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The Official "Secrets to Women" thread

Any form of desperation or what I like to call 'eager-beaver' ness.

Really low self esteem and lots of self-deprecating comments -- if you don't like you, we won't like you.

Bad breath -- automatic disqualifier as we can't even be near you!

Ignoring us around your friends/not introducing us properly.
 
That's not a secret though. lots of guys get so nervous around a pretty girl that it becomes impossible for them to "be themself" They are so frozen with anxiety and worry that they act like a bumbling idiot. "Be yourself" is a cliche, and it annoys me when people fob it off as the answer to everything.
 
i think your statement contains a contradiction of sorts. why do guys get nervous around a pretty girl? perhaps it's because they want to make a good impression because the so want to be liked so they overthink what they're going to say and do and second-guess responses in order to tell said pretty girl what she wants to hear.

if they just showed up (emotionally) and told the truth - i.e. were themselves - they would have no reason to be so nervous.

"be yourself" may be a cliche. that doesn't mean it's not great advice.,

alasdair
 
Originally posted by alasdairm
"be yourself" may be a cliche. that doesn't mean it's not great advice.,


Exactly. I've learned (through trial and error, unfortunately) that it doesn't pay in the long run (especially if you have a serious interest in the person) to pretend to be something you're not. You're just fooling yourself.
 
Being yourself only works if yourself is what the girl wants. Guys get nervous because they don't want to screw up the opportunity to nail a hot girl. If the guy wasn't interested in sex he probably wouldn't get nervous at all, it's just another girl then.

The thing is you use a lot of brain power (overthinking) because you are actively trying to interpret her actions in a split second while figuring out what you think she wants to hear. Think of it as writing on a chalkboard with an eraser and chalk in the same hand, where you have to erase the words in front of you before you can write in the same space.

Of course if you don't think you deserve the girl in question the nervousness multiplies tenfold. Now you are fighting selfdoubt. You ask "does she think I'm attractive enough", "are my jokes funny enough"...you get the picture.

Of course if you truly believe in yourself and your prowess, no matter what sex you are then your odds increase astronomically. Confidence is the name of the game.
 
Originally posted by wizekrak
Being yourself only works if yourself is what the girl wants.


Well why would you waste your time if she doesn't like you for who you are? It's futile.
 
my chemistry teacher used to write and erase at the same time, it was amazing. I tried one time, but i just ended up scribbling
 
paradoxcycle said:
Originally posted by wizekrak
Being yourself only works if yourself is what the girl wants.


Well why would you waste your time if she doesn't like you for who you are? It's futile.

I get the feeling that wizekrak is talking more about sex than anything else. If you're looking for a relationship then it's stupid to pretend to be something you aren't, but when it's only sex- well, some guys will go to a lot of effort to get laid (and some girls do too I suppose).

I agree that confidence is the best. Most girls can smell desperation or a put-on act from a mile away, unless the guy has really perfected his skills- and then it's usually obvious that he's a player- I know that I'm always suspicious of attractive, confident guys that say exactly what I want to hear (doesn't mean I wouldn't do them, but I wouldn't keep them).

I'm with Amazon Bee too, there has to be that little hint of frustration to keep me excited. Maybe not as extreme as checking out other girls' tits when I can see, but other little things to remind me that he is a testosteronal male. I don't ever want a guy who would be my doormat.
 
Sincerity is key in a relationship, there's no point if you can't be comfortable with yourself. Casual sex on the other hand is a whole different bag. You'd be surprised how many guys keep pushing despite the tell-tale signs of rejection. Some just can't take no for an answer and pull every trick in the book.

I'm lucky in this regard, I can get a good bead on most people within the first few minutes of talking to them, body language is key. Once you know they are interested the hard parts over.
 
paradoxcycle said:
Originally posted by wizekrak
Being yourself only works if yourself is what the girl wants.


Well why would you waste your time if she doesn't like you for who you are? It's futile.

Cuz you wanna bang her ;)
 
Originally posted by HobbyIsBowling
Cuz you wanna bang her ;)


Haha! :D I guess you're right but really I was approaching this from a relationship perspective.
 
Originally posted by paradoxcycle
Originally posted by wizekrak
Being yourself only works if yourself is what the girl wants.


Well why would you waste your time if she doesn't like you for who you are? It's futile.

exactly.

if i'm not for somebody, why the hell would they be for me?

alasdair
 
Yes, when I said 'be yourself' I was certainly referring to relationships. But that doesn't make it a useless cliche for getting sex either. The nub of it is that when you meet a girl, 9 times out of 10 she will get an idea in her head about you VERY quickly. And she'll basically try and let you know if she thinks you look like an interesting sort of guy. What comes next is largely up to the guy. Being yourself is so important because 1) she'll usually detect your sincerity and this will make her feel comfortable, 2) unless you have self-image problems, being yourself should by definition mean that you'll be comfortable as well, not to mention confident, and 3) if you two hit it off properly, your relationship or even friendship can truly blossom because things went so good from the start. First impressions, good or otherwise, tend to make a big impact on girls and can take a lot of time to alter, so I repeat...be your friggin self!

Of course, this is just in my experience so it would be wrong of me to try and apply this to all females across time and space. But I believe there's some truth in what I've just said. Try it!

Oh and a quick note to all those guys who are simply interested in unlocking some magic formula to a girl's pants - maybe there is such a formula, maybe there isn't. but as far as i'm concerned, even having passionate sex with the hottest supermodels this planet has to offer wouldn't compare to the sheer joy of sex between two people who are deeply in love with one another. Now THAT'S something that shouldn't be a secret!
 
i hate being smothered lol and constantly called...i like to have time with my mates too, as you guys do with your mates...
 
There is no super secret formula that ALWAYS works no matter what, everyone is different but in GENERAL there is a certain kinda asshole/nice guy mix that you can use that is attractive in most cases to females NOT ALL but a good percentage. Unfortuantly if you are naturally a nice guy/wuss chances are greater at winning the lottery then finding a female who is naturally attracted to the nice guy smothering type person. In the end if you arent this person naturally as a guy you will most likely have to develop the skills its unfortuante but its true.
 
PhorIndicator-
Ok, I ran a search and didn't find a thread like this, so I think it's time one got started.

If I knew the secrets to women, I obviously wouldn't be asking. However, I definitely DO have some observations on what seems to work. It seems like women respond to guys who are "just nice enough" to make them THINK the guy is nice, but who aren't afraid to be an asshole to them every now and then. If you're too nice, then women will shit on you. But if you're just an asshole, women will just think you're an asshole. It seems like the right "balance" between nice and asshole must be arrived at to be successful with females. I think it "keeps them guessing" or whatever.

Anyways

Let's hear it. Any input is appreciated. Both girls and guys.
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^^ I agree with the balance. There are always exceptions though.

Also...
*Girls want a guy who they can trust. Someone who wont go and tell their boys about their wild night.
*Girls want guys who are faithful and they don't have to worry about them cheating on them
*Girls want to know that their guy isn't just useing them- they want to be loved
*Girls like guys who act the same weather their alone with her or out with friends
*Girls want someone whos fun and knows how to have a good time
 
no matter what games you play or what persona you try to put on the truth will always come out... if your not compatable it will come around eventually- there is no secret, be yourself and if we like that you will know
 
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