TDS The Suicide Support Thread

[F.U.B.A.R.]

Hi Imfucked, welcome to Bluelight. I cant begin to imagine the pain you're going through, but we cannot possibly provide the information you require as it would be unethical and possibly illegal. I'm going to move this thread over to 'The Dark Side' where there are many members that can offer you support.

 

[Zonxx]

well i don't know if theres 'meaning' to life, but look at it this way i wake up everyday and want to tear my fucking head off due to pain from spinal issues along with other shit, i still get by day to day and use whatever i feel necessary to make it through the day, ofcourse the situations are different but, on the flipside theres plenty of shit that can always be worse, so don't take it for granted make the best of life and do as i do, one day at a time, i hope you don't kill yourself thats just not the answer even if it might seem like a solution it certainly isn't i won't lie i've had some dark thoughts at times but its simply not the answer trust me. Shooting up isn't as simple as you think, and i really hope you don't go for it take a step back and realize that things aren't nearly as bad as they could be even though it may feel like it in the moment.

 

[Barrenian]

I have 3rd degree burns on a part of my body. When I was 3 I grasped a percolator mid-brew in order to pull myself on top of the kitchen counter. I was sent to the hospital and almost died. I'm 31 now. I have received the most degrading comments and witnessed the most instinctual reactions of others who have seen it. Children especially react to the sight of it, but they are young, and intend no true offense. I do not like it, but despite that my mind has somehow learned to shut out the sharp intensity that comes with the judgement of others while, at same time, it ironically keeps me very aware of the judgement. It is regretful but I believe in time your mind will grant you the strength which will keep the sorrow you are now feeling at bay. The now crippling weight of your circumstance will diminish. You don't believe it now but someday you won't be burdened by it like now. Some level of sorrow will always be there, but in a serene, or sedated and drastically less poignant way. I'm saying that in time, you will learn to live with it in a way that will grant you peace. You will move beyond this struggle. You aren't doomed. Life, or it's meaning, doesn't define itself to anyone. I try not to focus on the meaning of life as much as I focus on existence and all the sights and happenings within it.

 

[Xorkoth]

You are still beautiful, and someone will see that. But it's crucially important for you right now to love yourself. You are still the same person. You still have the same things to offer. You are still you. If you love and accept yourself, others will also love and respect you. It sounds trite, maybe corny... it's fucking true. I know it doesn't feel this way now but time WILL bring you peace. You just really need to believe that. I'm sorry, beautiful girl. ❤ It's not the end of the road, though. I implore you, please, believe what I say is true, and allow yourself the time. You're a wonderful and unique person, and facial disfigurement does not change that.

Please, if you need to talk, please share here. Talk it out. You can always message me, my inbox is always open. Suicide is not the answer to a temporary problem of perspective. You still have everything to live for.

 

[Mafioso]

If you are inexperienced with heroin, it's probably not the way to go. There's a lot that can go wrong, especially with IV, that could cause you to lose a lot of the product. So even if you knew the purity and the right dose, you could still mess it up and just wind up with some permanent brain damage to deal with as well.

I don't think there is any greater meaning in life, I think meaning is something we must derive on our own. I sometimes think if I ever became paraplegic I'd find a way to finish the job, yet Stephen Hawking accomplished so much in that state, or athletes in wheel chairs who can out perform me. I think the biggest thing in overcoming obstacles is finding the motivation to do it.

I almost OD on heroin, and sometimes I catch myself wishing I wouldn't have woken up, but then I think about my mom and sister having to deal with the fall out of my death, and I'm glad it's something they don't need to know about. Maybe some day it'd be good to tell them, but currently I think it'd just cause more worry than good.



I don't think I'd care for you or anyone to tell me I need to go to meetings or get help, especially when I've tried NA meetings and have been the rehab, counseling and so on. You wouldn't be wrong in telling me to get some help, but it'd be a bit like if I asked what purple looked like and someone said purple. Without taking the time to understand me and where I am coming from, and the ttype of thoughts spinning around in my head- it would be really hard for anyone to offer any sort of practical advice about getting the type of help I need.

