The Official "Secrets to Women" thread

[Black Octagon]

no matter what games you play or what persona you try to put on the truth will always come out... if your not compatable it will come around eventually- there is no secret, be yourself and if we like that you will know

You said it JujuBeEe. I don't see why all this 'be yourself' stuff should be such an issue for people to grasp. It's not just a cliche. But it's not even really a 'secret' to women. It's just a simple about people. Think about it for a second. All us guys have met girls with low self-esteem who've obviously liked us but put on such a see-through act the first few times they've met us. It's off-putting to see people act so differently in different situations. People who can act consistently (that is, true to their own personalities) whether they're talking to friends, authority, or someone they're interested in sexually or relationship-wise, those people make us all feel more grounded because we know that what we see is what we get. Now, I don't want to make any blanket stereotypes about the female of the species, but if you're the kind of person who looks for support and reliability in a relationship (again, not mentioning genders!), then obviously someone who acts true to themselves is appreciated. It will always be the best policy in the long-run.

That is, unless you're a total tool, in which case you should probably look at some form of self-development.

Peace,
Black Octagon

 

[PhorIndicator]

I get the feeling that wizekrak is talking more about sex than anything else. If you're looking for a relationship then it's stupid to pretend to be something you aren't, but when it's only sex- well, some guys will go to a lot of effort to get laid (and some girls do too I suppose).

I agree that confidence is the best. Most girls can smell desperation or a put-on act from a mile away, unless the guy has really perfected his skills- and then it's usually obvious that he's a player- I know that I'm always suspicious of attractive, confident guys that say exactly what I want to hear (doesn't mean I wouldn't do them, but I wouldn't keep them).

I'm with Amazon Bee too, there has to be that little hint of frustration to keep me excited. Maybe not as extreme as checking out other girls' tits when I can see, but other little things to remind me that he is a testosteronal male. I don't ever want a guy who would be my doormat.

Yeah, I tend to agree that confidence seems to work the best by far, in all situations, with both girls and guys. I am pretty confident, but I have trouble "relating" to girls, if that makes sense. I just don't seem to have too many of the same interests as them. I am interested in sports, but mainly playing sports, not talking about them about. My other interests are philosophy and learning and sex, of course. Girls are not interested in philosophy, as far as I can tell. Philosophy is, quite possibly, the least sexy study/pursuit on earth lol. There is no bigger turn-off than discussing the true nature of reality and it's existence lol.

But back to my topic, where is the line between cocky and confident? I have noticed that girls can spot a guy who is too cocky really quickly, and can differentiate between him and a player. How do you walk that balance between being too cocky and too humble (not confident enough)?

Also, glitterbizkit, what did you mean about "keeping you frustrated"? How does the guy keep you frustrated in a good way?

 

[Trruth]

Treat women like queens. Make them dinner. Introduce them to your friends. Tell them anything they want to know. Always be happy, or atleast pretend to, when you see them. Call them letting you know you love them. And once you have them in the palm of your hand, don't let go.

-0

 

[glitterbizkit]

Also, glitterbizkit, what did you mean about "keeping you frustrated"? How does the guy keep you frustrated in a good way?

Hmmm.. well... I have one example- it's not really a good one but all I can think of for now. A few weeks ago I went into a small panic because my bf had agreed to see me over the weekend, then cancelled because he didn't have time, and didn't call me until maybe 2 days later. I have a tendency to overreact in these situations, I went all paranoid, sure that he had gotten bored of me, met some other girl, he was an asshole for not calling, etc. Well he called me later and it turns out that he truly had been busy.. but that little incident reminded me of how much I liked him and I was relieved to realise that I had just made a mountain out of a molehill... Now it isn't the best example since this wasn't really a case of him being an 'asshole'... Sometimes I almost suspect that subconsciously I *make* myself overreact to these kind of things in my head because it makes it a little more exciting. The idea of losing him makes my heart beat a bit faster for him...

