The Official "Secrets to Women" thread

[Fanch]

It feels like half of this thread is good advice from people (mostly guys) who are in the know about how "love" really works... the other half are from girls who have fallen for a player/confident guy who is pulling the strings just right and making them think all these wonderful things about how a guy should act. It's almost like a cause/effect relationship.

That's really good advice about the confidence factor.

Around here at college parties, it seems like girls are just scanning guys for weakness. If they smell a bit of it you're screwed.

 

[kblak666]

What the hell

I've never understood why a lot of girls like a bit of asshole in their man. it's almost like saying they want a selfish spouse. I think everyone's selfish sometimes... but it's not something one should look for in a person they're interested in.
It's understandable why it might be a little attractive to a girl.. cause it's sorta that whole bad boy/boyish thing... but that goes the same with wild chicks. wild chicks look hot on the outside... but would i marry one? hell naw.

 

[Pippin]

Most girls, when they grow up, can't stand "the bit of asshole in their man".

 

[glitterbizkit]

There's this thing I thought about today.. as opposed to complaining that girls never fall for the nice guys, I'd like to complain that I never find a guy who is both nice and has the qualities that I want in a man. Good looks (or general attractiveness as people can be very attractive beause of the way they carry themselves, without necessarily being conventionally good-looking), sexiness, gentlemanly ways, CONFIDENCE, and masculinity.. a hint of the bad boy... not "I'm going to sleep with your sister whenever I get the chance" bad boy, and preferably not a bad boy when it comes to his attitude towards women, when I think of bad boy-ness I'm thinking more of someone who doesn't mind getting up to mischief with me now and then (be it about drugs or sex or whatever). Not overly bad, I guess, just not afraid to have fun.

Found this in another asshole thread, originally posted by L O V E L I F E

Why do women like men who are assholes?

They don't.

Women like men who are good looking, confident and wealthy.

The "asshole" part is like cole slaw.

Nobody orders it, but sometimes, it comes with the meal.

Take away the part about wealth (probably the lowest priority for me, I mean sure a nice car is hot, but I'm just as happy being given a ride on a dirty old bicycle) and that's exactly what I mean. I don't want an asshole guy. I'm attracted to masculine guys... the kind who look like they could just throw you over their shoulder with a cute little grin and carry you into the bedroom... But most of the guys like this are assholes. Now what's up with that? I've learned to recognise assholes these days and they are ok for a little fun, I suppose, but that's about it. Which leaves me single most of the time (well not now, but I was single a looong long time before I met my current). Well, maybe that wasn't the whole reason I was single... but.. . my point is that it's not the asshole guy I want, but it just happens to be the asshole guys that have most of the qualities that I want in a guy. My current bf has those qualities though, and he's not an asshole, but he did use to be quite a player. So maybe it's the reformed bad boys I should have been looking for from the start?

I realised all this when thinking of this awesome guy that used to have a crush on me. He was sweet and intelligent, the kind of guy who would never cheat on his gf or treat her bad... just a really really awesome guy and I envy the girl that will get to share her life with him. But I just wasn't attracted to him! He was attractive in his way, I thought he looked good, but there was no sexual attraction... He didn't have that masculinity, and he definitely wasn't the 'throw you over his shoulder' kind! And it was definitely my loss, and I knew that at the time as well, but sexual attraction is possibly one of the most important things to begin a relationship with!

 

[PhorIndicator]

It may be true that women like good-looking, confident, and wealthy guys... but just because they like these kind of guys does not relater whatsoever to whether they like assholes or not.

In fact, I would change that little "catchphrase" "soundbite" you quoted off another thread to read like this:

Why do women like assholes?

I don't think anyone knows. I also don't think it's even important. You know what kind of assholes they like even more?

Good-looking, confident, and wealthy assholes.



Also, in response to what Pippin said about girls who "grow up" and all of a sudden don't like the asshole thing anymore. That's all fine and dandy.... if you're a guy over the age of 30. If you're not, then you get to see all these schmucks getting way too much play for some indefineable quality that makes them the schmucks they are.