That's about all I can really tell you, as I don't really know much about you or where you are coming from.. just that you are in a lot of pain and looking to escape. I can understand that to some degree, at least... If you'd like to talk more I'd be open to listen. If there is anyone close to you in your life that you can talk to about this, it might be a good idea to talk to them. This isn't something you have to go through alone.

 

[KS78]

Beauty is grossly overrated especially in the "Western" culture. This is a big shock for you and would probably be for most people but (I know it's easy for me to say) especially if this happened recently, you should try to live life with your new look. This could show you the real faces of everybody that is around you. You may get a new perspective on life, maybe you could help out young people, children (suffering from disfiguring accidents/ diseses) with how to handle life. You should give yourself and the people who care for you more chance. Suicide means that you are ok with your loved ones to suffer till they die.
Good luck.

 

[Imfucked]

I've read through all your posts, thank you for your concern and suggestions, but I'm not sure you would truly understand what it's like to be me. So, I'll walk you through it...

I was extremely beautiful, because of this, girls hated me, so I never had friends. I was lonely, but my good looks got me what I needed in life: men, jobs, etc., And that made me happy. I am an anarchist, and I had a plan to use my good looks to change the world by getting my Masters in finance and spreading equality from the inside, therefore breaking up the sexist, racist "old boys club." Yes, you need your looks for this.

Now that I am extremely ugly, life is unbearable. Girls will only be my friends out of pity and guys won't give me the time of day anymore. So, I can tell you that looks do matter, they matter a lot. You have to at least be normal looking to make it in this world. So now I am extremely lonely and unloved and will remain that way the rest of my life. I am in a solitaire confinement of hell. I have no friends, and my family doesn't care about me besides my mother, but it's lonely only having a 70 yo woman to talk to.

I had to go from being a very sexy exotic dancer, dancing in every big club in the nation while getting my degree and having anyone I wanted to being an ugly monster overnight. Going from a highly sexual life to celebacy is impossible. Not being touched is agonizing and masterbation gets boring and depressing.

Of course, I could work a "normal" job. I have a master's degree and a high IQ. I tried and all I did was have more panic attacks in the bathroom. And because of the way I look, I can no longer go into a high position. Money doesn't bring happiness, neither does success. Human relations do and so does love.

I have given this a year. I tried moving to a new city where nobody knows me, but it's the same no matter where I go. this doesn't bring contentness either. I can't do drugs to kill the pain bc I'm highly sensitive and the chemicals will make things worse.

So here I am: isolated, lonely, panic attacks daily, crying, spending my days playing videogames on my phone, boredom, losing my motherfucking mind.

I paid a phlebotomist to teach me how to shoot up, so I have that part figured out and I watched videos on how to cook heroin and draw the shit out of a cotton swab, so I don't think I would lose the drug, but if it is really more complicated than it looks, I'll just hang myself instead. Not sure which route to take yet

Again, thanks for your concern, feel free to PM me if you want

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

I've read through all your posts, thank you for your concern and suggestions, but I'm not sure you would truly understand what it's like to be me. So, I'll walk you through it...

I was extremely beautiful, because of this, girls hated me, so I never had friends. I was lonely, but my good looks got me what I needed in life: men, jobs, etc., And that made me happy. I am an anarchist, and I had a plan to use my good looks to change the world by getting my Masters in finance and spreading equality from the inside, therefore breaking up the sexist, racist "old boys club." Yes, you need your looks for this.

Now that I am extremely ugly, life is unbearable. Girls will only be my friends out of pity and guys won't give me the time of day anymore. So, I can tell you that looks do matter, they matter a lot. You have to at least be normal looking to make it in this world. So now I am extremely lonely and unloved and will remain that way the rest of my life. I am in a solitaire confinement of hell. I have no friends, and my family doesn't care about me besides my mother, but it's lonely only having a 70 yo woman to talk to.

