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The Sad Thread (Anti-Snoo) 2 - Tory Britain in Flames
- Thread starter maxalfie
- Start date
F.U.B.A.R.
Bluelight Crew
Have you got your head tested yet?
(And I mean that literally, not figuratively - you can't just ignore head trauma)..
SummerSerenade
Bluelighter
Kinda not feeling the point right now. Meh. Booze will 100% help though and despite seeming to have lost £110 on the drugs I really wanted I've found some codeine so all is not lost. At the very least they might kill my splitting headache, not expecting much of a high with my opiate tolerance though unfortunately.
Suck me.
Another sadness in the shitfest that is my life is that it looks like I'm getting kicked out of where I'm living tomorrow instead of the end of the week.
Again, always booze. Or suicide, or even both.
Either way I give up. And now I have to actually walk for 20 mins to get decent booze so that's even more depressing. Better not fucking rain.
Happy Friday (nawt).
F.U.B.A.R.
Bluelight Crew
Summer, the comments 'drugs I wanted' and 'opiate tolerance' are a little worrying... You been overdoing the smack?
Bella Figura
Bluelight Crew
like there's any other way to do it 
show me a chipper and i'll show you a liar :D
(i kid, i kid)
show me a chipper and i'll show you a liar :D
(i kid, i kid)
F.U.B.A.R.
Bluelight Crew
like there's any other way to do it
show me a chipper and i'll show you a liar :D
(i kid, i kid)
No mate, you're absolutely bang on..
Bella Figura
Bluelight Crew
I know but I'm sure there's the exceptional pedant who'll come out the woodwork after my post, so best cover my ass 
SummerSerenade
Bluelighter
Overdoing? I fucking wish. I stopped for a certain person who didn't give a shit so I'm hoping my shit will turn up tomorrow so I can throw myself right back into it.
I chipped for over a year but I don't give a fuck now so fuck it.
I chipped for over a year but I don't give a fuck now so fuck it.
Don Luigi
Bluelight Crew
This.
It's unrelated but I remember being on the train to Newry and, at Belfast Central, a young woman boarded with a gaggle of weans who immediately started wreaking mayhem. Two of the little shites went running down to the toilets and pulled the assistance cable and all I heard from the mother was:
''Here, you two, Spastic features! Get the fuck up here right now!''
To which one of the young gentlemen did retort..
''I'll fucking kill you, Ma!''.
I think a lot of the fault lies with how the music industry sells sex to kids. I was at an ex's house, in the living room with her children, and there was a Rhianna video on TV. My ex's 6yr old daughter then started to writhe on her back, rubbing her hands all over her body and her private areas, looking at me as if it was funny
I wasn't the girl's father but felt I had to say something to the mother. She wasn't allowed to watch the music channels after that
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Dark Side
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2013
- Messages
- 873
Thing is i remember ages back when you started messing with it, you said you were all about the stims. What did i say...i said "Your brain loves Opiates". That was also your cry for help that no one bothered answering because you and heroin were sort of inevitable, given the fact you have an addictive personality. So do I and that's why I avoid it
You will regret it, Just like Sammy G. But that's life really, the worst pains are the one's you inflict upon yourself and at the end of the day that's what heroin addiction is...Pain, actually it's complete agony. Sorry to slap you in the face with reality
Eveleivibe
Ex-Bluelighter
I'm sincerely sorry for what's going on for you right now but can I give you a bit of advice? Keep your arguments with Dan private - it only opens doors for others to get involved. Also he may not want others knowing about certain situations in his life as they're personal. I'm only saying this because I've made the mistake of airing my business on forums n all it does is make the situation worse - not better.
Also, as most know here I became addicted to the weakest form of opiate so be careful with Heroin. Opiates have a way of seducing you n they do it when you're at your worst. Why not take time out then talk to Dan in private? Don't give up Heroin because Dan wants you to. Do it because YOU want to. I'm sure that Dan only has your best interests at heart if he's asking you to stay away from Heroin.
Be safe
Evey
SummerSerenade
Bluelighter
Doubt I'll live long enough to regret it so I might as well make the most of it. At the moment it's the only thing that makes reality bearable. And I've never hurt myself more than other people so far no matter how hard I've tried.
I'm sincerely sorry for what's going on for you right now but can I give you a bit of advice? Keep your arguments with Dan private - it only opens doors for others to get involved. Also he may not want others knowing about certain situations in his life as they're personal. I'm only saying this because I've made the mistake of airing my business on forums n all it does is make the situation worse - not better.
Also, as most know here I became addicted to the weakest form of opiate so be careful with Heroin. Opiates have a way of seducing you n they do it when you're at your worst. Why not take time out then talk to Dan in private? Don't give up Heroin because Dan wants you to. Do it because YOU want to. I'm sure that Dan only has your best interests at heart if he's asking you to stay away from Heroin.
Be safe
Evey
Don't think it's possible to make the situation worse. Or better, no matter how much I've tried and tried. However I am going to refrain from mentioning it simply because no one gives a shit and it's almost more depressing talking about it than thinking about it.
And the only thing I'm giving up on is life. But nevermind. I got a year more than I ever expected and at least I knew what it was like to be truly in love and happy.
Sorry guys. Sure some of you will find lasting happiness but I guess for me it'll only ever be a dream. At least I can let go now because it's so much easier killing yourself than trying to be brave for someone.
Eveleivibe
Ex-Bluelighter
Come on now you're 20 you've you're whole life ahead of you. Just because it's bad now doesn't mean it can't ever get better. And people do give a shit about you.
Evey
Evey
ScotchMist
Bluelight Crew
Summer, trust me, I know what despair is.. hopeless and desperate for things to change, whatever that is, even death..
