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The Sad Thread (Anti-Snoo)

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Just been speaking with Martin's best friend in Portsmouth. He is all screwed up about it too.

I went back to work today and got through the day somehow. But now I'm home it's all come crashing back in again. I can't breathe or think or do anything except cry. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
 
angelsmoke said:
Just been speaking with Martin's best friend in Portsmouth. He is all screwed up about it too.

I went back to work today and got through the day somehow. But now I'm home it's all come crashing back in again. I can't breathe or think or do anything except cry. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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Know the feeling all too well.

<3 Have a virtual cuddle <3
 
my gran moved into a nursing home today, she has being in hospital the last few weeks. not the same woman for about 8months, dementia set in and got worse and worse.

the last few times i have seen here she thinks im my dad and my son is me.
 
Bogman, <3.

My brother's wife's mother has been suffering from dementia for a few years now. It's a terrible thing. It can be also be funny at times; she does the most inappropriate things at the dinner table, for example :D But in the long run it's sad and <3.
 
Shambles said:
Just read your tale of patriarchal (mostly) Goodnessess, Pagey. Nice work <3
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Thanks Shambles <3
I was just able to speak to him on the phone, he sounds a little better. Apparently he might be able to go home this week-end. They weren't really sure he'd be getting out when he was admitted this time round so it's a huge relief. And I'm going back to Paris for a whole month in about ten days so hopefully I'll be able to spend it fixing the memories I've got of him :)
 
Right, I'm off to my work hearing today to answer for being dishonest on my initial application. Said i was under no current investigations when in fact i am. Had to self refer to the Nursing and Midwifery Council due to being an opiate addict. For some reason my manager looked into my nursing status when i was working as a health care assistant and saw what was going on and then a senior manager picked up on it and asked for my dismissal. Just when everything was getting back on track too the bugger.

Think today will end with me being sacked but I'm going to appeal to keep the suspended-on-full-pay thing going. Rather nice this getting paid for doing nowt lark. I know it was my fault for lying initially but the thing is that once it came to light my manager agreed to keep me on with a verbal warning. It was only when a senior aresehole/manager heard about it that he took the decision out of their hands. Also, my nursing status really has nothing to do with this role. I really think that the guy who wants me fired had a knee jerk reaction to me being a substance user, not just the fact of my dishonesty. Once i appeal there's a good chance that the next hearing will be taken by him so i can ask him to his face what the real issue was. I'll also suggest that to manage the 'risk' I'd consent to daily/weekly urine screening - I'm probably the most sober employee there!

Anyway, wish me luck and anyone been through anything similar? Can't wait to put this behind me and find something more stable
 
Good luck, hope it goes in your favour. I've been down the disciplinary route, and it was a really shitty time.
 
STILL having an addiction is getting me down, but most of all having a boyfriend who seems to be making less effort than me to change. He's been an addict on and off for ten years, and keeps using this as if he knows better than me, with my baby 2 and a half year habit.

I've put some changes into effect, gone up on my meth, (after coming right down waiting to swap over to Subutex, but that's a scary move, not sure i'm ready for the clear headedness sub gives you) applied for volunteer placements. He seems to just .... talk about these things and make constant excuses to put off stopping until tomorrow, then tomorrow comes and there's another excuse. 'Lets wait til all the money's gone' 'Lets wait til we get more valium'

We already have lots!! AND tramadol. This cluck is going to be easy, its all in our heads, the hardest bit is going to be the mental side of it resisting the pattern of daily scoring.

or he'll say 'I can't face it today, i've got a meeting with my key worker, I don't want to walk there feeling ill'

I do everything, keep the place tidy, wash clothes, worry about money, food, as if I didn't it wouldn't be done as he insists he's always feeling too shit (if he's not had a hit) However, I'm in the same fucking state, but have to hold things together.

I'm sad that I might have to make the decision to walk away (OR go BACK into rebab housing, a place I decided to leave as I was only assigned there after I came out of Jail) as I don't believe that couples can detox together unless both are as determined as the other. He's already admitted that he thinks he's going to lose me, but it's like he's just decided to accept that, and as a result isn't making any changes other than talking about making them.
 
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amnesiaseizure said:
Right, I'm off to my work hearing today to answer for being dishonest on my initial application. Said i was under no current investigations when in fact i am. Had to self refer to the Nursing and Midwifery Council due to being an opiate addict. For some reason my manager looked into my nursing status when i was working as a health care assistant and saw what was going on and then a senior manager picked up on it and asked for my dismissal. Just when everything was getting back on track too the bugger.

Think today will end with me being sacked but I'm going to appeal to keep the suspended-on-full-pay thing going. Rather nice this getting paid for doing nowt lark. I know it was my fault for lying initially but the thing is that once it came to light my manager agreed to keep me on with a verbal warning. It was only when a senior aresehole/manager heard about it that he took the decision out of their hands. Also, my nursing status really has nothing to do with this role. I really think that the guy who wants me fired had a knee jerk reaction to me being a substance user, not just the fact of my dishonesty. Once i appeal there's a good chance that the next hearing will be taken by him so i can ask him to his face what the real issue was. I'll also suggest that to manage the 'risk' I'd consent to daily/weekly urine screening - I'm probably the most sober employee there!