I had to go from being a very sexy exotic dancer, dancing in every big club in the nation while getting my degree and having anyone I wanted to being an ugly monster overnight. Going from a highly sexual life to celebacy is impossible. Not being touched is agonizing and masterbation gets boring and depressing.

Of course, I could work a "normal" job. I have a master's degree and a high IQ. I tried and all I did was have more panic attacks in the bathroom. And because of the way I look, I can no longer go into a high position. Money doesn't bring happiness, neither does success. Human relations do and so does love.

I have given this a year. I tried moving to a new city where nobody knows me, but it's the same no matter where I go. this doesn't bring contentness either. I can't do drugs to kill the pain bc I'm highly sensitive and the chemicals will make things worse.

So here I am: isolated, lonely, panic attacks daily, crying, spending my days playing videogames on my phone, boredom, losing my motherfucking mind.

I paid a phlebotomist to teach me how to shoot up, so I have that part figured out and I watched videos on how to cook heroin and draw the shit out of a cotton swab, so I don't think I would lose the drug, but if it is really more complicated than it looks, I'll just hang myself instead. Not sure which route to take yet

Again, thanks for your concern, feel free to PM me if you want

Hi. My heart goes out to you so much. I know you had different goals in mind. I really respect the mission you were on. Very admirable. You still have a purpose. It could be to inspire others and encourage them along the way.

Do you know about Winnie Harlow? She's a spokesperson for vitiligo and a Victoria's Secret model. She's using her condition to inspire others and she's beautiful! So are you! What really makes Winnie beautiful is her confidence. She could've hid in a room ashamed of her looks for the rest of her life, but she turned her situation into something positive. Please stay with us.

After A Lifetime Of Torment, Model With Skin Condition Is Redefining Beauty.

For Winnie Harlow of Toronto, Canada, her unusual skin condition caused her unlimited grief from the kids she grew up with. Winnie was diagnosed with vitiligo, a condition characterized by depigmentation on parts of the skin, when she was just four years old. The teasing and bullying became so...

www.inspiremore.com

 

[Blowmonkey]

Money doesn't bring happiness, neither does success. Human relations do and so does love.

I get that, your whole story, everything you say sounds familiar. Please see a therapist asap, start talking, tell your mom, today, now. Your outlook is only so bleak because you let it be. You had amazing plans for yourself, but you need to find something else, death isn't the answer, sitting on your phone playing games and reminiscing about the past isn't, it's all I've been doing for years again now. Stuck in the past, where I felt good, looked good, had big plans, lot's of sex, but things don't always turn out the way you want them to, it's hard to change that thought pattern you're completely stuck in right now, but you should. I'm going to work menial jobs again, who cares? I'll probably have a hard time finding lot's of casual sex and love again, who cares? Don't let that bring you down. Life is still worth living even if right now you think it isn't. Don't ever say you're not pretty enough to be touched or loved again, that's some bullshit right there, have you had any offers yet since posting this? You might have to lower those standards a little if you go for someone here though, lol.

It's good you posted, but stop coming up with these scenario's, stop thinking about it. If you're on your phone all day, give out your number to some people here, keep in touch with them, make friends, don't refuse the help you're being offered. Get it out of your head for now.

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

^ That was beautifully said! Couldn't agree more.
I'm celibate and love it! Hook ups are not fulfilling in the long run. Been there, done that. You deserve more. You will meet a man who truly loves you for who you are, not just for your looks.

 

[OrbitalCombustion]

I've read through all your posts, thank you for your concern and suggestions, but I'm not sure you would truly understand what it's like to be me. So, I'll walk you through it...

I was extremely beautiful, because of this, girls hated me, so I never had friends. I was lonely, but my good looks got me what I needed in life: men, jobs, etc., And that made me happy. I am an anarchist, and I had a plan to use my good looks to change the world by getting my Masters in finance and spreading equality from the inside, therefore breaking up the sexist, racist "old boys club." Yes, you need your looks for this.

