly long half life. The perceived length of action has more to do with compensatory effects by your brain, rather than brain/plasma levels of clonazepam.
If you have a history of seizures be cautious. You may also talk to your doctor about switching to a long acting benzodiazepine and then tapering that. I wouldn't expect horrible withdrawal symptoms if you go slow enough but you may get insomnia and rebound excitation of your thoughts (you may notice more mind chatter). Try some mindfulness meditation if the insomnia becomes an issue (its definitely great to practice anyways).
If you have a history of seizures be cautious. You may also talk to your doctor about switching to a long acting benzodiazepine and then tapering that. I wouldn't expect horrible withdrawal symptoms if you go slow enough but you may get insomnia and rebound excitation of your thoughts (you may notice more mind chatter). Try some mindfulness meditation if the insomnia becomes an issue (its definitely great to practice anyways).
Squeaky
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2016
- Messages
- 1,993
I tried a similar taper off 6 mg/day Ativan and it was pretty rough. I had headaches , scrambled thoughts, short term memory loss, and slight insomnia for the first 4-5 days at each level.
My recommendation is to try your doctor's plan but be ready with extra pills if you need to go slower and re-evaluate the schedule with your Dr.
Benzo wd's are the worst, and there is no need to suffer if you don't have to. You can always flush the extra pills when you're done.
My recommendation is to try your doctor's plan but be ready with extra pills if you need to go slower and re-evaluate the schedule with your Dr.
Benzo wd's are the worst, and there is no need to suffer if you don't have to. You can always flush the extra pills when you're done.
P0kemama
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2015
- Messages
- 874
Hi all,
Today was rough! I will not lie. I am starting my fifth day of this harsh taper down to 1 15mg oxyocdone per day. I have 0 energy. Will it get better... is there hope? I can stick this out if I hear it gets better...I know that I am at the worst of it... now until day 7. I then hope to feel a bit more strength.
Today was rough! I will not lie. I am starting my fifth day of this harsh taper down to 1 15mg oxyocdone per day. I have 0 energy. Will it get better... is there hope? I can stick this out if I hear it gets better...I know that I am at the worst of it... now until day 7. I then hope to feel a bit more strength.
Cotcha Yankinov
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2015
- Messages
- 2,952
Hang in there Poke, just a few more days and you'll start to turn the corner! Don't turn back now. Once you start getting some sleep you'll be back on your feet in no time and the worst of it will be over.
P0kemama
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2015
- Messages
- 874
^Thank you for your support, Cotcha. Long time no talk. The clonidine does knock me out... I sleep weird hours a few here a few there. Not like my first cold turkey when I did not sleep for days. But had a tad more energy then....now I am a dishrag all wrung out.
- Status