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TDS The Suicide Support Thread

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hey coast2coast. well, i really don't have any excuse to say why i was gone from here for so long, i guess it has something to do with my depression and living everyday trying to ignore things in my past. cutting ties with my family has been the worse, and somehow doing all of that I just fell off from Bluelight.
I was working/living in a field where you have to be 100% absence from any drugs or alcohol. Which I know I wasn't supposed to be doing it, I just wanted to feel better but without having to take any drugs, or anything prescription wise.
I don't own a vehicle or else I wouldn't really be stressing so much. Just kind of let my drivers license go because it was really hard to get driving records transferred from my home state to where i am at, it was just an ordeal to do that, and it ended up getting lost in the mail.
I have lived on the streets before, and it really sucked, but somehow or another in the past I was able to like get a tent, sleeping bad, and just kind of lived wild like that. Yeah it sucked becuase if I was going to town or something I had to think what I stuff I had to carry with me, in case someone were to raid my camp site.
The problem is that I don't have any camping gear like I used to.
Just sucks man, and like I said earlier I hope I don't do anything fucking stupid.
 
Can you go to The Salvation Army my friend? They will help you.

Geez, I feel so bad for you. Where you at? If you are close to me, I will hook you up with camping gear and warm stuff.

Things like this put my own problems in perspective.
At least I am not facing living on the streets. Thanks to my family who even though they were mad, still kept me.

Can you make amends with your family? It is really the best thing to do.
My dad told me “Family is all you have in this world! You treat your brothers and sister like gold! You hear me? “
He was/is a wise man!
 
D's said:
hey coast2coast. well, i really don't have any excuse to say why i was gone from here for so long, i guess it has something to do with my depression and living everyday trying to ignore things in my past. cutting ties with my family has been the worse, and somehow doing all of that I just fell off from Bluelight.
I was working/living in a field where you have to be 100% absence from any drugs or alcohol. Which I know I wasn't supposed to be doing it, I just wanted to feel better but without having to take any drugs, or anything prescription wise.
I don't own a vehicle or else I wouldn't really be stressing so much. Just kind of let my drivers license go because it was really hard to get driving records transferred from my home state to where i am at, it was just an ordeal to do that, and it ended up getting lost in the mail.
I have lived on the streets before, and it really sucked, but somehow or another in the past I was able to like get a tent, sleeping bad, and just kind of lived wild like that. Yeah it sucked becuase if I was going to town or something I had to think what I stuff I had to carry with me, in case someone were to raid my camp site.
The problem is that I don't have any camping gear like I used to.
Just sucks man, and like I said earlier I hope I don't do anything fucking stupid.
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*HUGS* Your situation can and will improve for the better. I believe in you! Stay safe. If your friend can get you a place to stay, it'll be easier for you to find work. Don't you dare do anything stupid. You still have a purpose for being here and a future! 💓
 
I have bee staying around Louisville for awhile, but after all said and done I might move across to southern-Indiana. I know more about resources and places to go, then I would here in KY.
I agree with you PainfulOne, a part of me yearns for my mother, and I wish I could just pick up the phone and call her. It sounds a lot harder than it really is.
there is always that fear of my family disapproving what i do, and in the past it would really set me off. :\
 
^ That's really smart to move somewhere you're more familiar with so you can get what you need.

Do you think your family would be willing to help you? I can understand if you cut ties because they are toxic. Just because people are your family, doesn't mean they are good for you or deserve to be in your life. Painful One could be right, it might be worth it to call and see if they can offer you support. I don't know how bad it is though. If they're just going to give you shit, that's the last thing you need right now.
 
D's said:
I have bee staying around Louisville for awhile, but after all said and done I might move across to southern-Indiana. I know more about resources and places to go, then I would here in KY.
I agree with you PainfulOne, a part of me yearns for my mother, and I wish I could just pick up the phone and call her. It sounds a lot harder than it really is.
there is always that fear of my family disapproving what i do, and in the past it would really set me off. :\
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If ya took the kratom that caused you to loose your job, because you were depressed about being isolated from family...

