The Mega-Merged "Friends With Your Ex?" thread

[anna!]

I have no comment to make to muzby about wasteful thread starting.

Lots of situations are different, and require different advice!

 

[archie]

I'm friends with my exes for a couple of months after breaking up, but when you still have feelings for them this idea is all bad.

Especially when they fuck your best friend, while you are together, and don't tell you, and try to sya you cheated on them.

Thats exactly what happened to me

 

[muzby]

I have no comment to make to muzby about wasteful thread starting.

Lots of situations are different, and require different advice!

thats fine. have no comment to make about wasteful thread starting. i wasn't talking about wasteful threads....



i'm making a comment on R E P E T E T I V E threads..... 8) 8) 8)

 

[angelhair]

Still talk to a few of the ex's... we time to time run into each other, and its always nice to be civil with each other, and not at the throats... then again, when alcohol is involved, sometimes it can be messy!

It's always a problem though when the new girlfriends dont see eye to eye with us on "saying hello to check up." oh well. Shit happens!

 

[BuddhaSmokedPot]

for the most part i am friends with my ex's but we dont speak.. i dated a guy for 2 years and we known each other for 8 years... pretty much grew up together. during the 2 years we dated we never fought. it was long distance he lived 2 hours away from me. but we never had one single fight. to this day me and him are still best friends and we still talk very often. it didnt work out because of the distance.. but we both still have strong feelings for each other to this day...

 

[KaNdii kiSses]

Okay I think that every relationship is different and they all end differently someimes it is easy to be friends afetrwards will other times it is very hard. For instance one of my ex's and I are very close still, and I htink it is that way because of the fact that we were more friends than anything. While on the otherhand I have some ex's that I can't even talk to, because they have basically "fucked with my head". I think sometimes it is just best to let the break up be the last of your relationship, while other times it may just be the start of a new friendship. Every relaionship is different and I think taht si really what is so great about eacho and eery one of them.

 

[AstridAsteroid]

I've only been friends afterwards with my very first ex. Everyone else has been little or no contact (only contact being through work or the phone bill).

 

[Miss Peks]

My most recent ex I'm pretty good friends with, actually we've been friends ever since it was over (with a couple of hiccups).

As for the others well I see one of them sometimes. I talk to him, but to be truthful he's a reminder of my crazy choices and it just makes me feel really fucking bitter and stupid after what happened in the past. No I'm not really willing to go into what happened, those who know me will know exactly what happened, but I am always nice to him when I see him out. Other ex's I mostly don't talk to anymore.

 

[Strawberry_lovemuffin]

i'm making a comment on R E P E T E T I V E threads..... 8) 8) 8)

I agree with both of you actually.... different situations do require different advice, but this *particular* topic tends to be a re-occurring one so I think a Mega thread is in order.

If the orginal poster would prefer me to split their thread back out again I'm happy to do so, but I think this makes interesting reading

 

[^Pipit^]

This particular guy really does make a great friend, even as an ex, for the reasons you said. Just make sure you treat him like a friend and don't bring up the bad stuff that happened in the past.

I think that as all relationships are different, so are the repercussions. People grow. They gain hindsight. They (hopefully) learn from their mistakes. I don't think that discussing those things is necessarily bad, unless there are still feelings of bitterness.

I was friends with my ex before we started seeing each other.
When we were together, our friends often said that the main reason they thought our relationship worked was because we were more like best mates than anything. I spose I'm just pleased that there is a chance we can keep the friendship part.

He repeatedly told me (even after our relationship ended) that he'd never been so close to anyone before in his life. Hearing that is something that will stay with me forever. Its nice to know that you've created that much of an impression in someones life I guess.

 

[turtles21400]

I've a very good and dear friend that I've been involved with off and on throughout the last four years. We've known each other since HS and have become very close. Dated three times... yea I know, if after the third time it doesn't work give up right?

Well we sort of did, but neither of us can get the other out of our systems. We're addicted to each other. I could tell him anything but I have a thing about doing that and it drives him crazy which is why it's never worked.

Recently though, I find I do want to tell him everything. I want him to know everything that he didn't know about me before. Now that I'm ready to tell tho, he's not all that interested in hearing it. He's got a job on the other side of my world until next March and it makes it hard to stay in touch.

I love him as my friend and have been in love with him... don't know if I really am anymore... but that's the thing I can't really say.

So yes I have remaind friends with my ex... but I don't know if it's out of curiousity about what it will lead to in the future... or not being able to let the romance go...

ARGH!!! This is why I hate being a sentimental fool! I always look for the knight in shining armor and my happy ending... *sigh* I'm doomed to be hopelessly mushy for the rest of my life I suppose...

 

[^Pipit^]

Thought I'd give you an update on the situation folks!

So we were meant to have dinner a couple of nights ago... in the few days leading up to that I started wondering what it would be like to see him again in person... what we'd talk about, how he's looking, if hes changed as much as I have, stuff like that. And I started thinking back to times we had spent together (good and bad).
The day before, along with having that wretched cold that half of Melbourne is cursed with at the moment, I kinda got a bit anxious about the whole thing. So I called to cancel.

We talked for a long time again, and that phone call confirmed that maybe I'm not quite ready to be spending time with my ex just yet.
I'm really proud of the changes I've made to myself and my life since we ended our relationship, and I felt myself slipping into old attitudes and reactions to him when we were talking. What you'd call baggage I guess.

Hes a nice guy, and I don't think it would be fair to either of us to try and begin a friendship if its possible for me to slip back into that mindset.

I kinda exlpained that to him and he understood - told me to call him when I was ready, that he was and is looking forward to us spending time catching up, and that going over all the shit stuff from the past was the last thing he wanted too. Him being so understanding made me feel much more secure in the idea that eventually, we will be buddies.
It just might take a bit longer than I thought. But hey, whats the rush?

 

[Strawberry_lovemuffin]

^ Good stuff Pipit. That sounds really positive, I'm impressed by your self-awareness.

 

[^Pipit^]

Thanks mate. Honestly, over the past few months I've suprised myself with it too

 

[Babygrl24]

all i can say on being friends with an ex comes from a quote i just found on a quote page the other day.

"If two people who were once in love can still remain friends, then either they are still in love or never really were"

 

[Mariposa]

I have maintained good terms with all but one of my exes including the two that were longest term loves, and I intend to maintain a friendship with my most recent one. I think it's healthy; in every scenario except a couple trainwrecks I was either the one wanting to end things or it was mutual. Mostly it was me convincing him we'd be better off apart, and both of us accepting that.

Interestingly, the ex who was most stuck on me (we are talking no to a proposal with ring immediately after we broke up!) is the one I don't talk to. He has been married to someone who looks just like me but is 40 pounds heavier for about a year, and one of my guy friends in Florida (who I declined to date because he slept with two of my best girlfriends and I didn't want sloppy thirds) met her on the Internet and banged her while they were engaged. We only put two and two together when we ran into her at the mall. What a small world I used to live in; no wonder I moved clear across the country lol.

That's also been a factor with most of the exes- the fact that all but 1 are across the country from where I am now. It's easier to get along when you really only talk on holidays and birthdays. :D

 

[faithfully dangerous]

it took me years to regain a semi-friendship with my first love/first ex... and i dont think i'll ever be friends with my most recent ex. it's kinda hard to be civil with someone who lied, cheated, etc...

 

[dieselTL]

any updates?