Now that I am extremely ugly, life is unbearable. Girls will only be my friends out of pity and guys won't give me the time of day anymore. So, I can tell you that looks do matter, they matter a lot. You have to at least be normal looking to make it in this world. So now I am extremely lonely and unloved and will remain that way the rest of my life. I am in a solitaire confinement of hell. I have no friends, and my family doesn't care about me besides my mother, but it's lonely only having a 70 yo woman to talk to.

I had to go from being a very sexy exotic dancer, dancing in every big club in the nation while getting my degree and having anyone I wanted to being an ugly monster overnight. Going from a highly sexual life to celebacy is impossible. Not being touched is agonizing and masterbation gets boring and depressing.

Of course, I could work a "normal" job. I have a master's degree and a high IQ. I tried and all I did was have more panic attacks in the bathroom. And because of the way I look, I can no longer go into a high position. Money doesn't bring happiness, neither does success. Human relations do and so does love.

I have given this a year. I tried moving to a new city where nobody knows me, but it's the same no matter where I go. this doesn't bring contentness either. I can't do drugs to kill the pain bc I'm highly sensitive and the chemicals will make things worse.

So here I am: isolated, lonely, panic attacks daily, crying, spending my days playing videogames on my phone, boredom, losing my motherfucking mind.

I paid a phlebotomist to teach me how to shoot up, so I have that part figured out and I watched videos on how to cook heroin and draw the shit out of a cotton swab, so I don't think I would lose the drug, but if it is really more complicated than it looks, I'll just hang myself instead. Not sure which route to take yet

Again, thanks for your concern, feel free to PM me if you want

I tried overdosing on IV heroin twice and once with a megadose of fentanyl (400ug+ and 24mg Alprazolam). I was already an opiate addict and I’m lucky to be ambulating still. I’m either stupid, lucky or blessed with the liver of an ox (turns out its the latter).

Most likely you will IV and just puke your brains out and itch a lot. I realize that you lived a life dependent on your looks, and since that is your past you expect it to be a constant moving forward. I too have had to accept grueling realities about my personal changes both physically and mentally. Your situation is different of course, I can’t equalize you on your scars/burn marks. There has to be something you can do or learn that will occupy that critical mind of yours.

Trust me hanging yourself truly sucks, your lips and tongue tingle and go numb, instant headache and bursting arteries and veins, your face and head swell while your eyes gouge themselves outward, rope burn on neck, and thats being soft about it. Most attempted suicides by hanging end in injury to a person throat or brain, a third of which end in death. I’ve seen crime scene photos of individuals who succeeded. In reality there is no true easy death, no painless way out.

I know the feeling all too well. The radical change in appearance and associated helplessness that can ultimately be resolved by death. Then I think of the people who actually have it bad and never see the light of day. Recently I thought fuck this noise, today is the day I put the fire out, I went messing around with a fucking parachute cord in a closet, passed out on the rope, woke up and ate a meal with my brother. I’m glad I was alive to see him again. The thought of him finding my swollen, purple head in a chaotic fishline of parachute chord hunched over in a closet with some shit-sincere note drafted while recovering from a binge would have been a truly rash mistake.

I have a similar story to yours, I wouldnt consider myself ugly but I did take my beautiful face and body and manage to bring it down a few notches from 17 years of careless illicit drug use. I took my good looks for granted. Most women wouldn’t even talk to me out of intimidation or nervousness, and the rest were all putty in my hand. I sympathize with you on what it is like to lose that power, the influence and spark of walking into any room and being the wow-factor. Every wants to be around you, in you, on you.

You get one chance! I could pass some ancient healing knowledge onto you that I’ve personally used to cover up the blemishes of rampant heroin, meth and cocaine use. Not promising scar removal but it may help your mental health, lifestyle and outlook.

