The SO Pre-conception/Pregnancy/Parenting Megathread vs. You are NOT the father!

[Samadhi]

Oh L2R he is too precious for words I can't believe how much he looks like you in that first photo! In the second one, i just want to squeeeeeeze him :D

 

[Mariposa]

Found out some interesting news recently...

(still not my interesting news)

You know those news stories where the woman does not know she is pregnant until she gives birth? Well, that happened to a friend of mine about a month ago. She was dating a guy last year who had a vasectomy. They split over the summer and she can't find him to tell him. She is not a small girl (though not grossly obese by any means), always had irregular periods, and did not stop getting her period over that time. She also did not stop drinking or smoking... or working. She's never used drugs. I think she was at work the day before the baby arrived.

The little one is a girl. She was born at 35 weeks, healthy though just under 5 lbs, absolutely gorgeous, only issue is she has sickle cell trait. She will be raising little Belle as a single Mom. Almost everyone has offered support. Those who have not have made some of the most sickeningly mean comments about my friend being stupid, not taking care of herself, etc. The worst of all have involved her race (she is of mixed race and dark-skinned) and whether she knows who the father is. Assholes. This is a beautiful baby whom I can't wait to meet, welcomed into the world with a loving mother who is far from stupid or uneducated, age 35. Mom has stopped drinking and smoking, baby is putting on weight well. As for the father, she was only intimate with him, she is doing her best to find him.

Quite the Christmas surprise, right? Pregnant Without Knowing It

Lefty!!! You have your boy back in your arms! So cute.

 

[_a_A_C_c_]

^that happened to a friend of mine. he found out his girlfriend was 8 months pregnant. she had no idea, she was just going to the gyno for a routine check up. and like your friend, she never really had regular periods so she did not think anything was amiss. their daughter is super adorable and just turned three on sunday

 

[Samadhi]

Yep, happened to a friend's sister. The friend came to work and said "well, you'll never guess what happened last night..." and when quizzed she replied "so my sister just gave birth to a child". We were all quite surprised as it would be something you'd think family would talk about, but none of them, sister included, had any idea she was pregnant until her water broke and she thought she'd peed herself. Crazy.

 

[Fawkes]

^ whoa, crazy! what wonderful surprises! it's hard to believe a woman would miss ALL the pregnancy symptoms, but what lucky women that they made it through without the discomfort of pregnancy and had healthy babies.

that reminds me: i went into my OBs last week and they asked how many alcoholic drinks i have a day. i said, "uhm, i'm pregnant - none." to which they replied, "oh, some women like to partake in the occasional glass of wine *smile*", like it wasn't a big deal. i even had Thanksgiving dinner with a pregnant woman who drank a glass of wine with her meal and even the most reserved of people i know have made comments like, "you should have at least one glass of wine while you're pregnant." i don't know, maybe i'm a prude but i found this lackadaisical attitude a little shocking.

Baby Bundled or Moby is nice for newborns...

have you heard anything about New Native? i really liked the look of the Moby but it looks sort of time-consuming to put on and as you pointed out, you need help putting it on.

thanks for the suggestions, Busty, L2R and Vox! i was going through this pregnancy book my doc's office gave me in my 'welcome to pregnancy' packet and at the end it has this checklist of things to buy before baby arrives. it's enormous and i couldn't help thinking, "do i really *need* ALL of these items?!"

 

[L2R]

actually, these things can be helpful, but are not absolutely necessary. we only just got a pram (handed down from a cousin here in china). and we looked at more than i can count, in more places than i can remember, for a pram during the pregnancy.

 

[kytnism]

ok, imagerocket seems to work here





edit: ugh, click for bigger

daw

hes looking moar like you with every month that passes.

sweet little lamb.

...kytnism...

 

[Busty St Clare]

Those over the shoulder slings are pretty comfortable for young babies, but they do start to become uncomfortable once they start to grow. You also have to be careful with really newborn that they don't suffocate.


