• 🇬🇧󠁿 🇸🇪 🇿🇦 🇮🇪 🇬🇭 🇩🇪 🇪🇺
    European & African
    Drug Discussion

    Welcome Guest!
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

The Sad Thread (Anti-Snoo) 2 - Tory Britain in Flames

SproutOnSmack said:
Summer, I shan't ever pretend to know exactly how you're feeling inside, we each carry our own demons with us, and each is as different as the people who are cursed by them.

However, I do believe I have a slight idea of how you may be feeling; like giving up, like any effort on your part will be negated by factors you cannot control: hopeless, helpless, alone. The funny thing about depression is that it feeds off its own creation. A cycle of negativity, becomes anger, becomes confusion, becomes misanthropic, becomes anhedonic, like a dark, murky sea rising each day, threatening to extinguish the light and the life we hold inside.

Life is beautiful, seriously, and you can claim that as bullshit rhetoric if you wish, I know I did. I did until I felt I couldn't go on, I had no purpose, no fight left. I felt my place was above this mortal plane to be the Father my daughter never had. And so, I tried to end it. Bottles and blood and pills and powders and razors and every possible way I could think of to escape the life I thought I hated.

Given I'm writing this; I survived. Every single time.
Failing at destroying myself was so ironic, I had failed my duty in life, I had been saved from an OD by Nalaxone, I died without planning to and failed when I actually tried. I laugh at it now.

My body is adorned in scars from self-injurious behaviour, and I spent years hiding them away. The physical manifestations of my psychological inadequacies.

However, I am alive, I am breathing, and given the amount of effort I put into not being that way, there's a fucking reason the Universe didn't let me die on the floor of my flat, alone.

Every day after the last attempt I woke up happy; if I had got my way, I wouldn't have experienced the joy of birdsong once more, the beauty of a Summer's day in the Pennines, the hand of one who shares my love, the birth of my Nephew.

Suicide is never, ever the only choice. It is but a lie woven by the hollow mask that depression wears.

Summer, I am always here for you.
To listen. To understand. To talk.

Please stay strong,
Connor.
<3
Click to expand...

This <3

I tried multiple times but got to the point where I submitted to life, its beauty and the belief the universe still has plans for me. Its not an option unless I'm terminal. I am independent and value my time much more now. Happiness comes from within, put myself first but also do my best to spread positivity now and help people like they helped me when I needed it and did my best to refuse it all. I accept I have drug problems but I'm not trying to change that, I'm just being honest with myself and have things on a level balance now and trips are wonderful now not self destructive.

Getting over that felt like the last lesson I needed to learn before I could call myself an adult... only took me 27 years lol I was running away for a long time.
 
Last edited:
^
Such beautiful posts, wise and spot on x

Listen to these guys they are so inspirational! They are building our community spirit and I so appreciate your words x
 
Aww honey what a nightmare for you (hugs) <3

As a parent who has fledged young, let me tell you it's killing her too :| The pain goes two ways :\

You have to be who you are whether your parent's like that or not. It's part of the human reproductive process honey and painful it is indeed, but you are strong and you will get there - keep believing in yourself and take action <3<3<3

gardenlane said:
I will never become my parents.

No encouragement on how I have been trying to get out of 'their' home, no encouragement on actually getting feedback which was positive for an interview I'm now shortlisted for. Telling your mother the amount of pressure you're under is leading to a breakdown to be told to suck it up because it's your job (it's actually 4 peoples jobs I'm doing right now) and now I'm being told she's considering sabotaging my interview because I said even if I get the 30hr I'll still be looking for a job elsewhere because it's killing me doing everything so she doesn't have to.

Sure the sister is being given free wine as we speak. Fuck me what did I do to get the short straw. Oh and my brother is coming back so he doesn't have to find a job where he is renting so I am back on the study floor with no room, but the room better be 'fucking sparkling' for his return.
Click to expand...
 
If I go out for a walk I am tempted to not come back today. I'm going to pack my overnight bag, and then just lie in bed and pretend to sleep so I'll get some actual peace
 
gardenlane said:
Thank you <3

Just very very tired of the way things work here. I do everything they ask me to do (my siblings dont). I'm trying to get a new job so I can move out so they'll stop berating me constantly whilst they'll be letting the siblings stay. I don't have a room to call my own, and I have to clear everything out for my brother again. He's a grown adult too who could also get a job and move out but I am the one being shafted. I'd really like to say I am a bad bitch who deserves it, but I do anything in my power to make my mammys life easier. She wants me to get a new job so we don't work together, but wants to stop my chance of getting a 30hr where we are now because I said I didn't wantto always be there pulling all the slack of the rest of them. I just can't win. I told her I was losing my mind (as a collegue and not her daughter) today with the pressure I'm under and she just didn't care. If I'm not doing the work who is going to?
Click to expand...

Dont do the work and teach them a lesson, if you're doing all the work then you're the one with the power. I dont know what your situation is though are the eldest by any chance?
 
wakey wakey hands off snakey.


I fell asleep on my sofa last night and woke up at 5am. Feel like a zombie.So much work to do today, going to be knackered but hopefully happy with things afterwards.
 