By the way you‘re still beautiful I don’t care what you look like. We both have amazing stories. Its a daily struggle. You’ve managed to make it this far why give in now?

 

[Imfucked]

Yeah, I mean I guess it would be best to make friends on this site. I really don't know where else to turn.

And that Victoria secret model still looks pretty despite her skin condition. My face is completely gone, like this girls face that I'm posting

Tbh I wish I committed suicide a year ago when this happened. Would have saved me a year of pain

 

[Shady's Fox]

@Imfucked

It's okay, hey? It's perfectly okay, don't feel bad... How did this happend? If you would vent out or at least speak about I think it would help you a lot more. And our community will receive you with open arms, we got The Lounge if you wanna have some fun and a laugh, check it out. And I think you will find this site very comfortable.

Stay safe.

 

[nuttynutskin]

Yeah, I mean I guess it would be best to make friends on this site. I really don't know where else to turn.

And that Victoria secret model still looks pretty despite her skin condition. My face is completely gone, like this girls face that I'm posting

Tbh I wish I committed suicide a year ago when this happened. Would have saved me a year of pain

Try to think of what you got instead of what you don't. You're alive obviously, you're able to post on the internet, surely there must be other things? Most people have something they don't like visually about themselves, your case is just a bit more extreme.

 

[Mafioso]

Yeah, I mean I guess it would be best to make friends on this site. I really don't know where else to turn.

And that Victoria secret model still looks pretty despite her skin condition. My face is completely gone, like this girls face that I'm posting

Tbh I wish I committed suicide a year ago when this happened. Would have saved me a year of pain

Well maybe you can't do the things you used to, but that doesn't mean you are useless. There are many jobs that you can work from home and behind a computer. Hey even If helping the less fortunate was your ultimate goal, there can still be ways to reach it. Maybe you can't use your good looks and charm to get by, but hard work and dedication goes a long ways, a lot longer, imo. But I've never been able to get by on just my looks and I don't go out of my way to be charming but success hasn't been a stranger... so that's just my opinion, maybe you disagree with it, but with a masters degree and a high IQ, there has to be a way to monetize it despite your disposition. Then use that money to help others like you wanted.

It doesn't have to end here unless you want. There are still options out there for you, and I'm sure at this point your looks don't reflect the beauty on the inside. That doesn't mean you can't still be a beautiful person. People feel sorry for you because you feel sorry for yourself, and feel helpless. If you proved yourself more than capable, people will stop feeling sorry and start asking what your secret is- how do you do it.

Some of the greatest lessons in my life have come from pain. I wish they didn't have to come that way, but they did despite my wishes. I'm still paying for yesterday's mistakes, and I will be for a while. Things haven't been easy for me, but I've slowly started to find joy in overcoming the struggle. I hope you keep talking to us.

 

[Imfucked]

Well maybe you can't do the things you used to, but that doesn't mean you are useless. There are many jobs that you can work from home and behind a computer. Hey even If helping the less fortunate was your ultimate goal, there can still be ways to reach it. Maybe you can't use your good looks and charm to get by, but hard work and dedication goes a long ways, a lot longer, imo. But I've never been able to get by on just my looks and I don't go out of my way to be charming but success hasn't been a stranger... so that's just my opinion, maybe you disagree with it, but with a masters degree and a high IQ, there has to be a way to monetize it despite your disposition. Then use that money to help others like you wanted.

It doesn't have to end here unless you want. There are still options out there for you, and I'm sure at this point your looks don't reflect the beauty on the inside. That doesn't mean you can't still be a beautiful person. People feel sorry for you because you feel sorry for yourself, and feel helpless. If you proved yourself more than capable, people will stop feeling sorry and start asking what your secret is- how do you do it.

Some of the greatest lessons in my life have come from pain. I wish they didn't have to come that way, but they did despite my wishes. I'm still paying for yesterday's mistakes, and I will be for a while. Things haven't been easy for me, but I've slowly started to find joy in overcoming the struggle. I hope you keep talking to us.