Of course there can be excitement without frustration. But I wouldn't want a bf who I could completely wrap around my little finger, who never argues with me, always does exactly what I want him to do, doing stuff like bringing me flowers every single day and basically just being sweet 24/7... not saying I don't want a sweet guy, I just want a little bit of the bad mixed in with the good. Too much of the frustration is not good and just indicates that there's something wrong, either with the relationship or with the people in it, but a little bit of the frustration can make the butterflies in the stomach flutter a little more vigorously- it helps you to not take the person for granted and realise you could lose them.

But back to my topic, where is the line between cocky and confident? I have noticed that girls can spot a guy who is too cocky really quickly, and can differentiate between him and a player. How do you walk that balance between being too cocky and too humble (not confident enough)?

Confidence is... believing in yourself while being able to admit to your flaws. Cockiness is acting like you're some kind of superman who doesn't have any flaws. I like a guy who doesn't hide his insecurities, and doesn't take them too seriously but just jokes around about it... Say for example, a guy can't dance. That's a turnoff right there, but the confident guy will make some joke about his hideous dancing abilities and laugh at himself (and maybe attempt to dance to entertain people), the cocky guy will hide his embarrassment by somehow pretending he's too cool for the dancefloor, or he'll make up some stupid excuse which is clearly a lie...
Confidence in yourself means believing in yourself- *all* of yourself, even your flaws. If you act like your flaws aren't a big deal, without actually denying their existance, then there's a good chance that the girl will be convinced that they really are no big deal, and that you're a pretty fucking good catch overall.

Girls are not interested in philosophy, as far as I can tell.

Guess you're not meeting the right girls then

 

[spun_in_wonderland]

Originally posted by Black Octagon
I don't see why all this 'be yourself' stuff should be such an issue for people to grasp. It's not just a cliche. But it's not even really a 'secret' to women. It's just a simple about people. Think about it for a second. All us guys have met girls with low self-esteem who've obviously liked us but put on such a see-through act the first few times they've met us. It's off-putting to see people act so differently in different situations. People who can act consistently (that is, true to their own personalities) whether they're talking to friends, authority, or someone they're interested in sexually or relationship-wise, those people make us all feel more grounded because we know that what we see is what we get. Now, I don't want to make any blanket stereotypes about the female of the species, but if you're the kind of person who looks for support and reliability in a relationship (again, not mentioning genders!), then obviously someone who acts true to themselves is appreciated. It will always be the best policy in the long-run.

That is, unless you're a total tool, in which case you should probably look at some form of self-development.

Peace,
Black Octagon

Excellent, excellent points. Here is an example: If I were to randomly meet Black Octagon, I would probably be immediately intrigued .

Sincerity can not be synthesized. Your actions and words are a testament to what kind of mentality you have. If you are truly sincere in your presentation of yourself, your opinions, beliefs etc.(like Black Octagon pointed out, sincerity implies consistency in all situations), others, especially if they are genuine themselves, will see that in you. If you are merely acting out a part, inconsistent with your true mentality, the pieces won't quite fit together and your "sincerity" will be exposed as false. I suppose then what it comes down to is whether the person you're talking to values honesty and sincerity. If they're fake too, then I guess you got yourself some game eh?

Originally posted by PhorIndicator
Philosophy is, quite possibly, the least sexy study/pursuit on earth lol. There is no bigger turn-off than discussing the true nature of reality and it's existence lol.

au contraire.

Originally posted by Trruth

Always be happy, or atleast pretend to, when you see them.

I can tell by the tone of your post that you're good intentioned but this part makes me go 8). That seems completely unecessary. If you're not feelin' it, you're not feelin' it.

 

[Trruth]

Well women won't really like it if you dont show that your happy to be around them. Unless there is some reason for it, I think BOTH partners should always be happy.

-0

 

[rm-rf]

if there is a 'secret to women' it's recognising that there's no magic list of secrets which applies to all women.