We discovered by chance that baby wipes are a complete waste of time (and money). Our oldest developed what we initially thought was really severe nappy rash. After it failed to resolve we finally saw a dermatologist who diagnosed a reaction to perfumes, not dissimilar to eczema. We have had to pretty much get rid of all soaps and perfumes and even more skin friendly products can still be hit and miss. We had to resort to using water and plain old Chux clothes (the type you use to wipe down kitchen benches). The No frills clothes cost about $1 for a large packet of 20, and we would cut them up into smaller sizes and simply used water to wipe her bum. We never had any problems cleaning even the most explosive situation and I'd say we saved ourselves hundreds if not thousands over the course of our kids nappy wearing years.

 

[Beachcat]

Hi guys, is it ok if I post here to ask your advice? I currently have one delightful five year old, and my husband and I recently decided to see if nature would take it's course for number two. Not actively trying, not preventing. I am 35 almost 36 and he is 48 so we figure if we want another one, nows the time. In thinking on what I need to do like take prenatal, I realized that this go round I am on morphine xr and roxi for chronic pain (migraine and 9 ruptured discs). I know ideally I should be rid of this junk in my system for pregnancy. And, honestly, i would wean myself in a heartbeat for an actual pregnancy, but I find myself reluctant to do so for a theoretical baby.

I am so conflicted. I am an awesome mom, despite the pain and the meds. I just don't know what to do. Get off now, probably the mature way to go, or wait until I have to, a way more risky way to play it. Or table the idea altogether until our ages make the idea impossible anyway. Y 'all strike me as a very sensible bunch, any thoughts?

 

[L2R]

if it's a choice, i'd say cut it now. the stuff in your system affects the state of reproductive system, so it is better to be clear prior to conception. that is, of course, if you can function otherwise without the meds.

elevit for you and menevit for the husband prior to conception is what we used. i also stopped drinking prior (i wasn't doing anything elicit for years at the time).

At your age, you need as much help as you can get. Sorry if this is news to you, but it gets more difficult and risky from the thirties. Good luck!

 

[voxmystic]

ok, imagerocket seems to work here





edit: ugh, click for bigger

Awww, what a cutie! And growing SO fast! Love those red tenners!

Hi guys, is it ok if I post here to ask your advice? I currently have one delightful five year old, and my husband and I recently decided to see if nature would take it's course for number two. Not actively trying, not preventing. I am 35 almost 36 and he is 48 so we figure if we want another one, nows the time. In thinking on what I need to do like take prenatal, I realized that this go round I am on morphine xr and roxi for chronic pain (migraine and 9 ruptured discs). I know ideally I should be rid of this junk in my system for pregnancy. And, honestly, i would wean myself in a heartbeat for an actual pregnancy, but I find myself reluctant to do so for a theoretical baby.

I am so conflicted. I am an awesome mom, despite the pain and the meds. I just don't know what to do. Get off now, probably the mature way to go, or wait until I have to, a way more risky way to play it. Or table the idea altogether until our ages make the idea impossible anyway. Y 'all strike me as a very sensible bunch, any thoughts?

If you're actively trying for a baby, you really should have your system as clean as possible, because even with early detection, you still won't know you're pregnant for at least 3 weeks or so after conception, and the first trimester is the most critical for a developing foetus. If you can function, of course, as L2R said. I'd say ask your doctor, but my niece's doctor gave her Zoloft while she was carrying twins, and it affected both babies for the worst. One of them may even have to have heart surgery. I'm so angry at that doctor I could cheerfully kick his teeth in. But if you can find a good naturopath or midwife, you could ask about your options. Good luck!

have you heard anything about New Native? i really liked the look of the Moby but it looks sort of time-consuming to put on and as you pointed out, you need help putting it on.

thanks for the suggestions, Busty, L2R and Vox! i was going through this pregnancy book my doc's office gave me in my 'welcome to pregnancy' packet and at the end it has this checklist of things to buy before baby arrives. it's enormous and i couldn't help thinking, "do i really *need* ALL of these items?!"

There's definitely a learning curve with the wrap style carriers, but once you grok the basic tie, it's really pretty quick and easy. You don't need help for front carries, only back carries, but that's true with any carrier except a frame pack that stands up by itself with baby in it so you can turn around and slip into the straps. Just make sure that whatever you use, that your baby won't be in a chin-to-chest position, as that restricts free breathing.