And in summation: like I said earlier, I don't think it's even important WHY women like assholes or not. I don't think there is a concrete answer, and even if there was, I think it would be irrelevant. The fact is, women DO like assholes. And this isn't even disputed....Ok, maybe I should change that statement to be more correct.... The VAST MAJORITY of women DO like assholes. Fuck, I talk to girls all the time, and they readily admit they like assholes but say they don't know why. I don't think it's any secret.

Now, all I have to do as a guy is learn to manipulate this weakness in the opposite sex to my advantage... j/k :D well.. sort of j/k

 

[Pippin]

To be honest... I would rate someone who tried to trick me into thinking they were an arsehol in order to go out with me as a bigger arsehol than the people who do it just because they don't know any better or have learnt that is the way to treat others/women.

I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be offensive...that's quite honestly my opinion.

 

[Pippin]

The VAST MAJORITY of women DO like assholes. Fuck, I talk to girls all the time, and they readily admit they like assholes but say they don't know why. I don't think it's any secret.

No one is able to make wildly sweeping assertations such as these.

I forgot my own guidelines regarding this above and made sweeping generalisations about Australia, and I was shown to be just as wrong as the guy I was refuting in the first place.

You must remmeber that if the vast majority of women YOU know prefer arsehols, then that is a representation of the particular social circles in which you move.
That is not to say that the vast majority of ALL women like arsehols.

In fact, the only girl I know out of all the ppl I know (friends and associates) who is going out with an arsehol and who kept on staying with him despite all he did just broke up with him after several years.
I'm in 2nd year uni... I'm 19... girls in know range from 15 to about 27 and most of them are between 20 and 25.

*shrug*

I really can't stand fake people

Now, all I have to do as a guy is learn to manipulate this weakness in the opposite sex to my advantage... j/k well.. sort of j/k

This made a chill go down my back and quite frankly makes me feel a bit ill. Don't you think it is a bit disturbing that you think like this?

I'm sorry but I would relegate that sort of attitude to a complete wanker and me and most of my friends would not come near a relationship with you with a 10ft pole, by the sounds of things


=/

 

[Black Octagon]

The VAST MAJORITY of women DO like assholes. Fuck, I talk to girls all the time, and they readily admit they like assholes but say they don't know why. I don't think it's any secret.

Now, all I have to do as a guy is learn to manipulate this weakness in the opposite sex to my advantage... j/k :D well.. sort of j/k

Each to their own, but know this: you make me sick! It's guys like you who give the rest of us a bad name. I feel sorry for the girls who have to meet you. Hopefully they won't fall for your selfish, heartless charade. But if they do, just remember: they only like you for your bullshit. The real you is something that any real girl would hate to the core.

 

[glitterbizkit]

It may be true that women like good-looking, confident, and wealthy guys... but just because they like these kind of guys does not relater whatsoever to whether they like assholes or not.

No, it doesn't, but what the quote is saying is that most men who are good-looking, confident and wealthy *tend* to beassholes. Maybe because they know/think they can get any girl they want... I don't think most women consciously (or even sub-consciously) think "I'm going to go look for a guy who's going to treat me bad". I think it's more about an attraction to the alpha male type of guy.. and most of these guys do tend to be a bit asshole-ish. Look at it this way- if you're ugly, poor and have zero self-confidence, but you happen to be a huge asshole, are women going to be attracted to you? I think not. It's not about the asshole part, it's the other stuff that attracts the women.

 

[fairnymph]

GB and LL are spot on -- it's the confidence and masculinity that women seek, not asshole behaviour -- but we'll tolerate it anyway (when it comes along for the ride) when we are young and foolish.

 

[PhorIndicator]

To all you who got so offended.... I was being quasi-facetious. Lighten up.

To glitterbizkit - I think if a guy was poor, ugly, and had zero self-confidence, and was an asshole - he would still get more women than a guy who was poor, ugly, and had zero self-confidence, and was a placating, sub-servient, "nice" guy. See, women don't even know "nice" guys exist because they do not acknowledge their existence. Women shit on nice guys - but thats okay - it's their biological impulse to find a suitable mate that stipulates their aversion to overly nice guys and attraction to alpha males. But the "asshole factor" is somewhere in between this impulse. It's inexplicable, and not exclusive to alpha males or non-alpha males. Some women just enjoy being treated like shit.

