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The Suicide support thread

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nobodyspecial said:
Just wondering if anyone in this thread has homicidal thoughts/fantasy's against the person or persons that put them in the position that they are in today?
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Blaming people is never going to achieve anything, the only person that put you/me in the positions that we are in today is ourselves, and the way that we have reacted to the things that have happened in our lives. It is too easy to just blame people.

In answer to your question though, yeah, I've definitely had homicidal thoughts towards people that I have felt in the past have contributed to my depression.

I've also, which is rather more disturbing and caused a lot of my depression had random homicidal thoughts about random people which has sometimes led me to have homicidal thoughts towards myself, so yes. I put myself where I am today and I have had thoughts about killing that person (me).

Both need to be controlled as much as each other. Thizz_Machine said it perfectly here

I don't doubt lots of people have strong homicidal thoughts, they need to be controlled just as much, if not more than suicidal thoughts.
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If you see yourself as a waste of space then make use of that space and surprise some people, if you get stepped on then step back and let them know where you stand.. Others will help you out but those who don't care don't matter, you can make it they day to day, just take small steps and work your way towards bigger steps, ignore the things that bring you down, imagine they don't exist.. If the things that used to bring you down don't exist to you anymore then they well cease to bring you down.
 
SplatChrome said:
I'm so fucking done with bullshit. I'm tired of being fucking me, a waste of space, and someone who also is just stepped on. My whole life is just one big fucking joke.
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Man I am really sorry to hear that this is how you feel about yourself :( One thing I know for absolute 100% certainty is that NO-ONE is a waste of space, EVERYONE is equally as important as each other, no matter how shitty some people might make you feel. What is going on for you right now that is making you feel like this??
 
I don't even know why I'm about to write this post.. I've just been feeling worse than usual the past few weeks, and I've got no reason to endure all this pain, I'm just alive for the sake of being alive, yet there are more reasons for me to cease existing than there are to fuel my existence. I just don't feel as there's any way of this going away, I don't feel like I'm able to be helped. I'm just so sick of my feelings right now. This post is futile, but there's nothing new there.
 
I just read from wikipedia that 1,000,000 people commit suicide per year but there are an estimated 10 to 20 million non-fatal attempted suicides every year worldwide. It's not pc to say don't kill yourself because you might screw it up but it does happen more than people want to admit, so think long and hard about it because if you mess it up you'll be even more of a burden to those around that love you. Ultimately your life will be harder than it already is.

Peace.
 
DeathDomokun said:
I don't even know why I'm about to write this post.. I've just been feeling worse than usual the past few weeks, and I've got no reason to endure all this pain, I'm just alive for the sake of being alive, yet there are more reasons for me to cease existing than there are to fuel my existence. I just don't feel as there's any way of this going away, I don't feel like I'm able to be helped. I'm just so sick of my feelings right now. This post is futile, but there's nothing new there.
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I know how hard it is to change your perspective when you are in the depths of these feelings but I hope you will try. I was both depressed and suicidal for a few (very long) years many years ago. Life did change. My perspective changed. My ability to think and feel changed. I don't even think I did very much to make it change--it was simply surviving and having the time to allow for those changes to take place that led to what I have now. My life now is not without sorrow--some of it sometimes still feels unbearable--but that feeling that I have no place in this world, that my own hopelessness is all I will ever feel, is a distant memory at best. Please give yourself time. Try things you haven't tried yet. Be as understanding and kind to yourself as you would be to someone else that was having these feelings.
 
It seems no matter how I think about things, no matter what my perspective of things are, my feelings are still fucking shit. I've tried changing my lifestyle, and it doesn't help. I can surround myself with people but I still feel lonely. I can't connect, I can't bond, and when I have no love to give, no relationships to grow, no meaning in my life, it doesn't seem to matter what I do because it all feels redundant. Time doesn't seem to be helping, I feel so stagnant, like everything around me is changing, but internally, I'm still stuck in the same position I have been for a seeming long time. I just don't feel like it's worth giving myself any more time, yet I still do, for reasons I am unaware of.
 
DeathDomokun said:
Time doesn't seem to be helping, I feel so stagnant, like everything around me is changing, but internally, I'm still stuck in the same position I have been for a seeming long time. I just don't feel like it's worth giving myself any more time, yet I still do, for reasons I am unaware of.
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I reckon you still give it more time because deep down inside you know that sooner or later something is going to click in to place and you will feel better. I know you're trying hard and that in itself can be really exhausting, but please keep going.
I find that when I'm feeling really down and in my "dark place", it helps to break things up in to really small and achievable tasks so that I feel like I'm getting somewhere. Is there one task or errand you could do per day/week that would be achievable and make you feel like you're going somewhere? Try not to look too far in to the future because that makes things seem more daunting and stressful. Where do you want to be by February? What would you like to have done this month?


