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TDS The Suicide Support Thread

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Me neither. Probably because they don't exist. When I feel I'm disappointed with my mother I see myself as a parent. No one is the right or ideal one.
Sorry to hear about your history trunkomycar. It's is indeed devastating and I hope you grow in strength.
The good thing about worst days imo is that any ordinary bad day will be better than that one.
Try to write about things that makes you sad that's a relief for me. It's like painting or putting out part of my bad feelings somehow out of my system.
Take care! <3
 
Thanks again you guys... It is another day and things have indeed gotten a bit better since my last posts here.

I was able to reach out to my mother, who I did not know would be there for me, and she surprised me by offering to take temporary guardianship of my boy for me <3. I was then able to ask my CPS caseworker if the two of them could still live with me (I have a new apartment with a crib, play yard, bassinet and things all ready for him) and she approved of the idea. So he is at home with me again & only god knows how grateful I now am.

I need him more than he needs me right now. Monday I make the call to be placed in a suboxone maintenance program. I just have to try my best and make this work, for him.

My situation was incredibly bleak and I can now have hope of a better future. Nobody here should think that they are a hopeless case. Don't hate on yourself, captain heroin, I know that you as a person have a lot of self worth. Even if you don't see it, I'm positive if someone saw a reason for me not to self loathe, there must be twice as many for you! Try to keep your spirits up.
Xo
 
Can't even begin to express my happiness for you. One of your worst moments has turned into a much better situation, giving you an incredible incentive to whip into shape for your boy.

Talk about responsibility, you could be a role model for drug users.

:) now give the kid a hug for me
 
Just felt like posting this somewhere, seems like a good spot.

I was very depressed and pretty much had suicide ready to go. I fought back tears thinking of my boy, best friend, son, choked em back and was on the edge of decision making time... he won as my saving grace and I feel better a month or so later.

I'm still very depressed, fighting insomnia, lethargy, depression, feeling really down, no motivation etc... I'm kinda feeling like im just on autopilot and each week is worst then the last. That quote from whatever show/movie; "each day you see me is on the worst day of my life" really rings true lately..

just wanted to say that
 
There is a lot of suffering in the world and when you are suffering inside you wonder what is the point? But I don't think there is any point. Just be kind--to yourself as well as to others. It's all there really is.
 
I'm done with this life. I hope I get funnled into another body where my stream of consciousness can continue. I've suffered so much the past 3 years and I really can't take it anymore. 3 years ago I od on mdma over a gram. I never snapped back since. It was kinda a slow degradation from there but lost both of dogs. Developed severe PTSD and tried getting off of benzo the past 2 years to be where I am out today. I'm waiting on a shipment of things as to have a simple pain free death. I think it just comes down to suffering and sure just one of these things are manageable but I don't think I'm sopposed to not be here anymore.
 
Sickdo I am so sorry that everything has spiraled to this point for you. I only can speak from my own experience to say that my life has slid into "slow degradation" before too, but balance was recovered and life once again holds beauty. I will hold that possibility in my mind for you as well.<3
 
i was taught with a pack of raisons. to close my eyes an feel the textures an listen out for the calming sounds like trees wind birds etc. i know just focus on a tooth, close my eyes an use my tongue to feel the shape or chip or curves etc. it works 9 times out of 10 if im honest. mindfulness is an amazing thing to be able to do. i could be anywhere in the world when my eyes are closed an im focusing on that object i chose to do it with, some great info out there on mindful, if i get time may drop a few links
 
herbavore said:
There is a lot of suffering in the world and when you are suffering inside you wonder what is the point? But I don't think there is any point. Just be kind--to yourself as well as to others. It's all there really is.
Click to expand...

People find the answer of "there is no point" or "you create your own point" difficult to accept, though. All organized religion throughout history has been constructed around some narrative/interpretation of The Point. It may be the correct answer but it's difficult for people to accept, because humans are an animal cursed with an intimate knowledge of our own existence and mortality.

I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because death just doesn't really look that appealing (yet...). That and the fact that there's a good chance my mother would kill herself in the aftermath of my death, as she has struggled with depression herself. But it certainly doesn't have anything to do with "life being worth living".
 
I think many people are married to the concept of life having a point so they don't off themselves. Many times I have been envious of people who have true religious faith because that does remove the element of pointlessness and complete alongrs from living, it also give you hope for a better afterlife.