Of course, I'm aware this is probably going to infuriate some women; they wouldn't want to admit this. And I don't blame them. I probably wouldn't either. But their refusal (or the fact that they are simply oblivious to this fact) does not negate its reality or its truth.

 

[PhorIndicator]

Now -

I think this thread has gotten off topic anyway. After all, this is the secrets to women thread. Few people have actually responded with legitimate "secrets" to women. I attribute this to the fact that mostly women have responded to this thread, because mostly women browse this forum, and mostly women take offense to its existence in the first place.

Furthermore, I think it is also because women do not know what "the secret" to them is. Otherwise, it'd be common knowledge. The fact is, GUYS know the "screts" to women. But guys are lress likely to post these secrets because of the uproar it would cause. They'd much rather just implement them (either advertently or inadvertently) in their everyday lives to score.

I'll go ahead and post what I have learned through my own experience to be a minor "secret" to women. And when I say "secret" - all I mean is an insight into the nature of women that is true and applicable because of their nature and primitive instincts to find the most suitable mate to partner with and procreate the species.

I'll call this "Insight Number 1" - 1. Women are gullible creatures. Guys, some of you probably know this already, some of you may not. You'd be amazed at the shit women will believe as long as you say it with the right attitude and tone of voice. Women will belive you're actually a director, looking for an actress to star in his struggling "B" movie. Women will belive it if you tell them you have feelings for them - as long as you appear to be sincere. Women will believe almost anything - as long as its not psycho or detrimental to society in anyway.

Don't get me wrong - women will not believe you if you say it like you don't mean it or it can be falsified rather easily. But it still does not even have to be a plausible lie to still work. The benefits of this piece of knowledge are almost infinite in measure. Honestly, most of the time you tell a girl you have feelings for her anyway, you only sort of "half-believe" it yourself. Love is something humans trick themselves into believing while they are spending time AWAY from their SO. This time they spend thinking about their SO is what eventually becomes "love." That's right - we trick ourselves into believing we're in love with someone.

Anyway - most of the time a guy tells a girl he "likes her alot - a whole lot" - followed by a slightly sheepish shy smirk - he MAYBE means it. But if he just says it LIKE he means it - she will buy it anyway. It's interesting, because you can sort of dictate a girl's feelings for you at a whim.

Any other insights? This is the first of many

 

[calcabrina]

What phorindicator seeks is what so many seek, but he has been assailed by so much strange information. Most of these people are high.

There is only one secret to pleasing any woman. All you have to do is put yourself in her shoes. If you just spend enough time with women, it is so easy to do. Learn to think as they think, switch places mentally.

You, as a woman, sometimes act upset about things just so that your boy will cheer you up, not because you are actually upset.

Women will tell you that men treat them like objects and that most men are shallow swine. As a woman, you also wish sometimes that guys would treat you rough and throw you down on the mattress and make love to you. Why? because nature intended women to be sexually submissive. There is no shame in it, but as a woman, you still don't want to admit it.

So you are her. Do you want to date some guy that's really considerate and nice? Hell yeah, that dude is bringing you presents and taking you out on nice dates and reminding you that you are beautiful (you already know this, but doesn't it sound nice to hear it ever more?). You don't want to date some guy that is all nice, though, do you? No ma'am. The allure of the "badass" or "asshole" is also the allure of mystery. You want to date someone who is nice to you, but not so much as to be predictable. Women, and men, like to be kept guessing.

Nobody likes it when things are too good. This is the reason why millionaires blow their fortunes and get addicted to coke. 'Cause having something so great is not interesting.

As for all this "be yourself" nonsense? Forget that. If you are anything like everyone you know, "yourself" is not a desireable person. That's who you are Friday night at the strip club. Don't be yourself. Be someone better.

 

[PhorIndicator]

What phorindicator seeks is what so many seek, but he has been assailed by so much strange information. Most of these people are high.

What are YOU smoking?