SummerSerenade said:
Doubt I'll live long enough to regret it so I might as well make the most of it. At the moment it's the only thing that makes reality bearable. And I've never hurt myself more than other people so far no matter how hard I've tried.



Don't think it's possible to make the situation worse. Or better, no matter how much I've tried and tried. However I am going to refrain from mentioning it simply because no one gives a shit and it's almost more depressing talking about it than thinking about it.

And the only thing I'm giving up on is life. But nevermind. I got a year more than I ever expected and at least I knew what it was like to be truly in love and happy.

Sorry guys. Sure some of you will find lasting happiness but I guess for me it'll only ever be a dream. At least I can let go now because it's so much easier killing yourself than trying to be brave for someone.

:( <3
Click to expand...

Be brave for yourself, you're worth it,you've got your whole future ahead of you and problems drugwise, mentalhealth wise, can always be managed, dealt with brought under control and overcome, with the right help. Please go and seek out that help, get a referall to a psychiatrist and be brutally honest with them, even your GP will be able to help put you in touch with the right people if you are feeling suicidal.

Life is a fucked up rollercoaster ride, sometimes it tries to kick you when you're down (and it will kick you if you allow it to), sometimes events beyond your control butt in and knock you sideways, but being young and being alive, with your whole future ahead of you that you can shape and learn how to cope with your demons and even exorcise them over time - it is a challenging experience but when things start to improve and you begin to feel like you have your hands on the reigns again and are in control and whatnot, is a good feeling and you can start to enjoy the beauty of simply being a living human in this crazy world.

bottom line: don't give up, get the helping hand(s) you need to help you get together a plan to tackle these problems one by one and things will improve for you.

A lot of what you have been saying echoes some of my experience and the despair I have felt at times. I have been on the verge of suicide a couple of times several years ago when I was at my lowest and had fucked up my life completely being an MDPV addict. I nearly died from the PV just because of the crazy shit it was making me doing as my thought process was on another planet and getting dangerous.

Once I got help, once I admitted to myself I needed help, I grabbed these helping hands and fully appreciated their genuine concern for me and their genuine desire to help me out of the rock bottom situation I was in mentally and socially. These people, psychiatrists and addiction councillers and therapists genuinely care, and there is no shame atall in asking to be seen by them.

Sorry if this sounds trite, just woke up and was so saddened to see what you were posting. Remember these moods are transient and don't do anything silly in the extreme, ok?!

Find help from the professionals, grab onto their lifeline and don't let go, it can take time but little by little things will get better,you will have some good support, and you will start feeling back in control over time and hopefully start enjoying your life again, as you should as a 20 year old (I'm in my 30's now and look back on my 20s as crazy times, good & terribly bad times, and some of the best adventures of my life). So don't give up on it, all these problems can be solved, all you need to do is start tackling them one by one.

Stay safe, stay alive, your future can be very bright. Yes it is depressing talking about it, ruminating on it constantly just makes you feel deeper in the shit. The best people talk to about it are the healthcare professionals - get a referall to a psychiatrist from your GP, that is just one of a few starting points to getting over this hurdle.
 
Got a free sample of some bubblegum tasting (supposedly) cannabinoid for filling out a survey from a certain vendor.

I don't even smoke..
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Goodness I'm thick. When I first read his post i thought he meant make lots of fake a/c s n thought well they'd work out when they saw the same address to post. Never realised he was fishing for addresses.

Wow the sub really has fried my brain :D Now that's sad lol

Evey
 
Summer my life has been shite this year, i've had the Job center try and force me onto workfare 9-5, 5 days a week shit job just to get my dole it's essentially 680 hours of community service over a 6 month period, i had to write a 4 page complaint letter to get out of it telling them in detail about my anxiety and drug problems. I also have to see a Bully Job advisor every week, the worst job advisor at my job center. I have to show proof of what i have applied for and have all my CV's scrutinised by him. Of Course they're never good enough, according to him. Being Threatened with another referral atm.

Least i got a temp job sorted doing data entry next week.
 
Last edited:
Bugger! I'm now sad because today is the last day of my week off work, and I'm on call all weekend.

Also, I got paid tuesday, and after bills I've got about 50 quid left to last till the end of the month.

Plus, I just finished the last of my 3fpm, just as I was reaching that blissful state when the metabolites kick in and reinforce each redose. So I was gonna order some more from a source doing a 3g deal for £20 (cant afford to pay the price my current vendor charges). Then I realised the mrs has got my cashcard to go shopping with, but then I also realised this place only accepts bank transfers - "sorted" thinks I, "I've got internet banking, so I can set up the transfer online without needing my card". Started to set up the transfer with my bank, and not only do I need my card, I also need the card reader my bank gave me years ago - which I've never used so Ichucked it away a few weeks ago. Now my fireworks have been well and truly pissed upon.

Finally, I've also got a fuckin sore cock....

FML :(
 
£50 to last the month? It's the 3rd..! Shouldn't be spending your money on tiles and stuff. Priorities man.. ;)

Edit - It's been a good week though,hasn't it =D
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top