TDS The Suicide Support Thread

[empeebee]

Good to hear your getting cuddles. (please send me some if you have any leftovers...)

If you'll allow me to say so, you gotta accept yourself. Only you can be you. There isn't another soul, past or present or future, who can be you. If you are not comfortable with the you that you currently are, change your you to the you you'd like to be.

Does it take effort? Hell yes.
Does it take the strength of Hercules? Hell yes.
Does it mean that you may need to stop blaming yourself for things that were not your fault? Hell yes.
Does that mean that accepting that yesterday was yesterday and tomorrow is tomorrow? Hell yes.
Does it mean revealing your vulnerabilities to those who care about you? Hell yes.

Please let us know how you're doing.

Strength and determination cat.

./empeebee

 

[Jabberwocky]

Dad. I wonder who I woulda been had you of been here to bust my ass for the shit I’ve pulled. I love you I hope to see you one day. You’ve missed a lot. People have missed you. I’m sorry the pain was to much to bear. Look over me, cause I pray I don’t do the same one day.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Dad,

I think I would have been a completely different person if you had not passed on when I was 6. I would have loved to have known you other than through black-and-white photographs of moments I don't even remember.

Thank you for trying so hard to stay with mom and I.

I still wish, all these decades later, that I had been given the chance to say I love you and goodbye. I know you'd have wanted to say goodbye too.

I love you.

I miss you.

I will be with you when it is time. You will try and teach me how to cook a steak and I will try and teach you how to make sweet-sticky chicken but I bet my steak will be better than yours

Your son.

They love us and I love this post. It’s ok man we will make it through this thing if you ever need to talk I’m in the same boat

 

[empeebee]

I am now 15 years older than my dad was when he passed. He fought bravely and survived his first two heart attacks, but didn't have the strength to survive the 3rd. I know our dads love us and are proud of us (most of the time anyway).

Yes, I miss not having a father but have long understood that when it is your time, it is your time.

I am OK with this.

RIP Dad.

 

[deficiT]

Thankyou for the kind words.

As for what's causing me to be down? I guess I'm only just starting to work that out but its probably to do with disordered attachments mean I'm constantly looking for acceptance and comfort and to protect myself from emotional wounds but the strategies I developed for doing this were very dysfunctional and now as an adult make it more difficult for those things to come in to my life.

I'm not alone though I'm lucky, i have a friend coming to cuddle me and comfort me in a second.

Hey Cat, I don't have too much insight to throw out right now because I am a bit drained, but I still wanted to pop in. Suffice it to say life is tough, and some of us take a fucking beating. Whether it's our fault or our circumstances is irrelevant, because there are lots of beautiful and good people getting the short end of the Stick and suffering. But there's a lot of us, we're fucking strong, and have lived more life in a short period than most ever do. Which is a blessing and a curse. Hopefully this speaks to everyone in this thread recently.

Oh yeah, speaking of Sticks, just like a seeing a beautiful lady sad, it is a travesty to see someone who "Hangs Dong Like Kong" be in a dark place. Much love bro ❤ hang in there

 

[cosmic charlie]

Never thought about suicide so much better in my life before I lost her. Im really fucked up in the head and strung out on Heroin again I don't know what to do with myself. The drugs are pretty much the only thing keeping me from offing myself but at the same time it's what pushed her away from me. If I knew I would get her back I'd go away for awhile but she is so vague and makes statements sometimes that give me hope that if I get clean I can get my love back.

But then sometimes she will say something that cuts like a knife and she even said once that I never have a chance no matter what. But I can't dwell there cuz I will eventually take the leap if I do. If anything is prefer to just do too much Dope and not come out of my Nod. But Everytime I take up lines prep a shot im not being stupid about it. If I I find out she is with somebody else tho all bets are off and it will be time for me to say the long goodnight.

 

[mal3volent]

Never thought about suicide so much better in my life before I lost her. Im really fucked up in the head and strung out on Heroin again I don't know what to do with myself. The drugs are pretty much the only thing keeping me from offing myself but at the same time it's what pushed her away from me. If I knew I would get her back I'd go away for awhile but she is so vague and makes statements sometimes that give me hope that if I get clean I can get my love back.

