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The Suicide Support Thread

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Hello everyone... I am new to BL but you guys have helped me tremendously throughout my 16day opiate cold turkey WDs. I am stronger than I was 4 days ago... And 8 days ago. I may have a few more months to go but it ONLY gets better... I promise. If I can quit... ANYONE can.


"You have to HURT before you can HEAL."

The depression is what makes or breaks you.. But remember it ONLY GETS BETTER. I want you guys to know that we are LOVE and we are LIGHT.

I am going through a divorce and my children are being stripped from me... And yes, I have gotten to the point to where I wrote the letter to my Wife and Family.. And then I sucked the .40 off until it ejaculated into my mouth... No clip. Dry shot. Thank JAH. It's no worth it everyone... You are someone's child.. Children.. Babies. Wake up and live this life in LIGHT... Not the DARKNESS. We are a bright consciousness. We are STRONG.

Day 16, cold turkey from opiates. Been on them for years... Dones dependent. If I can get through this anyone can... I promise.

I love everyone here and you guys have helped me grow just by reading. I don't go to meetings or follow any steps. I got hit with a situation that I decided was not more important than my family and children. Just open your beautiful Eye before it's too late...

Jah is love. JAH is real.

Find something that makes or made you smile and get warm... And run after that shit until you feel GOOD. Natural highs > synthetic lows.

Bless you all. Love and Light.
 
Thank you Thumbsup for a heart warming appreciation of us. I hope everything has been going well on your end.
 
I get better and better everyday... Through wisdom and words. You, as a Community, is a life saver.. Thank you.
 
What happened? You are still here to tell us... So it couldn't have been TOO bad. Things get better, I promise.
 
Attempted suicide 3 times nearly got arrested for deadly assault on an officer, got the shit kicked out of me off 5 coppers, twice. Hospital refused to change my meds and wouldn't find me a bed on the psych ward to I escaped twice. Tried to get meds sorted today got sent home and told to use my "coping" strategies. Evil abusive ex now trying to take my son, I have no fight left, am full of broken bones and already in constant pain from a chronic pain condition. Been locked in my room with no sheets or cigs or anything I could possibly hurt myself with. I'm just sick of being on this planet, and I'm hoping my blown pupil kills me in my sleep as all my injuries have gone untreated. I didn't even know where I was, who people were, completely delusional the psychosis is at top of the scale, frightened in and out of lucidity and completely beaten.
 
You have to hurt before you can heal!! And things have to get REALLY BAD before they can become REALLY GOOD. No relapse without recovery... Life long fight and it's a damn good one. Your ex will get hers because Karma is an unforgiving bitch.
I am surprised you are allowed internet access and not still in the hospital habdcuffed to your bed if you got AoO. Should still be locked up...

Jah is God and He will not put you through something you cannot handle as a CONSCIOUS. Your physical body is just a carrier.

Everyone should look into lucid dreaming and astral projection. Meditation and Yoga does wonders for depression.

:) Always down to chat. Facebook, KiK, doesn't matter. :)

Bless you all!
 
I'm at home not in hospital they had no beds. I've been suffering for nearly 5 years, my physical condition is degenerative and eventually amputation of limbs will be involved. I meditate for 30 min 4 times a day. Trust me I have tried every treatment possible. I have severe PTSD severe adjustment disorder panic disorder and borderline personality disorder. I have all this for life and it just gets worse as time goes by. My ex is male, ex heroin addict and alcoholic that was sober but now off the wagon. He used to rape me beat me and emotionally abuse me, we have been separated for 6 years but 10 years on from when we got together he is still emotionally abusing me, controlling me and doing everything in his power to destroy me
 
I will talk to you about anything and everything. Forever and always. My inbox is full after 3 messages... Gotta post up some more haha so I can have more privileges here. ;)

Deleting my messages now.
 
I wish people would stop saving me. I do not want to be alive and I'm sick of people sticking their nose in my business. I appreciate the support I receive on here but in real life really do not understand at all
 
Feel free to shoot a pm my way D2P

Tomorrow seems so far away, but I know it'll be new years before I'm even aware.
I am broken, and the festive season is just making me feel all the more pathetic.

I wish I weren't suicidal, or actually got it over with.
 
My breakdown has caused me to lose the only 3 people I could trust. I'm friendless family-less and in 50 minutes on the streets. I'm heartbroken. I tried to make amends but it is no use
 
I dont post in here very often but I cant even lie I have thought about suicide somewhat more than usual recently. I dont really have any legitmate reasons to want to hang it up, I just cant really think of any to keep going either. If I come across money these days I wind up spending it before I even get it.

Its not even like I dont havea a job either, I just dont have anything left after I pay all of my bills. I got used to just having money whenever I needed it for anything, and now I am making half as much but with twice the expenses and all for what could have been avoidable expenses if I wasnt an idiot.

More or less anything I've bragged about on here has turned out to come back and bite me in the ass, and I still live more or less the same lifestyle that I did when I first joined. I always tell myself that im gonna stop after this fix, then the next one, and so on and so forth, but it never happens.

I just feel like a lot of my pasttimes have simply been me trying to escape the realities of everyday life and sometimes I just feel like Id be better off just getting 85 dollars together and doing it permanently at least in a fashion that I would enjoy. I know this is probably just me trying to get rid of some steam but at the same time I just tend to forego a few HR practicing steps every now and then because I dont really care about their intended goals at this point. All im trying to do is care about anything these days but it just comes back to getting high.
 
Hey Shimazu, I may not be your best friend but I see you on here a bit and even I would be upset if you weren't here anymore.

If you wanna talk private I'm more than happy to.

This is probably one of the saddest moments of my life right now, but I'm trying my best to keep a smile going and I really hope you try too. You make a lot of people on here laugh including me!

Life is cruel at the best of times but we can't let it bring us down too much.

Wishing you all the best over here either way. <3
 
thanks for that afterlye I really do appreciate it. Its more a matter of me not having anyone to talk to about my drug use that gets me all bummed. My parents know I use drugs, just not the full extent of my use. Even if they did know the full extent, they never communicated withecy me a whole lot because I was a pretty quiet kid and my brother was constantly doing something to get attention so I would kind of just lay low a lot of times and find my own ways of keeping myself entertained.

I still lay low and find ways to keep myself entertained these days , its just changed fron playing video games to doing heroin
 
I can relate about the family, really well, I woke up clean today and I'm going to sleep clean today, I'm not on heroin but my DOC I relapse like I do. I decided to do something about it yesterday.


Fuck I need to vent

Fkn nvm lol :(
 
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even when things seem so fucked up that theres no way out there truly is we all have bad days but we also have good days and w/o the bad the good wouldn't seem so great
 
Hold on guys.

I'm not feeling well... But I am finally in a place where I feel much more in control in life.

I'm on day 4 of no suboxone. I was on it for 4 years.

The withdrawal has been awful but worth it because I am determined to stop needing it. It's still ongoing but I think I am past the hump.
 
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