 

[Black Octagon]

"If you are merely acting out a part, inconsistent with your true mentality, the pieces won't quite fit together and your "sincerity" will be exposed as false. I suppose then what it comes down to is whether the person you're talking to values honesty and sincerity. If they're fake too, then I guess you got yourself some game eh?"

You said it, spun_in_wonderland! And what's more, if you are not in fact fake, but actually value relationships that are genuine and meaningful, then following the path of sincerity will ultimately lead to greater happiness. Even if you are some ridiculously charismatic mr. charm who can more or less 'trick' girls into liking you, how fulfilling can that be. I have always felt that being loved for who you are, rather than for how 'cool' someone thinks you are, is infinitely more rewarding.

Sincerity begets fulfilment. And if you bump into shallow people along the way who deride you for being true to yourself, well then that's their loss, quite frankly. Any girl who would do such a thing is simply not worth it, no matter how holy you imagine her to be in your hormone-charged mind.

 

[Pippin]

Ok, I ran a search and didn't find a thread like this, so I think it's time one got started.

If I knew the secrets to women, I obviously wouldn't be asking. However, I definitely DO have some observations on what seems to work. It seems like women respond to guys who are "just nice enough" to make them THINK the guy is nice, but who aren't afraid to be an asshole to them every now and then. If you're too nice, then women will shit on you. But if you're just an asshole, women will just think you're an asshole. It seems like the right "balance" between nice and asshole must be arrived at to be successful with females. I think it "keeps them guessing" or whatever.

Anyways

Let's hear it. Any input is appreciated. Both girls and guys.

Sorry, but I wouldnt want anything to do with a guy like this!!!
Apart from the fact that most girls can't stand arsehols underneath it all, I would hate to think my partner was so fake...our relationship so contrived

 

[PhorIndicator]

a guy like what?

 

[HobbyIsBowling]

like me.

 

[chokingvictim]

Girls are not interested in philosophy, as far as I can tell. Philosophy is, quite possibly, the least sexy study/pursuit on earth lol. There is no bigger turn-off than discussing the true nature of reality and it's existence lol.

I think there might be a few out there with an interest. It is possible to find women with interests like that, but they're usually taken unfortunately (or not looking for a relationship).

 

[Pippin]

^^^ what a load of rubbish!!!

In the arts faculty in Australian universities (in australia this does not mean fine arts - it means all the humanities history, philosophy, languages etc) boys are hugely outnumbered.

You'd be lucky to find 2 boys in a class of 20.

Quite frankly, in my experience, it couldn't be more the contrary.

Where are you looking for your girls?

I suggest you're not looking in the right places if you cant find a girl that is interested in philosophy and if you think girls acutally want you to treat them how you described "works best".

 

[Black Octagon]

^^^ what a load of rubbish!!!

In the arts faculty in Australian universities (in australia this does not mean fine arts - it means all the humanities history, philosophy, languages etc) boys are hugely outnumbered.

You'd be lucky to find 2 boys in a class of 20.

Quite frankly, in my experience, it couldn't be more the contrary.

Where are you looking for your girls?

I suggest you're not looking in the right places if you cant find a girl that is interested in philosophy and if you think girls acutally want you to treat them how you described "works best".

I can only speak from my own experience, but the philosophy classes at my (australian) university tend to be mostly guys. there are girls there, and i know most of them, but at least half are either lesbians or so very feminist that the only 'philosophy' they're ever interested in discussing is how gendered everything is. i'm cool with that, but i know damn well that guys tend to steer clear of them.

Oh, and i might add that philosophy classes at university are hardly the only way to meet women who philosophise. also, bear in mind that just because it's sometimes hard to meet women who like philosophy doesn't mean that men in general are predominantly deep thinkers either!

 

[Pippin]

goodness!

Sorry that I assumed that you weren't australian... what you were saying was just so contrary to the culture I am in that I assumed you musn't have been.

What university are you at?

 

[Black Octagon]

Lol, no need to apologise Pippin. Besides, that was actually my first post in this thread about girls who like philosophy. I'm at the ANU (Canberra) and while I'm not taking a Philosophy major, I've done a few electives. So my perspective on gender balances within the classes is quite limited. How about you?