But then sometimes she will say something that cuts like a knife and she even said once that I never have a chance no matter what. But I can't dwell there cuz I will eventually take the leap if I do. If anything is prefer to just do too much Dope and not come out of my Nod. But Everytime I take up lines prep a shot im not being stupid about it. If I I find out she is with somebody else tho all bets are off and it will be time for me to say the long goodnight.

so there's nothing in your life besides drugs and her that you value? Nothing that you can hold on to temporarily until your mind evolves a little ?

 

[cosmic charlie]

She just said some really harsh things to me just now im so sad im having a really hard time dealing with this. She makes me feeling such a bad person now. I understand that my addiction causes problems but im a very loving man and im getting to a point that im losing all my self esteem. I used to think that the positive outweigh the bad but when she says things like she never wants to be in another relationship cuz it was so bad dealing withy addiction it makes me feel so terrible inside. And the hardest part is I love her with all my heart. I never raised my voice orput my hands on her ever, im a sweet guy or at least I thought I was

 

[mal3volent]

She just said some really harsh things to me just now im so sad im having a really hard time dealing with this. She makes me feeling such a bad person now. I understand that my addiction causes problems but im a very loving man and im getting to a point that im losing all my self esteem. I used to think that the positive outweigh the bad but when she says things like she never wants to be in another relationship cuz it was so bad dealing withy addiction it makes me feel so terrible inside. And the hardest part is I love her with all my heart. I never raised my voice orput my hands on her ever, im a sweet guy or at least I thought I was

you should realize that just like you have your own personal shortcomings, she has hers as well. In a relationship both sides contribute in some way. It's not reasonable to blame only you or only her. Don't think you are the only dysfunctional human being on earth. We all have problems. You aren't alone in this.

 

[FULL_MEDIC]

I know that these posts are old 2015 I myself posted earlier on this page to, fools gold there's I have been a medical professional for over 40 years it may seem surprising to some people that someone like me can suffer from MDD which is the most common form of depression but none the less I do, I have been where some of you have been or are right now you can either believe me or disregard what I'm going to say I have already attempted suicide to the shock and dismay of many of my colleagues. It has been so difficult since an enormous amount of drugs are right in front of my face every working day !! many times when the pain and pressure and make no mistake psychological pain in many cases can be much worse than physical pain but I agree with the other individual who stated such profound common sense you know what you're dealing with here in this Dimension this world as bad as it is as unbearable as it may seem where you may feel ending it is going to be better than living with it because anything is better than living with it, but we tend to think in that way & get wrapped up in it and we lose sight of one very important thing and that's what keeps you from squeezing the trigger or swallowing a handful of pills hanging yourself and all the other varieties someone like me can suffer from MDD which is the most common form of depression but none the less I do I have been where some of you has been or are right now and you can either believe me or disregard what I'm going to say I have already attempted suicide to the shock and dismay of my colleagues thinking how can I do that having myself counseled so many of my own patients against this notion it's hard to explain to them they don't suffer from major depressive disorder but putting that aside I can reiterate what another member of this website just stated believe me you know what you're going through as I knew what I was going through I had a key around my neck to a drug cabinet that made most pharmacies look like an empty store and it was extremely difficult since it was right in front of my face too many times when dying seemed like such a better option than living with the Despair and darkness and suffer all I can say to you. Fools Gold is remember what's the other person on this forum just said you don't know what's going to happen you don't know what waits for you if you leave this world and commit suicide it could be a thousand times worse and more painful and maybe for eternity and maybe there's no coming back. I highly doubt there's any coming back unless the good Lord is gracious enough to allow you to be reborn and have another life but who knows that's guesswork I only want to live and deal with what I know, in medicine we deal with something called empirical evidence I've already seen it touched I have smelled it I know what it is even if it's painful and terrible, here I know what it is dying and going to the unknown think about that!! And good luck to you and God bless Tom.
P.S. if you need to, feel free to p.m. me anytime I would be more than glad to give you my direct phone number or the emergency room phone number that I run if you find yourself on the edge just PM me.

