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The May Getting / Staying Sober Thread vs. April showers bring May flowers

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Thanks everyone...@ redleader..."while I'm young" lol...I'm almost 50! Had great sobriety...gave it away. It's tough at my age, but reading my NA book again, knowing I did this and can do it again, helps. Trying not to focus on my fears of losing my job, my house, my child...its tough. I got back si much in sobriety, ang thought I could control it. NOT. Went to college, got a career, had a kid...now looking at losing it all. And for what...there is no high, just sickness, pain, shame to the core of my soul. Recovery works, don't take it for granted.thx everyone
 
^^if yyou haven't yet, pick up the new "living clean" book. its a good read.
 
@serotonin...heard about that book...is it like the AA Living Sober book? Gotta check it out...but gotta get to mtg to do that. Don't know if I'm ready for that yet.
 
not sure about AA as I don't frequent that fellowship (got over 200 meetings weekly in my area for NA). they're only like $10 a book too so that's nice
 
2nd day sober for me. This, my most recent coke binge, has seen me using almost ebvery day for the past 3 years. I tried the stuff for the first time 12 years ago or so, never much liked it, but have been using it past few years too keep me alert or substitute for opiates, my true DOC.

But I'm almost 1.5 years on MMT and haven't touched a recreational opiate in that time, not once. And I've started lowering my dose recently.

And today is day 2 of being off coke.

Its sooo damn easy to get, dealer is my neighbor and gives me credit when I'm broke, but reading all your posts is helping me stay stroing.

Just gave myself some dark chocolate as my reward for not using, and am headed to the gym now. Hope a good workout eill give me the energy boost my body is craving.

I went for 24 days ofdf coke recently aand I want to better that.

It does get easier everyday and I'm trying to remember that. My boody is used to getting energy from the coke, so I feel beyonf exhausted w/out it. But the more time I'm sober, the more energy I have. While I'm tired and a bit down right now, I know in the logical part of my brain that I will feel even worse and even more tired 20 minutes after my first line.

My addict brain is trying to trick me and convince me that I need a little coke to feel awake/aalive and I ALMOST gave in.

But insteaad of using my phone to call for coke, I used it to come here hoping to get some encouragement. I remember what going 60 days sober was like, I remember how good it felt to be 6 months sober, I remember how at 2 years sober (on suboxone but nothng else) I couldn't fathom how anyone enjoyed doing coke. AND I WANT TO GET BACK TO THAT STAATE OF MIND.

I see all of you cheering one another on in sobriety, and I really want to be doing the same in 3 weeks time.

Thanks for giving me/us a place to seek encouragement, a place to vent, aand a place to get help when we need it to be strong.

To everyone out there sober, from an hour to a decade, you all rock.
 
Hey walt clean time of a DOC measured in total days is amazing but all it is is a record of how many days the powerful idea of "one day at a time" worked.. just chill and make it through one more day.. thats it.. anything i can do to help walterdini.. just say the word.. we seem to like similar things=D
 
Discouraged...used a bag today on top of the subs...for what? Just mind f-ing myself into thinking I need it...New job opportunity just came up...gotta be clean to get it...I just gotta stop this bullshit. Subs n that's it tomorow...let myself n everyone down...fuck.
 
Loose that attitude usedtobe<3 why didn't you reach out before you got the bag.. I could have told you to just shoot water.. your doing great!! Thats why it was such an important thing to start the subs.. now that you are on the subs why don't you use them as a safety net for awhile.. get a script and stabilize on the subs for awhile.. Get things back in order and get your head back a bit.. this shit is really hard.. your doing fine.. The only thing you can do to let people down is stop trying<3<3<3

EDIT: for harm reduction, stay on the subs!! why cant you be on subs and get the job.. you can=D your trying to fix everything with one swing and it doesn't work that way.. stay off the H and all your dreams will present themselves to you.. and dont even thik of getting down on yourself.. subs are designed to help you!!!
 
Well, I am four days sober off of heroin (haven't used anything else either) and it feels great. I mean I am every sick at the moment with a stomach bug, had to go to the er last night for dehydration, and I also was going through withdrawal. However, I feel good in the sense that I finally am quitting for real this time. Its a scary thought... being sober, which is weird, but I honestly wonder how am I going to go without drugs? Yet, I know that's the addiction talking and I need to rediscover what use to make me happy, besides using (well it wasn't so happy times as of recently).
 
usedtobe said:
Thanks everyone...@ redleader..."while I'm young" lol...I'm almost 50! Had great sobriety...gave it away. It's tough at my age, but reading my NA book again, knowing I did this and can do it again, helps. Trying not to focus on my fears of losing my job, my house, my child...its tough. I got back si much in sobriety, ang thought I could control it. NOT. Went to college, got a career, had a kid...now looking at losing it all. And for what...there is no high, just sickness, pain, shame to the core of my soul. Recovery works, don't take it for granted.thx everyone
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Sorry, thought you were younger.

herby said:
50 is the new 40!
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^ This.

But really, if your job drug-tests for Suboxone, get some kratom and/or Imodium. Anything beats cold turkey.
 
most jobs I know don't test for suboxone as jobs generally test for drugs of high abuse (some do test for buprenorphine so don't quote me on it). also suboxone has a long half life so be mindful (this is heading to a grey area for drug test posts so I'm not going further with that).
 
Re-distributed said:
Fuck :!

I get home from my interviews and without realizing what I was doing I proceeded to pour myself a drink and down it. I got halfway through it before I realized :(
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We are creatures of habit.

Keep moving forward & just learn from this <3. Have you considered removing alcohol from your home to avoid things like this from occurring again?
 
I try not to keep any more than a bottle in the house normally and I only had a tiny bit left in the bottle. I won't be replacing it.

I was 20 days in and thought I was doing fine. What makes it worse is that it was my goto thing because I'd gotten good news at my interview.
 
You're not going to replace it and that's great. <3

I know it's frustrating as fuck to do something like that after having clean time, but you identified what triggered you & are taking the proper corrective measures now. Without it readily available you'll be able to go even longer now!


PS- Congrats on the good news! I hope you get the job. <3
 
This is day 10 no tramadol.
This is day 3 of no cannabis.

I have been drinking the past 3 days but I don't plan on drinking today. I have drastically lowered my benzo intake and hopefully I will be off them by the end of the summer. I want to be clean from everything else for a solid few months before I remove the benzos and go "completely" clean.

I have had multiple seizures in the past withdrawing from benzos so I am being much more cautious about it this time.
 
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