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Mental Health The Rant Thread Vs. Really? How Does That Make You Feel?

My sub doc of 6 years got frustrated on Friday cause I kept throwing up from the new AD they gave me.
So they told me to go find a psychiatrist & after October they're cutting me off from my clonazepam & gabapentin, which is just fucking great.

Today is day 2 with no food. Have to go until next Friday without any food or thc. Fucking lovely.

Also living with severe pain & depression & the medical system has completely failed me.

So has our "social" system. I can't even afford to live. I need an oil change, I need my birth certificate (which costs money) to switch my drivers license (which costs money) and I can't even eat. This is fucking bullshit. I'm so tired of it.


I love all my "friends" too who are busy getting drunk & tweaked out on meth but are always "oh I really wish I could help you".. Oh, gee thanks. Yeah I wish you'd put down the booze & meth & maybe help me too, but you won't consider that.

Somebody shoot me please.
 
DeathIndustrial88 said:
My sub doc of 6 years got frustrated on Friday cause I kept throwing up from the new AD they gave me.
So they told me to go find a psychiatrist & after October they're cutting me off from my clonazepam & gabapentin, which is just fucking great.

Today is day 2 with no food. Have to go until next Friday without any food or thc. Fucking lovely.

Also living with severe pain & depression & the medical system has completely failed me.

So has our "social" system. I can't even afford to live. I need an oil change, I need my birth certificate (which costs money) to switch my drivers license (which costs money) and I can't even eat. This is fucking bullshit. I'm so tired of it.


I love all my "friends" too who are busy getting drunk & tweaked out on meth but are always "oh I really wish I could help you".. Oh, gee thanks. Yeah I wish you'd put down the booze & meth & maybe help me too, but you won't consider that.

Somebody shoot me please.
Click to expand...
If you can get to a church ( any church ) they will give you some food. Unfortunately they won't give you any weed but they may just give you $20 to hold you over until next Friday. I know for sure they will give you some food . I'm sorry your friends aren't helping you. I've never really had any friends that helped me either and it truly sucks when they can buy their drugs but that can't buy you a cheeseburger. In the morning if you call your local Department of Human Services they may issue you an immediate SNAP card ( food stamps ). Sorry your life sucks so bad right now.
 
All is interests.There is no friend in old fashioned way of the meaning of this word.just well-known friends of mine.My best friend betray me without reason. There's only family.I hope that my case is isolated and people still believe in friendship....ye ma heart is open like before,but my illusions regarding this no longer exist.God would not forget you Deathidustrial,believe or not.Be hard&have a patience.The wheel will turn again for u.wish u well man!
 
Sheesh I can’t find the paper towel holder except it doesn’t really matter I was going to put a twenty five cent toilet paper roll on it can’t afford paper towels until Friday
 
Been fuckin up too much monies lately and it's making me feel mad and like shit at the same time.
Fuck me and fuck this shit.
Gotta close this chaptet stat.
1
 
Fuck my asshole landlord, so much liable,
, Only so much bs to take before an all out war. Cunt.
 
Not really a rant, more of a worry, but I figure this is as good a spot as any...

Met my new primary care doctor today for the first time and he's awesome, no complaints there. Focus of the appointment was getting to find the cause of some long running nausea, loss of appetite, vomiting, weight loss.

Well, doc may have found the cause, because while poking around on my stomach he felt an 'abdominal mass ' right on a tender spot I hadn't told him anything about. Waiting on the call to schedule the CT scan.

Ngl, I'm nervous as fuck.
 
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Well my best friend and AA sponsor fucked this chick I was talking with, not only that but his sponsor (my grand sponsor) fucked her too.
I've shared about this elsewhere, but still pisses me of to some extent. (It all happened after her and I were talking).
I don't want to use or anything, I did at first. Then called and shared about it with my best friend, and went to a meeting.
 
Ds said:
Well my best friend and AA sponsor fucked this chick I was talking with, not only that but his sponsor (my grand sponsor) fucked her too.
I've shared about this elsewhere, but still pisses me of to some extent. (It all happened after her and I were talking).
I don't want to use or anything, I did at first. Then called and shared about it with my best friend, and went to a meeting.
Click to expand...

