The Joke Thread

[parttime crackhead]

Hahahaha

 

[scrooloose]

How do frogs die?

They Kermit suicide.

...................................................................

What is bi-polar?

A sexually confused arctic bear.

 

[stereo mic]

What do you call a deer with no eyes?






No eye deer

What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?





Still no eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no cock?





Still no fucking eye deer

terrible I know

 

[petebog]

I hate jokes that rely on visual imagery.

I've had it right up to here with them.

Bravo sir!

 

[Sadie]

Celebrity excited to help out with the Chilean mining disaster revealed:

NSFW:

 

[dax]

^ hahahahaha - thanks Sadie, that's brilliant - made me howl with laughter :-D

 

[scrooloose]

here we go..........................


A bloke walks into a bar,orders a pint and loudly declares "RIGHT,EVERYONE ON THAT SIDE OF THE BAR IS A CUNT,AND EVERYONE ON THIS SIDE OF THE BAR IS A BASTARD" drinks his pint and walks out.

Big burly tattooed drinker stands up and says "who the fuck does he think he is? "If he comes in 'ere again,i'm gonna 'ave 'im"

Following evening the same bloke walks in,orders a pint and again shouts "RIGHT,EVERYONE ON THAT SIDE OF THE BAR IS A CUNT,AND EVERYONE ON THIS SIDE OF THE BAR IS A BASTARD"

The same burly tattooed drinker who was in the bar the first time stands up and says "Right that's it. I'm gonna 'ave 'im",strolls over and states "I'll 'ave you know,i 'aint no bastard"

Bloke replys "WELL GET OVER THAT SIDE THEN YA CUNT"

 

[Doombar]

A Pedo a murderer and a priest walk into a bar......







....:and then he orders a beer.

 

[whitedove]

Haven't read through the jokes so don't know if this one is up already.

What's Josef Fritzl's favourite music?
.

.

.

.

.


Underground House

 

[felix]

here we go..........................


A bloke walks into a bar,orders a pint and loudly declares "RIGHT,EVERYONE ON THAT SIDE OF THE BAR IS A CUNT,AND EVERYONE ON THIS SIDE OF THE BAR IS A BASTARD" drinks his pint and walks out.

Big burly tattooed drinker stands up and says "who the fuck does he think he is? "If he comes in 'ere again,i'm gonna 'ave 'im"

Following evening the same bloke walks in,orders a pint and again shouts "RIGHT,EVERYONE ON THAT SIDE OF THE BAR IS A CUNT,AND EVERYONE ON THIS SIDE OF THE BAR IS A BASTARD"

The same burly tattooed drinker who was in the bar the first time stands up and says "Right that's it. I'm gonna 'ave 'im",strolls over and states "I'll 'ave you know,i 'aint no bastard"

Bloke replys "WELL GET OVER THAT SIDE THEN YA CUNT"

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaa!!!!1 :D:D:D

 

[The RZA]

I've just won the lead role in a mimed version of Oliver Twist.

I couldn't ask for more.

 

[The RZA]

I decided to enter the Young Musician Of The Year today.

NSFW:

he was furious..

 

[Don Luigi]

Hahaha. Those last two were crackin :D

 

[The RZA]

I've just got back from a once in a lifetime holiday.

NSFW:

tell you what, never again.

 

[whitedove]

What do you call an Indian Elvis impersonator?

Jamal Shookup

Love it!

 

[gamer]

So, two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and asks "Does this tastes funny to you?"

 

[tambourine-man]

Two cannibals are eating a freshly slain victim.

First cannibal says: "Having fun?"

And the other says: "Yeah! I'm having a ball!"

 

[Mailmonkey]

Two American cannibals are making meatballs from a freshly slain victim.

First cannibal says: "Having fun?"

And the other says: "Yeah! I'm rolling face"

or something.

 

[Mailmonkey]

Political canvasser going door to door.

Door opens, young boy about 5 years old answers, he's in a velvet smoking jacket, a matching fez, large brandy schooner in one hand and a fat cigar in the other.

"Hello there young man, are your parents at home please?"

"Does it fuckin look like it?"

 

[parttime crackhead]

Political canvasser going door to door.

Door opens, young boy about 5 years old answers, he's in a velvet smoking jacket, a matching fez, large brandy schooner in one hand and a fat cigar in the other.

"Hello there young man, are your parents at home please?"

"Does it fuckin look like it?"

Haha, cracker!