Tripman like I said to you earlier today, what you're currently going through could be a blessing in disguise so please just wait and see how it pans out. Be strong <3


mrflowers is anything in particular going on for you right now to make you feel that way?? Take care of yourself man <3
 
I don't want to die, I want to kill my pain. I can't keep fighting the burn i am not strong enough. How long til it spreads into my brain, seeping through my nerves like burning, boiling acid.

I also want my ptsd, pd, agoraphobia and severe adjustment disorder to go shash their femoral arteries thankyou
 
*sigh* jusy *sigh* Suicides make up the vast majority go of my violent calls, and are so depressing.

Please think of me before you do... let me have a night running guifdo's to the drunk tank, not teenagers to the coroner.
 
rangrz said:
*sigh* jusy *sigh* Suicides make up the vast majority go of my violent calls, and are so depressing.

Please think of me before you do... let me have a night running guifdo's to the drunk tank, not teenagers to the coroner.
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Are you a paramedic/ambulance driver?
 
I'm tired of living, I want to die already.

I don't want to kill myself, but I want to die. I mean, I do want to kill myself...but I don't want people to be upset over me dieing. Well, I don't want to be the cause of them being upset. I don't mind them being upset over me being dead, I just don't want to be the reason. I'm stuck in this fucking loop. I want to die, but I won't kill myself. I wish something would just kill me already.

I'm tired of false hope. I want to finally have someone to myself. But, it never happens. I finally got a taste of what its like to be happy, to have someone, and before I even have them it's all torn down. It's all too good to be true. This person tells me things, says things that make me feel like it might actually be real, but in her eyes and in her actions I know I'm not good enough. Or maybe I am good enough, but it's not the right time. Regardless, I still can't have it. It's always taken away from me, ruined. Her words say she wants me, but her actions say I'm not good enough. I'm tired of being pulled around. I'd rather be miserable and have no hope, then have false hope waved in my face only to have it torn away when I let it in.

I want to fucking die already! Something, please, fucking kill me already! I'm too scared to jump in front of a train, I'm too scared to overdose on pills. I can't even kill myself if I wanted to! My father doesn't even have a gun anymore, I'd happily shoot myself in the fucking head if he did. I'm tired of this loop of misery called reality, and I'm scared to death that I'm gonna have to live this for eternity. Just put me out of existence already, all the happiness in the world is not worth this misery I feel day after day.
 
^J.Wallace, I'm so sorry you are feeling that way :( <3

It might seem like a bad and frustrating thing to you at the moment but I am glad there is at least something keeping you alive - the thought of not wanting to cause pain to your family. Believe me, the pain of losing a loved one is probably the worst experience anyone can ever go through, you definitely don't want to put your family through that - and the fact that you have this reason not to want to die means that you do have people who love you <3

I know how horrible it is when you think you have found someone and you get a little taste of happiness only for it to be snatched away - I think most people have been there.. it's very painful and makes us feel worthless, but it does pass, I promise. There will be someone out there for you who will appreciate you and treat you the way you deserve.

In the meantime, perhaps focus on trying to be happy yourself, on your own, without needing someone else to make you happy? I know this is a huge undertaking and I'm not saying you can do this overnight, but taking small steps towards learning to accept and love yourself, and be comfortable in your own skin, really are esseential to be truly happy I think. Without knowing more about you I am not sure what to suggest - things that have helped me enorously are CBT (number 1, definitely), counselling, meditating/Buddhism, exercise, doing more of the things I love, spending time with friends (right now I only really have one or two people I see regularly, you don't have to be surrounded by people..) and trying to be kind to myself. rewarding myself with little treats when I do something well, looking after myself when things aren't going so well..

It's not an easy thing. We humans are programmed to be our own worst enemy it seems. But it is possible, and I think it would help you so much <3

And when that happiness comes, you will realise it was worth this.. the pain of losing Dave was beyond belief but it was worth it to have spent a year living with him. It is just impossible to see that right now, when you are in the midst of it all.. Much <3 to you. PM me if you want to talk...
 
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But mrflowers and Splat, people DO care about you! Very much so. And that is a beautiful thing. Some people wish someone cared about them and loved them, and you guys both have that. Look towards the people who love you for support, they want to help you <3
 
All i can say right now is fuck. No strength left and the guilt, pain and mental instability is killing me, like a really slow, drawn out torture. I cannot articulate how i feel right now, it is all too fucked up!
 
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