Sorry to hear, bro. ♥

That's a large part of why I stay away from meetings, especially in my area because i know the type they breed around here, even though I consider myself in recovery (suboxone mat and the good old marijuana maintainence program - that's what my recovery looks like, though i do plan to taper the subs sooner than later).

Sobriety does not a piece of shit unmake. 😔
 
Psychlone Jack said:
Sorry to hear, bro. ♥

That's a large part of why I stay away from meetings, especially in my area because i know the type they breed around here, even though I consider myself in recovery (suboxone mat and the good old marijuana maintainence program - that's what my recovery looks like, though i do plan to taper the subs sooner than later).

Sobriety does not a piece of shit unmake. 😔
Click to expand...

I stopped going to those type of meetings. I get way to distracted, and I get interrupted every time I'm talking with someone. Like if you and I were talking and some dude that knows you interrupts us then y'all both start talking, like what do I do? Look at my shoelaces or something? Yeah I can't really stand that shit.
Man recovery comes in all shapes and forms. Whatever keeps you/me from sticking ourselves with a syringe or drinking a 5th of vodka at one time then more power to us. I had to stop everything because knowing me, if I experience any buzz whatsoever then I'll go back to shooting dope and liquor.
I work a solid AA/HA program, and keep my circle small.
 
if I could come up with this girl "Amber" they lookin for I would be golden.
otherwise I feel besieged.
never remember feeling this way before. it is a new thing.
imma get through it and be alright.
peace
:group hug:
 
No rants today, just more worries, still about my health. 😕

Got some results on a whole slew of labs my doctor ordered last week, and while there's no definitive diagnosis yet the one good thing I can say with with certainty is i don't have HIV. Still though, something is obviously wrong, because my blood is just all out of wack:

Overall cholesterol, hematocrit, hemoglobin, platelets, red and white blood cell counts are all way low.

Calcium, IG%, MCHC and neutrophils% are borderline low.

Chloride, CO2 and MPV all high or borderline.

I'm not a rocket scientist - or a doctor - but you don't need to be one to see something's amiss there. Five minutes of research into the connection between low blood cell counts and blood clotting disorders, one of which I also have (dvt's) leads in a direction that makes me dearly wish for some Valium.
 
goin up my dose.everything.when patches finished i go through cold turkey wanting or not.diazepam would drink till my death i guess....just because i can take it from my gp.if i was in USA immideately will buy fent on the street and try to od......guess is not hard.....so sorry that i lived in olace that i cannot find even weed anymore.......just nothing than acohol....but i cant drink cause my liver hurts....kidneys too...illman
 
So, through the patient portal of my doctor's office I get all my labs/test results back to read over before I get the actual call from the doctor. Had (another) ct scan this morning - well, yesterday morning now - and had the results by the time I took my lunch break at 4 this afternoon. Just no phone call yet.

I have an "indeterminate" (can't tell if it's benign or malignant) 1.3cm lesion in my left kidney, which, paired with the recently discovered pancytopenia in my blood (low EVERYTHING count), rapid and unexplained weight loss...

Really the only questions at this point are - how advanced, and how aggressive? (Thankfully, though, a few minutes searching brought up the encouraging news that while 80% of renal lesions are cancerous, 80% of those are generally lower grade cancers.)

This is still some fucking bullshit though. 😐
 
again start to climb the ladder......admin does not to want to erase my profile..idk why?Who is some fucker from forsaken land like me?Not more needful than anyone here???
 
Well, you would think two days after finding a fucking tumor in my kidney I'd get at least a little compassion and sensitivity from family if no one else, but confirmation received that my emotional wellbeing is still a laughable concept to them. 👍

Thank God for a few long distance but real friends, and this place, for an outlet and the idea that somebody somewhere with no vested interest might just give a fuck anyway.
 
And I ask myself yet again - why the fuck do I even bother?

I keep trying to find a viable answer, each time I ask more sincerely and in desperate need of an answer, each time coming up empty handed.

I just want some peace.
 
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