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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

The Sad Thread (Anti-Snoo)

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Shambles said:
Treac <3

Also, Pagey <3

(but i would add that staying at uni probably is better than dealing with family stuffs in the long run no matter how harsh that sounds. and don't give in to post-opi w/d blues - they pass... eventually)

<3
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Thanks <3
But yeah, that's true. It's just tbh I'm starting to wonder if I'm ever going to see my dad again. Apparently he's in really bad shape. The worst part is, I don't even really wanna be there for him because he's done so many fucked up things to me and he was the reason I moved away in the first place. But I don't want to regret this later and I feel like I should at least be there for my siblings and my mom. Think I'm gonna try to look around for a quick eurostar ticket to go home tomorrow or tuesday...I can't risk coming home too late.
 
Yeah. I don't want to see him but I'm just afraid of regretting it so much later on if I don't get to say goodbye. And I mean for all the shit he's done, he's still my dad...
Idk. I don't fucking want this to happen.
 
I understand what you saying about your dad Pagey.
My dad was a real bastard when i was growing up,used to severely beat me my mum and my eldest sister, I used to lay in bed wanting to go and Stab him while he slept but I think if he was dying I would still see him as he may have been a cunt but he is still my dad and I will never have another one.
Tough call to make I guess though when it's your reality at this moment.
 
Shambles said:
Suspect I may be in similar quandary when my paedo-scum of an auld man carks it :\

Probably best to go all in all. You can always piss on him whilst he can't fight back. Although he may like that...
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Its amazing how many cunt parents are out there.
 
maxalfie said:
... I used to lay in bed wanting to go and Stab him while he slept but I think if he was dying I would still see him as he may have been a cunt but he is still my dad and I will never have another one.
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Somewhat spooky is that. I went so far as to often stand outside their open bedroom door with knife in hand... but was always too terrified to do owt but wish and hope. He's inside now for unsavoury deeds done to me half-sisters I've never really met... aside from seeing him with 'em... :|

Ya. Dads can be cunts.
 
Shambles said:
Suspect I may be in similar quandary when my paedo-scum of an auld man carks it :\

Probably best to go all in all. You can always piss on him whilst he can't fight back. Although he may like that...
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I do hope the choice will be easier for you Shambles...it's a shit position to be in :\
I guess it all boils down to whether genetically being someone's kid actually matters when they didn't treat you like one. I just can't figure it out.

maxalfie said:
I understand what you saying about your dad Pagey.
My dad was a real bastard when i was growing up,used to severely beat me my mum and my eldest sister, I used to lay in bed wanting to go and Stab him while he slept but I think if he was dying I would still see him as he may have been a cunt but he is still my dad and I will never have another one.
Tough call to make I guess though when it's your reality at this moment.
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I'm sorry to hear that maxalfie.
Similar for me, he would beat my mom and me and took every opportunity he could to remind me of what a failure I was and tell me I should be dead. I honestly used to dream of the day he'd be lying in a hospital bed with a terminal illness but now that it's actually happening...it just feels wrong. As you said, he's still my dad and I won't have another one.

Edit: Shambles just saw your latest post...that's really intense. I'm sorry.
 
I went back to Paris last night and visited my dad in the hospital. I told him everything I needed to, including how I'd hesitated about coming to see him.
I got back to London this morning because I couldn't handle it. I'm terrified. Any second I could get a call telling me I don't have a dad anymore. This is horrible.
 
Thanks. Yeah, 'a lot' is an understatement really...it's horribly overwhelming. I'm too fucking young to be dealing with my dad's death. :(
I'm glad I went back though. After I'd told him everything (I was blatantly honest about how much he'd hurt me and how much I resented him for it) we just talked about music, books, what I wanted to do with my life, all that stuff for a really long time. I don't remember ever having such a nice conversation with my dad so I'm glad I'll have at least one good memory of him.
 
Pagey said:
Thanks. Yeah, 'a lot' is an understatement really...it's horribly overwhelming. I'm too fucking young to be dealing with my dad's death. :(
I'm glad I went back though. After I'd told him everything (I was blatantly honest about how much he'd hurt me and how much I resented him for it) we just talked about music, books, what I wanted to do with my life, all that stuff for a really long time. I don't remember ever having such a nice conversation with my dad so I'm glad I'll have at least one good memory of him.
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I'm so pleased that you went to see your dad Pagey.Well done on having the courage to tell him how much he had hurt you and the resentment it caused.
Its also good that you could have a nice talk afterwards also. I think you will be so pleased you had that chat once he is no longer here.
Too many times family die without people having a chance to have a talk like yours.
Well done, I think you are so brave.
 
maxalfie said:
I'm so pleased that you went to see your dad Pagey.Well done on having the courage to tell him how much he had hurt you and the resentment it caused.
Its also good that you could have a nice talk afterwards also. I think you will be so pleased you had that chat once he is no longer here.
Too many times family die without people having a chance to have a talk like yours.
Well done, I think you are so brave.
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Thank you :)
Yeah I'm really happy I did it. Despite everything it feels like a big weight has been lifted off my chest, like I've done what I needed to do. And in a way that talk sort of erased everything that happened. Not completely obviously and I'm never going to forgive him entirely, but it still helped a lot.
 
sick of all these miserable depressing days need some sunshine, just dont see it anymore...

each day just seems like another long day of imprisonment in depression land, only temporarily escaping whilst buzzing on chemicals, or doing ketamine... which really isnt that long i tell ya, seems so limited, such limited time
 
^ winter is really dragging on, it makes me miserable aswell, it's been dark and freezing for months now. I just want some sun and the motivation that it gives me, because otherwise I just don't feel like doing anything. meh.
 
A lot of people have been ground down by this winter... it seems to have gone on forever and last summer was utter shit which doesn't help. In the dutty Sarf we got a kind of false spring two weeks ago which made it seem as though things were looking up but it's piss freezing with sky like teabag paper again now. Dispiriting.
 
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