I'm not sure anyone could ever understand the pain I go through. Even if I did work and make money and help others, there are things I still cannot do that I need. Like going out to a ballgame, socializing, looking good in a dress, falling in Love.

Of course physically I can go out and socialize, but the experience will not be good, and I've tried and it was a disaster. You don't understand how bad I look. And I am sick of watching TV. I even tried going to a symphony, but what good is the experience when you can't look nice in a dress ever again? It was shit.

So, sorry if I offend people that I don't want to live anymore, but anyone experiencing major pain and isolation should have a choice. This is the equivalent of being bured alive in a glass coffin the rest of your life having to watch other people have lives. It's a nightmare

I've had the cops called on me before and once they came over and spoke with me, even they understood my reason for suicide and left me alone.

So I can either shoot up a gram of heroin or hang myself...I will do whichever works best

 

[OrbitalCombustion]

I'm not sure anyone could ever understand the pain I go through. Even if I did work and make money and help others, there are things I still cannot do that I need. Like going out to a ballgame, socializing, looking good in a dress, falling in Love.

Of course physically I can go out and socialize, but the experience will not be good, and I've tried and it was a disaster. You don't understand how bad I look. And I am sick of watching TV. I even tried going to a symphony, but what good is the experience when you can't look nice in a dress ever again? It was shit.

So, sorry if I offend people that I don't want to live anymore, but anyone experiencing major pain and isolation should have a choice. This is the equivalent of being bured alive in a glass coffin the rest of your life having to watch other people have lives. It's a nightmare

I've had the cops called on me before and once they came over and spoke with me, even they understood my reason for suicide and left me alone.

So I can either shoot up a gram of heroin or hang myself...I will do whichever works best

The body can heal love. The knowledge is here. I hope you choose the path of regeneration. A phoenix resides in us all.

 

[Blowmonkey]

I'm not sure anyone could ever understand the pain I go through. Even if I did work and make money and help others, there are things I still cannot do that I need. Like going out to a ballgame, socializing, looking good in a dress, falling in Love.

Of course physically I can go out and socialize, but the experience will not be good, and I've tried and it was a disaster. You don't understand how bad I look. And I am sick of watching TV. I even tried going to a symphony, but what good is the experience when you can't look nice in a dress ever again? It was shit.

That's because you're only a year in and you're depressed af. You need some friends to go out with, to keep reminding you you're still worth everything you were before this happened. Here, I know you probably don't want to hear it anyways, but just read these articles.

'Fire left me with 90% burns, wishing I was dead but now I’ve found happiness'

Layla Skalli suffered from depression and addiction to painkillers after her horrific injuries but after travelling the world she’s reassessed her life

www.mirror.co.uk

Burns survivor left with half a face defies bullies to train for an amazing job

Tatyana Shakhray suffered third degree burns to the left side of her face, right hand and stomach when she was just six months-old

www.irishmirror.ie

Turia Pitt: How A Burn Victim Still Got Her Love Story

Turia Pitt, an inspirational woman, reveals how her love story may or may not have a happy ending after suffering burns on up to 65% of her body.

bridesblush.com

All girls who've been through some of the same but turned it around. If they can find love and happiness again, so can you. We both need a different outlook on life. I'm not sure how to turn it around myself either, that's why I decided to seek help. It's good you posted, really, but try our and other people's help first before you give in to those thoughts and do something definitive.

 

[Opi_Kid_Rock]

My aunt had skin cancer developed essentially out of nowhere. She passed away 6 months ago. She is survived by beautiful husband, daughters, and grand children. She lived a very blessed life; one that I and anyone would envy. I don’t know why good people pass away and people who want to leave this world are forced to live on...God I miss her; just my ramblings.

 

[No. 13 Baby]

mental pasient, with schizophrenia. Life doesn't seem to bring me any good feelings, it's just meaningless pain. I've been single and lonely my entire life, and girls don't seem to like me, I guess because of my genetics

same problem here