Anyway, wish me luck and anyone been through anything similar? Can't wait to put this behind me and find something more stable
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Good luck mate. Sorry to hear that. Hope they see sense and keep you on because you are a good worker.
 
Really sad looking through headfuck's sunflower photo album on bakebook and seeing loadsa pics of Martin, there's a good one of the northern Irish/Irish crew but would need permission from 2 people to post it, looks happily fucked in most pics
 
cherrycolouredfunk said:
I'm sad that I might have to make the decision to walk away as I don't believe that couples can detox together unless both are as determined as the other. He's already admitted that he thinks he's going to lose me, but it's like he's just decided to accept that, and as a result isn't making any changes other than talking about making them.
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That's a tough choice Cherry, I've not been there but a can see that quitting as a couple could well prove difficult and it sounds like you want to do something he does not.

Maybe better to go and do your thing and see how he is when your in better shape, you always seem to give so much of yourself to others and it doesn't seem to be befitting you at the mo. If you were more sorted you'd be able to offer better support to those you care about and whilst he may not say so if he loves you he will understand deep down.
 
Thanks all, i got the sack! Yay! Not. But oh well, onwards and upwards. Means i get to spend more time with my gf so that can't be bad.

And Cherry, it really does sound like the fear of losing you is making him self sabotage. Be very careful of how much you give to the relationship because I'm sure you're aware of the likelihood this will end. So sorry to hear you're going through it, such a tough one. Can you both see a counsellor together at all? You really have to set limits and boundaries for yourself here or you'll get lost in the chaos and confusion and it may take a long time to get yourself back.

<3
 
cherrycolouredfunk said:
STILL having an addiction is getting me down, but most of all having a boyfriend who seems to be making less effort than me to change. He's been an addict on and off for ten years, and keeps using this as if he knows better than me, with my baby 2 and a half year habit.

I've put some changes into effect, gone up on my meth, (after coming right down waiting to swap over to Subutex, but that's a scary move, not sure i'm ready for the clear headedness sub gives you) applied for volunteer placements. He seems to just .... talk about these things and make constant excuses to put off stopping until tomorrow, then tomorrow comes and there's another excuse. 'Lets wait til all the money's gone' 'Lets wait til we get more valium'

We already have lots!! AND tramadol. This cluck is going to be easy, its all in our heads, the hardest bit is going to be the mental side of it resisting the pattern of daily scoring.

or he'll say 'I can't face it today, i've got a meeting with my key worker, I don't want to walk there feeling ill'

I do everything, keep the place tidy, wash clothes, worry about money, food, as if I didn't it wouldn't be done as he insists he's always feeling too shit (if he's not had a hit) However, I'm in the same fucking state, but have to hold things together.

I'm sad that I might have to make the decision to walk away (OR go BACK into rebab housing, a place I decided to leave as I was only assigned there after I came out of Jail) as I don't believe that couples can detox together unless both are as determined as the other. He's already admitted that he thinks he's going to lose me, but it's like he's just decided to accept that, and as a result isn't making any changes other than talking about making them.
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Drop that douchebag.
 
@Cherry,I know it will probably be difficult for u to do but from what you've wrote here it sounds like you would be much better off without yr boyfriend.
It sounds like he is taking the piss, he obviously has no plans to quit using which won't help you in the long run.
He doesn't do anything around the house because he knows that you will do it all by yourself.
Sounds to me like he is using you and taking you for a ride.
 
amnesiaseizure said:
Thanks all, i got the sack! Yay! Not. But oh well, onwards and upwards. Means i get to spend more time with my gf so that can't be bad.
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Fuckers. I don't know what's going on with bureaucracy nowadays but there seems to be cunts in charge of everything, not willing to show any discretion or take personal circumstances into account. It's a load of shit.
 
amnesiaseizure said:
Thanks all, i got the sack! Yay! Not. But oh well, onwards and upwards. Means i get to spend more time with my gf so that can't be bad.
Click to expand...

Unlucky. Sorry. Parenting is like a full time job so I'm sure your better half will be grateful to have you around. Chin up mate, there is always something else around the corner. All the best with the little one. Not long now? Good luck. From my experience, you will need it.
 
I've just been completely overcome with a smash of sadness, upset, regret, hating myself, feel the need to cry but can't.
This is the biggest wave of depression that I've had in quite some time and I really hope it doesn't end up with me hurting myself or knocking myself out with meds.
I want to apologise to someone but I'm too afraid to, it would likely mean nothing coming from me and I don't deserve their friendship anymore anyway.

It's even selfish of me to be thinking and feeling what I am with the recent great losses of our fellow EADDers...

Think It'll be the knock myself out with meds option but there's time for harm yet.
 
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