 

[EsourceR]

never lie

"never lie to a girl"

All we really want is someone who cherishes, loves and trusts us as much as we do them.... 8)

 

[EsourceR]

YEA, ...way off topic ......oh well

Women shit on nice guys - but thats okay - it's their biological impulse to find a suitable mate....and attraction to alpha males... It's inexplicable, and not exclusive to alpha males or non-alpha males. Some women just enjoy being treated like shit....they wouldnt want to admit this. And I don't blame them. I probably wouldn't either. But their refusal (or the fact that they are simply oblivious to this fact) does not negate its reality or its truth.

Yes it is real, yes it is true, most don't like to admit our secret desires and preferences such as attractiveness, submissiveness, ..some of us hide and deny......the point is ...we're all different and alike (just whether we choose to be open with someone else about it. most people do not deny their internal desires... hence there are serial killers, we dont like to talk about it or admit it... but the truth hurts ..or others seek to hurt us ...based on the truths we hold dear)
indeed most PEOPLE are oblivious ...but as to what... i think you are a little askewed to a certain viewpoint. It's not inexplicable at all. You have described abuse. Abuse is usually unnoticed and underminded...

Media (any reality tv for an example) and men *publicly emphasize the need for a woman to be thin and attractive also. I'm sure there are a lot of fat nice women who get shit on too (by nice men also). But I also understand their brainwashed biology as you understand our impluse to breed with alphas. Such is the way of our unevolved society at this point unfortunately. And NO ONE BUT NO ONE ENJOYS BEING TREATED LIKE SHIT. I believe you might have non-quasi-facetious-ed this one... perhaps think a little deeper beyond the passive helpless female standpoint...

no one can love you unless you love yourself

Women may choose to be abused because they don't have a way out, or just have never known any better. Tears of joy... I have never seen from a woman being treated badly. Another topic might be sado-machocism but I don't count that as a form of love... only sex. Any abused woman can tell you this.

 

[Fallen1]

Haahhaahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahaahahahahah. Oh shit, I want to play too, but unfortunately I have to dash to uni. To hold you over with something controversial until I get back, I respectfully suggest that if you never lie to a girl, at all, you will pay the price, and its not flowers and bliss in paradise. Has anyone gone the total honesty route and had it work? IE, "Does my ass look fat in these pants?" "No, that is a consequence of your ass being fat". Try it. See how much your woman cares for honesty then.

 

[Black Octagon]

Has anyone gone the total honesty route and had it work? IE, "Does my ass look fat in these pants?" "No, that is a consequence of your ass being fat". Try it. See how much your woman cares for honesty then.

Yes I have and yes it did. As has been said before here and in other threads, the truth can hurt and may even cause minor problems in the short term. But despite this, honesty engenders a deep and enduring sense of trust that can never be genuinely reached if people are left wondering about someone else's true feelings. So my only suggestion, Fallen1 , is to follow your own advice, namely to try it!

 

[PhorIndicator]

Re: never lie

"never lie to a girl"

All we really want is someone who cherishes, loves and trusts us as much as we do them.... 8)

Haha... do you know what a woman REALLY wants from a guy? To feel SAFE. Ask a girl what she wants in a guy and you will get a million diferent answers... all of which sound noble and reasonable. What she really is looking for, though, is a guy who makes her feel safe. An overly nice guy will not make a girl feel safe. Ask her why she doesn't like him, and she will say something like, "I don't know... he's not my type." Or "He's really nice, but we just didn't have any chemistry."

What she really dislikes about him is that he does not stimulate her on a sexual level as well as an intellectual one. In other words, he doesn't make her want to fuck him. To fuck a girl, you have to stimulate her on two levels - the intellectual level, with your words. And the sexual level - with your attitude. With what you seem to suggest WITH your words.

Nice guys fail to do this. They may talk about every subject under the sun, but they rarely will say something like "You look good in that outfit Cindy" with a naughty smirk.