Yeah, I also haven't committed suicide because I don't want to ruin my parent's lives. I figure it will be a viable option once my loved ones are dead, but I still hold out hope that life gets significantly better before then. It's so much better now than it was, it think there's a chance.
 
This has been a rough few days for me. Suicide has always been a nagging idea in my head off and on.

I've just recently quit my pain killers that I've been taking for 2 yrs. Needless to say life isn't pleasant but I'm not suicidal yet.

I'm willing to change this part of my life as hard as it is to see a happier better life.
 
Plumgirl, I am sorry that things are so rough right now. It's a good time to do what you are doing--have faith, that is. You are working towards something and the future is wide open.
 
herbavore said:
Plumgirl, I am sorry that things are so rough right now. It's a good time to do what you are doing--have faith, that is. You are working towards something and the future is wide open.
Click to expand...

Thanks Herbavore,

The past 3 days have tested me more than I prefer. I'm scared my actual health problems will prevent me from handling an opiate free life. I'm scared it will be an easy answer for me not to stay sober!
 
aplumgirl,
being off of opiates is so difficult that we simply can't imagine life without it. I have felt the same and have gone in circles for so many years. And feeling what you are feeling is quite natural. We are scared of being scared and somehow that creates layers of worrieness and anxiety. I suggest you just think of the following days and how you'll manage those days, what you'll need, who you can count with. Medical support and meds that you'll need etc. The rest comes with time and a little effort every day, but don't ever doubt of yourself. I have managed to get out of it and despite of my relapses I had never before appreciated the 'amount' of much freedom you get. Trust me it's possible. It sucks in the beginning but definitely doable.
Take care and good luck!! You can do this! :) <3
 
Erikmen said:
aplumgirl,
being off of opiates is so difficult that we simply can't imagine life without it. I have felt the same and have gone in circles for so many years. And feeling what you are feeling is quite natural. We are scared of being scared and somehow that creates layers of worrieness and anxiety. I suggest you just think of the following days and how you'll manage those days, what you'll need, who you can count with. Medical support and meds that you'll need etc. The rest comes with time and a little effort every day, but don't ever doubt of yourself. I have managed to get out of it and despite of my relapses I had never before appreciated the 'amount' of much freedom you get. Trust me it's possible. It sucks in the beginning but definitely doable.
Take care and good luck!! You can do this! :) <3
Click to expand...

Erik,

Thanks for the uplifting words! I'm on day 5 opiate free (woo hoo) and I'm doing better!
I can honestly say it's been real dang bad, but that just motivates me to NEVER want to take another opiate, ever!!!!

I'm so thankful for all the kindness I've recieved! This community is such a blessing. I've always found help and support! I know I really owe a lot to ya'll!
 
I'm happy you are doing fine aplumgirl!
There will be times where we'll think of it much more than we want too but keep in mind this is all part of a long process.
You'll be fine. You have already tasted the 'woo hoo' freedom feeling and with that comes a lot of joy.
It takes a while until your body start to feel happy by its own, so remember you need to keep moving and try to be busy with things you like to do.
I really wish you all the success you deserve!
Take care and don't let anything get in your way!
 
Sickdo said:
I'm done with this life. I hope I get funnled into another body where my stream of consciousness can continue. I've suffered so much the past 3 years and I really can't take it anymore. 3 years ago I od on mdma over a gram. I never snapped back since. It was kinda a slow degradation from there but lost both of dogs. Developed severe PTSD and tried getting off of benzo the past 2 years to be where I am out today. I'm waiting on a shipment of things as to have a simple pain free death. I think it just comes down to suffering and sure just one of these things are manageable but I don't think I'm sopposed to not be here anymore.
Click to expand...
I feel for you, dude. About a year ago, when I finally quit heroin, I felt the same way, although tbh, those feelings started when I lost my husband of 15 years almost 2 years ago. For the first year, I just kept myself numb with dope, although when my thoughts went to suicide, I would think, "Well, I lost my husband, and never had any children, so it's not like anyone would really care." Plus, I live with chronic pain from a severe car accident 4 years ago. But the truth is, it would devastate my parents, especially since I'm an only child. I still maintain on pain meds, but responsibly, and am learning to live with my limitations and accept myself, flaws and all. My heart goes out to you and all who are struggling with this. Please, any of you, feel free to PM me anytime. Much love to all of you.?
 
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