Aside from a good carrier, the only other thing I needed was a baby bath with one of those little thingies to lay baby down on out of the water, and a squirt bottle like dish soap comes in for easy rinsing. Oh, and spring for the good car seat if you can. Nothing sucks worse than struggling with hard to use buckles and straps while sideways rain is blowing up your backside. Also, if you plan to bf, the Mother's Milk tea and fenugreek capsules are da bomb! That's really about it,except for TONS of diapers ......don't go by the lists in the baby magazines ;their job is to sell you shit you don't need!

 

[L2R]

the boy and i both have bikes on our minds

 

[ugly]

I am subscribing to this thread because my daughter is pregnant. She found out a few days ago, on her 28th birthday actually. She and her husband have been married 8 years. This is not my first grandchild, but my other grandchildren are from one of my sons. I cannot explain how or why, but having a daughter pregnant feels much different to me than having had a son GET someone pregnant. I have four kids, and having given birth four times, I have some experience. However, everyone's experiences are different.

I smoked weed all during pregnancy and gave birth at home on my water bed when pregnant with my oldest son, now 32. I stopped smoking after he came because I was scared to death I would stab him with a diaper pin. Do people even use cloth diapers anymore?

Anyway, my daughter is going to continue to smoke weed during her pregnancy. I haven't said anything about it one way or the other. She is the only child of mine that uses any substance, and she started smoking weed when she was 14. I didn't find out until she was 18 or so... at which time I thanked God and went back to smoking weed. Yes I abstained from substances during all those years. I found it impossible to run the household high, I really did.

I'm glad I spent all my money and all my focus on my kids while they were coming up. Kids don't stay little for very long. I made the right decision. It sure makes getting high these days more excellent. I never went back on LSD but E and a variety of other substances make up for it.

It surprises me that my kids don't take drugs. The (pregnant) daughter who does smoke weed does not drink (none of my kids drink) but she was and is afraid of what she calls "real" drugs.

In fact, I have to hide a lot of what *real drugs* I do from my kids.

Just like I did from my parents in the 70s.

My four kids would kick my ass and throw me in rehab if they knew I did meth.

Congratulation to the brand new parents in this thread. Allow me to emphasize that I never in a million years would have thought the above sentence would apply to me. Those babies won't stay babies for long. Enjoy it.

 

[Jabberwocky]

excellent news, MDAO! and, what a beautiful boy, vox!

i have a question for parents: what are the baby basics or items you couldn't do without and are there any items you thought you'd use constantly that ended up being pretty useless?

I got one of the most helpful tips from a free book that's distributed to new parents by our local grocery store. It's concerning baby wipes (Busty touched on this). I make my own and it is quite easy. I get the soft "cloth-like" paper towels, dot each 3rd or 4th one lightly with baby wash, fold them over eachother and soak in water. I store in a tupperware container. You can use Aveeno Baby wash for Eczema if your baby has sensitive skin. It saves a bundle of money and is better for the skin! I never would have thought of this on my own if it wasn't for the book Following is a couple updated Jake pics. It's so strange how connected I am to him. Never in a million years did I think I'd ever bond with a baby.

 

[L2R]

^hey, little man! :D

how awesome was his fascination with the mobile above his bed! i loved watching my boy watching his.

 

[MyDoorsAreOpen]

Those babies won't stay babies for long. Enjoy it.

This really struck me. I've said this almost as a mantra to myself, in my mind, each day when I wake up and see my kids for the first time that day. Especially since we're definitely done with babies after this.

 

[L2R]

^i honestly have no idea how anyone can manage three (or more) at the same time. my friend, you've got a lot of work cut out for you.

i've become the master settler in the house. if wifey tries to put him down, he thinks there's milk coming. i have a method of rocking him gently counting from the moment his eyes close to 100 rocks. then i do another 100 over his bed. by the time i finish he accepts the bed. if i try to put him down too soon, he realises and grabs me by the collar of my top, the little smartarse.

 

[shikidala]

 

[L2R]

NOTHING is better than the feeling of my son falling asleep in my arms. whether i'm intentionally putting him down or he's just tuckered out, the very phenomenon is the epitome of being a parent, which i feel deeply as my purpose of this existence. THIS is the closest thing to finding a true and substantial meaning of life right here.

 

[~*geNeRaTiOn E*~]

^ sending you lots of fertility/baby-making vibes