Hi Everyone,
I feel a bit guilty even posting a question in this thread, because my pain does not come close to what you all suffer with every day. I do have pain in my back. I have had two surgeries, and been told that I will always have pain issues. My pain, however, comes and goes, depending on what I have done or not done that particular day. I have a pain management contract with my GP. I do not doctor shop, or buy off the street (at least not yet!). But I take my pain meds recreationally, and then typically run out at least a week early. I do not take them daily, so I am constantly getting high, then going through a mini withdrawal. My major withdrawal symptom is exhaustion. I am not working now, so I end up spending one or more days a week in bed all day. I have tried having my husband hold my meds for me, which helps me to not completely binge on them, but he will give them to me whenever I want. I don't want to make him my jailer.
I know I am fucking up. I don't mind if you wish to flame me for being an idiot. I deserve it. At this point I have not suffered any real consequences. The fact that I haven't OD'd is a miracle (I love to mix things). I know that if I continue down this road, I am going to fuck up and possibly lose my pain meds. I know I could have much worse consequences, but that is one of them.
Has anyone out there been able to go back to using their pain meds only for pain after crossing that line and using them recreationally? I should mention that I am on a tiny dose (60 perc) a month. And I have been abusing them to some extent for 5 years. It has just gotten much worse lately.
I know the best answer would be to give them up completely, but when a bad flair up happens, I am not able to function without them. So far I have been lucky and not had one of my bad flair ups when I have been out of meds.
Thanks for reading this and for any honest answers you wish to give. I have such empathy for people who suffer on a daily basis.