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The Suicide support thread

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desolato said:
i dont understand how i can feel so great for a few hours then all of a sudden like I've hit the ground from a thousand miles up...all i want to do is rest and relax but and given opportunity for it just leased to feeling like this...wish i could flick the switch on my mind and just turn off
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Man I feel you, except with out the thousand mile up..shit sucks bad, especially when you have no support IRL(which I don't)..but TDS has some gr8 people here stick around here my friend, and feel free 2 PM me if you'd like some1 2 vent to.
 
Ive found myself back in the position where suicide invades all of my thoughts and most nights I find myself hoping and praying for death. I am really struggling to cope, it is just becoming increasingly difficult to drag myself out of this mindframe and I dont know how much longer I can cope with feeling like this without acting on the impulses.
 
*doomed*
I know exactly how you feel, I been there myself lately..wishing for some freak accident or what not.. It doesn't help when we have no1 to talk to and get these feelings out...you have definitely come to the right place..the people in the thread are gr8. (((Hugs))) 2 u!!know ur are not alone and ff 2 pm me if you ever need to vent! Much <3
 
life isn't as bad as you make it out to be you have to continue to think positively non stop and eventually you'll start to feel better
 
sconie...I've got very little support irl...5 people irl life know that im struggling atm, my uni counsellor whom cant do much because shes not supposed to deal with people like me so is of very little help or support now as its out of her depth, my fiance never knows what to do and doesn't know the whole of everything, my sister knows im having trouble coping with my past and i only told her that so she would keep mother freaking dearest off my back and get her to stop calling (mother dearest is the cause for everything happening in the first place) my one good friend who i thought i could rely on has made it all about him and when i said i wanted to die he simply said bring enough for him and then messages me saying "ive got crazy urges lol" after telling me he still has feelings for me, the only other person who knows is a cop one of the first ones who took my statements and so him being a cop limits how open and honest i can be hes extremely nice and caring but a cop none the less. ive got no one i can 100% trust and confide it or even just cry to im always having to worry about how wha i say will affect the person or something else. in one of my moods i deleted everyone from my fb the other day all 120 "friends" not one of the has said anything, asked whats up ask to be added as a friend again or anything, not one single person including the one person above i thought i could have trusted. there are people around me all the time yet i still feel so alone. the only time i dont is when my boys are home or awake and running around.
 
doomed2pain i can sympathise with you there for the first time in a long time ive thought so much and so seriously about ending everything and just going to sleep and no hving to wake up its incredibly hard not giving in but then having to remember once done you cant go back but if left until another day theres always another day to do it and more of a chance for things to get better...though it does get tiredsome grasping at hope tha falls thru ones finges there are atleast small joys to be hadi think
 
desolato said:
sconie...I've got very little support irl...5 people irl life know that im struggling atm, my uni counsellor whom cant do much because shes not supposed to deal with people like me so is of very little help or support now as its out of her depth, my fiance never knows what to do and doesn't know the whole of everything, my sister knows im having trouble coping with my past and i only told her that so she would keep mother freaking dearest off my back and get her to stop calling (mother dearest is the cause for everything happening in the first place) my one good friend who i thought i could rely on has made it all about him and when i said i wanted to die he simply said bring enough for him and then messages me saying "ive got crazy urges lol" after telling me he still has feelings for me, the only other person who knows is a cop one of the first ones who took my statements and so him being a cop limits how open and honest i can be hes extremely nice and caring but a cop none the less. ive got no one i can 100% trust and confide it or even just cry to im always having to worry about how wha i say will affect the person or something else. in one of my moods i deleted everyone from my fb the other day all 120 "friends" not one of the has said anything, asked whats up ask to be added as a friend again or anything, not one single person including the one person above i thought i could have trusted. there are people around me all the time yet i still feel so alone. the only time i dont is when my boys are home or awake and running around.
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Hey...I can totally sympathize with you..I don't think I could trust a cop, but that's just their stereotype from where I come from..I don't really know,lol..ff to pm me anytime, may take me a minute to respond but I'm hear to listen, if u need a vent..I know I can use all the support I can get,especially since the people here are so great.. Much <3 2 u..((Hugs))
 
Thanks sconnie i appreciate it....normally i wouldn't trust them as far as I can throw them but he's the only one who seemed to give a damn let me take my time giving statements didn't push me let me use my own language instead of the specifics (sounds odd and I might explain later but not atm) anytime i had an issue with something i could trust him to try and help and he keeps his word. I can't say that of many people but even still being a cop has it's obligations and so I still have to be careful what I say. Sounds mushy and lame but it would be nice to have a best friend, never had one of those, never had one person i could confide everything to eh whats it matter anyway.

