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the relationship paradox, does anybody else get this?

felt like this whilst i was in my previous relationship
so it ended
aaand now i feel like wtf was i doing, i want that so bad right now
Less so with any specific person, i think what people enjoy is simply company, don't constrain yourself to a relationship per se but what better than to share everything with someone, emotional, physical, sexual. When beginning new relationships its the best, before you've tied yourselves down and you just basically really close friends, still becoming friends, whilst having really great sex. I simply want that, a friend who I can share everything with. Sigh, but it never works that way does it? Aha.

In short, yeah I get this cycle.
 
^I feel ya, dude.

Also, I always seem to be incredibly attracted to guys in relationships, partly because they're pretty much unobtainable, partly because it's hot when a dude talks about his 'girl,' which may explain afterall why people in relationships get hit on more.

it never ends D:
 
pastel, creeped on threads started by you when you mentioned your fap thread over in TL =p

regarding this paradox, though.... i think it has more to do with animal instincts than anything.... finding lots of partners is a an evolutionary advantage... i'm pretty good at overcoming this instinct though.... however, i've been in enough relationships where my partner starts to feel like this that i now just avoid relationships altogether...
 
That and the fact that it's hard for me to get over that initial discomfort hump before I cam actually allow myself to get comfortable.

it's cool though, I make a better animal than romantic anyways 8)
 
^

Is that cause you're a metazoan and thus, by default, an animal and logically (i.e. without invoking a no true Scotsman argument) can not "fail" at being one, even in principle? But a "romantic" is a hazy abstraction that is not intrinsically the property of anything/anyone and thus can met to varying degrees of success?
 
I consider myself a romantic as I tend to be more sweet, caregiving, nurturing, and loving when it comes to relationships. its worked well for me, but opens me up to heartbreak :/
 
rangrz said:
^

Is that cause you're a metazoan and thus, by default, an animal and logically (i.e. without invoking a no true Scotsman argument) can not "fail" at being one, even in principle? But a "romantic" is a hazy abstraction that is not intrinsically the property of anything/anyone and thus can met to varying degrees of success?
Click to expand...
yes, rangrz, that is EXACTLY why.
 
I've definitely experienced this...

For me I think a lot of it had to do with a lack of compatibility.

I also know falling in love (or whatever you want to call it) gives your brain some degree of a high, and once you're not falling anymore, ehhhh... byebye!

I REALLY like how you put it 1Love4me...

1Love4me said:
The grass is not always greener on the other side. It's green where you water it
Click to expand...

Also it made me happy to read about the amazing relationship you have with your husband. :)
 
Lack of compatability ftw.

also, 'falling in love' is just your brain's dopamine (happy/ high feeling) going way up. Once that kind of withers away, it all comes down to oxytocin (the trust chemical) to make it 'happily ever after'

the end.
 
usually it's because you're seeking someone and because you consciously are 'wanting' someone then you sort of blind yourself to your targets negative traits that would normally repel you ie (if you were in a relationship, post breakup...) then those blinders wear off and you're stuck with someone who you just don't like, and probably never really did but it's easy to trick yourself. It's easier to just stop trying when it comes with relationships. just my opinion.
 
pastelcircus said:
^I feel ya, dude.

Also, I always seem to be incredibly attracted to guys in relationships, partly because they're pretty much unobtainable, partly because it's hot when a dude talks about his 'girl,' which may explain afterall why people in relationships get hit on more.

it never ends D:
Click to expand...

Yeah I could never understand this, last week I was staying in a hotel and the two receptionists wouldn't look at me twice, then one night my gf arrived and asked for for me, the next day the receptionists were flirting with me like I was a different person. I think maybe your right about it being because you're unobtainable, never thought about it until now.
 
eventually you learn what actually makes you happy, and the novelty of switching situations loses its appeal.
 
pastelcircus said:
Also, I always seem to be incredibly attracted to guys in relationships, partly because they're pretty much unobtainable, partly because it's hot when a dude talks about his 'girl,' which may explain afterall why people in relationships get hit on more.
Click to expand...

evolutionary psych's explanation: it takes a lot of resources and risk for a woman to determine if a male is a suitable romantic partner. the traits she is looking for (success, commitment, sexual prowess, etc) are difficult to evaluate, and men have a strong incentive to deceive. but a man who is in a relationship with a woman of similar attractiveness has ostensibly already been evaluated and found to possess these traits. it's not slam dunk evidence of compatibility (all kinds of dirt bags find their way into relationships with good looking women, likely due in part to this phenomenon), but it definitely ups the probability that he is "relationship material."

likewise, people are competitive, and often want things just because other people have them. which probably has something to do with this as well.
 
double ewe said:
likewise, people are competitive, and often want things just because other people have them. which probably has something to do with this as well.
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Yeah exactly. It's like I've noticed that I can be really into a guy, but as soon as I learn that he feels the same about me, all of a sudden I'm just not interested at all anymore. It's really dumb and pretty counter-productive but I guess that unattainable element really is pretty attractive.
 
pofacedhoe said:
this is me. i love the romantic notions i've been sold through media brainwashing but i am bit of a sex addict and i get bored of one person rapidly and start pushing the boundaries of what will annoy them just to relieve my boredom (snorting drugs in front of them/telling them about other people i've slept with {because i feel their future goals will converge with mine}, i just like pushing people when i start to get too familiar with their annoying traits).
Click to expand...

Couldn't have said it better myself!
 
its cause we want what we cant or dont have

if a girl is too forward and easy ill lose interest
if she is too distant when im not that interested i dont wanna make the effort and lose interest too

its a weird line
 
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