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The Joke Thread

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A man's in a restaurnant. He calls the waiter over and says
"Please taste my soup"
The waiter says
"What's wrong with it? Has it got too much salt?"
The man says
"Just taste it."
The waiter says
"It is too hot?"
The man says
"Just taste it."
The waiter says
"Is it too cold?"
The man says
"Just taste it."
The waiter says
"Is there too much pepper?"
The man says
"Just taste it."
The waiter says
"OK, OK! I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?"
The man says
"Taaddaaa!"


And on that note it's goodnight Bluelight!
 
Sorry if this joke affends anyone.
What do Princess Diana And tampons have in common?



They both go in dark tunnels and come out bloody
 
Two muffins in an oven, one muffin says to the other "christ it's hot in here". The other muffin shouts "fucking hell, a talking muffin".

What's the last thing to go through a bees mind before it hits a train? It's ass.
 
whats brown and sticky?




a stick.
or poo.




___________________________________________



What's orange and sounds like a parrot?




A carrot.


Thankyou! Thankyou! I'm here till friday! Try the veil.
 
bumped for this very important announcement

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings." The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings" The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs." The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."

The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."
 
I love this thread =D.

A blind man walks into John Lewis with his guide dog. He grabs the dog by the tail and starts waving it around his head in huge circles. Horrified, a shop assistant runs over and asks if she can do anything to help.

The Blind man replies, "No thanks, Im just looking around".
 
Whats black and white and has three eyes?
Sammy Davis Jr and his ex wife.

And now a long one:
Queen Elizabeth and PRincess Diana [+]were being driven in the Royal Rolls to a gala affair at a country estate. THey were of course , dressed and jeweled to the teeth.
Whilst traveling the back country roads they were stopped by a masked, armed bandit who ordered them and their driver out of the car.
"All Right Queen Elizabeth, hand over your valuables" , the Bandit demanded.

"My Good Man" she replied , dont be ridiculous.Do you think Id travel with my jewels unguarded?"

"All right then DI" (R.I.P.) he said turning the the Princess, "lets have yours then."

"Dont be absurd!" she replied, " I dont even walk the Palace Gardens with my engagement ring!"

Angry and frustrated, the bandit consoled himself by driving off with the Royal Car. As he drove away in a cloud of dust, the Queen turned to Di and said " Im SOOO glad we had time to hide all our jewelry in our private places."

"Yes, " the Princess replied..'" the idiot didnt even bother looking up our twats."

"Its a pity Margaret (R.I.P.) didnt come along ," her mother in law said..." We could have saved the Rolls too!!!


ROFL!!!!!!!!!! =D If i offended any die hard fans of teh royal family, i am truly sorry.
 
What's blue and fucks grannies?
Me in my lucky blue coat.

What's black and loud?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
 
why is an old womans minge the same as a pork pie?





because you have to bite through the crust and suck out the jelly until you get to the meat
 
lobster says to another lobster your tight and the other lobster says no I am shelfish...
I dont think thats the joke but the other way round is longer to get to the same end...
 
Looper said:
What's blue and fucks grannies?
Me in my lucky blue coat.

What's black and loud?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
Click to expand...
Best two jokes eva!!
 
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