The tracking number for my property shows it's been delivered to the local police station so I guess ill finally get the call tomorrow to go in and get my things back after nearly 10 years...really not sure what im gonna do with any of it but i have my backup plan and thats about as much as i can plan at all. feeling rather lost like im walking aound in a fog waiting for it to lift to get some beaing for direction.
 
desolato said:
Thanks sconnie i appreciate it....normally i wouldn't trust them as far as I can throw them but he's the only one who seemed to give a damn let me take my time giving statements didn't push me let me use my own language instead of the specifics (sounds odd and I might explain later but not atm) anytime i had an issue with something i could trust him to try and help and he keeps his word. I can't say that of many people but even still being a cop has it's obligations and so I still have to be careful what I say. Sounds mushy and lame but it would be nice to have a best friend, never had one of those, never had one person i could confide everything to eh whats it matter anyway.

The tracking number for my property shows it's been delivered to the local police station so I guess ill finally get the call tomorrow to go in and get my things back after nearly 10 years...really not sure what im gonna do with any of it but i have my backup plan and thats about as much as i can plan at all. feeling rather lost like im walking aound in a fog waiting for it to lift to get some beaing for direction.
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Well there has to be some decent cops in the world, sounds like u got a good 1..although, after being arrested myself, you won't be getting me to sat shit w/o a lawyer present..ill be ur best bud, I don't have 1 either.. My man is good and all but I'm giving up on telling him what goes through my head..he's sick of it and ready to dump me( 7 year relationship).. So now I'm here instead of chirping in his ear about it..shit even if I did off myself, he'd prolly be in some1 elses bed in a month or 2 anyway, but that's here nor there..but yes it would be gr8 2 have a best friend, shit any friends for that matter.. I don't have any and my family don't count.. My bf wants to go to parties and do all this shit, I'm good on all that myself..still sucks to be so alone though, makes me sad a lot of the time..@ least for me, I'm very lonely..
I know that feeling you're talking about, it's the same for me and I dnt see it lifting anytime soon. I'm not a huge fan of my life, but nothing I can do about the crappy cards I been delt..
I meant what I said though, I'm a good listener and can definelty relate..pm me anytime <3, you're not alone in that fog, we can be there together.
 
don't blame you heh. I know what you mean, after a while they seem to tune out and not care any more like they've heard it all before so what...feels like that with my fiance a lot of the time never feel like I have the right to let things out but instead feel like I'm just whinging for no good reason. Fiance used to wanna go to parties etc all the time to and I'd go to...be surrounded by people and feel so out of place and completely by myself.... can sympathise with ya....it SUX! feel free to pm me also if you ever need it. :)
 
I get my stuff back from a court case that started 10 years ago and finished 4 years ago with him getting out last year...said cop friend said he would go with me so i don't have to do it alone....but then the way he spoke to me today was a bit demeaning as if i were still a child...I'll admit I'm being picky but then why go along with it if im not happy...meh...I'm not even sure what will be in there....and if i have to sign for each individual item....not sure how the hell I'm going to handle it if they know what they are handing back over to me and I have to sign for each thing individually....depending on what i get back anyway...there are at least phones and my diary but the other stuff...shamed doesn't even begin to convey how id feel....I only want everything back so i can get rid of it or burnt it or destroy it so now one else has it...it's bad enough they still have the files of photos that I can't make them delete that plays on my mind to no end....I've resolved to the fact I'm going to need to go into the hospital tomorrow after picking the stuff up and deciding what to do with it...just don't know if ill still get the police officer to come with me or not...or to do it by myself...and in what state i go to the hospital...the police officer is one of the few people that has already seen everything and knows everything that happened so its a lil harder to feel embarrassed and ashamed around him but i know ill feel it none the less and then if i can keep in control after he goes....I don't want my fiance there or sister or anyone else....i just dont know what to think or do..my minds going in circles and I can't stop it i can't sleep again...but im so friggin tired...
 
keep your chin up bud...if the cop makes you uncomfortable i wouldn't take him, but since he does know you and your situation, it may be a good support system for you. it's hard when your support system is nill..but you have us here...maybe by burning the stuff youre talking about will make you feel better.? make you more able to put it in the past..i sympathize with you when you talk about the racing mind thing, i get that shit all the time and it sucks so bad, doesnt seem like anything can stop it..make some friends here and it'll help, @ least you'll have us to get the shitty feelings out to..
pm me if u like, im heading to work now but i have my phone on me all day..
 