You've proven already that things can turn around in a moment, those beautiful things are worth trudging through the shit to get to..
I'm living that right now, you can too...
You've proven already that things can turn around in a moment, those beautiful things are worth trudging through the shit to get to..
I'm living that right now, you can too...
Eveleivibe
Ex-Bluelighter
If you need someone to talk to you can always pm
Your number.
Scotchy makes sense n is very wise he's worth listening to now n then
Evey
Your number.
Scotchy makes sense n is very wise he's worth listening to now n then
Evey
Sprout
Bluelight Crew
Summer, I shan't ever pretend to know exactly how you're feeling inside, we each carry our own demons with us, and each is as different as the people who are cursed by them.
However, I do believe I have a slight idea of how you may be feeling; like giving up, like any effort on your part will be negated by factors you cannot control: hopeless, helpless, alone. The funny thing about depression is that it feeds off its own creation. A cycle of negativity, becomes anger, becomes confusion, becomes misanthropic, becomes anhedonic, like a dark, murky sea rising each day, threatening to extinguish the light and the life we hold inside.
Life is beautiful, seriously, and you can claim that as bullshit rhetoric if you wish, I know I did. I did until I felt I couldn't go on, I had no purpose, no fight left. I felt my place was above this mortal plane to be the Father my daughter never had. And so, I tried to end it. Bottles and blood and pills and powders and razors and every possible way I could think of to escape the life I thought I hated.
Given I'm writing this; I survived. Every single time.
Failing at destroying myself was so ironic, I had failed my duty in life, I had been saved from an OD by Nalaxone, I died without planning to and failed when I actually tried. I laugh at it now.
My body is adorned in scars from self-injurious behaviour, and I spent years hiding them away. The physical manifestations of my psychological inadequacies.
However, I am alive, I am breathing, and given the amount of effort I put into not being that way, there's a fucking reason the Universe didn't let me die on the floor of my flat, alone.
Every day after the last attempt I woke up happy; if I had got my way, I wouldn't have experienced the joy of birdsong once more, the beauty of a Summer's day in the Pennines, the hand of one who shares my love, the birth of my Nephew.
Suicide is never, ever the only choice. It is but a lie woven by the hollow mask that depression wears.
Summer, I am always here for you.
To listen. To understand. To talk.
Please stay strong,
Connor.
However, I do believe I have a slight idea of how you may be feeling; like giving up, like any effort on your part will be negated by factors you cannot control: hopeless, helpless, alone. The funny thing about depression is that it feeds off its own creation. A cycle of negativity, becomes anger, becomes confusion, becomes misanthropic, becomes anhedonic, like a dark, murky sea rising each day, threatening to extinguish the light and the life we hold inside.
Life is beautiful, seriously, and you can claim that as bullshit rhetoric if you wish, I know I did. I did until I felt I couldn't go on, I had no purpose, no fight left. I felt my place was above this mortal plane to be the Father my daughter never had. And so, I tried to end it. Bottles and blood and pills and powders and razors and every possible way I could think of to escape the life I thought I hated.
Given I'm writing this; I survived. Every single time.
Failing at destroying myself was so ironic, I had failed my duty in life, I had been saved from an OD by Nalaxone, I died without planning to and failed when I actually tried. I laugh at it now.
My body is adorned in scars from self-injurious behaviour, and I spent years hiding them away. The physical manifestations of my psychological inadequacies.
However, I am alive, I am breathing, and given the amount of effort I put into not being that way, there's a fucking reason the Universe didn't let me die on the floor of my flat, alone.
Every day after the last attempt I woke up happy; if I had got my way, I wouldn't have experienced the joy of birdsong once more, the beauty of a Summer's day in the Pennines, the hand of one who shares my love, the birth of my Nephew.
Suicide is never, ever the only choice. It is but a lie woven by the hollow mask that depression wears.
Summer, I am always here for you.
To listen. To understand. To talk.
Please stay strong,
Connor.
Ms Mermaid
Bluelighter
That's a pretty awesome and lovely post sprout. and much kudos for the honesty
Having had my own dalliances with the S word over the last year, I'm in no position to be offering any wise words, as I'm still mulling over & processing my own experience.
So I'll just stick to well wishes and say hope things improve for you soon Summer, and you find a more stable place to help you deal with whatever's being thrown at you, or that you're involved with and feel unable to change right now.
Having had my own dalliances with the S word over the last year, I'm in no position to be offering any wise words, as I'm still mulling over & processing my own experience.
So I'll just stick to well wishes and say hope things improve for you soon Summer, and you find a more stable place to help you deal with whatever's being thrown at you, or that you're involved with and feel unable to change right now.
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Eveleivibe
Ex-Bluelighter
Yea I've been sucidal many times n now feel deeply ashamed as I've a child I coulda left behind. Not many understand it n judge you as I tend to use small things to hide focusing on the bigger things. Seek help. It's true when they say suicide is a permanent solution to what could be a tempoary solution.
Life is hard, damn hard at times but you know what they say?!
Without sadness one cannot truly experience joy
Without pain or heartache one cannot truly enjoy love
Without sadness one truly cannot enjoy happiness
It's these negative things that show us how precious the positive things are n although it doesn't seem that way right now it will one day. You just need some help n support. Please don't be afraid to ask for some. You are cared about even if it doesn't feel that way right now.
Evey
Life is hard, damn hard at times but you know what they say?!
Without sadness one cannot truly experience joy
Without pain or heartache one cannot truly enjoy love
Without sadness one truly cannot enjoy happiness
It's these negative things that show us how precious the positive things are n although it doesn't seem that way right now it will one day. You just need some help n support. Please don't be afraid to ask for some. You are cared about even if it doesn't feel that way right now.
Evey