See, "nice" guys are not actually "nice" guys. And women know and understand this on a purely instinctual level. A guy who is too nice to a girl is not being honest to her or himself. Because the truth is, if he is attracted to her, he is probably thinking about fucking her more or less the entire time he is talking to her. However, what he is actually saying to her has nothing to do with fucking. On the contrary, a guy who DOES stimulate a girl on her sexual level, as well as her intellectual one, IS being more true to himself and to her. Because the truth is, he IS attracted to her, and he DOES want to fuck her. And he is being truthful, to a degree, by letting her know this - through his suggestive comments and behavior.

Of course, like anything else in life, a balance must be maintained. You can't just go up to a girl and tell her how much you want to fuck her and keep it solely on that level. The other extreme is the "nice" guy. The guy who wants to fuck her just as much as the next guy - but is too ashamed to show his affection (his NEED FOR A WOMAN IN HIS LIFE) - to show it to her. Consequently, the so-called "nice" guy is not, after all, nice. He is actually manipulative and selfish - because no doubt he is pissed off by his inability to get laid. And the shame he feels from actually approaching a woman LIKE A MAN keeps him from getting laid. So he is stuck in a cycle, and he is probably clueless to what he's doing wrong. Over time though, he will build up some kind of manipulative sub-conscious scheme in an effort to bypass the shame and still get what he wants from a woman. Hence the "nice" guy. He is extremely nice to her because he wants pussy from her. He's not nice to her because of the overwhelming goodness of his heart. He basically is being overly nice in an effort to get into her pants.

I'm not going to go any further into the psychology of the nice guy. You get the picture.

Back to my point though, a guy who stimulates the girl on both her level to mate and her level to communicate with a man will make the girl feel inevitably safe. And women understand this on an instinctual level.

Honestly, its amazing how intuitive women are. It amazes me on a daily basis. They're beautiful creatures. Ethereal almost. In the words of one of my favorite philosophers - "quiet and magical beings." This last paragraph is totally unrelated to the rest of my post. i just started thinking about women :D

 

[Black Octagon]

Re: Re: never lie

See, "nice" guys are not actually "nice" guys. And women know and understand this on a purely instinctual level. A guy who is too nice to a girl is not being honest to her or himself. Because the truth is, if he is attracted to her, he is probably thinking about fucking her more or less the entire time he is talking to her. However, what he is actually saying to her has nothing to do with fucking. On the contrary, a guy who DOES stimulate a girl on her sexual level, as well as her intellectual one, IS being more true to himself and to her. Because the truth is, he IS attracted to her, and he DOES want to fuck her. And he is being truthful, to a degree, by letting her know this - through his suggestive comments and behavior.
:D

Well PhorIndicator, it turns out we agree on more than I previously thought. But what you've just described here is precisely what I meant earlier when I said 'be yourself.' I probably should have qualified that better, since I meant being true to your desires not only with yourself but also with how you present yourself to a girl. There's obviously an issue here if a guy suffers from low self-esteem and is too afraid to express his feelings, because breaking through that fear takes a little more than simply being oneself.

Nevertheless, even if a guy is somewhat sheepish when he approaches a girl, he still has a damn good chance if she is vaguely attracted to him physically and if she can tell he's being genuine. His lack of confidence obviously isn't the best thing he has going for him, but I've seen many a girl find that 'sweet' or 'kinda cute' and so give him a genuine chance. Honesty is thus the key to success, whether you're a super-confident alpha-male jock or just a regular joe bloggs coming to terms with the angst that every young person experiences.

Which is why, although you've somewhat redeemed yourself in my eyes, I still take issue with your original comments about girls liking assholes. Or, about how a guy needs to find a balance between being an 'asshole' and a 'nice guy.' Short of being a very well-practiced and gifted actor (also known as a fake), this kind of thinking necessitates a contrived approach to women of which I am highly sceptical and suspicious. I can't claim to speak for the entire female of the species, but every girl I know or have known have all been genuinely beautiful people who have appreciated me for who I am, because who I am has been clear as the light of day. I can be an asshole or a nice guy like anyone because I'm HUMAN. But what really matters is less my temperament and more my transparency. Girls like to know that what they see is what they get from the word go. The trust that follows from there is too deep to be arrived at by contrived measures.

Peace,
Black Octagon