 

[FULL_MEDIC]

And just as a side note let me comment this fact since this thread started in 2015 there have been so many advances in medication that new previously schedule 1 totally unavailable classification such as heroin LSD, now it's been taken for many years it was taken out of class one for veterinary use for euthanasia of Animals.I'm referring to ketamine a a substantial amount of study's were done a very prestigious hospitals & University like the Mayo Clinic UCLA NYU the college I graduated from the medical school which is Albert Einstein College of Medicine and they've all concluded the same results ketamine has substantial antidepressant properties therefore making it a genuine therapeutic pharmaceutical agent and not something that should be relegated to only euthanasia so the FDA recently has aproved what can you lose by trying think about what you can gain if it works? many studies have concluded & have determined that ketamine can absolutely help people who are medication resistant to every other antidepressant medications currently in use. it's worth trying again God bless and good luck Tom

 

[Shady's Fox]

Why couldn’t I have died that night when I took all those pills?

I know, dear, we all do it. We all trying to make our life better and mostly we lie ourselves to fill that cup -- but I see you're online now, which means you're alive, which means you will survive! You are a fighter, don't put up any walls -- block what's toxic. Why should you live? to travel the world.

 

[Shady's Fox]

You use a fat brush here, why?

 

[Shady's Fox]

What do you mean a fat brush.

All love to you since we on Suicide Thread but if you can't understand basic analogues then no wonder how you don't find anything else that you love. I can't answer my question for you because that will shine with bad light on both and so this being said, try and be more logical. I am sorry if you met these kind of people because in our vocabulary there's our life, our experience and all the basic survival tools. To end this because I don't wanna go further, what you experience it's called the up's and downs of life -- we all go through this, most people are alive, some live and you have to get yourself outta that rabbit hole because isn't the end of the world, it's also called ''existential crisis'' in the current bias. Again, all my love to you, if you aren't happy with this job then you should because most don't have it, there are people who commit suicide because they don't have money. I just read few days ago, my wife showed me this article where a women kill herself and her son because they don't have any currency, I wasn't shocked but I was disappointed that they gave up because you can't blame a country if you don't do anything, rite. You can't smell like fragrance in garbage -- you have to be very conscious about what you do. ❤

 

[MsDiz]

Look, I understand that tons of people don’t have jobs but that does not have to mean I should be happy being over worked and not even given any breaks or a day off so I can get a root canal that I need done.

Your feelings are valid, you need to feel them. Forget what shady said, he’s trying to help, honestly people just don’t understand that it undermines a persons feelings to tell them to be grateful for what they have.

Is there anyone you can talk to to get your feelings out? Someone you can just vent to that will listen without trying to solve things? There are a good few suicide phone lines where you could call and those people are trained to listen.

How is your cut today? Did you manage to get it cleaned properly and closed as best as you could? That sounded quite deep, infection is a definite worry for such a deep cut so make sure you’re keeping an eye on it. Any issues pleased go and get it check by a professional!

I want to say, you’re feeling bad now but I promise it won’t last, it’s a bump in the road and I get that sometimes it’s constantly bumpy but eventually it will level out. You’ve just got to get through the next day. Try and speak to someone, take proactive steps to get yourself where you wanna be and go easy on yourself!

People in retail get such shit! Brush it off, I know it’s hard but it’s not you, it’s all on them and it’s a projection of their own issues.

Keep safe!

 

[MsDiz]

And I am looking into therapy...I hope the one I found takes me...

You did good with the wound you shouldn’t have problems. I was gonna suggest iodine it really is good for those types of cuts.

I hope you get into the therapy also. I’m so sorry you’re feeling awful at the moment. If you ever wanna talk to me my DMs are always open I’ll be more than happy to listen! Things will get better and you will come through this, focus on that light at the end of the tunnel it is there, I promise!

 

[Deleted member 521610]

Thoughts of suicide have plagued me my entire life with a few failed attempts as a teen but this was a very long time ago. Into adult hood it comes and goes but i usually found a way to pull myself through even through all the different drug abuse. Infact the only reason i never put a bullet through my brain when i was 19 was due to LSD.

LSD was my crutch to stop myself from attempting suicide again. Fast foward many years of drug abuse and failed relationships after graduating college and never living up to the potential i had due to child hood / teen trauma. Done my best to always try forgive and make society a better place by treating anybody with kindness but i feel like most the time people just take advantage. With how the world is now and seeing just as endless cycle of failure and abuse my hope fades to see better days. Now DMT, shrooms and LSD have reached their limits in starving off these thoughts.