You should probably just call your mum now and do so happily.

Before you find any more creative ways to force that to happen anyway.

PS family tends to voice disapproval primarily because they care about you, not so much because they judge you.
 
Imfucked said:
Sometimes suicide is the only solution. Ask someone who is in pain and agony everyday with something incurable. Who are any of you to say they don't have the right to take their own life? Have you been in their shoes? Do you know their pain? No, you don't.

I'm sure there are situations where each iof you would commit suicide. What if you were locked in a mental ward for life getting shots of drugs to make you zombie like? What if you got in an accident and lost all your limbs and people only talked to you out of pity? Everyone has a breaking point
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How are you doing @Imfucked ?
Lots of people are very concerned for you here.
Especially @Blowmonkey , he is really very worried about you and has worked so hard to try and find you some help.

Come talk to me @Imfucked
I know how you feel.
I can help you out of this.
Come talk to me. I made it so you can send me a private message.
With Love
PO
 
Imfucked said:
I've read through all your posts, thank you for your concern and suggestions, but I'm not sure you would truly understand what it's like to be me. So, I'll walk you through it...

I was extremely beautiful, because of this, girls hated me, so I never had friends. I was lonely, but my good looks got me what I needed in life: men, jobs, etc., And that made me happy. I am an anarchist, and I had a plan to use my good looks to change the world by getting my Masters in finance and spreading equality from the inside, therefore breaking up the sexist, racist "old boys club." Yes, you need your looks for this.

Now that I am extremely ugly, life is unbearable. Girls will only be my friends out of pity and guys won't give me the time of day anymore. So, I can tell you that looks do matter, they matter a lot. You have to at least be normal looking to make it in this world. So now I am extremely lonely and unloved and will remain that way the rest of my life. I am in a solitaire confinement of hell. I have no friends, and my family doesn't care about me besides my mother, but it's lonely only having a 70 yo woman to talk to.

I had to go from being a very sexy exotic dancer, dancing in every big club in the nation while getting my degree and having anyone I wanted to being an ugly monster overnight. Going from a highly sexual life to celebacy is impossible. Not being touched is agonizing and masterbation gets boring and depressing.

Of course, I could work a "normal" job. I have a master's degree and a high IQ. I tried and all I did was have more panic attacks in the bathroom. And because of the way I look, I can no longer go into a high position. Money doesn't bring happiness, neither does success. Human relations do and so does love.

I have given this a year. I tried moving to a new city where nobody knows me, but it's the same no matter where I go. this doesn't bring contentness either. I can't do drugs to kill the pain bc I'm highly sensitive and the chemicals will make things worse.

So here I am: isolated, lonely, panic attacks daily, crying, spending my days playing videogames on my phone, boredom, losing my motherfucking mind.

I paid a phlebotomist to teach me how to shoot up, so I have that part figured out and I watched videos on how to cook heroin and draw the shit out of a cotton swab, so I don't think I would lose the drug, but if it is really more complicated than it looks, I'll just hang myself instead. Not sure which route to take yet

Again, thanks for your concern, feel free to PM me if you want
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I am a makeup artist and a hair dresser. I guarantee you that we can make you look beautiful on the outside again.
There are people who are absolute magicians with makeup like myself.

You are so beautiful on the inside though!
Just Shallow people see the outside my dear. They do not really matter. Those are not the people who matter in this world.

”Those who mind don't Matter and those who Matter don’t mind!”
Dr. Seuss

Come talk to me sweetheart.
I can help.
 
Painful One said:
uhhh.. yes I do.
I have been in chronic pain with severe migraines stuck in my house for ten years now.
I have wanted to kill myself many times.

I just found a doctor who can get me from disabled to fully functioning.
I was diagnosed with narcolepsy.
it is a long road to recovery but at least there is a road to recovery.

