• 🇬🇧󠁿 🇸🇪 🇿🇦 🇮🇪 🇬🇭 🇩🇪 🇪🇺
    European & African
    Drug Discussion

    Welcome Guest!
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

The Joke Thread

Status
Not open for further replies.
"my mom told me that we cant see each other anymore"

"why is that?"

"she said your a pedophile"

"wow thats a big word for a 7 year old"
 
A woman and a baby goes to the Doctors. Doc is concerned about babys weight. "is he bottle or breast fed" he asks.

"Breast fed" says the woman. He asks her to strip to the waist, Pinches and sucks her nipples and rubs both tits for a while. "no wonder he's under weight, You've got no milk"

"I know" says the woman "I'm his gran, but I'm fucking glad I came in"
 
Bloke working on a cruise ship as a conjuror, doing card tricks. But everytime he does a trick the ship's parrot gives the secret away by calling "nine of clubs, it's in his pocket" or four of diamonds, it's up his sleeve" and the like.

One night the ship hits an iceberg and sinks, only the conjuror and the parrot survive , floating on a bit of ice.

For five days the parrot stares at the bloke but says nothing. On the sixth day the parrot says "I give up - where are you hiding the ship".
 
USSR jokes are the best:

Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin went to inspect a collective farm. They had to cross over a bridge. But there was a cow standing on it.

Churchill got out of the car and advanced on the cow, intending to drive it away.
`Moo-o-oo . ..' went the cow and lowered her horns at Churchill. Churchill backed off.

Up came Roosevelt.
`Moo-o-oo ...' went the cow and lowered her horns at him too. Roosevelt backed off.

Up came Stalin and whispered something to the cow. The cow raised its tail in fright and took off.

`What did you say to her, Joseph?' asked Churchill and Roosevelt.
`I told her that if she didn't get out of the way I would put her in a collective farm.'
Click to expand...

They come, they talk to Stalin, and then they go, heading off down the Kremlin's corridors. Stalin starts looking for his pipe. He can't find it. He calls in Beria, the dreaded head of his secret police.
"Go after the delegation, and find out which one took my pipe," he says.
Beria scuttles off down the corridor.
Five minutes later Stalin finds his pipe under a pile of papers. He calls Beria:
"Look, I've found my pipe."
"It's too late," Beria says, "half the delegation admitted they took your pipe, and the other half died during questioning."
Click to expand...

USSROFL
 
A banker, a Daily Mail reader and a benefit claimant are sitting at a table, sharing 12 biscuits.

The banker takes 11 and says to the Daily Mail reader, 'Watch out for the benefit claimant, he wants your biscuit'
 
bloke goes into an Army & Navy store and asks 'have you got any camouflage jackets?

Assistant says: 'yeah, but we can't find any''
 
Last edited:
2 old blokes taking in a pub, one says to the other - 'god i feel so old, me backs playing up, I've got piles and sex life aint what it used to be'
He says to the other bloke 'how do you feel?'

other bloke says - 'oh, i feel like a new born baby! i'm bald, got no teeth and think i've just shit mesself...'
 
bloke goes to the docs, says he thinks he's 'going a bit deaf, me hearing isn't the same anymore'.

doc says 'what are the symptons?'

bloke says 'a cartoon family from America'
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top