Been weird / eccentric with deep depression and burn out from drugs i have DP/DR hppd ptsd. I hate how society judges everybody who is different. I tried to find solace and spirituality to heal my soul to give me a will to live everything just added more time as i truly tried to change the way i saw the world and try love life, But now after all these years it a was fruitless effort same shit comes backs. I have had near death experinces drowning, drug overdoses. The one thing which keeps my alive now is the fear of a afterlife and what suicide would entail for my soul after this physical world. I just want to escape and be free from suffering forever. I given life many tries but now i see i don't really want to head into my 40's 50's with nothing to show.

An eternal sleep is what my soul craves i see the high points of life and very painful lows.

Im going to give these last months of a year my final try of life and if it still doesn't work out then truly i won't be surviving this attempt.

 

[Deleted member 521610]

From the talk i just had with her it's made me step closer. What is the least painful way to kill yourself besides drug/opioid no overdose. I keep reading stories about how unsuccessful it can be. like people falling asleep on a limb all day and loosing functionality. Hanging painful and in my experience I've always stopped myself. Are there any poisons that are pluggable and you wouldn't need to taste it.

This is hypothetical to those of you that know off Bluelight DO NOT REACH OUT TO ANYONE if you do i will never forgive you. I am just trying to find answers for a friend.

Don;t give up on her yet it sad to see how the world goes down for those with kindness like you. You still have a chance to make thing better. LOVE is what keeps everything going.

 

[Deleted member 521610]

She said never and told all her family about my troubles and they are very bougie people especially her father will NEVER forgive me. It's so sad because im the one that suffers the most from Opioids and i don't steal from people are act violent or cruel. I try and open my heart and love everyone including her father who can come off mean sometimes even towards her and he caused her alot of problems with her self esteem cuz he judges her relating to her struggle with eating.

She is concerned with what her family thinks that even if i get sober and never use again, it doesn't matter. She wants me to go-to a long-term drug program but wh would i do this of there is no light for me in the end. I wasted enough of my life in rehabs, jails and prison and life is just too short. Not to mention we are in a pandemic and it's dangerous being in group settings like this. Im pretty sure i had Covid19 tho as i had pnemonia in March and was sick for weeks, just think i cleared the virus before i got tested.

Her father says like a judgmental prick that is over controlling on her life. I believe if she managed to free her self finally from that grip she would come back to you and help you. Life is a roller coaster sometimes holding in and waiting to see the ride becomes even through the toughest journeys makes the wait worth it. You still somebody who deeply cares you about you. In a world where society is dominated by ego people with truly kind hearts suffer the most. I wish people didn't judge anybody especially those who are hurting so much deep in addiction. Your a very loving kind person i truly wish you the best in your struggles in life.

 

[nznity]

It was also my two Overdoses i had this year so far and not to mention all the benzo blackouts over the last few years. I messed up alot of times and she said she is done, but why not let me have a chance at redemption and let me have another chance if i clean up at this program. It would actually fill me with motivation to make it happen. She is doing the opposite and it makes me wanna get high and im stuck in. Alot if times i purposely do a little too much Dope to knock myself out for awhile. At least it gives me a break. Wish i just stuck t the Psych's after we met. We had some amazing trips on Mushrooms together it was magic. I feel like we are soulmates and even she talks about how strong the connection is. She is gonna really regret this one-day down the road, nobody will ever love her like and im being thrown away.

I know how that feels man, i used to be with a couple that we would get high together on MDMA, LSD at my room and have morphine ampoules for the comedown. we would make love for hours on end, hug each other, cuddle, etc. god it was so awesome. She left me cause of my IV coke addiction when i attempted to kill myself :/ otherwise i'd still be with her, i love her to death still but well what can i do. we are still friends and i'm gonna love her forever even if she's not with me. we are still friends but wel who knows....maybe in the future we'll be together again....Love you angella.....
EDIT: we even already had plans to get married eventually and the name of our future son, Sasha....god. Love is such a losing game.