desloato I'm sorry you're in such a tricky situation at the moment. That sounds rough mate. But please remember that this will pass. As shitty as it feels right now, things will improve. I know you said your fiance never knows what to do when you're depressed but I really think you should talk to her about how you're feeling. She loves you man, she is there for you.
How are you feeling today? <3


Doomed2pain said:
Ive found myself back in the position where suicide invades all of my thoughts and most nights I find myself hoping and praying for death. I am really struggling to cope, it is just becoming increasingly difficult to drag myself out of this mindframe and I dont know how much longer I can cope with feeling like this without acting on the impulses.
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Doomed I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment. How are you feeling today? We'd love to hear from you. There are a lot of people here in TDS who really care about you. Please reach out to us. Have you got someone in real life who you can talk to about how you're feeling? The more support you have right now, the better. Please hold on, things WILL get better again <3


mrflowers00 said:
life isn't as bad as you make it out to be you have to continue to think positively non stop and eventually you'll start to feel better
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mrflowers I cannot even describe in words how much it warms my heart to see YOU post such lovely and positive words :) You were in a very dark place for a very long time, and I am so genuinely happy to see that you're in better spirits these days. Much love to you sir <3
 
Are you suicidal if you keep having thoughts and images about killing yourself but actually know that you won't and just cant seem to make the fantasizing stop?
 
sconnie420 said:
you say the same thing as my dad, although he doesn't know I have actually thought about it( he'd probably beat my ass and im 28).did try and fail in my teen years, as I have always suffered from depression .He's always had this opinion.. But that is one reason why I wouldn't want children or never have..my thought's have been why bring a life in when im miserable, that would make it no better @ all and i couldn't do that to a child. I do <3 my nieces and nephews as much as if they were mine though.
my cards have been ok to be honest..i have a nice man(although he don't get depression @ all, not his fault), my dad is fabulous and i love every1 and all..But my sister on the other hand has had it for shit since, i cant remember when..i feel responsible for this a little( my fault or not). Her oldest daughter is begging anyone but her parent to take her in, and i want to help so bad but i feel so damn helpless for the whole thing..
i can honestly say"if" i ever did it wouldn't be before the death of my parents and they are even close, but i have struggled with this for as long as i can remember. i know being "crazy" runs in my family..so it's probably some sort of genetics or something..sure ill get over it at some point just feel so empty..
my boyfriend was half right the other night when he said I was emotionless..seems like the only thing i feel is misery and it's just that waiting for it to go away for just a minute..im sure you understand.
and i totally appreciate the rant, nice to know people here care..to bad i cant talk to some of you irl..or had people like you to talk to f2f.

not to change the subject, but i have always <3'd Germany...i have so many German articles and letters I have been trying to get translated for me...I had family there not long ago, probably still do..you're area i believe...

much <3 for the response, appreciate it immensely.
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Let me have those articles and if I can find some spare time I might translate them. :) ill pm you my email address!
 
Still not feeling great n3o and I dont really have anyone in real life,they just end up calling the crisis team when I speak about feeling suicidal, and they arent any help as they usually suggest hospital. Hospital makes me feel worse, I can never sleep when I am there as I have a special anti pressure mattress for the crps, I cant have one of them in hospital so the place actually makes my mental health worse, they do nothing to help you are just encouraged to take part in activities all day to keep you occupied.

Libby I do suffer from suicidal ideation but im at the stage where it is more than just thoughts. anything sharp has been removed from me and my medication has been taken off me as a safety measure (attempted overdose just over 2 weeks ago)

I hate feeling like this it is damn near impossible to pull myself out of it. on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist and for getting a community psychiatric nurse assigned to me, it is taking forever been waiting for months.
 
crOOk said:
Let me have those articles and if I can find some spare time I might translate them. :) ill pm you my email address!
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That would be fabulous!.. They're kind of old..I know the general idea of them and have tried to translate them myself to no avail..wish I could speak german..I know I still have family somewhere..

*doomed* I'm here 4 u ANYTIME..
 
On a sidenote, there is a "suicide ambulance" 5mins from my place where you can turn up 24/7 and speak to very understanding psychiatrists and psychologists without running risk of being held against your will. Thumbs up.
 
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