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the relationship paradox, does anybody else get this?

^Dude, chill, it's an expression it's not to be taken absolutely literally...it's just to say that there are many cases when an individual will want something, and then when he/she gets it, it'll be of no more interest anymore and his/her focus will land on something else.
Seems like an overblown reaction :?
 
Foreigner said:
Some people are more in love with the idea of being in love than actually experiencing it.
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this is me. i love the romantic notions i've been sold through media brainwashing but i am bit of a sex addict and i get bored of one person rapidly and start pushing the boundaries of what will annoy them just to relieve my boredom (snorting drugs in front of them/telling them about other people i've slept with {because i feel their future goals will converge with mine}, i just like pushing people when i start to get too familiar with their annoying traits).
 
I would say I go through a similar cycle. When I'm in a relationship my thoughts are dominated by all the my problems with the person/relationship, however small or trivial they may be, making me think I'd be happier single but when I'm single it's the opposite, I think about how I'd be happier if I were with someone. For me I think it comes from my extremely high expectations and obsession with perfection.
 
Greener grass mentality.

I get this with a lot of things not just relationships. Jobs, school, living arrangements. I get bored pretty easy, but then again I'm also quite picky with relationships and there are certain people I never tire of. Problem is they usually tire of me.

So yeah, damned if you, damned if you don't.
 
Thou said:
Greener grass mentality.

I get this with a lot of things not just relationships. Jobs, school, living arrangements. I get bored pretty easy, but then again I'm also quite picky with relationships and there are certain people I never tire of. Problem is they usually tire of me.

So yeah, damned if you, damned if you don't.
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Yep ... grass is always greener on the other side!!!
For some reason, I get this with everything else - I'm a commitment-phobe for most things ... except apparently not relationships. I don't know, maybe it's just when you're in the "right" relationship (not necessarily "the one" but at least "right" for the time being) - you just don't need that "freedom". It might take some time before you find that right person to be in a relationship with.
 
Sure thing. There are certain things only a relationship will give you. Fuck buddies will give you a lot barring the real emotional intimacy of genuine, deep love. That's important, most of us are after it. Relationships though can be restrictive, you have responsibilities and boundaries you don't have as a single. If the relationship's not a deep, full-on one lacking in intimacy or regular sex you could easily begin to crave the freedom to do WTF you like shagging anyone you please available as a single. Grass is always greener kinda thing. Lots of us don't know WTF we want till we find it, that can take a fair few people and a good long while.
 
Pagey said:
A lot of my friends, both male and female, seem to be like that although Im not - but don't worry, it's not uncommon.
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I never said I was worried..

Foreigner, I guess I'm one of those people when it comes down to it :\

Sero, lol, it's either nobody likes me when I'm single, or I get these periods of time when like, a million people are hitting me up about chillen and stuff, weeks later they're gone and stay gone, but sooner or later hat flash flood happens all over again.

When it rains, it pours 8)
 
I've also noticed what someone mentioned about people being more attracted to you when you're in a relationship. Maybe it's because you're not looking so you seem more relaxed and less desperate... or maybe it's because you already have someone's approval so you don't seem like you're seeking it anymore.
 
its different for me now trying to meet/hang out with females now too. I can't be like "hey you wanna smoke/go to the city/get fucked up?" anymore since I'm clean now. "hey you wanna study?" doesn't exactly sound as appealing lol.
 
I used to have this all the time. I would be dating this great guy and I would do everything to push him away cause I suddenly thought I could do better, or I would get hit on by someone better looking and think "why am I with this dipshit? when I could be with him?"

However, when I started dating the guy that turned out to be my husband it didn't happen. I kept waiting for it to happen for like the first 6 months and it just didn't. That's kind of one of the reasons I married him (obviously not the only reason, but it was a factor), he didn't annoy the shit out of me.

After we started dating I would get hit on all the time, way more than before I was dating him. But I didn't care at first because I was way attracted to him and he didn't make me want to shoot him lol. And after we were dating for awhile and the initial honeymoon phase was over it didn't matter if other guys hit on me cause I only wanted to be with him. He was the only guy that I ever dated though that I didn't try to push away. Every relationship that I had prior to my husband lasted maybe 6 months. Tops. Now I have been with my husband for 11 years and he is my best friend and my partner in everything.

I think that once you find the right girl you will want to be in a relationship and the relationship paradox won't be an issue. But that's just my opinion! :)

The grass is not always greener on the other side. It's green where you water it
 
Foreigner said:
I've also noticed what someone mentioned about people being more attracted to you when you're in a relationship. Maybe it's because you're not looking so you seem more relaxed and less desperate... or maybe it's because you already have someone's approval so you don't seem like you're seeking it anymore.
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I actually ponder this too, I think it differs fordifferent people, depending on what kind of relationship they happen to be in. Like, a really romantic relationship makes people come off in a more romantic/sweet light, which is usually appealing to the masses.

Sero, I totally get that too. However, if a potential girl/guy isn't into spending time without chemicals and booze, they're probably not a good match for somebody serious about their sobriety. Sobriety has been, in my experience, an excellent way to weed out (no pun intended) the ones who don't want me for me.
 
Used to get flirtacious advances more when in a relationship too, few and far between when single more often that not. Partly down to the way you carry yourself, I think I was often more relaxed, easy-going, out-going and confident when in a relationship. Those qualities are attractive, often what we look for ourselves in others. When I had my partner alongside I think the approval thing is a factor Foreigner. Evidence to some that you have something going for you that's valued enough by another enough to be with you. Quite attractive again, more so maybe than the single guy who in some people's minds is demonstrating that he hasn't got enough going for him to win the affections of another perhaps.

Most frustrating I've found it at times, like the time when a girl I fancied the arse off in school but couldn't get a second glance from when single came on to me big time in a club a coupla years later when out with the GF. Made quite a scene when pissed as a fart later in the night over my rejecting her advances, had to be dragged off by her mates, my GF most bemused by it! Pfffft!
 
yeah i am going through this right and thought if anyone else was too!!.
this is how it goes. i think " man i would love ot have a lass right now to share moments with blah blah blah" i then go throguh aphase where i can get with women and am going on regular dates. after this i find a lass and get to where i thought i want to be a few months before.
i get with a lass and as soon as im in that place i think " what the fuck am i doing!!! i don't want this. this is shit. what, why? no!!!!."
i too also think it is trust issues. i also think that it's something that we crave as humans but when you have slight issues that block that path it gets very confusing.
thanks for the thread dude. this is the first iv'e heard anyone speak of this :)
 
Sepher said:
Evidence to some that you have something going for you that's valued enough by another enough to be with you. Quite attractive again, more so maybe than the single guy who in some people's minds is demonstrating that he hasn't got enough going for him to win the affections of another perhaps.

...

had to be dragged off by her mates,
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Maybe that first bit has something to do with it, too. That's actually one of my favorite parts of a relationship, along with having someone to spend down time with...

Second part, simply hilarious.

Tbs, no problem. It's not exactly cool that you experience this too, but it's cool I'm not the only one :P
 
Grass is greener blah blah blah

The real relationship paradox is when you're single, no one you like is interested in you, but as soon as you start a relationship, all of a sudden you're batting them off with sticks.
 
Only feel like this when things are stressful in my relationship, or if I am freshly broken-hearted, or if I was dating someone who obviously was not right for me. In general, I have been content when I was single, and am pretty content now with my beau.

Do think that there is something about people being more attracted to those who are in decent relationships. Or maybe some people are just sexier. ;)
 
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