 

[Pippin]

I'm at UNSW (Sydney).

I'm doing Arts majoring in psychology and linguistics...but i've changed my mind about my majors a million times....which is the benefit of arts.

I started off thinking I would do a philosohpy course...HPSC (the history and philosophy of science)...because it was a sciency subject, there was a greater ratio of guys to girls than in the straight philosophy course.
Anyway I dropped that particular subject - I should have done just straight philosophy.
Then I thought I would change one major to one of the other subjects I was doing - sociology. But that drove me crazy coz they dumbed it down soo much. Maybe just because it was first year, but I hated it. There were only a few guys in this course...a course which does largely boil down to another branch of philosophy.
We didn't have one guy in my tutorial of 30.

Then I was left with Latin and History and by second session I'd decided latin was much more difficult and stimulating. There were only 14 of us in the course originally...and then in second session there were only two of us - me and another guy. But latin isn't a very good example of guy-girl ratios, because all the oddballs did it (everyone who wants to do latin would ordinarily go to Maquarie or Sydney). But then I got Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which entails a sort of temporary brain damage.. and at one stage I couldn't really create many long term memories. So latin was definately not the subject for me.

Which is how Ive ended up with Psychology and Linguistics this year. My cognitive abilities come and go so i don't want to trust myself to major essay writing subjects just yet. I also think there is a lot of research that can be done in relation to chronic medical illnesses, and more support networks for ppl who suffer from them need to be built.
Anyway

Psychology is about 2/3 girls and the majority of the guys in my linguistics course are older/returning students who go to the night classes. There are 2 guys my age in my tutorial of 18 (edit - in linguistics).

Anyway. My experiences clearly aren't everyone's...but ppl do tend to comment that there arent many opportunities to find relationships in the arty-farty subjects because there aren't very many guys.

I believe Philosophy has a slightly higher number of guys than subjects like sociology, as does Politics.


In terms of it being hard to find girls who like philosophizing generally?
I would rate at least half my girl friends as people who really really enjoy the process of thinking. I certainly do. I can't stand mindless uni work. We aren't nerds either...we party heaps (or i used to before i got CFS)...we get involved at uni - do revues etc - some of them used to rave. *shrug*

The number of guy friends that I could say seem to enjoy thinking is substantially less, and I know more guys than girls. Thankfully, my boyfriend is one of those.

 

[Black Octagon]

thanks for sharing. clearly i should have chosen to study at UNSW! sounds like you have it made (apart from the CFS).

Good luck.

 

[sierra]

I did International Studies at the University of the Sunshine Coast. I can say without a doubt that the majority of people making up the Arts faculty at that uni were women.

I found that in my Sociology classes most of the students were middle-aged women, with maybe one or two guys in their 20s.

In my International Business classes there was an even mix of genders, possibly due to the sheer volume of students in this school.

However in my International Politics classes there tended to be more women than men. And I really have to say that the men in these classes were definitely not the brightest of the bunch, especially when it came to philosophies.


Sometime around July I hope to be starting my post-grad diploma in international studies at UQ. It'll be interesting to see if the classes at UQ have the same gender mix as USC.

 

[sierra]

By being naturally charismatic or having the mental power to continually moniter and edit behaviour as the situation mutates. Of course if you're like this by nature you've got it in the bag.

It's difficult to pull off and women can usually tell if it's being faked. Good luck. I drink or 2 usually helps to bring out the little satan.

Personally I hate it when guys fake it. Just as much as i hate it when girls fake it too. I'd rather be with a person who lies about their past than a person who lies about their character/personality/intelligence. Even if it's just a one-night stand.

Some guys are really good at faking intelligence, and you can tell these people apart by the fact that they avoid in-depth conversations about topics they really know nothing about. To me it's totally retarded behaviour. Why in fuck's name would you pretend to know about the pacific rim economy if you don't?

If you don't know what you're talking about then just shut the fuck up and go back to looking pretty.