I was to the point of looking for assisted suicide.
so...don’t tell me I don’t know this pain. I do.
my name is Painful One for fuck sakes!
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Thanks for your story. Was just upset w people giving unrealistically optimistic advice when they haven't been in the situation
 
Every day is a new opportunity man. You could meet someone tomorrow who changes your entire perspective. You've told me you have good family who love you, I would take advantage of that right now.
 
Sex can fuck with your mind, man. You ought to give yourself a chance to breathe a little. Read or just watch movies for a little while.
 
D's said:
feel like complete shit.
its happening all over again, lost job, lost place to stay and now back on the streets again. over 1 dumb decision to get high again.
i don't want to say i had a good reason to because everyone has their good reasons, but one thing that led up to it is just me where i am at mentally and physically.
i had alot of positive things going on i thought, i was supporting myself meaning i wasnt mooching off of my family, working everyday, and just being myself.
over this holiday i decided since i havnt spoke with my family in years, and just got really deppresed i decided to take some kratom.
some may not see it like the way i see it but heres where it led, led me to getting pissed tested, and i tested positive for it.
now my place where i live is tied into my job, so everyone knows. now i have nothing, the only thing i have is like alot of cloths and bags of shit, and here i go at it again.
on the streets. i am really afraid because i do not think i will make it around this time. i know there will be someone that will have something to help 'cheer me up', and
knowing me, i will more than likely do it. (i havnt done any heroin or opiates in almost 4 years).
i kind of half ass have a plan, i guess its back to sleeping in a tent drinking myself to death. i don't want it to end like this.
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Can you find another halfway house? Same thing happened to me once and that's what I had to do. I don't know where you're at but in some Florida cities there are over 10 sober houses willing to take people in with no money up front and give them 2 weeks and usually more to get a job and start paying. I can direct you if you message me. Do whatever it takes man.
 
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It is always a brand New Day everyday my dear friends.

If I can make it then you can.

Come on now, FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE! YOU ARE WORTH IT!
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😘😘
 
Captain.Heroin said:
The one person in the world I loved scorned me or at least isn't on the same page.

I will never fiend true love. Love is illusory.
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I'm no relationship expert but one things I've learned is that all love starts with self-love. I have to be ok and secure enough to be on my own in order to be in a healthy relationship that doesn't become codependent and problematic.

It's so easy to lose sight of your own personal value and worth when a person you truly love and care about turn away from you. It's easy to equate your value with nothing without that person's affection/approval because you hold it so highly in your mind. Don't forget you can be that special in someone's eye, and from the sound of it, you have family who love you- people who would be in similar pain if you left.

I know that pain feels like it will never leave, I get absolutely broken in those situations. But I've come back from it many times, usually by motivating myself to become better and focus on improving what I have rather than mourning what I have lost.
Captain.Heroin said:
I intend on returning to nature and finding a peaceful place
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Definitely don't need to end it to do that... I know the fantasy is relieving, possibly even enjoyable. I've shared one myself in darker times, but never could figure out how to do it without having to have a family member ID my corpse, let alone the pain I'd cause my family in attempts to relieve my own sorrow. The truth is, at least for me, when I'm in nature and I've truly found my peace- there is no need to die to end suffering, because the peace of mind has overcome the suffering. I get it, the fantasy is to have a sort of never ending peace- or at least one last peaceful moment before death and never being hurdled back into the chaos of the modern world. But whether you live or die, that moment of peace will be fleeting. The only difference is that if you live, you can find that peace again, and possibly so much more. But that is just my truth.

I really hope you are able to hold on through this struggle and use it to become a better and stronger person in the long run. It's only through struggle that we build strength. I really do encourage you to get out in nature and find your inner peace, realize you are valuable and worthy of love, capable of growth and change.

Life is beautiful and tragic.. all love ends in death eventually. It's a difficult thing to stomach if your atheist, and why I think so many cling to religion- it gives a greater purpose for enduring sorrow and pain. But if you never experienced loneliness and sorrow, could you truly appreciate love and affection? It's something I wonder.
 
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