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The Suicide support thread

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well i just got my hydromorphone and i'm not dealing with the crippling back pain i've been in for over a week i'm in a much better mood i hope everyone else has a good day too you're all in my thoughts, one love
 
Glad you are feeling better Mr flowers :) pm me any time us cpp 's need to stick together
 
Flowers,
I'm happy ur getting some relief.. Mind sending some my way.. Idk if I can handle much more of mu pos life.
 
I need a reason to go on. I'm literally alone in this country. ther's no one to turn to. the only people in the world who care about me are from this website and don't even really know me...what the hell have i gotten myslf into. i don't want to be like this foerver. i really don't want to continue being this empty boring person. I don't want to continue being myself. But I can't find a reason to even try to change anything...I jus want it to stop
 
I feel your pain pagey. I too am pretty lonely. I live with my immediate family, but I'm the black sheep and isolate away from them. Just remember. It's easier to go to sleep and wake up than it is to end it all. Work smarter, not harder. If you want to PM me about anything, feel free to. Just don't do anything irrational.
 
Jktm, I'm sorry you feel the same way and I really hope things will turn around for you very soon. Please feel free to PM me whenever you want as well. It's tough feeling like we've got noone in the world and I'm just glad I have this website so I know I have something.

Edit: what's up CH? :(
 
Back to the constant suicidal thoughts i can't carry on like this it is destroying my soul
 
i'm worried about what i might do to myself cause i only have one shot of dilaudid left for tomorrow morning then i have to deal with the wds
 
mrflowers00 said:
i'm worried about what i might do to myself cause i only have one shot of dilaudid left for tomorrow morning then i have to deal with the wds
Click to expand...

Have you ever considered going into a methadone maintenance program?

If you have issues with full agonist tolerance/addiction, but also have real pain issues, methadone can be a blessing.

Doomed2pain said:
Back to the constant suicidal thoughts i can't carry on like this it is destroying my soul
Click to expand...

Stay strong! I know what it's like to feel like you can't go another day, but we are all a lot stronger mentally and physically than we even know.
 
at the doses that methadone works for my pain/wds i get so tired that i have to take a 2 to 3 hour nap like an hour after i take it and that lasted for 3 months before i switched back to oxycodone
 
mrflowers00 said:
at the doses that methadone works for my pain/wds i get so tired that i have to take a 2 to 3 hour nap like an hour after i take it and that lasted for 3 months before i switched back to oxycodone
Click to expand...

But at least with methadone, you would get pain relief and you wouldn't be in withdrawal, and it would be a for sure thing.

I know you probably don't want to sleep away 2-3 extra hours a day, but it's not a bad trade off if you consider what opiate withdrawal and un-treated pain is like.

Of course the choice is yours, and I wish you the best of luck.
 
So last night I went out binge drinking with my cousins. Ended up spending way too much money, but that's the least of my worries...

I was up talking with my cousins boyfriend until 8AM.

I ended up telling him my whole fucking life story -- from being raped all the way to IV drug use. He told me his life story in return. My cousin was upstairs passed out asleep because she was completely wasted. I was too because I made the stupid mistake of mixing Xanax with my vodka. Hence why I poured my heart out.

At around 5 am I went up to sleep and he follows me upstairs. He comes in my room, sits on my bed, and talks some more. He was telling me I'm beautiful, blah blah blah. And then he forces himself on me and kisses me! And he won't stop. I told him to please stop and he didn't. Then he kept asking me to have sex with him, and he aggressively grabbed my hair.

My cousin got pissed at him (she's not aware of what happened, she was upset because he didn't clean vomit from her hair), took off in his truck, and left him there. He begged me to drive him home but I was too fucked up to drive so I didn't.

Now I'm afraid he'll tell family about the rape & my drug use. I'm so fucking pissed at myself.

This is why I don't drink.

What the fuck do I do? I'm such a damn fuck up who doesn't deserve to live.
 
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